by Joss Wood
“She never arrived.”
“Because, you know, Stephanie could never make life easy for herself. She went back to using the name Clayton and Hector couldn’t find her. More important, he couldn’t find you.”
Daniel forced the words out from between clenched teeth and dry lips. “He looked for me?”
“He never stopped.” Rose’s smile was gentle. “He saw that picture of you in that magazine article and just recognized you. He knew you were his.”
“How?” Daniel croaked the word.
“You look just like him, darling. You couldn’t be anyone else’s child.” Rose placed her hand on his shoulder. “Honey, you’re trembling. I know it’s a shock, but he wants to meet you, wants to know you.”
Daniel scrubbed his hands over his face, his heart banging inside his chest. He took a couple of deep breaths before he remembered that parental attention and love always came with a price. Why was his father here? What did he want? What was in it for him?
And, crucially, how much was he prepared to pay to have his father in his life?
Rose’s hand drew big circles on his back. “Do you want to meet him?”
He’d have to meet him to discover why he was here, what he wanted. “Yeah, I guess.”
Rose’s smile was pure delight. “Excellent!” She jumped to her feet and clapped her hands. “Because he’s waiting at the main house with Gus. He wants to meet you, too.”
Today? Now? Jesus...
* * *
Alex left the doctor’s room, clutching a black-and-white picture of her baby, who looked—admittedly—more like a peanut than a baby. But the heart was beating strong, and everything, as the doctor had informed her, was progressing normally. She was as healthy as a horse and the baby was thriving. Could she come back in two months, and would the baby’s father be joining her at future appointments?
Well, no. Because she was going to Houston, to start a new life there.
Alex looked up and down the street and glanced at her watch. Daniel had missed the appointment and was nearly two hours late. Obviously, she and the baby were not the priority he’d promised her they would be.
It was better, Alex told herself as she slid behind the wheel of her car, that she found out now and not later. She could still leave, she could wrench herself away from Daniel and Royal, and start afresh in Houston.
He didn’t love her, and he would never put her first. They’d landed ten hours ago, and Daniel had already forgotten about her, forgotten that he’d promised to accompany her to this appointment. He’d looked her in the eye and told her that she and the baby were his top priority, that he’d put them first. It only took him ten hours to forget that promise, to put his work and The Silver C in front of her.
Alex felt the tears slipping down her face as she stared at the picture of their baby. Her heart cramped and she felt the familiar wave of uncertainty. Since breaking up with Daniel a decade ago, and reinforced by Sarah’s death, she’d avoided emotional entanglements and this was why. Because she couldn’t handle the disappointment, the fear and the uncertainty. Relationships made her needy, vulnerable and so very insecure. She’d spent so many years running away from those weak emotions, and by sleeping with Daniel, she’d opened herself up to them again. What a fool she’d been to think that they could raise this child together and that, maybe one day, she could trust him enough to build a future with him.
She couldn’t even trust him to keep a damned appointment, so how could she trust him with her love, her feelings, her very scarred heart? No, it was better that she return to Houston, and in a few months, she’d contact him and make arrangements for him to be part of the baby’s life. Hopefully by then, she’d be stronger and mentally together.
Her passenger door opened and a gust of cool, wet wind accompanied Daniel into the car. He slammed the door shut and fiddled under his seat for the lever to push the seat back. Leaning back, he stretched out his long legs as far as they would go before turning to face her, looking weary. “Hi. Sorry I’m so late.”
Daniel rubbed his hands over his face as if to wake himself up before looking at her again. “How did it go? Are you okay? Is the baby okay?”
He was asking the right questions, but he sounded distracted, like he had more pressing problems on his mind. “God, it’s cold out there.”
Wow. He was talking about the weather. Could he not see that she was upset, that his missing the appointment had rocked her world? While Alex tried to make sense of his preoccupation—was he so oblivious that he couldn’t see that she’d been crying?—Daniel reached for the sonograph. “Is this him? Her? Did they know what sex the baby is?” Okay, she now heard a little more interest in his voice. He cared about his child, that was obvious, but he hadn’t cared to keep his commitment to her. She hadn’t meant for it to be, but today turned out to be a test.
And he’d failed.
Daniel looked at her and frowned. “Are you okay?”
Well, no. “Do I look okay?” Alex asked, her voice soaked with emotion.
Daniel lifted his hand to touch her face and his expression hardened as she pulled back. “Look, I’m sorry I was late.”
“You’re not late, Daniel. You missed the entire appointment!”
“I know but—”
Alex banged her hand on the steering wheel. “No, no buts, Clayton! I asked you to be there, and you said you would.”
“Something happened, Lex. If you’d just let me explain—”
She doubted that he could say anything that would make a difference. The fact of the matter was, once again, his precious ranch was more important to him than she was. “You believe that actions speak louder than words, Daniel. You told me this morning that I was your number one priority, that you would be here. Your actions disprove that.”
Alex heard the frost in her voice, a direct contrast to the heat of Daniel’s curse. She had to walk away—she couldn’t do this for the rest of her life. She couldn’t love him and not have him love her back. Great sex wasn’t a good enough reason to stick around.
“Alex, for God’s sake, let me explain.”
She couldn’t risk being persuaded to trust him, this would just happen again and again. Their time on the island had been a holiday romance, something that couldn’t be replicated in real life. Real life wasn’t sun and good sex and sparkling water; it was a chilly overcast day in Texas and two people who couldn’t give each other what they needed. No, she had to end this today. Now. “I’m going back to Houston. That was my first instinct and I think it’s the correct one.”
“You’re leaving Royal? Again? What the hell?”
Alex stared at the still-busy street, her eyes clear of tears. She was too hurt to cry, too empty to fight. She was in survival mode, simply doing what she could to emotionally survive.
“You’re leaving because I missed one damn appointment?” Daniel’s loud words reverberated through the interior of her car. “Are you completely insane?”
“No, I’m leaving because you can’t keep your word! I’m leaving because I’m not a priority in your life and I can’t trust you to be there for me!”
Daniel scrubbed his hand over his face. Looking up, he frowned at her, his dark eyes as cold as wind-battered boulders on an Arctic beach. “Jesus, Slade.”
Alex gritted her teeth, leaned across him and opened his door. “Get out!”
Daniel pulled the door shut, leaned against the door and looked at her, his face now expressionless. She hated that blank look, the shutters in his eyes. Alex wanted to squirm under his penetrating gaze and forced herself to stay still, to lock stares with him. Daniel broke the heavy anger-charged silence. “You were just looking for a reason to run, weren’t you?”
That wasn’t fair. He was the one who’d let her down, who hadn’t stuck to his word. Alex tapped the picture of the peanut. “Funny, I didn’t see you t
here when I listened to our child’s heartbeat. I didn’t hear you asking questions.”
“If I made it today, then something else, soon, would’ve made you run,” Daniel gritted out.
“That’s not fair.”
“Oh, it so is. When you get scared, you run as fast and as hard as you can.”
His words were as sharp and as bitter as the tip of a poison dart.
“I’m not scared,” Alex protested.
“You acted out of fear when, ten years ago, you ran instead of trying to find a way to still go to school and see me. We started sleeping together last year and as soon as we started laughing together, talking, you broke it off.”
“Our grandparents—”
Daniel leaned forward, his face harsh. “Don’t! Don’t you dare blame this on them! This is about you and me and the fact that whenever you find yourself in deep water, emotionally speaking, you swim back to shore!”
That was because she didn’t want to drown. She knew what it felt like to lose air, to feel like you were dying without the people you loved in your life.
Daniel shoved both hands into his hair and tugged his curls in frustration. “We could have such an amazing life, Lex, but you value protecting yourself above loving me, loving us.” Daniel dropped his hands and, in his eyes, Alex saw the devastation she’d put there.
“I can’t keep trying to prove my worth to you, Alexis. I did that constantly as a child and I refuse to do it as an adult. You either want us—me—or you don’t. I’m not going to continuously try to prove myself to you.” Daniel picked up the photograph of their baby and looked at it for a long time. “I’m tired of fighting for us on my own, Lex. I want you. I want my family, but I need you to want it, too. And I’m not going to sit here and beg you for that chance. Go back to Houston, live in your safe cave.”
She heard the words, thought that was what she wanted, so why did it feel like he was ripping her soul in two? Daniel opened the door, swung his long legs out of her small car and looked at her over his shoulder. “I’ll contact you in a few weeks to check up on my kid.”
Daniel left those parting words behind as he exited her vehicle. To check up on his child, not her. She’d pushed him, and she’d got what she wanted. A Daniel-free life. Alex ran the tips of her fingers over her forehead, utterly confused. She felt like she’d placed the last piece into a giant puzzle only to find that the focal piece of the picture was missing. What had she missed?
Acting on instinct, she flew out of the car and saw him walking away, his shoulders hunched and his head bent. “Daniel!”
He stopped at her shout, hesitated and finally turned to face her, lifting a dark eyebrow. “What?”
Hold me. Take me in your arms and soothe my fears. Tell me that you’ll never let me down. Never leave me. Love me, please.
“Why were you late?” she asked.
A small smile touched his mouth but didn’t reach his eyes. “Oh, that little thing?” He hesitated, drawing the moment out. “A half hour before I was supposed to meet you, my father walked back into my life.”
Eleven
The next morning, Daniel rested his forearms on the whitewashed pole fence and watched as one of his stable hands led Rufus, his prize stallion, from the barn to spend the day in the paddock behind his house.
Rufus had it made, Daniel thought. He and Rose and every other hand petted and pampered him and treated him like the king he was. Rufus got fed and brushed and stroked, and he could frolic and mate with a variety of mares.
Lucky Rufus. His life had certain parallels with his favorite horse. He thought he could go through life running his ranch, socializing with his friends and falling into the arms and bed of any available woman who caught his fancy. He thought that was living, but as it turned out, he hadn’t had a clue.
Truth was, he wanted what he couldn’t have. He wanted Alex, he wanted his child, he wanted a life together. Early-morning coffee in bed, long trail rides over the Clayton and Slade ranches, alone or with their child safe between his arms and knees. He wanted to walk into his house and see her there, watch her grow rounder and bigger, kiss her mouth when she brought their child into the world. He wanted to make dinner with her, listen to her read stories to their children, snuggle with her at night.
He wanted to love her body and nurture her soul.
He simply wanted the opportunity to love her.
Daniel scratched his forehead, his head pounding from sadness, stress and the half bottle of whiskey he’d consumed when he got home last night. He’d missed one appointment—and had a damn good reason for doing so—and she’d written him off as being untrustworthy, inconsiderate. She should’ve allowed him to explain and then decided, not jumped the gun. If he spoke to another woman, would she think he was having an affair? If he was a minute late, would he be in for a night of receiving the cold shoulder? He wasn’t perfect; no man was, and Alex didn’t seem to allow any room for him to maneuver.
He couldn’t love someone who only loved you back when you proved your worth, who was only happy when you did what she wanted you to do. He loved Alex but he wanted a wife and a partner, not a shadow. He wanted a friend and a lover, not a prosecutor, cross-examining him on his every move.
Sighing, Daniel stared at the empty paddock. Maybe she was right, maybe they were better off apart. Maybe they’d been living in a fool’s paradise while they were on vacation at Galloway Cove, allowing the fresh tropical breezes and the island’s sultry allure to sway them into believing that they could have the impossible.
How many times were they supposed to try? Shouldn’t he just accept that he and Alex were not meant to be?
“Morning.”
Daniel turned to see Hector approaching him, dressed in an Italian suit. He looked down at his jeans and worn denim jacket over a flannel shirt and thought that while he and his father looked so alike, he didn’t have Hector’s taste in clothes.
“Hey.”
Daniel hadn’t had the chance to have a private moment with Hector, to take him aside and find out what he really wanted. The meeting at Rose and Gus’s had carried on and on, and his grandmother had been less than pleased when he insisted that he had to go because he had a prior commitment that couldn’t wait. Hoping to catch the tail end of Alex’s appointment, he’d floored it to Royal, but he’d been too late.
And because he was late, his world had fallen apart.
“We didn’t have time to have a one-on-one conversation last night,” Hector said, coming to stand next to Daniel. “Your grandparents are extremely hospitable, and they love you very much.”
“Rose is my grandmother. Gus is a new addition to the family,” Daniel replied. Tired, upset and not wanting to indulge in small talk, he looked Hector in the eye. “What do you want?”
Shock passed over Hector’s face before he schooled his features. “What do you mean?”
“Money? An introduction? A new sports car? A loan?”
Hector cocked his head to the side and instead of anger or annoyance or shame, Daniel saw sympathy in his eyes. “None of those.”
“Well, what?” Daniel demanded, his voice ragged. Because there had to be a reason he was here, back in his life.
“I have more than enough money, and I don’t need your connections. I own six sports cars and I am excessively liquid.” Humor touched Hector’s mouth. “But thank you for offering.”
Daniel pushed a hand through his hair. “Then why are you here?”
Hector placed his hand on his shoulder and squeezed. “I am here because you are my son. I have three daughters with a lovely woman who has been my life for more than twenty-five years, but you are my firstborn, my son. I am here because I need to know that you are happy, healthy, okay. I also wanted you to know that I never stopped thinking about you, that I was always looking for you. There’s no price to pay, Daniel.”
Daniel stared at him, shocked. “What did you say?”
Hector sent him a soft smile. “I didn’t spend much time with Stephanie, but it didn’t take me long to work out that life was a series of exchanges with that one. Do this for me and I’ll do this for you. Pay me this and I’ll do that. Pay me more and I’ll pretend to love you.
“Why do you think I was so determined to find you? Apart from the fact that you were mine, I didn’t want your life being a series of transactions.”
Oh God, that was exactly what life with Stephanie had been like.
Daniel felt like he needed to say something, anything. “I’ve always thought that was what love was. Up to now, it’s all I’ve known. My grandmother married Ed to make sure her mother was cared for... Stephanie only allowed Gran to have me if she paid for the privilege.” A muscle ticked in his jaw. “And then, of course, there’s Alex. She dumped me ten years ago when I refused to leave The Silver C with her.”
“She was a teenager and, as such, stupid,” Hector said, his voice mild. “I’m sure you hurt her, as well.”
He had. By refusing to leave The Silver C, choosing the ranch over her, he made her feel abandoned. To a girl who’d been left by so many people, she felt any loss more keenly than most people did. She’d been scared and was still scared...
So was he. When there was so much to lose, love was goddamn terrifying.
Earlier, instead of explaining, instead of reassuring her, he’d turned the tables on her, accusing her of wanting to run. Guilt coursed through him. Rather than trying to see things from her perspective, he’d cast blame, got angry. He’d been confused and upset about Hector dropping back into his life, worried that the man he instinctively liked would disappoint him by putting a price on fatherhood.
Driving to Royal, he remembered thinking that his life had been so much less complicated last year: he’d had affairs that had the emotional depth of a puddle, his grandmother wasn’t in love with her oldest enemy and Alexis Slade was a girl he saw around town, whom he was determined to keep at arm’s length.
