by Anna Black
Christa cut her off. “Yes, and you know it’s true.”
“If you feel that way, why are you marrying him?”
“Because I love him, and I know he loves me. Devon is a wonderful man, and he treats me better than any man that I’ve ever been with. But you were his first love, Leila. Just because y’all didn’t work out doesn’t mean that he has gotten over you. Some people never get over their first love.” She smiled. “I have accepted that I’m not Devon’s first love, but action speaks louder than words. If Devon doesn’t love me, he’s doing a horrible job faking it, because he makes me happy.”
“Christa, I love Devon, but I don’t want him back. Even though it has taken me a while to settle with the idea of you two being together, I have accepted it, and I wish you guys the best.” They hugged. “I just want my man back, Christa. It’s been two weeks, and I miss him. The kids miss him. I’m so scared that he’s going to fall in love with her, and then I will lose him for good.”
“Give him some time, Leila. I’ll talk to him. And you should pay Nurse Karen a visit.”
“For what? To look like a fool? She’s fucking my husband, and I’m not going to run up on her because Ray is doing me wrong.”
“Well, she’s a willing participant in his affair, and to me, that means a beat-down.” Christa put her fists up, and Leila laughed.
“You are definitely cheering me up right now,” Leila said. She went into the kitchen, grabbed two glasses, and poured them both a glass of Merlot. Then she came back and handed one to Christa.
“Thanks,” Christa said and took a sip. “Lei, I know the timing is bad, and you are in a not-so-good mood, but we need to talk about the wedding.”
Leila nodded. “Okay, did you guys set a date?”
“Yep. We decided on January seventh.”
Leila almost spit out her wine. “January? Why January? That’s only two-and-a-half months away.” She picked up her phone and went to her calendar.
“Well, that was my dad’s birthday. He died several years ago, and I just want to do it on his birthday. And it’s a Sunday, so that’s the day.”
“Okay, even though January is damn near the coldest month in Chicago.”
“I know, but people will come. Plus, it’s going to be an evening event with dinner and dancing. I want it to be elegant.” Christa smiled and held up her glass.
“Well, okay. What the bride wants is what the bride gets.”
They tapped glasses and finished off the bottle of wine, talking about the wedding.
Christa left, and Leila felt lonely once more. She picked up her cell phone and tried calling her husband again. Again, he didn’t answer. She left him a voicemail telling him how much she missed him and how badly she wanted him to come home, then showered and tucked her kids in for the night. She went to her room and got in bed and prayed to God, asking Him to help her and to bring Rayshon home to her. She asked Him to help her to forgive her husband for leaving her and for his affair with Karen. After that, she pulled the covers up but couldn’t sleep.
She turned to Ray’s side of the bed and grabbed his pillow. It still smelled like him. She had avoided washing her sheets because she didn’t want to wash away his scent. She knew it wasn’t going to make a difference, but she grabbed her phone and texted him. All she could think to say was I love you.
Chapter Twenty-one
“Ray, wake up,” Mario said and tapped him on the arm when he came in that afternoon from work.
Ray opened his eyes and sat up. “What’s up?”
“Here.” Mario handed him a beer. “Look, dawg, we need to talk.”
“What’s up?” Ray asked again.
“What are you going to do?”
“What do you mean?”
“Exactly what I said, man. What are you going to do? It’s been six weeks. You gon’ have to come up with something because you can’t keep sleeping on our sofa, man. The more you irritate Linda, the less ass I get. And, dawg, my woman is not happy with yo’ ass snoring on the sofa.”
Ray rubbed a hand over his head. “Okay, I’ll get a room.”
“How about carry yo’ ass home?”
“What? Hell no. My marriage was a charade, and it’s over. Leila and Devon can have each other.”
“Ummm, again, Leila and Devon are not together. We got an invitation to their wedding. Christa has told you, Leila has told you, and Devon has told you that nothing happened.”
“And I have told you that is bullshit!” Ray yelled.
“You honestly believe in your heart that Leila would do that shit to you?”
“Mario, I am not going to keep telling you over and over again what I saw. I watched them carry on too many times, and I know I didn’t imagine my wife in Devon’s bed.”
“Ray, maybe it was innocent.”
“Mario, please.”
Mario held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. “Okay, Ray. If that’s what it is, it’s what it is. If you are not going home for her, go see your damn kids. But you know you miss your wife.”
“I can’t right now. I will admit that I miss my wife, Mario, but I’m no longer in the mood to play second fiddle to Devon. That’s not going to happen.” He took a swallow of his beer.
“Well, when are you gonna go see your kids, then? When RJ is 10, and Rave is 6? It’s been six damn weeks, and I know you miss yo’ kids. I know you wanna see them.”
“I do, but I don’t want to see her.”
“Ray, get over yo’ fucking self and start acting like you got some damn sense. You are going to have to face Leila sooner or later. You need to stop punishing your damn kids and go see them,” Mario ordered.
Ray knew he was right. He got up and went for his phone to call Leila.
“Finally,” she barked when she answered the phone.
“I didn’t call to talk to you about us, Leila, so please don’t attempt to discuss us. I just want to know how my kids are.”
“How do you think they are, Rayshon? You have been gone for what . . . six damn weeks now. RJ cries every damn night for you. Thank God Rayven is too young to realize that her daddy is M-I-fucking-A,” Leila yelled. “I’ve called and texted you a hundred times a day, and then out of the blue, you finally call like you’re so concerned about our kids.”
“I am concerned about my kids, and I know I was wrong for not responding, Lei. If you want to cuss me out for me not coming around for the kids, go ahead. I just couldn’t handle seeing you, but I wanna see my kids. Can I come by to see them?”
“Yes. You don’t have to ask me if you can see our damn kids, Rayshon. You can see the kids whenever you want.”
“Well, I’ll be by soon,” he said.
* * *
Leila turned off the stove and ran upstairs to find something decent to put on. She scrambled for her makeup bag and fixed her face and hair. Ray may not want to talk to her, but she wanted to look good and wanted him to miss her.
When he arrived, she was fixing the kids’ plates so they could eat. She almost dropped the plates on the floor when he walked in. He had grown a full beard and mustache, and they looked so handsome on him. She was so happy to see him.
“Ray,” she said, gazing at him. She wanted to hug him so badly, but she was scared to move in his direction.
He smiled. “Hey, Lei.”
“Hey.” Her eyes welled up with tears. “I missed you,” she confessed.
He looked away and rubbed his head. “Where’re the kids?”
“Deja and Ray are upstairs, and Rayven is over there in her playpen.” She pointed toward the family room.
Ray walked past her and went for the baby. “Hey, baby girl,” he said. He picked her up and held her tightly, planting kisses on her chubby cheeks. “You are so big. You’ve gotten so big, momma. How is Daddy’s little girl?” Rayven grinned up at him. “Oh, you are so beautiful. Look how big you’ve gotten,” he said, holding her up in the air. “Leila, she is so fat. RJ wasn’t nearly this juicy. And her ears . . . Yo
u got her ears pierced. You are so pretty,” he said to the baby.
“Yeah, I got them done several weeks ago,” Leila said.
While Ray continued to fawn over the baby, Deja and RJ came downstairs. When they saw him, they yelled and ran to him.
“Daddy, you’re home!” RJ leaped onto Ray, who had to grab him with his free arm to keep from being knocked over. Leila came over and took the baby, then retreated to a safe distance.
“Daddy Ray, where have you been?” Deja put her hands on her little hips. “I’ve been calling yo’ cell phone.”
“I’ve been at Uncle Mario’s. I missed y’all so much,” he said, giving them both kisses and hugs.
“Why you not coming home to our house, Daddy?” RJ asked.
“Because your mom and I have some issues that we need to work out, and it’s just better for me to be at Uncle Mario’s.”
“But you can’t work out issues if you are not here to work them out,” Deja countered.
“Well, I suppose you’re right, Miss Smarty-Pants, but this issue just needed us to have time apart.”
“So how much more time apart do you need? Mommy cries every day because you’re not here,” Deja said.
“Yes, every day,” RJ said.
Leila lowered her head. She didn’t expect the kids to disclose that information to him. She avoided eye contact with Ray, but she could feel his eyes on her, although he continued his chitchat with the kids.
“Well,” Ray said, “I don’t know. Daddy just needs a little more time to figure out some stuff.”
“Please hurry, because we want you to stay here with us—not at Uncle Mario’s,” RJ said.
Leila hated to hear her kids ask him what she had been begging him to do for the last six weeks—to come home.
“Come on, Daddy, and sit by me. It’s dinnertime,” RJ said, grabbing Ray’s hand.
“Daddy’s not too hungry—”
“Please?” RJ begged.
Giving in, Ray went and sat at the table. Leila fixed their plates in silence. Deja and Li’l Ray talked Ray’s ears off during dinner, and Leila ate quietly with her head down, trying not to look at him. After they finished eating, they all helped clear the table. Ray and the kids played around in the family room for a while, and then he took them up to get ready for bed.
* * *
RJ cried and begged his dad not to leave, and Ray finally promised he’d stay. He stayed in RJ’s room until he fell asleep and then went in to say good night to Deja.
“Good night, Daddy Ray,” she said.
He kissed her on the head. “Good night, baby,” he said.
“Mom really misses you, Daddy Ray. Don’t you miss her?”
“Yes, baby, I miss your momma every day.” He felt terrible for the kids because they were too young to understand.
“Then why did you stay away from us so long? My daddy said that you left because you think that he and my momma want to get married again, but that’s not true because my daddy is going to marry Miss Christa, and then I am going to have two moms and two dads,” she said and smiled.
“I know your dad is going to marry Christa. That’s not why I left, Deja.”
“Then why?”
“It’s too much to explain, little momma, and you are too young.”
“Try me. I’m almost 8,” she said.
Ray laughed. “And ‘almost 8’ is still too young.” He kissed her forehead again. “Now, good night.”
She pulled up her covers, and he tucked her in. He turned off the lights and then turned on her night-light.
“I don’t need my night-light anymore,” she said proudly.
“Oh, okay,” he said and turned it off.
He took a deep breath and went back downstairs to the family room.
“Are they sleeping?” Leila asked, holding Rayven and giving her a bottle. Ray could see her little eyelids struggling to stay open, so he knew she was on her way to sleep.
“Yeah, RJ is,” he said. “He made me promise that I wouldn’t leave tonight, so if it’s cool, I’m gonna crash on the sofa.”
“It would be cooler if you crashed in our bed.” Leila locked eyes with him.
“Leila, I told you that I came home for my kids. You and I are not an option right now.” He opened the refrigerator and grabbed a beer.
“When will you and I be an option, Rayshon?” she asked. Her tone was sharp. “When you are done fucking Nurse Karen?”
“Regardless of what you think, Leila, I am not fucking Karen,” he said.
She clicked her tongue. “Please.”
“I’m not,” he said. He hadn’t had sex with her at all. He had gone out with her a few times, but he wasn’t sleeping with her.
“Whatever. Just admit it. I saw you kissing her.” She rolled her eyes.
“Why don’t you admit that you were fucking Devon?” he fired back at her.
“Because I wasn’t,” she yelled. The baby jumped in her arms. Leila looked down at her, and she relaxed.
“I saw you in his bed,” he said.
Leila lowered her voice. “I had a banging headache, so I took two aspirins and lay down in his bed to rest with a freaking towel on my forehead, Rayshon. Devon was heading back to work, and he told me I could stay there for a while if I needed to, and then you showed up.
“I was in his bed fully dressed, not naked, nursing a fucking headache that I had after witnessing my fucking husband kissing Nurse Karen goodbye.” She shook her head and got up from the sofa. “I’ll talk to you after I put Rayven down.”
Ray stopped her. “No, let me take her up.”
Leila handed her to him, and he took her up to her room. He took his time coming back down because he didn’t want to talk. When he got back downstairs, Leila was lying on the couch.
She sat up when he approached. “Are you ready to talk about it?”
“No, I don’t want to talk.” He sat on the other end of the couch, and they both sat in silence.
“Can you just answer one question for me, please?” she asked.
He looked at her and didn’t answer her for a minute. “Yes,” he answered softly.
A tear fell down one of her cheeks. “Do you still love me?”
He could see the desperation in her eyes. “Yes, Leila, I do.” He sighed and took the last swig of his beer, put the bottle on the end table, lay his head back, and closed his eyes. A moment later, he felt her ease on his end of the sofa and try to pull his arms around her. He stiffened.
“Please, Rayshon,” she begged.
He gave in and held her tightly. He had mixed emotions and didn’t know what to do.
“Please come back to me,” she whispered.
Ray didn’t answer. He just held her. He didn’t want to lie, so he didn’t say anything. He held her for a while, and then they decided to go to bed. He held her until they drifted off to sleep.
Chapter Twenty-two
“Hey, Ray. How are things?” Karen asked when she approached him.
He looked up from his appointment book to see her standing on the other side of the counter. “Good, I guess. Are you ready to get started?”
“Getting right down to business today, huh?” she joked.
“Yes. I’ve got a lot on my mind and a busy schedule today,” he said and came from behind the counter, leading the way to the equipment and exercise machines.
She followed. She could tell something was weighing him down. After a few minutes into her workout and of him not talking, she asked, “What’s wrong?”
“Everything,” he said.
“Can you be a little more specific?”
“Well, I went by the house last night to see my kids and . . .” He shrugged. “I don’t know. I believe her.”
“What? Come on, Ray, you caught them in bed.”
“No, I saw her in his bed, and she was fully dressed. When I kicked in the door, she had a towel or something that fell when she sat up and when she explained it to me last night, I believed her. Now
, I think I wanna give it a chance. Christa and Devon are getting married in a few weeks. Christa seems confident that nothing happened, so now, I actually believe my wife is telling me the truth.”
Karen didn’t want to hear that. She was trying to be patient and take it slow, but she wanted him. No way was she going to let him go back to Leila. If he did, that meant any chances for the two of them to be together were gone. Things had been going so well. They were getting closer, and after all the dates and late nights he spent with her, she knew he was beginning to like her.
“Well,” she said, “I think you should just take a minute and think long and hard about it. You know, be sure. Because if you go back, and she and Devon continue to be close, as you say, you know you are not going to like it.”
“I know, and I can’t stop them from being friends. As much as I never want to see Devon’s face again, he is my oldest daughter’s dad, and I can’t shut him completely outta our lives. I just have to trust Leila and believe that she’d never cheat on me with him.”
Karen’s mind raced. This couldn’t be happening. “Are you sure you can trust her? I mean, trust them? You told me that you caught them kissing,” she reminded him.
“I walked in on Devon putting the moves on her. I don’t think Leila welcomed it.”
“How can you be so sure, Ray?”
“I don’t know, Karen. I just know I miss my wife. I miss my kids, and I miss being home with them.”
She could hear the frustration in his voice, so she said, “Listen, what are you doing after work?”
“Going by Mario’s to get my things, and then I’m going to find a hotel.”
“Hotel? That’s nonsense, Ray. You can stay at my place.”
“Oh no, Karen, that is definitely not a good idea. Leila already thinks we’re sleeping together.”
“You don’t have to tell her you’re staying at my place,” she said. “Plus, my roommate is gone for a week to a medical convention in Tampa. You can use my room, and I’ll use hers.”
“Karen, I can’t. If my wife found out, that wouldn’t go over so easily, even if it is innocent.”
“Look, we’re friends. If I were a guy friend, you’d stay, but since I’m a female, it makes it bad?”
