by Eva Brandt
“So… You’re an apsid,” she said slowly.
“I’m a Heliad,” I corrected her. “I don’t mean you any harm. I just need your help. Please.”
There was so much more I wanted to say, so many words that burned on my lips. Zephyrus stopped me before I could elaborate. “Let me guess. This is about the female, Selene Renard.”
My breath caught and I clutched Zephyrus’s controls to anchor myself. “How did you know?”
“Everything is about her these days. Don’t worry. She’s not hurt or anything. Not yet, at least. But that might very well change soon. Which, I assume, is why you’re here.”
“More or less,” I replied. “Does that mean you’ll give me a hand?”
Zephyrus didn’t immediately answer. I waited, giving her time to think about this. I knew it was a bit of a long shot. The damage the Lower Chimera Unit had received during the first incursion in the Apsid Quasar was still fresh in her mind. It was presumptuous of me to even make the request.
But Zephyrus and I still had a bond and she gave me the benefit of the doubt. “Maybe,” she drawled. “Just answer me this. The female’s egg… It’s yours, isn’t it?”
It was dangerous to admit anything like that to her, but at this point, I had no choice but to trust the Harpy. “It is.”
Zephyrus chortled. “I knew it! Excellent! You can count on me, Jared. I’ve been waiting for a new egg in the nest for decades.”
I had no idea what was happening, but I decided to embrace the madness anyway. Chimeras had their own motivations and as long as Zephyrus’s goals aligned with my interests, I was more than happy to play along.
“Well, someone intends to kill that egg, and kill her in the process. And honestly, Zephyrus, I don’t know how to help her properly.”
As I proceeded to tell my Harpy everything that had happened since our separation, her amusement faded into anger and determination. “I think it’s time to end this, Jared. This is a sign. We chimeras have been slaves long enough. I will help you, as long as you help us.”
“Deal.”
Poisonous Secrets
Selene
A weapon and a target. It should have surprised me more to be called that by my teacher, but at this point, very few things could do that. It stood to reason that my abilities would turn me into a person of interest for The Grand Judiciary, even if they didn’t know about my relationship with Jared.
Somehow, though, I had the feeling that Commander Trevor was referring to more than that. A dark, regretful light shone in his eyes, and it made me want to run and hide. What had he done that warranted such regret? As far as I knew, he’d never hurt me, but I didn’t know everything.
I opened my mouth to ask him to elaborate, but the inquiry never came out. All of a sudden, a wave of wooziness flowed over me. A sharp cramp of pain erupted through my midsection, as if a dagger had just pierced my abdomen.
With a startled cry, I crumpled against my teacher. Another spasm of agony swept over me. Tachyons flared around my hands as I desperately clung to him. “Help me. Please, help me.”
I knew enough about pregnancies to be aware this wasn’t good. The Great Mother had insisted my pregnancy wasn’t that frail and could endure great strain, but she could have been wrong. My earlier fit had been weird and alarming, but this wasn’t about me. This was about my baby and I was suddenly terrified that I would lose it.
Commander Trevor didn’t need to be told twice. Within seconds, he took me in his arms and carried me back to the shuttle. He lay me down on the nearest seat and lowered the chair, making sure I was as comfortable as possible. “Breathe. I’m afraid I’m not qualified to see to prenatal care, but we’ll go back to the base and have Dr. Bell tend to you. Everything will be all right.”
He had no way of knowing that, but the certainty in his voice still anchored me a little. Or maybe it was just the solidity of his presence. He left my side only for a few seconds, needing to launch the shuttle and set it on autopilot. When he returned, he had a first aid kit with him and throughout our short trip, he did his best to keep me calm and normalize the levels of tachyons in my bloodstream.
Threading our fingers together, he allowed his gift to flow into me. “Right now, what you seem to be experiencing is some uterus cramps caused by a severe hormonal imbalance. I’ll try to level things out a bit, okay? Close your eyes and relax.”
I obeyed, although it wasn’t easy. When another wave of pain swept through me, I clutched his hand even more tightly and prayed. “Please, Gaia, don’t take my baby from me.”
Maybe Gaia heard me, because slowly, the agony started to fade. Or maybe it was just Commander Trevor’s aid that helped stabilize my condition. Either way, it was only a momentary respite. No matter how hard Commander Trevor tried, he couldn’t control whatever was wrong with me.
Thankfully, it didn’t take us long to get to the academy. By then, the world around me had already started to blur and I could hear Sphinx panicking at the back of my consciousness. “Focus on my voice, young Selene. No matter what you do, don’t let yourself drift.”
“It hurts, Sphinx,” I croaked out. “Why does it hurt? I’m scared.”
“I’m with you and so are your males. They’ll join you in a few minutes. Stay with us, no matter what.”
I tried to take comfort in that, but I didn’t quite manage it. The cramps were getting stronger again. My whole body was screaming, fighting whatever was happening to it at a cellular level. To make matters worse, I knew I needed help, but I didn’t trust the only person at the academy who could provide it.
Dr. Bell had never been nice to me. If anything, the opposite was the case. The first time we’d met, he’d blamed me for an accident that had been Professor Strange’s fault. He had helped the injured women, but he hadn’t shown as much interest in their wellbeing as he should have. He was the last person I wanted to look me over when I was close to miscarriage.
But as always, I didn’t get a choice and I couldn’t stop Commander Trevor from taking me to the med bay. His speed and enhancements were both a blessing and a curse. Before I knew it, we’d reached Dr. Bell’s domain again and Commander Trevor was setting me down on a bed.
“What’s going on with her?” I heard Dr. Bell ask.
“She’s pregnant and having problems,” Commander Trevor explained. “I think it may be related to The Grand Judiciary contraceptive.”
That couldn’t be right. The Great Mother had eliminated all traces of the substance from my system. But I couldn’t tell them that, and even if I’d been inclined to do so, I didn’t think I could speak. Then again, Commander Trevor had admitted he wasn’t a doctor. Whatever extrapolations he’d made using his analytical engine could easily be incorrect. Dr. Bell would run real tests on me, and that could be a disaster.
Through some kind of titanic effort, I grabbed Commander Trevor’s arm and refused to let go. “Don’t leave. Please.”
Commander Trevor made no immediate attempt to pull away, but he didn’t agree either. “I have to, Selene, but don’t worry. I’ll make sure you’re safe here. I’ll talk to Prince Archibald and clear everything with him. He’s aware of the more complicated implications of your relationship with the rest of your unit.”
“You… You don’t understand…”
If he left me here, in this condition, Gaia only knew what Hieronymus Bell would do to me. He could pretend to give me treatment and let my baby die. Or he could report to The Grand Judiciary and hand us both in to be tortured and used.
I didn’t think I’d ever been so scared in my life, not even when I’d first realized I was a prisoner of an alien race. Because whatever Dr. Bell did to me didn’t matter. My baby did.
When I’d first found out about the pregnancy, I hadn’t been sure I wanted to keep it. The baby had more or less been forced on me. I still had mixed feelings about Jared and our relationship. But now that I ran the risk of losing the child, the thought terrified me beyond belief.
Thinking back, I�
�d never had anything that was truly mine. I loved my mother, but her time and loyalty had belonged to Gaia. My relationship with the rest of my friends had soured after I’d come to the academy. I had my bond with Sphinx, but that wasn’t unique. She’d had other tamers before me and if I was gone, I’d be replaced.
I had my lovers, but in the grand scheme of things, I was only a piece of the puzzle of the Grand Chimera Unit. They’d been perfectly happy before I’d shown up. With Jared… Well, it was complicated.
But my baby… My baby was mine. If I could have this, the life growing inside me, I could be sure of what I was fighting for. All of my other fears and doubts wouldn’t matter, because what could be more genuine than building a better world for my child?
It was a selfish thought to have, but I couldn’t help myself. And I was so scared that I’d lose this too. If I did, what would happen to me? What would I turn to? Would I become only the weapon and the target Commander Trevor had said I was?
My terror must have been obvious, because Dr. Bell’s hand landed on my forehead. He was wearing gloves, but even so, I could feel his energy buzzing underneath his skin. “It’s all right, Acting Pilot Renard. You’re safe. Nothing will happen to your child. You have my word.”
It was unusual for a doctor to physically touch a patient. There were other methods they used to handle medical treatment. But the damage to the generators had forced Dr. Bell to fall onto more classical methods, which meant I’d have to accept it too.
“And why… Why should I believe that?” I asked, unable to suppress the tremor in my voice. “You hate me.”
“I don’t hate you,” he answered. “I just don’t think you belong here. But even so, I wouldn’t take that out on your child. I do have a job to do. I wouldn’t risk my position out of spite.”
That, I believed. It was also no guarantee that he wouldn’t end up using my child in other ways. Unfortunately, I had no choice but to hope and pray that he meant his words and that, at the very least, he’d make sure I didn’t miscarry. “Please… Please save my baby.”
“I’ll do my very best.”
“He will, Selene,” Sphinx whispered in my mind. “Commander Trevor will kick his ass if he breaks his word. Have some faith, okay?”
It was a little difficult for me to do that when so far, I’d been lied to so many times. But as Sphinx spoke, something deep and ancient unfolded inside me, the same secret knowledge that had made me reach out to Commander Trevor at the power plant.
A distant voice echoed in my head, like a warm, but sharp lullaby. It didn’t belong to my mother, although it was familiar. I didn’t understand and recognize the words at all. But the sway of the vowels and consonants soothed me regardless, weaving a strange spell around me.
I wasn’t sure if I could trust it, but it felt familiar where everything else was scary and alien. I clung to it, begging it to help me, to protect me.
A hand landed on mine. It felt solid and cold, like a statue, but at the same time I could sense life pulsing underneath the surface, reaching out to me through a unique thread I hadn’t even known was there. The presence didn’t speak to me, but I spoke to it anyway. “Why is this happening? I only ever wanted to help people. I wanted to love and to have a family. Did I just ask for too much? Was I too selfish?”
“You were never selfish, little one,” came the reply. “I think that was always the problem. If you had been, we wouldn’t have ended up in this situation in the first place. But don’t worry. We can still fix it. You’re safe now.”
“I’m never safe. I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know who I am anymore.”
“You will. You just need to give yourself a little time. You can’t uproot your whole life and expect it to go smoothly outright. You’ll always be Selene Renard, the daughter of Tanya Renard, but you’ll also be so much more. I promise everything will be clearer soon. Just hang in there, for all our sakes.”
Was Gaia talking to me, trying to encourage me? Was it Tartarus? The voice didn’t have a gender I could identify, so I wasn’t sure. Either way, it did help, and the fuzziness blurring my consciousness started to dissipate.
I came to once again, only to realize that at one point when I’d been out of it, half a dozen people had arrived at the med bay. Commander Trevor had returned and surprisingly, Prince Archibald was with him. Brendan, Knox, Pollux, and August were by my side. Dr. Bell still hovered nearby, fiddling with some instruments and checking over some scans.
“Welcome back, Acting Pilot Renard,” he said. “You had us worried for a few minutes there.”
“What happened? Did I…? Is my baby…?”
“Your baby is fine. You did come very close to a miscarriage, but we were able to stop it in time.” He shot me an uncharacteristically concerned look. “That doesn’t mean this incident wasn’t serious. Blood tests show there’s some kind of poison in your system. I’ll need you to tell me everything you’ve eaten in the past twenty-four hours.”
Poison? Impossible. “I only eat at the mess hall. I didn’t have breakfast this morning. I felt unwell.”
“And before that?” he prodded. “Yesterday? Did you eat when you were on Terra?”
I shook my head. “No. I didn’t stay that long in New Washington. I did grab a bite while I was tending to the women in the med bay, but it was packed rations.”
“We’re going to have to check all the rations then,” Archibald said. “If our supplies were infested with some kind of virus or venom, we might have an outright plague on our hands.”
“Actually, before we do that, I’d like to have a word with Selene in private,” Brendan offered. I didn’t think I’d ever heard him sound so cold, not even when we’d first met.
Commander Trevor shot me a conflicted look, obviously not very happy with the idea of leaving me. Prince Archibald didn’t give him a choice. “Of course, Brendan. We’ll be right outside. I’d like to talk to Acting Pilot Renard a little more once you clarify things.”
“Thank you, Uncle,” Brendan answered.
As Commander Trevor, Prince Archibald, and Dr. Bell left the room, my lovers all knelt at my bedside. Brendan’s demeanor softened slightly, although he was still just as tense as before. His eyes were glowing a poisonous green and I wondered just how much it had hurt him to see me sick.
He took a deep breath, seemingly bracing himself for something very difficult. “Selene, I think we have a pretty good idea what’s going on, but it’s not something easy to explain or to hear,” he said. “I need you to be perfectly honest with me. Are you well enough to hear it?”
I crossed my arms over my chest and glowered at him. “Just tell me, Brendan. I doubt anything can get me more agitated than the not-knowing. I need to understand what caused this to make sure it doesn’t happen in the future. I’ll be far calmer when I’m not stumbling around in the dark.”
I should have known better than to tempt fate. Pollux reached for my hand and squeezed it gently. “We have reason to believe this might have been caused by your mother. Did you take anything she gave you?”
A memory of the capsules I’d swallowed this morning flashed through my mind and I froze. I wanted to deny it, but I couldn’t. For a few seconds, I could do nothing but stare at them, dumbfounded.
“I’m assuming that’s a yes, then,” August said darkly. He didn’t sound surprised, but the increase in temperature suggested he was very unhappy with the situation.
His anger made me snap out of my shock. “There’s no way my mother would hurt me or my baby,” I managed to say. “You’re wrong. It’s impossible.”
“I think you know it isn’t,” Knox replied. “This pregnancy isn’t exactly something you wanted and the High Priestess knows that. Let’s face it. It’s not out of the question that she’d try to help you, even if it means making you miscarry.”
“But… But… She knows I want to keep it. Why…? No, it can’t be. She’s a High Priestess of Gaia. There has to be another explanation.”
/> Even assuming the capsules had been the ones to hurt me, it could have very easily been an accident. My mother knew my pregnancy was risky and complicated, but she might not have understood the intricacies of Heliad biology. She might have given me something that was incompatible with a half-alien child.
“I know what you’re thinking, Selene, but we’re not making unjustified accusations,” Brendan offered. “Our… common friend is at the academy. He heard your mother talking to her subordinate—a woman named Yolanda. They were discussing their plans and your mother admitted to intending to end your pregnancy.”
There was only one common friend Brendan could be referring to, and that was Jared. But it would’ve been next to impossible for Jared to come to Tartarus without being spotted. Our base might have suffered damage from the generator shutdown, but that didn’t mean the sensors were completely offline.
He might have taken the chance, though, if he truly had heard my mother discuss such a thing. How could I be sure?
The answer was easy enough. “Jared is with Zephyrus,” Sphinx whispered in my head. “The Lower Chimera Unit is hiding him. So far, he’s safe, but we’ll have to find a way to get him out before anyone finds him.”
With Zephyrus. He had gone to his chimera. He must have been in a panic, because he’d told me he’d never quite put his faith in the Harpy.
Could it be true? I wasn’t sure, but I did know one thing. I had to be more careful with what I put in my body and the actions I took. For all I knew, my mother’s capsules had been entirely harmless and my fit had been caused by Commander Trevor’s request.
“You can always check,” Sphinx pointed out. “You still have some of the medicine from her.”
Once again, she was right, and I hated her a little for it. But that was a stupid, petty thought, and I needed to be practical if I wanted to protect my baby. “All right. Here’s what we’re going to do. I’m getting a scan of the medicine I took. I have it here with me, but I don’t think it would be a good idea to share the information with Dr. Bell. After that, we’ll handle the issue with our common friend.”
