by Anna Durand
The zzzt of a zipper being pulled shut snapped me back to the moment. Aidan had closed up his suitcase. He slouched near the bedside table, morose and silent, his gaze on the blank screen of the phone in his hand.
He didn't know what to say. Neither did I.
So I said the only thing I could think of. "I'll pack you a snack in case you get hungry at the airport."
Crawling out of bed, I hustled down the hallway and across the living room into the kitchen, desperate to get some distance from Aidan. The puppies trailed after me, yawning. I shoved my hand inside the open cardboard box on the kitchen counter, tucked under the overhead cabinets, and pulled out a handful of little dog biscuits. As I began tossing them to the puppies one biscuit at a time, even their enthusiastic little leaps to catch the biscuits in midair failed to make me smile.
Aidan was leaving. Today. In a matter of minutes.
When the last biscuit had been devoured, Mandy and Misty raced out the dog door to tear around the yard in big circles.
If only we humans could recover from heartbreak so easily.
I turned toward the refrigerator, and though I hadn't eaten anything since breakfast, I couldn't summon the slightest bit of hunger. The thought of food made me queasy. I had to make Aidan a snack of some kind, I'd said I would. But my eyes stung, blurring more every second. Determined not to cry, I sucked in a breath through my nose and swiped away the tears pooling in my eyes.
"What's wrong?"
Aidan's voice made me jump. I shuffled around to face him across the bar.
He stood with his hands on the back of one of the stools, his expression unreadable.
"Nothing's wrong," I said, but the tightness in my throat made my voice strained. "We don't have much time left."
The import of those words struck me the instant I uttered them. He was going away and I might never see him again.
"Aye," he said, sounding weary. His posture was slumped too, as if he could no longer hide the truth. "I...don't want to go."
"You have to. It's time."
"Do I have to leave?" His sapphire gaze drilled into me. The tone of his voice intensified too. "We could be together. If you come with me."
"I can't marry you."
"Not yet." He leaned forward, desperation tightening his features. "Stay with me. Live with me. I donnae care about the circumstance as long as you're with me. We can marry after your divorce comes through."
"I have to be here for that."
"You can fly back when the time comes."
"Aidan — " His statement a moment ago flared in my mind, bright as lightning. "What do you mean if I come with you?"
"Back to Scotland."
I scuffled backward a step. "You assume I'll go with you? Why don't you stay here?"
"Do you want me to?"
"If I did, would you do it? Would you stay here to be with me?"
"You know I have to home to see Seona." He lowered his eyes, his mouth cinching into a tense line. "Besides, I don't belong here. Scotland is my home and I want to share it with you. I know you'd love it."
"You know? How, exactly?" I raised my hands, as if I might ward off the fear shivering through me on a cold wave of dread. "Let me get this straight. You assumed from the start that if you could make me fall for you, I'd happily trot off to a foreign country and leave my whole life behind."
"What life? You've got no job, no money — "
"I have a brother and a cousin I love."
"Gavin lives in Minnesota and Tara's in Chicago. You hardly see them."
My hands fisted at my sides, I stared at him a the sick feeling in my gut, like I was seeing him clearly for the first time. And in that moment, he looked an awful lot like someone else I knew. This is Aidan, not Rade, my logical brain insisted, and Aidan is a good man. He wouldn't trap me like Rade had. But he had worked damn hard to make me love him, the way Rade had wanted to do.
Aidan hadn't forced me to love him. No one could do that. I'd fallen for him because of his strength, his integrity, his humor, his sensuality, and so much more. Despite realizing the truth of it, I could not shake the bone-chilling fear. He'd assumed I would move to another country. He never asked me if I'd do it, but made it a foregone conclusion.
I should've seen it coming. All his talk about wonderful Scotland. His cagey answer when I'd asked him two weeks ago on the beach what he would do with his American wife when he found one. Would he expect her to move to Scotland? He'd hedged his answer, saying he hadn't thought that far ahead. How could I have missed the signs?
I backed up to the counter, grasping its edge in both hands. "If Seona's having your baby, this is all moot anyway."
"We can still be together, even if the bairn's mine."
My fingers had gone so cold I had to stuff them in my armpits. I shook my head. "You're not the kind of man who could do that. You'll marry her."
"I want you, that's all I know right now."
"You want a wife. Why does it have to be me? Seona can give you a family right off the bat. Why do you still want to marry me?"
"Donnae love her. I love you."
I was shaking, not entirely from the chill. "You wanted an American wife and I was handy. It was an accident we met, you were only interested because you found me in the same stupid club where Lachlan and Erica met. Why marry me?"
Aidan opened his mouth to speak, then shut it. He studied me with a piercing intensity and I could practically see wheels and gears turning in his mind, clicking into place as he figured me out.
"Not for a bloody green card," he said with a bitter edge to his voice, "that's for certain."
"I didn't mean..." Couldn't finish the statement, because he was right. I assumed the worst. Disaster mode had become my default position. Yet I kept coming back to one question. After two weeks, how well could I know Aidan?
He straightened and strode around the bar into the kitchen, straight to me. Positioned in front of me, no more than a foot away, he said, "I'll do it. I'll stay here. To keep you in my life, I'll do anything."
"What about Seona?"
His features contorted as he hissed, "Shit."
"Right, you have to go home and see her." I rubbed my temple, where the beginnings of a headache pulsed. "Besides, you just said Scotland is your home and you'll never belong here. That means you won't be happy here, so if you stay, you'll resent me for making you do it."
Aidan leaned forward, bracketing my body with his hands next to mine on the counter. His body surrounded me, his breaths blustered over my face. "What do you want of me? I will do whatever you say, if you'll only tell me what I have to do to make you happy."
I've never seen you this happy before, Gavin had said. And the irony was, Aidan had made me feel happy and normal and free.
Until everything got ripped away by one phone call.
My pulsed raced, from more than anxiety. Aidan's nearness, his determined expression, the plea in his eyes...It all ratcheted up my pulse and squeezed a cold sweat from my brow. My palms had grown clammy too.
"Aidan," I said, "go home. Take care of Seona and the baby."
He ducked his head down and his lips scraped across mine. "Donnae want to go. I love you. I need you with me."
"Doesn't matter what we want."
I sucked in a breath, fighting to stave off a fit of wrenching tears. "This was never meant to be. It's time we face the truth."
His lips, so close to mine, stretched into a tight scowl. "You're wrong. We are meant to be. I went to the club because it's what Lachlan did, yes. But you mistook me for someone else, like Erica mistook Lachlan for her blind date. I didn't make that happen. We took a road trip, which was your idea, and I didn't realize that's what Lachlan and Erica did too. Lachlan only told me a few days ago. Erica had legal problems and so do you. Erica had a dog and you've got puppies."
"What's your point?"
He splayed a palm over my lower back, drawing me nearer, his eyes blazing into mine. "I didn't do any of that, couldn't h
ave planned it if I tried. Fate brought you to me and me to you. We belong together."
I turned my head away, but his lips scraped across my cheek. "I don't believe in fate. This is a crock of shit and you know it."
He placed one finger on my chin, compelling me to look at him. "I will come back for you."
"You seem to be forgetting one important part of the Erica and Lachlan story. They broke up. We had a fling, like they did, and it's time for you to go home."
"Not a fling." He rubbed the pad of his thumb over my lips. "And you're forgetting Erica and Lachlan got back together."
"Then I guess you'd better leave it to fate to decide what happens to us."
Aidan stared into my eyes, his thumb on my bottom lip. The silence stretched on and on, broken only by the muted barking of puppies outside. At last, he lowered his hand.
"I love you, Calli. I always will."
He pressed his lips to mine, softly exploring them, his mouth warm and yielding.
I longed to give, but I couldn't. Not this time.
Aidan stepped away from me, turned, and marched to the front door. His bags rested on the floor there. He picked them up, and with one hand on the door knob, he hesitated.
"I know you're afraid," he said, glancing over his shoulder at me, "I understand why. And honestly, I have no idea what's going to happen with Seona. All I know is I don't want to live the rest of my life without you. Maybe that's why I believe in fate, because it's my last hope for a happy ending with the only woman I've ever loved."
Aidan MacTaggart walked out the door, out of my life.
When the door clicked shut, I shambled out of the kitchen and over to the window beside the door. I couldn't hold back the tears any longer. They streamed down my face in hot little rivers of pain, even as I peeked between the curtains to watch Aidan go. Jamie and Gavin waited by the Mustang, holding hands. Seeing Aidan, Gavin gave Jamie a quick kiss and said something to her, his expression so affectionate and tender it made my tears flow faster.
At least one good thing came of this mess. My brother had found happiness.
Jamie and Aidan piled into the rental car with their luggage. The engine growled to life.
I stood paralyzed with my hand holding the curtain open, crying in mute despair while the sound of the engine and the ticking of wheels on gravel faded into silence. Then I crumpled into a heap on the floor and sobbed, my back against the wall.
The door opened, and Gavin walked into the house. He hissed a curse under his breath, shut the door, and crouched in front of me.
"Jesus, Calli." He reached out as if to touch me, but pulled his hand away. "What can I do?"
I shook my head, crying too hard to speak.
He sat down beside and tugged me to him, slinging an arm around my shoulders, murmuring sounds of sympathy. When he rested his chin atop my head, I crumpled against him and sobbed even harder.
"It'll be okay," Gavin said. "One day it'll be okay, I promise."
"He's gone," I croaked. "I lost him."
Chapter Thirty-Two
I hugged my knees to my chest, slouching deeper into the corner of the sofa. Two weeks had dragged by since Aidan left, two weeks of boredom and anxiety and a yawning emptiness inside me. Rade had accepted the divorce papers, as promised, and we'd both attended our pretrial conference during which he'd insisted on giving me a financial settlement. He seemed to feel guilty for delaying things for so long and for taking advantage of my bad situation to talk me into marrying him. After all these years, he'd finally accepted the truth. I would never love him. Now I had to wait for our final hearing, when the divorce would become final.
Seven more weeks to go. Then I'd be free.
Aidan called every day. Our conversations were awkward and painful, both of us having no idea what to say to each other. Seona was indeed very pregnant but she refused to have any paternity testing done. She still wanted money, of course. When Aidan had threatened to seek a court order for the test, she relented and agreed to it.
The last time I'd talked to Aidan, the day before yesterday, he'd sounded exhausted and harried. I glanced toward the kitchen and the clock on the microwave, its numbers glowing in the oncoming twilight. It was a little after nine o'clock. I hadn't heard from Aidan in more than forty-eight hours. Dozens of times today I'd picked up the phone intending to call him. Dozens of times, I chickened out. What if he'd learned the baby was his? He would marry her, I knew. I loved his nobility but I couldn't stand to hear the news of him marrying someone else. Not knowing ate me up inside, yet knowing might hurt even worse. Maybe that's why he hadn't called, because he realized I'd be devastated. Aidan would never hurt me if he had a choice in the matter.
The whole mess had turned me into a bundle of anxiety, my stomach twisting into knots every time I thought about it. I'd told Gavin and Tara everything. Absolutely everything. Gavin had wanted to "beat the holy living shit" out of Rade for convincing me to marry him, but I'd talked my brother out of that idea. I loved him for offering, but since I was on my way to divorce court anyhow, I didn't see the point. Tara labeled my soon-to-be ex-husband "a slimer of the first degree who should be chucked into a volcano." My loved ones had to hate him on principle, but I couldn't. I pitied him. Rade had been so afraid to declare his feelings for me that he'd wasted years of both our lives on the belief I would someday love him. Though he'd gotten his citizenship, he would never have me.
The horrible irony of it all was that I'd found a man I could love, a man I wanted to marry, only to lose him. Aidan had claimed fate brought us together and I scoffed. Lately, I'd begun to wonder if fate had played a hand in our relationship, thought not for the better. We'd ignored the signs we didn't belong together, and fate had slugged us in the gut.
I must have lost him, otherwise he would've called. What if he'd made up with Seona and realized he loved her? I wanted him to be happy. I had to accept it if someone else gave him what he needed.
My ricocheting thoughts kept bouncing back to one fact. I'd known Aidan for two weeks before he left the country. How well did I know him? Could we really be in love after such a short time? Maybe we were deluding ourselves, drunk on hot sex and the dizzying high of our whirlwind relationship.
My phone rang.
Surprised, I almost dropped the phone when I plucked it off the coffee table. It rang twice more as I fumbled to get it flipped right side up and swipe the screen to accept the call. "Hello?"
"Calli, it's me."
Aidan's voice flowed through me like Atholl Brose, sweet and spicy and warmly welcoming. So unlike the last time we'd talked on the phone. Good news? Oh God, I prayed for that.
"How are you?" I asked, striving for an equanimity I didn't feel.
"Exhausted but fine." He paused for a heartbeat, then said in the sultry tone I remembered so well, "I've missed you."
"Oh Aidan, I've missed you too." The mere sound of his voice had me melting into the sofa cushions, relief overwhelming the anxiety for a blessed moment. "No wonder you're exhausted. Why are you awake? Isn't it two a.m. there?"
"It is. Planned to get some rest and call you in the morning, but I cannae sleep."
I sat up, straight and stiff, my hand tightening around the phone. "Is there news?"
"Aye." He paused again, hauling in an audible breath. "The baby's not mine."
Every muscle in my body went weak. I collapsed against the sofa again, my head falling back, my gaze on the ceiling. "Did she lie?"
"No, not quite. After the results came in, she admitted she'd slept with someone else while she and I were together. She couldn't know which of us was the father."
"You're always very careful to use condoms."
"I am, but no protection is perfect. Mostly, she wanted me to be the father because this other man was a one-night stand. She doesn't know his name, much less how to contact him."
"What about her demands for money?" I asked. "What excuse did she give for that?"
"Desperation. She's alone and r
unning out of money. Her family moved to Australia last year and she's been embarrassed to tell them about her troubles."
I had no clue what to say to all of this. What was the appropriate response? Seona had behaved in a despicable manner, but had she done any worse than Rade had done to me? If I didn't hate him, I supposed I couldn't hate her either. Desperation made people do stupid, selfish things.
"Seona doesn't want money anymore," Aidan said. "My sister Fiona has a friend in social services who's helping Seona. Her mother's coming to be with her until the baby's born and after that they'll all go to Australia."
"I'm glad she's getting what she needs."
"This means it's over. We can be together, Calli."
Could we? Yes. Should we? A month ago, we'd been strangers. Two weeks together had seemed like enough, until he returned to Scotland and I had two more weeks to consider the ramifications of leaping into a relationship.
"Are you there?" he asked.
"Yeah, I'm here." I drew my knees up, hooking my free arm around them. "I don't know if it's a good idea."
"What?"
"Us. We haven't known each other long. A couple weeks, really, and I'm not sure that's enough."
His sigh huffed through the phone. "How long would be long enough? A month? Six months? I love you and you love me. More time won't change that."
"I thought I loved you. Maybe we've both been blinded by two weeks of incredible sex."
"What we have is more than sex and you know it." He groaned, a sound of frustration and weariness. "You've had too much time to think and come up with reasons we don't belong together. I know you worry you don't know me, but you do. What happened with Rade, the problems Tara and Gavin had, those have nothing to do with you and me."
"I thought I knew you. Then you announced we were moving to Scotland."
"Wasn't an announcement. I'm sorry I upset you, but I didn't mean it as an order. We can talk about the options."
"My home is here. Your home is there. What's to discuss?"
"Why won't you come visit me here," he said in a reasonable tone, "and at least see what it's like before making up your mind."
