“I got him, Mama.” Reed scoops up the body of his brother and carries him out of the fort. I follow with Ben, Caleb, and Ash.
Alvarez leads the residents of Fort Ross. The stronger men and women carry the bodies of the dead, all of them wrapped in blankets and sheets like Eric.
We drift in a long procession through the broken wall on the southern side of the fort, heading toward an old graveyard for the original Fort Ross residents.
Ben takes my hand as we walk, squeezing my fingers. He walks with a limp, his right leg badly swollen and bruised from the beating he took from Rosario.
We enter the graveyard. Russian Orthodox crosses, each one crafted from wood, spread out around us. At one time those crosses had been in straight rows. Time has shifted them. Now they rise up from different directions. Some have fallen over completely.
Eighteen gravesites have been freshly dug. Reed selects one on the end and sets Eric’s body inside. I put my arm around Reed and kiss his cheek. He stands stiff beside me, unresponsive. I hit him anyway.
Across the graveyard, I watch Alvarez. With him is the tennis player. Jessica is her name. She and Alvarez have never been far from one another since the battle.
I heard rumor of what she endured in the twenty-four hours that it took us to get to Fort Ross. Of what she volunteered for to protect her people. The memory of her beating a man to death with a tennis racket is forever burned into my brain. It’s impossible not to admire her. I can see why Alvarez likes her.
Not far behind Alvarez and Jessica is the dark-haired teenage girl. Bella is her name. I dimly recall Johnny talking with someone named Bella on the ham. This is likely the same girl. She dogs Jessica’s heels like a little sister.
One by one, bodies are placed in the graves. Silence descends on the tiny hillside cemetery. The ocean hums in the distance. I inhale the salty air, wishing it could flush out the grief I carry in my heart.
Alvarez makes his way to one side of the graveyard. He stands on top of an old tree trunk, looking out over his people. Jessica stands a few paces behind him.
“Today we lay to rest our fallen.” His voice, ripe with emotion, washes over me.
Eric. I squeeze my eyes shut at the sudden surge of emotion. I don’t fight the tears. Ben puts his arm around me and kisses the top of my head.
“There are a lot of ways to live in this new world,” Alvarez continues. “Some chose to live like Rosario. They find security in breaking things. That’s not how we do things at Fort Ross. We have chosen to live differently.”
His dark gaze sweeps the gathered crowd. It makes me proud to see the leader Alvarez has become. There isn’t a dry eye among us. Even Ben knuckles his eyes.
“We find security in building rather than destroying,” Alvarez says. “We find security in each other. In friendships and family. That’s how we do things in Fort Ross. Our friends died honoring the way we’ve chosen to live. Never forget that. We all do our part to hold back the darkness. Whether that means fighting zombies in our backyard or protecting the community we’ve built, we’ve all chosen to make a stand against the darkness. Always remember those who sacrificed everything so that we may have a future that’s built on community and family. Never forget that we are a family. Every last one of us. We are brothers and sisters of the apocalypse. We are strong. Together.”
A sound emerges from Reed’s throat. This time, when I pull him in for a hug, he doesn’t fight me. He hugs me back and sobs into my shoulder.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper to him.
He says nothing, just hangs onto me like I’m the only thing keeping him from blowing away in the breeze.
42
Strong
KATE
“Have a little more.” Alvarez fills my cup with another splash of wine.
“Thanks.” I take a long swallow and pass the cup to Ben, who sits beside me.
His injured leg is propped up on a rock. “I forget this is considered wine country.”
“We’re on the fringe of wine country,” I reply. “The town where Carter and I lived before the apocalypse is true wine country. Vineyards everywhere.” I take the cup as Ben hands it back to me. It’s been a long time since I’ve enjoyed wine. I sip the zinfandel, savoring the flavor.
We sit around one of several large bonfires. Large kettles of stew sit over the fires, filled with rehydrated meat scavenged early in the apocalypse. Alvarez pulled out all the stops for the wake. He insisted on it, even if it plundered half of their supplies.
“We can scavenge tomorrow,” he firmly told a woman who protested. “Tonight, we celebrate being alive and honor those who are no longer with us.”
Alvarez even authorized the use of an iPod and a small portable solar charger. Music plays near the well. People dance and laugh.
Ash and Caleb are with them. I watch their silhouettes, arms entwined. They haven’t left one another’s side since the battle. I like seeing them happy together. The barrier that sat between them for all these months has finally been broken.
Even more amazing than the food, music, and wine are the showers. Alvarez has no less than six solar showers in Fort Ross. I made sure I had my turn under the warm water. It’s nice to have grime-free hair and a body free of blood splatter. All of us are officially the cleanest we’ve been since we left Creekside.
Ben helps himself to another portion of stew. “We really need to get some cows at Creekside. We need to eat real meat once in a while.”
“Right. Cows. Check.” I wrinkle my nose at him. “We have so much excess pastureland. We should try to find a whole herd.”
Ben takes my sarcasm in stride. “Then we have to find some chickens. That needs to be a priority when we get back.” He plops back into his chair and digs into the stew. He offers me a spoonful, which I gladly take.
“Speaking of returning to Creekside, when do you guys plan to leave?” Alvarez asks.
I’m careful not to look at Ben. His limp is still pronounced, though he never complains.
It’s not just Ben’s leg. Ash doesn’t complain, either, but I can tell how much it hurts to lift her arm after being shot. My own arm aches and itches like crazy.
“In a few days,” I say. “We’ll stick around to help you guys refortify the fort.” I push up the arm of my shirt. “It’ll give time for this wound to heal.”
“That’s a baby wound,” Ben says. “Show them your scar from the other gunshot wound.”
Alvarez spits out his wine as I roll my sleeve all the way up. “Fuck,” he says. “Is that where Frederico shot you?”
“Yep.”
“Some asshole gave you some serious Frankenstein stitches.” He winks at me. “Sucks to be you, Kate. It’s amazing you managed to get yourself a boyfriend with that thing.”
I roll my eyes.
Jessica purses her lips as she studies my arm. “Are you the one who stitched her up?”
Alvarez pours himself more wine. “Maybe.”
“You did that?” Bella gapes at my arm. “Were your eyes closed?”
“They were definitely not closed,” I say.
“Where did you learn how to sew?” Jessica asks.
“He learned by watching his grandma sew patches onto his jeans,” I offer, taking another drink.
“No wonder it looks like shit,” Bella says.
Alvarez waves a hand in protest. “Don’t hate a man for being shitty at women’s work. At least she didn’t bleed to death.”
Jessica raises an eyebrow at Alvarez. He ignores her and takes a long gulp from his cup.
I chuckle, settling back into my chair. “You’re definitely much better at leading Fort Ross than you are at stitching people up.”
“You can stay here with us,” Jessica says abruptly. Even in a fuzzy sweater, she sits with an edgy alertness I don’t think will ever go away. She looks like she could go from docile to wrathful tennis player in less than three seconds. She’s even taken to carrying the dented tennis racket on her belt, much the wa
y I carry my zom bat.
“You’ll always have a home here at Fort Ross,” Alvarez agrees.
I shake my head. “Our home is in Arcata.”
“Besides,” Ben says, “who’s going to come rescue your asses the next time you get in trouble? We can’t do that if we stay here.”
“I think the old guy just made a joke.” Reed stabs a finger in Ben’s direction. He’s been a bit more talkative since the burial this morning, though I have a sad feeling it will be a while before the old Reed fully returns to us. If he ever does.
“Don’t worry,” Ben replies around a mouthful of stew. “That will be my last one for at least six months.”
“Thank God.” I raise my brow at him. “I didn’t sign up for a funny boyfriend. Stoic and reliable. That’s what I signed up for.”
“Don’t forget badass motherfucker,” Ben replies.
I burst out laughing.
“That wasn’t six months,” Reed points out. “That was, like, barely six seconds. Someone is frisky tonight.”
It might be the firelight, but I swear I see a flush creep up Ben’s neck. It’s hard to tell with all his attention on his stew. He stops chewing only long enough to take another swig of wine from my cup.
“Have you thought about how you’re going to get back?” Bella asks. “I mean, are you really going to run all the way home? I played soccer before the apocalypse. I’m good at running.”
Alvarez tugs on the long braid that hangs down her back. “Are you auditioning for Creekside or something?”
Bella huffs and bats his hand away. “I’m just saying I was a good runner before the world ended.”
“We’ll take a few of the bikes and ride back to Braggs,” I say. There’s a pile of them left behind by Rosario.
“We should take Wild Thing.” Reed gestures toward the semi, which has been parked in front of the hole in the south wall of the fort.
I shake my head. “Wild Thing is where he needs to be. Bikes will serve our purpose. Once we get through Braggs, we’ll make our way back to Westport to get our friend. I’m hoping we can negotiate with Medieval John for a boat ride back to Arcata.”
“That asshole will want all our guns,” Ben says. “You can’t give him our guns.”
“I’m not going to give him our guns.”
“So what are you going to offer?”
“I’m working on a few ideas. I’ll let you know when I figure it out.”
Ben snorts and takes another sip of his wine.
“You think you can trust that guy?” Alvarez frowns at me.
“You were the one who once told me we need friends more than we need enemies.”
“That sounds like something Alvarez would say.” Jessica’s eyes soften as she looks at him.
“Ideal to a fault?” he asks her.
She shakes her head. “No such thing.”
We remain before the fire, talking and laughing. At one point, I even notice Reed and Bella move to the far side of the fire. They appear to be having a cozy chat. That’s nice.
I’m having such a good time that I lose track of hours. It isn’t until I start yawning that I realize it must be near midnight.
“You done here?” As usual, Ben reads me like a book.
“Yeah, I’m ready to turn in.”
“Let’s go. I’ll show you where we’re sleeping. The Creekside Crew has graduated from that tent we had last night.”
I won’t say no to a real building to sleep in. I froze my ass off last night, even though I’d been sandwiched between Ben and Reed in the tent.
We say goodnight and rise from the fire. I cross my arms across my chest for warmth. When Ben puts his arm around me, I lean into his solid strength.
As we near one of the old wooden buildings in the fort, Caleb comes out the front door. A grin splits his face when he sees us.
“Hey, old man,” he calls. “Got something for you. Found it in the supplies.” He tosses a small Ziplock through the air.
Ben catches it with one hand. I assume it’s a bag of pot or something else drug related. When I lean forward to peer into Ben’s hand, I see three square plastic wrappers. I do a double take when I realize what they are. Color creeps up Ben’s neck, obvious even in the dark.
“Good thing you’re finally making your move.” Caleb saunters by us, a smug grin on his face. “I was gonna make a move on Mama Bear if you didn’t get off your ass. I like older women.” He winks at me.
Ben finally finds his voice. “Fuck off, you little shit.”
“Uh-huh.” Caleb never breaks stride. “I’m pretty sure I’m not the one you want to be fucking.” Chortling, he saunters away.
I stare at the condoms in Ben’s hand, pieces clicking together in my head. Caleb’s words. Ben’s odd behavior earlier tonight. Reed’s use of the word frisky. My mouth goes dry. Equal parts nervousness and excitement course through me.
Ben, scowling at Caleb’s retreating form, shoves the baggie into his pocket.
“Little shit,” he growls.
My voice completely fails me.
We enter the old building, closing the thick door against the coastal chill. The solar panels on the roof power lights in the inner hall and second-floor landing.
“The room is upstairs.”
I look sideways at him, wondering what he means by the room. When he first offered to take me to the sleeping area, I’d assumed we’d be sharing a space with everyone else from Creekside like we had last night. Now I’m not so sure. Anticipation prickles across my back and neck.
I follow him up to the second-floor landing. He pushes open a thick wooden door and lights a candle inside the room.
A single air mattress sits in the far corner.
On the floor at the foot of the mattress are two running packs: mine, and Ben’s. There are no other belongings in the room.
Air whooshes out of my lungs. I’m suddenly back on the bridge in Braggs. I see Ben almost die all over again. I taste my own helplessness. The old terror boils up, making my chest tight.
I turn to him and meet his eyes, but can’t bring myself to close the space I’ve abruptly put between us. All my fears sit between us like a wrecking ball.
He opens his mouth, closes it, then opens it again.
“I’m going to try and say the right thing.” His voice is husky. “I asked Alvarez if we could have a room. I—” He swallows, then tries again. “We can just sleep, Kate. Just tell me what you want.”
I want him. More than anything, I want him.
Remembered pain freezes my feet and eats up my words. The pressure in my chest mounts, making me feel like I might burst open. I don’t know how to put my feelings into words.
“I ...” Sucking in a deep breath, I try again. “I’ve only ever been with one man.”
“Your husband.” He nods, his expression folding in on itself. “You miss him.”
“No. I mean, of course. I’ll always love Kyle. But I said my goodbye to him on my trip to Arcata.” I squeeze my eyes shut as a wave of emotion breaks over me. I feel the pain of unbearable loss all over again. It was a pain so unspeakable it had me holed up in a dark room for days until Carter and Frederico dragged me into the sun. The idea of going to that dark place again terrifies me.
“I wasn’t the same person before the apocalypse. I wasn’t strong. Losing Kyle almost broke me.” I open my eyes, searching Ben’s bruised face and willing him to understand. “I don’t think I can survive another breaking, Ben. I don’t want to be that broken person ever again.” Tears sting the back of my eyes.
Compassion softens his features. The awkwardness between us dissipates. He pulls me against his chest, holding me tight. His arms feel so good, so safe. His heart, strong and steady, beats against my cheek.
“Nothing breaks our Mama Bear,” he murmurs. “You’re the strongest person I know, Kate.”
A bitter laugh passes my lips. “You didn’t see me. You don’t know how far I descended into darkness.” I don’t like to think
of those days.
“But you found your way out. That makes you stronger than all of us who’ve never fallen into the dark hole. You’re a mama bear, Kate. Those kids didn’t give you that name to make you feel good.”
“But even mama bears can die.” I think of the bear we killed back on the Lost Coast.
“Yes. Mama bears can die. But that’s not the same thing as breaking.”
He’s right. The tension in my chest loosens, like icebergs cracking apart under the summer sun. His words release the fear I’ve carried around ever since the day he nearly died on that bridge in Braggs.
I wrap my arms around his neck, squeezing him tight. “How do you always know how to say the right thing when I feel shitty?”
“It’s a gift, I guess.”
“If you applied those superpowers to the rest of the day, you’d be a lot more popular.”
Ben leans back and looks into my face. “There’s only one person I want to be popular with. It’s the only reason I try so hard. I don’t give a shit what anyone else thinks.”
Despite everything, a soft laugh escapes me. Blunt to a fault.
I lean into him, softly kissing his lips. He returns the kiss, cradling me in his arms. It makes me feel precious.
The kiss deepens. Our bodies meld as he presses me up against the wall. Fire fills me from head to toe, thundering beneath my skin. I’m so desperate for Ben I can hardly breathe.
He breaks the kiss, pressing his forehead to mine. “I want you, Kate,” he rumbles. “I want you right fucking now. Can I have you?”
In answer, I kick shut the door to our room, sealing us away from the world.
43
Goodbye, Hello
KATE
Five days later, we leave Fort Ross before dawn.
Our running packs are stocked with water, food, and extra clothes. The bicycles stand in a neat row outside the fort, waiting for us. Alvarez and Jessica are there to see us off.
The only one not here is Bella. She’s never far from Alvarez and Jessica, but maybe she decided to sleep in today. That’s what normal people do in the pre-dawn hours.
Fort Dead Page 23
