My mind is on Savanna with each mile I ride toward the school. She ain’t right. Hawk’s been gone over a year. She’s only twenty-five, I know that man was the love of her life, even if that thought burns me up inside. He’s gone, and the way he’s gone, he ain’t coming back.
Hawk told Dragon two-weeks after he left that he was happier being nomad, driving from club to club, doing odd jobs, and just being free. He didn’t want Savanna, didn’t want Trista to suffer either, so Savanna takes his cut from the club. He takes nothing but the cash he earns doing his odd jobs on the road. He hasn’t contacted her in a year that I know of, and yet, she’s still pining over him.
The little girl sees me and immediately her eyes brighten at the sight of my bearded scruffy ass. “Silver,” she screams as she stands and runs in my direction. Her body slams into my legs and I chuckle, as I pick her up.
“You ready to go home, niña?” She frowns at my question and her little shoulders slump. Lifting my finger, I touch her nose. “She’ll get better, Trista,” I murmur.
Trista’s eyes meet mine, and the depths of her sadness no child should ever know. She lays her blonde head on my shoulder, as I sign her out of school. “I wish you were my daddy,” she breathes.
I don’t tell her that I wish I was too. I wish her mom wasn’t so fucking in love with a piece of shit. I wish for so fucking much.
* * *
FIVE YEARS LATER
The bitch on my lap grinds down, her pussy squeezing me as she comes. I close my eyes, my own body finding release as I fill her. My mind isn’t on her though, I’m too busy imagining Savannah instead of the blonde whore who is bringing me release.
“Fuck, Silver, yes,” she squeals before she collapses against my chest. I don’t hold her, I never hold them. I allow her to catch her breath, before I gently release her from my cock, setting her down next to me.
Throwing my legs over the side of the bed, I bury my face in my hands. I can’t get the bitch out of my head, the bitch that clearly doesn’t want me, six years I’ve been trying to get her to see me.
Six years and she doesn’t give a fuck, her anger filling her, her mind only focused on Hawk—a man who doesn’t give a single fuck about her. Drinking her fucking life away every goddamn day.
My phone rings and I pick it up. “Silver?” a little voice whispers.
“Yeah, niña you okay?” I demand.
She sighs, her little girl voice far too fuckin’ old for her young age. “It’s Mama. She’s passed out again. She cried herself to sleep,” she whispers.
“You ate dinner?” I ask, glancing over at the clock on my dresser. It’s after nine in the evening, and my heart fucking aches for Trista.
“No,” she whispers.
I grunt. Anger filling me, anger at Savanna for being a shit fucking mom. She’s got all the support in the goddamn world, yet here she is pissing it away—pissing her life away. “Be there in a few, niña. I’ll bring some dinner with me.”
Ending the call, I look back at the whore in my bed. Her own eyes mirror the sadness that is assuredly in mine. “Go, take care of Trista. You guys should take that girl from her,” she huffs.
“Who’s gonna take care of her, you?” I snort, lifting my pants over my hips.
She shakes her head, shrugging as her pretty blue eyes meet my own. “Would if I had an Old Man,” she admits.
I snort. “Good luck, babe.” I reach into my nightstand and take out the small baggie of blow, tossing it over to her. “Don’t do that shit in here, yeah?”
“Thanks, Silver.” She winks as she stands to her feet.
I watch her skinny naked ass walk out of my room, her little baggie dangling in her fingertips and I shake my head with a chuckle. Yeah, fuckin’ Old Lady material right there. I need to start fucking some bitches from town, leave the cokehead whores to the rest of the brothers.
Hurrying into town, I speed through the McDonald’s drive-thru then make my way toward Savanna’s place. Pulling up to the curb, I frown. The prospects mow her lawn, but she’s got nothin’ but weeds in her flowerbeds, the paint on the porch is chipping and looks like shit. She’s letting her house go, just like she’s letting her fucking self, and her daughter go too.
Fuck.
Trista opens the door as soon as my booted feet land on the porch. I hand over the bag of shitty food, and she rushes off to eat, already knowing my next mission will be to find her mother. Climbing the stairs, I let myself into the master bedroom.
Looking over the woman, I growl. She’s passed the fuck out. Picking her body up, I carry her into her bathroom. Depositing her onto the shower floor, I turn the cold water on. Her body jerks before her eyes open.
“You fucking asshole,” she screeches.
Turning the water off, I cross my arms over my chest. “You need to get your shit together. Not for me, not for you, but for Trista,” I announce.
“Why does it matter?” she asks, shifting her gaze to the side.
“You want her to hate you? How about I take her from you?”
Her eyes swing back to me, her gaze narrowing. “Fuck you, Silver. You going to come here, move in and be her new daddy? That’s what you want right? You want this pussy, you want in my bed, and you want my kid,” she grinds out.
If she only knew how fucking spot-on she was. However, I don’t want some woman who is still, after six years, in love with another man and fucking me out of spite—not as my Old Lady anyway.
“You want to fuck him off your mind, baby. I’m right here, dick ready, but I won’t claim some bitch who’s still in love with her Old Man,” I grind out.
Her face twists, a snide smile on her lips. “I knew you wanted me. Always have. You want to see why Hawk claimed me at sixteen. You can have it all, Silver, everything you want. Only thing is you’ll never have anything but my body.”
Taking a step back, I run my fingers through my hair. “Get your shit together, Sav. Take care of your kid.”
Leaving her, I walk out of the house, no plans on going back. She’s angry, she’s stuck in the past in a way where I don’t think she’ll ever be unstuck. No matter how badly my heart and dick want her, I can’t go there. We’d both be miserable. I would put up with it, with this shit. I would try to work him out of her heart, but I can’t let Trista suffer through what I know would be even more of a miserable life than what she has now.
* * *
TWO YEARS LATER
“It’s time,” she screams, through gritted teeth, standing across from me.
Lifting my face from my phone, I frown. It’s time. “Oh fuck,” I breathe.
Standing to my feet, I take her hand and rush her toward the car.
I don’t love Carrie. I’m a dick. I know that I am. She’s a girl from town. One I conned into being my girl because I was trying to get over Savanna. Carrie’s a party girl, she came to the clubhouse on more than one occasion.
I didn’t make her my Old Lady. She’s livin’ in my house, takes my cock, and now she’s giving me a kid. She’s a fucking mess, I didn’t realize how big of a mess she was until we started livin’ together. I’ve had to keep her on lockdown in my room because I can’t keep her nose out of cocaine. The exact shit that I did not want in a woman. Fucking hell, but I probably deserve it all.
My phone rings as I speed through town toward the hospital.
“Did you know these mattress orders are all fucked up?” Dragon shouts into my ear.
I grunt, not wishing to talk club business right now. “Dragon, I didn’t, but even if I did, I don’t give a fuck right now. Carrie’s goin’ into labor,” I bark.
“Fuck. Right.”
He ends the call as I skate into the emergency room parking area. “I don’t want this,” Carrie announces.
Looking over to her, I see the dead in her eyes, the same dead that haunts Savanna. I shake my head. “Don’t got a choice, babe. He’s comin’, ready or not,” I state.
She shakes her head. “Didn’t say I wasn’t
ready, Silver. I said I don’t want this. I don’t want him. I don’t want you.”
The words feel like a punch to the gut, each and every one of them. Leaning over the center console, I look her in the eye and I grind out. “You don’t want him. He’s mine if you’re there or not. You won’t get a dime from me. No more shit to put up your nose and I won’t give a single fuck about you. In fact, you’ll be lucky you’re breathing. You’re a fucking cunt, Carrie.”
She lifts her chin, her dead eyes serious and focused on me. “Might be a cunt, but I’m not the one in love with another woman. Take this baby to her. Maybe you can be the happy little family then,” she snaps.
Lifting my hand, I run my fingers through my hair, tugging on the ends. “Don’t matter, Carrie. None of it does. You’re in my bed, my baby’s in your belly, what I feel or who I feel it for means fuck all to you.”
We don’t say another word. I climb out of the car, slamming the door before I go to her side. I help her into the hospital, but the bitch denies me in the delivery room. I pace, unable to sit for even a second.
By the time my son comes screaming into the world the entire hospital is full of my brothers, several Old Ladies, even Savanna and Trista show up.
Savanna stays in the corner, her gaze only meeting mine a couple of times. I haven’t seen or talked to her much since our fight. She looks better, healthier, heavier. She looks like a fucking dream. I shouldn’t be lusting after her, especially not right now. Doesn’t change the fact that, that’s exactly what I’m fuckin’ doing.
“Carrie would like to see you now, Mr. Hernandez,” the nurse meekly whispers.
Tearing my gaze away from Savanna, I push off of the wall I’m leaning against, and walk over to the nurse. Following behind her, I wait until she opens a door and allows me to pass through. Carrie is in the room, lying in the bed, a little bundle of blankets in her arms.
“Cristo,” I hiss.
Carrie’s wet gaze meets mine. I close the distance between us and sit on the edge of the bed.
She shrugs. “Maybe. I’m just some junkie, Silver. Someone to carry the baby you wanted with her. It doesn’t escape my notice the way you watch her anytime she’s around. Take him, make a life with her, the life you want.”
“Carrie,” I gulp.
She shakes her head. “Never wanted kids. Not ever. I would be a shit mom. Right now, all I want to do is snort a line, even with him in my arms.”
“No. We’ll make it work,” I demand.
Carrie’s gaze doesn’t waver, her eyes only hold a shimmer of light when she speaks. “I know you fuck whores. I know you think of her when you’re fucking me. I know it all. Thing is, I would probably be cool with it as long as I could continue getting high and you supplied me. You won’t let me do that shit now, though. Not with him, and I wouldn’t want to fuck him up the way my parents did me. I’m trying to do right by him, let me go,” she pleads as she holds the little bundle out to me.
I take him in my arms, my heart filling, then exploding. Mine. My son. Carrie, Savanna, they don’t mean shit in this moment.
The only thing that matters is him. My life suddenly shifts in an instant.
Carrie rolls over to the side, turning her back toward me. A few minutes later the room is filled with the brothers, Carrie ignores them all as they take in my new boy.
Savanna makes her way toward me, as I attempt to give my newborn a bottle. “He’s beautiful,” she whispers.
Lifting my eyes to her, I don’t know what to say. She looks back to Carrie, then over to me. “You have everything you want now. A family,” she whispers.
“Not everything,” I admit.
She nods. “My offer still stands. My heart is still his,” she admits.
Lifting my chin, I hold her gaze steady. “Ain’t down for that, and you know it.”
“But you’d do that to her?” she asks, hitching her thumb behind her to Carrie.
Clearing my throat. “She won’t let me. She knows, and she don’t want any part of me, of us,” I admit, dipping my chin to my son.
“She’s smart to scrape you off now and go. Better than being left with a kid all alone,” she snaps.
Lifting my gaze to her, I narrow my eyes. “You got a whole family at your back. People who love you, who love Trista. You don’t have to work, you get Hawk’s income. You’re young and beautiful, so fucking hard being you, Sav,” I spit.
“Got the love of a man I don’t want. Don’t have the love of the man I want. So yeah, it is hard bein’ me.”
She turns and leaves me, I’m glad for it. She can fuck herself then. I’m done with her ass. Fuck. Her. She doesn’t want me she doesn’t have to have me. I never wanted to fall for her anyway, not ever.
“It’s just you and me baby boy, against the world,” I whisper looking down at my black haired boy.
Shit.
What am I going to do with a newborn who has no mama?
* * *
FOUR YEARS LATER
“Uncle Silver,” Trista’s whimpering voice whispers into the phone.
I grunt, shifting the bitch off of my cock. She sits back, pouting but wisely doesn’t speak. “What’s wrong?” I ask my voice harsher than it should be.
“I’m at a party, and it’s bad. I need a ride. My mom will kill me if I call her,” she mutters.
I shake my head at the sixteen-year-old girl. Fuck. I can’t imagine what kind of trouble she’s got herself into, but I stand and hike my jeans over my hips, my wet cock, dissatisfied that it didn’t get to blow its load down this bitch’s throat.
“Text me the address, I’ll be there in five.”
Ending the call, I make my way into the clubhouse. There are a few brothers sitting around. Dragon, Wolfe, and Taz. I explain to them the situation as my phone alerts me to a new incoming text.
“Fuck, why can’t Savanna keep the girl in check?”
I shrug. “She’s Hawk and Sav’s kid. You know she’s bound to be goddamn trouble, especially with no daddy to keep her shit in line,” I mumble.
We roll out and I cringe when we arrive to the party. It’s in a nice part of town, but the owner of the house is a loyal customer of ours. We keep him supplied in coke and he keeps the cops off of our back. He’s also the town mayor.
It doesn’t take us long to extract Trista. She comes running, tears streaming down her face as soon as we kill our bikes’ engines. “You need us to take care of anything?” I ask as soon as she reaches my side.
She shakes her head violently. “No, they were all snorting coke, and they were scaring me. I just wanted to go home, but my friends were partying too.”
“Need to pick better friends, niña.”
She nods. “I do.”
Once I pull into Savanna’s driveway, she hops off of the bike and sprints inside, probably embarrassed as fuck. The four of us follow behind her, except we aren’t running like our ass’s are on fire.
“What the fuck?” Savanna shouts. This bitch is constantly shouting. I’m not so fucking sure why she has to be as loud as she is.
“Calm down, woman,” Dragon grunts.
I haven’t seen Savanna much over the past four years. I deliver her, her money, but she’s usually scarce when I do. Looking at her now, she still takes my fucking breath away, even though her eyes are still fucking dead.
“Trista called me, she was in a bad place with friends, needed a ride,” I explain.
Her eyes narrow, and she lifts her chin. Anger takes over her features. “She’s not the club’s responsibility. She’s mine. I don’t want her hanging around with you guys,” she snaps.
“Babe, she wasn’t at the clubhouse, she was with her friends. She always got a safe place if she needs help, and that’s me. It’s what I would want for my own boy.”
She leans forward, her finger lifted and pointed straight at me. “I don’t want her thinkin’ any of you are knights in shining armor to save her. Not when you’re all the same. You’re all like Hawk. All no
good pieces of shit.”
Dragon rumbles behind me and I shake my head. “We all are, huh? Really? We’re here and where is he? We are always here to help you, Sav. We’ve done nothin’ but help you and you continue to make us eat shit because Hawk is a deadbeat asshole,” I shout.
“You’ll never be him, Silver. No matter how badly you want to, you will never be him,” she screams back at me.
Leaning forward, inches from her face, I give no fucks when I dish the shit right back to her. “I never wanted to be him, Sav. He had it all and he gave it up, walked away from it, like a fucking pussy. But fuck, maybe he was right because your pussy comes with a chain that I’m not sure any man here wants to be attached to.”
She jerks her head back as if I’ve slapped her. “That wasn’t nice,” she whispers.
“Clue in, bitch, you ain’t been nice to any of us the past twelve years. That’s a lot of bullshit we’ve had to choke down from you. I for one, am fucking done,” I grind out.
Turning around, I leave her. I walk away. I don’t go back to the clubhouse though, I decide to go home, to my boy. Buster. The kid punched me in the face the night he was born, practically gave me a black eye. I knew he needed a name that commemorated that moment. I gave him the name, Buster Joel Hernandez. A bit of me, but a name all his own. I didn’t want him to be a junior, it just didn’t seem like it fit for him.
Buster is my life. He is my son. No matter how I feel about Savanna, getting tied up in her shit, it’s not worth it. Not anymore. She thinks I’m a deadbeat dad like Hawk, she can fuck herself. I’ve been raising my boy since the day he was born all by myself.
Carrie took off the second she was released from the hospital and I haven’t seen her since. I keep tabs on her, just in case. She’s livin’ in a trailer in New Mexico, injecting meth into her body because she can’t afford cocaine anymore.
CONVICT: An Unfit Hero Novel Page 27
