by Katee Robert
Maybe she should beg off?
Her phone rang, making her nearly jump out of her skin. “Roxanne Stokes.”
“You didn’t check the caller ID, did you?”
She tried to put some smile into her voice, even though her best friend was the very last person she wanted to talk to right now. “Hey, Elle.”
“You want to know how I know that? You’ve been avoiding my calls for a week now.”
Because she didn’t know if she could deal with the inevitable conversation Elle wanted to have. It didn’t look like she’d have a choice now. “I’ve been busy.” “Right. With my brother. Speaking of, what are you doing with my brother?”
Trying not to fall any harder for him than I already have. It was too late. It’d been too late the night before last, when he’d taken her for ice cream and held her as she fell asleep. Even though Elle couldn’t see her, Roxanne made an effort to keep her shoulders back and not slouch like a dog with its tail between its legs. “Dating him.”
“Please don’t take this the wrong way, but you don’t date.You flit from guy to guy. I don’t think you’ve gone on more than three dates with a single person in all the years I’ve known you.”
Because it was a whole lot easier to avoid love if she didn’t stick around for an extended period of time. “Ian’s different.”
“I know he’s different. He’s worth something— again, no offense. My brother hasn’t had the easiest run of it, and the last thing he needs is for you to trample over his heart because you don’t do commitment.”
She tried not to be insulted—Elle was just speaking the truth. “It’s not like that.”
“Then tell me what it is like! Lord, Roxanne, I asked you to talk to him—not date him. And then you disappear off the face of the earth and next thing I know, my brother’s calling asking for permission to date you. Do you have any idea how bizarre this whole thing is?”
“I care about him.” The words exploded from her, out before she had a chance to take them back. But now that the floodgates were open, there was no retreating. “He makes me feel things I’ve never experienced before—want things I’d thought I’d never get a chance to have. Everything’s changed.” Everything and nothing.
A long pause. “I see.” She took a deep breath. “I love you, but if you hurt him, I might never forgive you.”
She wanted to say she would never hurt Ian—that she’d walk over burning coals before she added to the demons he already carried on his shoulders—but she couldn’t force the words out. Not when she knew they might be a lie. Up until this conversation, all she’d seen was the potential for him to hurt her. Now she had yet another thing to obsess over.
Roxanne took a shaky breath. “I’m scared, Elle. Really, really scared. I don’t know if I can get in deeper and then have him walk away. I don’t know if I’ll survive it.”
“Oh, sweetie.” Elle sighed. “Can I tell you a secret?”
Roxanne’s eyes, traitors that they were, burned. “Sure.”
“Sometimes there really is a happily ever after without any strings attached. You just have to be brave enough to face it.”
“But what if we try and it doesn’t work?”
“What if it does?”
And that was the million-dollar question. She cleared her throat. “I don’t know if I can do this.”
“You won’t know until you try.”
A single tear slipped free, but some of her overwhelming fear disappeared, as if it’d been compressed into that tiny drop of salt water. “When did you starting giving such awesome relationship advice?”
Elle laughed. “I had a really awesome best friend who kicked my butt when I needed it. I’m just returning the favor.”
“You’re the best.”
“I have my moments. Now go get ready. I hear we’re having dinner tonight, and you don’t want to be late.”
“Yes, ma’am.” She hung up and kicked off her shoes, coaching herself to keep breathing. If she was going to do this, she was going to do it right, and for Roxanne, that started with her appearance. She had two hours until Ian showed up, and she was going to need every second of it to get ready. It was double the amount of time she normally used, but Roxanne liked dressing up under even the worst of circumstances, and this was hardly that. She couldn’t help but smile as she climbed into the shower. What if things did work out? She wasn’t sure she could live with herself if she didn’t give this thing with him her best shot.
She hummed under her breath as she soaped up.
While it was entirely possible this would blow up in her face, that outcome felt less likely as time went on. As Elle so helpfully pointed out, Ian wasn’t like any of the guys she’d dated up to this point. He wasn’t the type to confess undying devotion and then take off without saying another word. Not that he’d done that yet, but if he did.
As she got ready, she thought about their last date. He’d put forth so much effort to make it the perfect night, and he’d succeeded beyond her wildest dreams. She never would have guessed she’d be grinning like an idiot over ice cream in a park and cuddling through the night, or that the smile wouldn’t leave her face even after he left her apartment that morning.
When the buzzer rang, she grabbed her purse and hurried downstairs. Ian stood on the top step, his hands in his pockets. With the button-up shirt, sports jacket, and slacks, he looked like a contract killer trying to play dress-up. No matter what you dressed the man in, he gave off this aura of danger.
It made her want to lick his abs.
Okay, fine, it wasn’t like she needed a reason to want that.
And now she was staring. “Hi.”
“You look edible, as always. I like you in green.”
Hell, she liked that he liked her in green. Tonight she’d chosen a flowing number that hit just past her knees, but the material was so light it practically floated around her legs. Damn it, she had to break the moment or they’d stand here all night, ogling each other. “Edible, huh? How Hannibal Lecter of you.”
He grinned, his delighted expression nearly making her swoon. Freaking swoon. “I like to switch things up. Wait until I show you my sex dungeon.”
“You live in a loft above an art gallery—one that belongs to your best friend, I might add.”
“Just wait until you see what I’ve done with my new house.” He waggled his eyebrows.
“There you go, making promises again.” She slipped her hand into the crook of his arm as they walked down to his truck. God, she could learn to love that beast, especially with its bench seats. Too bad there was no time to take advantage of them right now. She let Ian slide her over to the middle as he turned the engine over. “You, honey, are going country.”
“Woman, I’ve always been country. I’m just refinding my roots.” He grinned. “Though we can go cow-tipping later if you’re feeling squirrelly.”
“In these shoes? I think not.” “Another time, then.”
As they drove, she relaxed into him, letting his clean scent wrap around her and tease some of the tension from her shoulders. Damn, he smelled good enough that he should market it as stress relief for horny women. If he included a battery pack with the bottle, it was an instant buy. Roxanne laughed softly.
“What’s so funny?”
“I was just thinking that I’d like to bottle your scent and sell it with packs of batteries.”
He snorted. “I think you overestimate my appeal to the female population.”
She twisted to get a better look at his face. Chiseled jaw, decadent mouth, and soul-wrenching eyes—not to mention the body that she still couldn’t quite believe was real. It was a wonder he managed to walk down the street without women throwing their panties at him. “I think you underestimate your appeal.”
“Well, there’s only one woman I’m concerned with at this point.”
Her. The thrill that went through her knowing that struck a chord in her very soul. Roxanne didn’t care what her mother would say. In t
his moment, there wasn’t another place she’d rather be than tucked up against Ian’s side. “Lucky woman.”
“I hope she thinks so.” He stared out the windshield. “Rox, I don’t know if I can get through this dinner. There’s going to be way more people there than I’ve had to deal with since my first night back, and we both know how well that went.”
“We’ll get through it together.” “Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
The little smile he gave was so vulnerable, so uncertain, Roxanne knew she was a goner. This was the time to say something, to really put herself out there. She could choose to be ruled by fear for the rest of her life, or she could take this leap of faith. It sure as hell felt like she was standing on the edge of a cliff, about to throw herself off with the hope that she really could fly.
God, she couldn’t breathe.
She closed her eyes and tried to be calm. Just say it. Just speak the words. “I love you.”
Ian’s entire body went tense, and she had a moment to wonder if she’d made a terrible mistake. But then he squeezed her shoulders and kissed her temple much the same way he had on the night they took their ice cream to the park. His lips moved against her skin, the words raspy in the quiet of the truck. “I love you, too.” Though she half expected the world to explode into a fiery ball of death at their admissions, nothing happened. He kept driving, holding her so close she was nearly in his lap. And she kept breathing because the world didn’t end. Every other relationship she’d been in might have failed horribly, but this was Ian.
Things were different with him. He wouldn’t abandon her.
19
Ian could barely believe the turn things had taken with Roxanne. She’d actually said she loved him. He’d half expected her to scramble out the window when he said it back, but she’d only laid her head on his shoulder and clutched his hand. This time he was the one giving comfort through his touch, and the feeling expanding in his chest was almost enough to chase away his worry about how the rest of the night would go.
He shut off his truck and turned to face her. “Ready?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be.” She searched his face, seeming to be comforted by what she saw there. With a smile, she patted his leg. “Plus, I’m starving.”
“God forbid I stand between you and food.” “Smart man.” She slid out of the truck after him and laced her fingers through his.
Together, they faced the restaurant. It didn’t look like something worrisome enough to create the pressure already growing in his chest—just a building with brightly lit windows and a full parking lot. There was nothing to be afraid of. She must have sensed his reluctance because she stepped closer, brushing his shoulder with hers. “Just keep breathing. You can do this.”
Yes. He could do this. Hell, with Roxanne at his side, he felt as if he could do damn near anything. Ian led the way, pausing just inside the front doors. The waiting area was standing room only, people packed in like they were in some kind of fucked-up sardine can. Who the hell could breathe with strangers crowded so close around them? Surely he wasn’t the only person who’d have issues with this kind of bullshit?
He should have insisted on a home-cooked dinner. Or another trip to the sushi place he and Roxanne had gone to on their second date. He could only imagine the look on his mother’s face if she saw the place.
Roxanne pressed against his back. “We can leave. You don’t have to do this.”
“Yes, I do.” His family didn’t realize how bad this little problem of his was, and he had no intention of letting them find out. Elle would worry, and his dad wouldn’t understand. His mom… She would try to muscle her way in and take over. He didn’t want to deal with any of it. “Just tell me again. What you said in the car?”
Roxanne blushed—something he didn’t think was possible. “I love you.”
He nodded and clutched her hand even tighter. Keeping his shoulders back and his chin up, he moved through the crowd to the hostess and gave her his father’s name. She smiled and led them deeper into the restaurant. For one hopeful moment, Ian thought they were headed to the oversize booths in the back, but then he caught sight of his parents at a large table right in the middle of the floor. The staff hurried to and fro, passing it regularly.
This was going to be a nightmare.
Elle looked up and smiled. “Hey, guys!” She sat next to Gabe and across the table from his parents. The only two spots left were on either side of the table. Sweat beaded on the back of his neck. No way could he keep a hold of Roxanne’s hand with them seated apart like that.
“You’re late.” His mom closed her menu with a snap. “We were about to order without you.”
Ian forced a smile onto his face. “Good thing we showed up when we did. Roxanne would never forgive me if I got in the way of her dinner.”
His mother sniffed. “I can tell.”
He blinked. Surely he hadn’t just heard her correctly? Before he could say anything, Roxanne squeezed his hand.“What can I say? I’m a woman who loves my vices.” She gave him a nudge to the chair next to his mother. She turned to Elle. “You look fabulous. Love the dress.”
“Thank you. It’s new.”
“I wish you wouldn’t wear black,” his mother said in response. “It washes you out.”
Ian could practically feel the disdain radiating from his mother. Apparently, she was in a mood, and he had a feeling the fault lay with him. If he hadn’t spent so much time avoiding going home, he wouldn’t have forced her hand. Not that she would say as much. Not to him.
Elle paled a bit, but she didn’t shrink in on herself like he’d seen so many times before. “I like it.”
Guess his little sister really had grown up while he wasn’t looking. Pride rose, a little on the bittersweet side. She’d always be his baby sister and he’d always feel protective of her, but he was happy that she seemed more comfortable in her own skin than she’d been before.
Gabe smiled. “I like it, too, babe.”
The waitress appeared next to the table, startling Ian so badly he nearly cursed aloud. He jumped when something touched his leg. It took a full five seconds to realize it was Roxanne’s bare foot pressed against his ankle. She hooked her toe on the bottom of his slacks and slid her foot up to his calf. It wasn’t as good as holding her hand, but it was better than nothing. He tried to smile, but the expression didn’t quite make it.
As soon as the waitress retreated with their orders, his mom turned on him. “Have you made a decision about the offer your father gave you?”
Dad groaned. “Elizabeth, now isn’t the time—” “On the contrary, I think it’s exactly the right time to talk about this. Heaven knows we’ve barely seen our son since he arrived back in town.” She turned an appraising eye on Roxanne. “Though it appears we finally have our answer why.”
Her disappointment choked him, the tiny bit of calm he’d managed to regain disappearing in an instant. Of course she’d decide to blame his reluctance on one of the few good things he’d found since he came home. It was only Roxanne’s touch that kept him from losing it completely. He gritted his teeth. “I’ve been busy.”
“Of course you have. You’ve been running around with this woman and ripping apart that sad excuse of a house and avoiding any and all attempts I’ve made to talk about your future.”
Yeah, because he wasn’t sure what he wanted for his future. Ian looked across the table. There was only one thing he knew for sure—he wanted Roxanne to be part of it. The rest of it was up for grabs.
Not to mention he’d wanted to avoid the very conversation they were having right now. “I haven’t made a decision yet.”
“Which is fine. You can take as much time as you need,” his dad cut in, giving Ian’s mother a look that she promptly ignored.
“I don’t see why. After choosing to spend the last decade away from your family, the position should suit you perfectly. I would think it’s a ridiculously simple decision to make.”
R
oxanne gave him an odd look. He should have told her the full story about how much traveling the job would entail, but beyond that, his mother’s words that made him want to yell in frustration. Only his mother would consider serving his country “abandoning his family.” She didn’t understand what he’d been through. What he was still going through.
But he couldn’t say as much to his mother—to any of them except the woman with her foot pressed against his leg right now. He had a moment of wishing he could just come clean with his family, but it washed away in a haze of panic when a waiter bumped the back of his chair. Pressure wound around his lungs like a thorny vine, digging in deeper with each breath.
“I find it surprising that after having your son home less than a month, you’re already so eager to ship him off again.” Roxanne sipped her water, her face a perfect mask that gave away nothing. Though Ian tried to catch her eye, she wouldn’t even look at him. “Why don’t we talk about something else instead?”
His mother zeroed in on her like a heat-seeking missile. “That’s a brilliant idea. Let’s talk about you.”
“Mom—”
His mother silenced Elle with a single look before turning her attention back to Roxanne. “We’ve met briefly before, but I can’t seem to remember what it is you do for a living.”
Yes, she did. She was just angry with Ian and playing games. He opened his mouth to divert the subject back to him, but Roxanne spoke first.
“I’m a party planner.” For her part, she kept a smile on her face. It wasn’t a real smile, but it hid how uncomfortable he knew she must be.
Gabe shifted, putting his hand over Elle’s. “She’s the best in the business.”
“Your parents must be so proud.”
“I wouldn’t know. I haven’t spoken to my mother in years.” Her smile got even tighter. Ian wanted to reach for her, but the goddamn table was in the way. “And, before you ask, I’m not in communication with my father, either.”