Groaning, he bites my bottom lip, his fingers delving downward as he struggles to keep himself in control.
"I feel like, at any moment, I'm going to go too far," he whispers, digging into my flesh as he trails kisses down my jawline and neck.
"Alex," I gasp as his hand glides up my shirt, and his fingers graze across my nipple. "I'm . . . pretty sure the candle's . . . working. You don't have to . . . hold back."
He pauses, gently stroking my nipple. Then something snaps inside him, and with one swift motion, he has me flipped over onto my back. His body covers mine, his arms bearing his weight as he grinds against me. I open my legs and let him fall between them then move my hips with his. We stay like that for a few minutes, our hips moving rhythmically as our tongues tangle, until we become breathless. Then Alex moves back, but only to remove my jeans and shirt before returning his lips to mine.
The longer he kisses me, the more I feel like my body's going to explode. I want more--need more.
I gently push him back, and he bites back a smile as I nearly rip his shirt off. My hand promptly skates down his rock solid chest to the top of his jeans. I undo the button and pull down his jeans.
He leans back to kick them off before returning his body to mine. Instead of kissing me, he stares down at me, stroking his fingers across my cheekbone.
"God, you're beautiful," he says then lowers his lips to mine. "I'm never going to let anything happen to you. I promise."
Before I can argue, he seals his mouth to mine again and kisses me so slowly, so deliberately I swear I'm going to burst into flames. The longer the kiss goes on, the more I tumble into a world that doesn't really exist, where he and I can be together, where the world doesn't end, where we don't die. I'm playing with fire--I know this--because when it all comes down to it, the flame will eventually burn out and so will this world.
But I'm not ready to let go just yet.
I slip my fingers through his and pull him closer, needing him more than I ever have.
Minutes drift by, maybe hours, where we simply kiss, our lips exploring every inch of each other. When he finally pulls back again, he strips off the rest my clothes. Then he kicks off his boxers and lowers his lips to my leg
"I love you," he keeps whispering as he kisses a path up my thigh to my stomach. "I love you so much."
My toes curl as I slip my fingers through his hair, my back arching off the mattress. His kisses are driving me mad, but not as much as his words. I want to say it back--the words are on the tip of my tongue--but I'm so afraid, if I do, the candle might stop working. I'm afraid it might make dying harder, afraid of saying something so emotionally meaningful.
When his lips find mine again, he slips his fingers deep inside me, and I can scarcely breathe. His fingers and lips feel me thoroughly, and the longer it goes on, the more I forget where I am, who I am, what I have to do. When he slips inside me, it's just Alex and I lying on my bed. Nothing else matters except this moment.
"I love you," I whisper as my head falls back, and I clutch on to him.
"I love you, too," he whispers into my ear as he rocks into me. "And, Gemma, I'm never letting anything happen to you."
From the way his voice sounds at the moment, I know he means it. He's going to do everything he can to make sure nothing happens to me. I want to tell him that he's too late, that I've already sealed my fate, but his hips slam down on mine, and every worry in my head dissipates as I climb higher and higher until I completely get lost in everything that is him. The way he feels inside me, how his lips taste, how incredible he smells, how safe I feel in his arms--I clutch on to every detail, knowing this will probably be the last time we'll be together like this. And he holds onto me equally as tight while we come apart together.
Alex stays inside me for a few minutes before he slips out and rolls onto his back. He keeps his arm around me, pulling me with him, and I rest my head on his chest.
"It's almost burned out," he says, his heart racing.
I look over at the candle burning on the nightstand, and my heart plummets at how little wax is left. "We probably only have a few more minutes."
"I know." His arm tightens around me. "I love you."
"I love you, too." And then, just because I know I won't be able to say it soon, I add, "I really do love you."
His fingers stroke the side of my arm then travel to my collarbone. As he traces a path across my neck, his fingers abruptly stop moving. Then rolls on his side, forcing me on my back, and looks down at me.
"Where's your necklace?"
I touch the hollow of my neck. "I lost it." I don't bother telling him where. If I do, knowing Alex, he might go looking for it.
"I'm sorry," he says then steals another kiss, savoring the taste of my mouth. By the time he pulls away, we're both breathless and dazed, and the candle is nearly gone.
My heart aches inside my chest, and I feel sick to my stomach from knowing I'm about to lose this moment. Part of me wishes I could go back and never experience love, because the loss of it is so terrifying. Then I realize that, no matter what happens, no matter how bad it hurts, I'll never regret a single moment of being with Alex.
The room grows quiet as Alex plays with my hair, staring off into empty space while I stare at the stars just outside the window.
"Care to share your thoughts?" he asks when he notices I'm staring at the night sky
"I was thinking about death," I say and he frowns. "And about life . . . and where the star will go after this is all over." It's strange looking at the stars because I don't feel that pull like I used to. Instead, I feel a push, like the star is holding me down. "Do you think it'll just go up to the sky again?"
He doesn't speak for a while, and with each second that goes by, the candlewick shortens. "Did you know Gemma is an actual star, also known as Alphecca? It's part of the constellation Corona Borealis." He traces a finger across my lips
"Really? How did I not know this?"
"Because there are a ton of constellations and an endless amount of stars."
"Then how did you know about it?"
He winks at me, but his face carries tension. "Haven't you figured out I know everything?"
I can't help thinking how very wrong he is. There's something he doesn't know about life, about the star, about us.
And he'll never figure it out, because I'll never tell him.
ALEX
We lie there stealing kisses and talking about simple things until Gemma falls asleep in my arms. Watching her sleep with her hand resting on her stomach, looking so peaceful, might be the most perfect moment of my life next to hearing her say she loves me.
All my life, I grew up in a hateful world, carrying so much anger. Love's different. Love's calming. Love's . . . well, perfect.
I can't seem to take my eyes off her, even when the candle flickers, getting ready to fade.
How can I just let her die with me? How can this moment be her only real, peaceful moment? There has to be more for her.
There has to be a way for me to save her. I'd give up everything just so that that she'll get to live and raise our daughter. There has to be a way through all this madness for me to make this happen. It can't be impossible, not after everything we've managed to make happen.
Anything seems possible.
I think about what my mother said--that everything happens for a reason. And just like that, an epiphany slaps me across the face.
Slipping out from underneath Gemma, I roll over and stand to my feet. I pull on my jeans and shirt then lean down and kiss Gemma.
"I love you," I whisper right as the last of the candlelight dies then bury my emotions down, despite how it kills me as my skin erupts with heat.
I hate leaving her like this, but then again, it's going to be hard to ignore my feelings for her now that I've been able to feel them. It might be better if I'm gone.
With one final look in her direction, I whisper goodbye then head downstairs.
"I need you
r help," I say to Aislin as I walk into the living room.
"Can it wait?" She has her spell book open, bags of herbs are scattered everywhere, and she looks really stressed out. "I think I've almost got the shield spell all figured out." She perks up, suddenly looking very awake. "Oh, yeah! I totally almost forgot." She rolls back her shoulders, looking proud. "I removed Laylen's Mark of Immortality."
My head whips in Laylen's direction. "It's gone?"
Looking happier than I've seen him in years, he lifts his arm and shows me the spot where the mark used to be. "Yep, I can officially die now."
I blink at Aislin. "Why didn't you come tell us?"
Aislin shrugs, focusing on her bags of herbs again. "I could feel the power of the candle burning, so I thought it'd be better if I just waited until you guys were . . . done."
As huge as the removal of the mark is, I'm actually glad she didn't come disrupt Gemma and I while we were making . . .
I shake the thought from my head as my heart begins to quiet, and my lungs forget to breathe. I can't go back to that memory yet, not unless I want to kill us both.
"So all that's left is the shield spell?" I ask Aislin.
Aislin nods but doesn't seem too upbeat. "Yeah, but I still have to get close enough to Stephan in order to remove his mark and take down the spell, which is going to be a huge pain in the ass."
"We'll figure out a way to do it safely," I say then pull her to her feet, "but I really need to talk to you about something important." I glance over at Laylen who's watching us intently from the sofa. The last thing I need is for him to hear what I'm about to do. He's close enough to Gemma that he just might tell her. "Can I talk to you for a second? Alone."
"Fine." Sighing, she follows me into the kitchen and sinks down into a chair. "I'm listening."
"I need you to take me somewhere." My heart is beating so loudly I can barely hear anything over it. I'm nervous, which is a strange and very uncomfortable feeling. "To Iceland, actually."
Her eyes pop wide as she blinks up at me. "Why the hell do you need to go to Iceland? Especially when we're supposed to be stopping the portal from opening, like, really soon."
"I know what we need to do, Aislin, but it's really, really important that I go there," I say, trying to keep my composure.
She mulls over my request. "I'll take you, but only if you tell me why."
I shake my head. "I'd rather not. You'll just freak out."
She crosses her arms and gives me a stubborn look. "Then I'm not going to take you."
I rub my hand across my face. "I figured out a way to save Gemma."
"Just Gemma?" The color drains from her face. "Please tell me you figured out a way to save yourself, too."
My silence says all she needs to hear.
She rapidly shakes her head and rises to her feet. "You can't do this, Alex."
"I have to. Saving her is what I'm supposed to do."
"No, you're just trying to be a hero," she snaps, getting in my face, "a stupid hero."
"This isn't about me being a hero," I argue. "This is about how much Gemma means to me, even though I can't say it aloud. This about me not being able to live without her. This is about my daughter and how she should have her mother. And this is about Gemma getting to watch her daughter grow up."
"You should get to watch her grow up, too," she says, tears flooding her eyes.
"I know, but if it only gets to be one of us, it should be--needs to be--Gemma. She's the one who spent most of her life unemotional. She has no memories of her childhood, no really happy memories that don't have some kind of burden attached to them. She's been tormented by the Death Walkers, by our father. Her life's never been fair. And now she's pregnant with our daughter, and we just spent the most amazing few hours together, only for it to get taken away from her the moment that fucking candle burned out. She deserves this, and I want nothing more than to give it to her."
She blinks fiercely, trying to fight back the tears, but like always, her emotions get the best of her.
Not knowing what else to do, I give her a hug.
"Your life hasn't been that fair, either," she whispers. "None of our lives have."
"That's why we need to stop all this--so no one has to suffer anymore."
"Are you sure there's not another way?" Her voice carries such hope that I feel bad knowing I'll have to ruin it. "Where no one has to die except the bad guys?"
"Mom told me the portal's going to open up no matter what we do, and the only way to seal it back is for the star to die . . . is for Gemma and I to die."
She shakes her head as we break the hug. Then she covers her mouth and continues to shake her head as she soundlessly sobs.
"If you die, then that's it," she whispers. "I won't have any family left."
"Mom will be back, eventually," I tell her and force a small smile. "And you'll have your niece to take care."
She continues to cry until her eyes run dry. Then she stares at me with her swollen eyes, her cheeks raw from the tears. "You're sure this is what you want to do?" she asks, her voice hoarse.
I nod. "More than anything."
She bobs her head up and down unsteadily. "Then I'll take you." She reaches for my hand but then hastily withdraws. "You're coming back, though. I'm not taking you to your death, right?"
"Yeah, I'm coming back until the sacrifice." I clear my throat as my voice cracks, thinking about how this is it. This is one of the last times I'll talk to my sister.
"You're a good sister," I feel the urge to say.
"I know." She smiles, but I can tell she's fighting not to cry. "You've been a great brother, even though I've had to put up with a lot of temper tantrums."
I can't help laughing, and she laughs along with me. But the laughter dies quickly as reality crashes down on us. I can tell Aislin's scared, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't fucking scared, too.
But my mom wasn't right when she said it always had to be Gemma, because if I can make this work, Gemma's the one who is going to live.
"I need you to do me favor," I tell Laylen as I walk into living room.
He looks up from Aislin's herb box with his brows furrowed. "The last time you asked me for a favor, you left."
"I'm leaving, but I'll be back." I lean against the doorway. "I need you to keep an eye on Gemma for a bit, and I need you to make a Blood Promise with me that you'll always keep an eye on her, no matter what happens to me."
"Why?" he asks.
I rub the back of my neck. "It's just important, okay?"
He momentarily assesses me then nods, sets the box down, and stands. I straighten my stance, grab my knife from my pocket, and flip open the blade. With zero hesitancy, I drag the blade down my unscarred palm. Then I chuck the knife to Laylen, and he cuts his own hand.
His lips twitch as he looks at the blood in his hand then at mine. I can see the blood thirst in his eyes, and his muscles tense as he fights the urge to devour it.
"You okay, man?" I ask, cupping my hand so the blood pools in my palm.
"Yeah, I think so." He takes a few measured inhales and exhales then tosses the knife on the table and sticks out his palm. "I'm just going to point out that this is kind of awkward. I never thought you and I would be doing something like this."
"I know," I reply and then we press our hands together. He's right; it's super fucking awkward.
"So what's the magic words?" he asks.
"Ego spondeo vos ut haud res quis Gemma curam et custodiam eam iniuriam," I say, wishing I was on the other side of this promise.
He nods, his eyes wide with understanding. "Ego spondeo vos ut haud res quis Gemma curam et custodiam eam iniuriam."
We lower our hands, and I wipe my bloody palm on the side of my jeans.
"Am I walking in on something I'm not supposed to?" Nicholas appears in the living room with us, leaning against the wall, a mocking expression on his face.
"Get the fuck out of here." In three long strides, I cross the living roo
m and get in his face.
He sputters a protest as I grab the collar of his shirt and drag him toward the door
"This isn't your house," he whines, digging his heels into the floor. "Maybe you should ask Gemma if you should be kicking me out."
"Gemma would tell me to throw your ass out." I open the front door. "I'm eliminating all risk factors right now, and you're one of them."
"You don't trust me?" He tries to wiggle out of my grasp. "Wow, I feel so . . ." He snorts a laugh. "Honestly, I don't fucking care what you think."
"And honestly, I don't fucking care what happens to you." I shove open the screen door and give him a push. "Now get the fuck out."
He trips over the threshold onto the porch. "You know, she might let me in if I ask," he says. "She has a soft spot for me."
"That's because she's a nice and forgiving person, too forgiving sometimes." I give him another shove then slam the door in his face.
Aislin moves up beside me with tears in her eyes and a reluctant expression. "Are you sure you want to do this?"
"Yep," I say firmly. For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm doing something good. "Now take me to Iceland."
GEMMA
"It will be all right," he promises me as we stand in front of the still lake. The sky is cloudy above us, grey like ashes, and the air has a deadly chill to it. "I'll always save you, Gemma."
"But I want to save you this time." I plead for him to understand, to let me go, to make saying goodbye easer.
His lips part, but ice crackles and steals his voice away.
"It has to be me." I grab on to his arms, holding on to him, ready to tell him what I've done and then say goodbye forever. "I need to say goodbye."
"Not this time." He leans in, his warm breath caressing my skin as he delicately kisses my cheek. "It never has to be you again. I'm saving you, just like I promised."
Shaking my head, I loop my arms around the back of his neck and grasp on to him.
Death Walkers descend from the trees, their eyes burning yellow as they trample the icy bushes and grass. Stephan walks amongst them, dressed in his cloak with a knife in his hand and wearing an evil smile on his scarred face.
"You're not getting away this time!" he shouts.
The wind howls, and the Death Walkers cry out, sending icicles raining through the air
I whirl back toward Alex and clasp my arms around him. I don't know how, but I can feel that he's about to fade away from me.
Scattered Ashes Page 19
