Xander’s expression went curious. “Is it?”
“In some ways more than others,” I admitted. “Starting your own business, you never think about all the grueling hard work and uncertainty; all the risk and overtime. At least I didn’t.”
“Anyway,” I said. “It’s of course still worth it, and it’s only still in the early months, so I expect things will get easier.”
“They will,” Xander agreed.
“Where would you go if you were to disappear?” I asked.
Xander didn’t miss a beat. “Germany.”
“That’s where you said your family is from, right?”
He nodded.
“But that’s not really getting away, is it?”
“Well, I wouldn’t go stay with them.” He was scowling at even the thought. “I’d go into the forest maybe - we have great forests, you know; maybe check out some of the old ruins, just camp around, living off the land.”
“You were a Boy Scout, weren’t you,” I asked, only half-joking.
Xander flickered his brows, then said, “No. They kicked me out.”
I laughed at that. “Anyway, your idea doesn’t sound half-bad.”
“No?”
“No. I actually took German for a year in school.”
“Seriously?” he asked, looking genuinely surprised.
“Seriously – einz vie smy….”
Xander held up a hand, his face mock-pained at my attempt at counting. “Please.”
“I never said I was good at it.”
A smile broke on Xander’s face. “At least you realize it.” Under the table I kicked him, earning me a chuckle. “Hör auf.”
“What?”
“Be careful, you don’t know what they do to naughty women in Germany.”
I swallowed. While I could’ve explained away the burning-hot look he was giving me, there was no mistaking what he’d said. Xander was actually coming on to me.
I reached for my water and took a long swig. I tried to think of something clever to say to change the subject, but my mind was a complete blank.
Luckily, Xander took care of that. “You go to your church bazaar every year?”
“Yeah almost every year. It’s not exactly my thing, but it makes my parents happy. They’ve done a lot for me so it’s not a big deal to go for them once a year. I didn’t go last year, and they were really disappointed…” I trailed off, realizing I was about to reveal more than I was ready to. Mom had almost mentioned it earlier today and that had been bad enough. I liked how Xander saw me now – I didn’t want that to change if he found out just what had happened with Eric. It really had no bearing on what was happening right now. We were not in a proper relationship so that kind of a revelation wasn’t really necessary anyway.
“Why do you ask?” I said.
Xander’s face was giving away nothing. “No reason. I was surprised, I guess.”
“At?”
“So many happy people in one place.”
“Believing that when you die, you’ll get to party in Heaven for an eternity has a way of doing that to you.”
“I guess,” Xander said and I remembered him admitting that he was agnostic.
Now he’d finished his wine and moved onto his water too. “I guess I’m just used to seeing bitter, unhappy people in my line of work.”
I feigned surprise. “You mean people getting divorced aren’t all joyful and positive by the time they come to see you?”
“I know, it’s shocking right?” he said, chuckling. “Usually they’re angry, hollowed-out. And confused. Confused that what they had thought would last forever could have devolved into such a hateful, soul-crushing mess.”
Whoa. I blinked at him. Something in his voice told me that he was speaking from experience. Maybe we weren’t so different from one another after all.
Xander forced a smile. “Sorry. That’s not exactly dinner conversation.”
“But that’s how you really see it.”
He gave an incline of his head to the affirmative. “That’s how it is. People are just too hepped up on Hollywood movies and romance novels to accept it.” His gaze was testing as it went to me. “Would you get in a plane that had a fifty percent crash rate?”
I knew what he was saying – that the divorce rate was at a point that made marriage seem like a huge risk.
“Maybe you’re right,” I said. “But what about living itself – we have a one hundred percent death rate and people still stick it out most of the time.”
“You know what I mean.”
He was right; I did. All too well, after how gutted I’d been by what Eric had done to me. But right now, for some reason, I didn’t want to just sit here and accept it anymore.
“And you don’t have to get married to be in love,” I said. “Anyway, relationships themselves have as much potential for bad as they do for good.”
He considered for a moment before nodding in agreement.
“My mom was there for my dad when he had his cancer scare, when he didn’t even have enough energy or hope to get out of bed. And my dad, he got my mom exercising, helping her bad hip.”
I was finding the words as I was saying them. “Good relationships make you better than you’d be alone. It’s not about being incomplete, an unfinished half and finding the other that makes you whole. It’s about being whole already and then finding someone who challenges you to be your best self.”
Realizing I’d gone on something of a rant, I focused my attention on my water, which still had a trickle left.
“You’re right,” Xander was saying. “Of course you’re right.”
He didn’t say anything more. There was more to his doubt, it was written in every atom of his sour expression. But I didn’t push it – it wasn’t my place.
Now Xander was eyeing me carefully. “Sorry,” he said. “Didn’t mean to be so pessimistic. I just get fed up with my family constantly throwing my bachelor status in my face, like it makes me some kind of social pariah.”
“I get it,” I said. “My parents can be overzealous about my relationship status as well. They just want the best for me, without realizing that I already know what’s best for me. At least I’d like to think so.”
Xander quirked his head at me, as if I’d said something he thought but never realized he had.
Just then, a waiter passing by spilled wine on him.
“Crap, crap, I’m sorry,” he said as he went to his knees and began grabbing every napkin in sight to dab on the back of Xander’s chair and the floor. Only a bit had sprayed on Xander’s shoes, which he leaned down to dab dry himself. “Don’t worry about it.”
But the waiter was near tears. “This is my first day, and I know it’s no excuse, I just was trying to balance it and then I saw this other girl moving and I thought….”
“Seriously,” Xander said. “It’s fine. Just takes some time to get the hang of it.”
The young redhead beamed at Xander, as if he was about to pounce on him in a one-sided hug, and then hurried off, probably to get more napkins.
As Xander sat on the only other chair there, the one beside me, I peered into his face with surprise. “You’re not mad?”
Xander flashed his brows. “You really think I’m a complete dick, don’t you?”
“Not completely,” I said, only half-joking.
Xander’s face showed no surprise. “I get that a lot. Probably because I can be. But for things like that, ” he glanced to his shoes. “I’ve been in that guy’s position. We all have at one point. There’s no reason to be a jackass about it. My shoes will dry.”
“You’ve been in his position? Like you’ve had to serve people?” Somehow, I could not reconcile that with the man that sat before me.
Xander open his mouth, then closed it. As if shifting gears, he said, “How did you start out?”
Damn, how had I started out?
“Probably back at Domino’s,” I said. “Lasted a week. They didn’t like the way I pu
t the pepperonis on the pizza.”
“And look at you now,” Xander said.
We both cracked up.
“As for my salon, I’ve been expertly cutting and styling my Barbies’ hair, and Teren’s when he was asleep, since I was eight at least. That’s why I called my hair studio ‘Eighteen’, since it took that long for me to realize my dream.”
I nibbled on a stick of celery that was garnish on my plate. “Although it’s going to go back into dreamland if I don’t work hard. Rent is a bitch in the downtown core.”
Xander nodded. “You’re telling me. Are you good at cutting and styling?”
“No,” I said. “I take pride in ruining any good hair my clients come to me with. I’m trying to be different from all the other salons out there.”
He smirked. “Ok, that was a stupid question.”
“Why,” I said. “You looking for a new stylist?”
He was all poker face again, saying only, “Maybe.”
Once our meals were delivered; two plates of magazine-worthy pan-fried salmon with roasted garlic potatoes and glossy asparagus. Although without our conversation to distract me, Xander’s closeness took center stage. His leg was basically pressed against mine, and I couldn’t tell if it was just because there wasn’t that much room on that side of the table, or because he wanted to touch me somehow.
I decided to concentrate on my dinner instead of trying to figure it out. Following that former thought to where it was going to lead would do me no good. Xander and I were just keeping up appearances, like how most of our conversation had just been us covering the basics.
And yet, the muscle in Xander’s jaw seem to be tensed more than before, and when he ordered dessert, I couldn’t shake an uneasy feeling.
“You sure?” I asked. “Really, I don’t need any. If you’d rather just take me home, that’s fine with me.”
A delicious smile spread across Xander’s face. I really needed to get over how good he looked when he smiled. “Nobody ever needs dessert. But we all want it; that little bit of decadence on our lips.”
His gaze flickered to my lips. At least, I’d though it did. Good thing I hadn’t had a second glass of wine or I’d have probably leapt across the table and landed in his lap.
A few minutes later, a massive portion of chocolate pudding cake was being swept in front of us.
“Looks delicious,” Xander said.
I kept my gaze locked firmly on the gooey interior of the pudding cake, especially since I had a nagging feeling that his wasn’t. Before I could protest, his spoon had appeared in front of mine, taken a portion, and offered it up to my still-closed lips. Our gazes met.
“Come on, take a bite” he said.
There was something in the way he said it and held my gaze, that made me think that the dessert wasn’t the only thing he was offering.
I couldn’t stop myself from parting my lips and closing them around the chocolate. As the rich decadence seeped into my taste buds, his leg pressed harder against mine.
It’s not real, I reminded myself, although the voice in my head wasn’t as certain this time.
“What about you?” I said, spooning out a portion and bringing it up to his lips. His mouth snapped down on it, his gaze never breaking eye contact with mine.
Then, he rose.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Getting a container so we can take the rest to go.”
Seeing my face, he said, “Unless you want to stay?”
Right then, I couldn’t tell what the hell I wanted, so I only said, “Taking it to go works.”
Xander paid the bill and then we hurried from the restaurant to his car. He opened the door for me and I felt a jolt of electricity as his hand touched me lower back, guiding me down into the seat. He ran around to the driver’s side and climbed in himself, handing me the container of dessert.
As he pulled off onto the road, his hand came to rest very closely to mine on the console, his pinky drifting until it touched mine. My body thrilled at the meager contact and my panties were instantly soaked.
I looked at the container in my lap and my brain was flooded with all sorts of dirty thoughts about how we could enjoy its contents. Naked. In my bed. On the floor. In the bathtub. Good God, I hoped he couldn’t see my face in the dark interior of the car. From the heat in my cheeks, I was pretty sure I was bright pink at the moment. Bright pink the like the engorged head of his…
Oh my God, stop it! I scolded myself. I could not allow myself to get swept up in this; in him. And yet, judging by the tension in his shoulders and his laser-focus on the road ahead of us, I could tell his thoughts were not that far off from mine.
He pulled to a stop in front of my building and shut off the car, hopping out and coming around to my side. Holding out his hand for me, he pulled me up and hauled me against his chest. Dipping his face down to mine, his eyes seemed to be searching mine for permission. A barely perceptible nod of my head was all he needed to lean in and claim my eager lips.
The kiss started out slowly, his tongue probing the seam of my lips. The moment I parted to let him in, all gentleness and caution flew out the window. His mouth crashed down on mine with a fevered need, his tongue thrusting inside and dancing with mine. We kissed until we had almost run out of air, and he finally pulled away, breathing heavily.
“Shall we go upstairs?”
8
Xander
Was she going to go for it?
Every kiss blurred the thought more. All there was to do was to sink into the way her lips gave perfectly to mine.
Thin wisps of blonde mockery kept getting in her eyes, in between us. I kissed right through them.
She nodded her assent and I tugged her along after me. Her hands were shaking so badly, she could hardly punch in her security code to get the doors open. I put my hand over hers and helped to steady her.
Once inside, we raced for the elevator and she hurriedly punched the button for her floor before turning back to me, a wild look on in her eyes. I looped one arm around her waist and pulled her to me again. Her hands went to my chest as the gold mirrored doors slid closed, cocooning us in the privacy of the elevator.
Naomi rose up onto her toes and pressed her lips to mine in an eager kiss. I gave back fully, stepping forward to press her against the wall of the box. The feel of being lifted up five floors while her subtle scent wafted through my senses was dizzying.
The bell chimed, and the doors opened onto her floor. Naomi pulled away for a moment, glancing around the make sure we weren’t giving anyone a show. I didn’t give a damn if we were.
Once she made sure the coast was clear, she turned back to me and I scooped her up into my arms, squeezing her exquisite ass with my big hands.
By the time I jammed her key into the lock of her door, her legs were wrapped around me, her torso hoisted up.
Her hands were scrabbling all over my head like they were looking for something to grab onto though my hair wasn’t long enough. I put her down on her feet and kicked the door closed behind us. In a fevered flurry of hands and mouths, we shed our clothes and I lifted her up again, pressing my hard on into her stomach and making her squeal.
No more waiting. I walked us into the first room I saw. Lucky me. The bedroom.
There, I flung her onto the and clambered on after her. Now our kisses reached their full expression – every part of our bodies rubbing and urging each other’s, foreshadowing what was coming. Chest to chest, pelvis to pelvis, I was as hard as a rock and the way she was moaning already wasn’t helping matters.
She still wore her lace panties and underneath her bra, her nipples were taut. After quickly discarding her bra, I lay my face between her breasts and gave worship. They were full enough that when each of my hands got one, they were more than happy. Their soft firmness almost had me groaning aloud. Naomi was nipping at my neck wickedly.
Our legs were tangled together, mirroring our tongues. The way hers followed my lead was s
ublime.
When my mouth went to her nipple, she gasped aloud. I was in Heaven already, with the fullness jiggling into me with her breaths as I sucked one, fondling the other. Her arm went around the back of my neck and held me there. She was practically gasping for breath and I loved every bit of it.
Her other nipple begged for my attention, and I gave it happily. I lapped it taut, swirling my tongue around as my hand went down. If Naomi’s groans were any indication, she was crazy wet. I wanted to find out for sure.
One stroke down, over her firm stomach and full waist and there it was. Her panties were completely soaked through. Naomi wasn’t just wet, she was drenched.
Damn. One deep press into that wet patch and a shudder went through her. Yes, that was it. As much as I was enjoying Naomi’s body, I couldn’t wait any longer. It was time.
Dipping a finger under her panties and into her, had the arms she’d been propped up on giving way. Now her whole pelvis was arched up, her head flung back.
“Xander,” she groaned.
A flashback had me back there, to the first time we’d done this – the sex she’d conveniently forgotten, but that was imprinted in my mind as indelibly as if it had happened earlier today.
“Naomi,” I said. As I saw her totally helpless face, I had to make sure, “Are you sure you want this?”
Her eyes fluttered open so she could stare at me as I finger-fucked her. “Yes, do it.”
I flashed a small, smug smile, feigning obliviousness, “Do what?”
“Xander!” she shrilled.
That was all it took for me to shed the rest of my clothes. I fished a condom from my pocket and rolled it on quickly before gripping her panties in one hand and tearing them off of her. She immediate arched her back, presenting her glistening pussy to me and I happy sunk myself inside of her.
Though we had only been together once, on our wedding night, being back inside of Naomi felt like coming home. Her wet warmth enveloped me, and the feeling was so powerful, I nearly came right there and then. I had to still myself for a moment so that I could make the experience last. Who knew if I’d never get another chance. As I fucked her, nice and slow, I had to grit my teeth. Damn, she felt good. Too good.
Pretend You’re Mine Page 5
