“If you want to wait for Alec, fine,” Montague said in my ear. “But I’m not going to be very easy to get rid of.”
“I think we all need to talk,” I said. “At least, I need to talk to you and Alec.”
Montague gave me a long-suffering sigh and smoothed back his thick dark hair, which was clearly just washed and a little wet at the tips. “Fine. Talk. But—you are a quarter wolf. We’ll see how long talk can last.”
I dragged Alec out the door. “We’re going to take the long way around campus to class,” I said, turning left. “Because—well—since the ball and especially since Christmas—“ I twisted my shirt buttons. This wasn’t as easy to say as I thought. “What I mean to say is, I need to focus on my studies. I have some very big questions to grapple with, and no one’s telling me the answers, so I’m going to have to tackle that on my own, and I can’t get distracted.”
“You can’t break up with us,” Montague said. “We’re not actually dating, are we?”
“That’s right. We’re not dating and I’m not breaking up with you. I just need to focus. I want to be a powerful witch so I can’t dick around.”
“Pun intended?” he asked.
“Pun intended!”
“I don’t like puns.”
“Then you won’t miss me.” I crossed my arms. I felt like we were still flirting. Everything felt like flirting now. Damnit, how did you turn off the ‘flirt’ button?
“Charlotte,” Alec said. “Whatever you plan to do to find these answers, you might need our help, and we’d be glad to offer it. Something strange is definitely going on.”
“Yes. I’m starting to wonder how much I can trust Master Blair,” Montague said. “He’s been acting strange. Plus, what’s up with Stuart? Why does everyone think he’s so amazing? He danced with more of the young witches than we did, and they all asked him.”
“Man, I’ve always wondered what is with that dude,” Alec said. “There are thousands of books in the library. Spells we could teach you. We could figure out this mystery with you. We can try to contact your grandparents…maybe some light spying in the professor’s offices…”
Montague was nodding. “Harris might even get in on that.”
I felt all fuzzy inside at the idea that they wanted to help me. But…I could also see how quickly this would turn into a mess.
“The thing is, I—I think you know—I really like both of you.”
“That’s all right,” Alec said.
“No way. You’re saying this now, but I’m going to ruin your friendship. That’s how it always goes.”
“Or…we could see how it goes.” Alec coughed. “Monty and I were talking, and…well. Vampires usually share their prey, because one human has more blood than one vampire needs, and since they all are drawn to their sire…”
“What does vampire prey have to do with it?” I screeched.
“Because vampires have sex with their food,” Monty said. “They don’t always kill the food either. And I’ve been—ah—having a few memories. Dim. Very dim. But I know that I probably won’t have a normal marriage with a normal witch like I expected. I might be a danger to her in the heat of the moment. But just to make it clear, I don’t plan on eating you.”
“Meanwhile, incubi actually get more power from sharing,” Alec said. “The more the better, really. We’re not saying we’re at that point yet. We both want to court you like proper warlocks.”
My cheeks must have been on fire while he was talking. “Uhuh,” I said.
“But…if we entered into a relationship—“
“We’ve been best friends since we were eight,” Montague said. “We’re already pretty comfortable with each other.”
“We both want you,” Alec said. “I can protect you from Monty, and feed off his lust, so it’s a win-win for me, and then we don’t have to compete.”
“So…you guys just figured…that would be…cool with me?”
“It is nice to have options,” Montague said.
“You said Harris likes me.”
“Yes. He definitely does,” Alec said.
“Well, what about him? Isn’t he your friend, too?”
“He’ll be forced to grapple with it,” Montague said. “I am aware we might lose his friendship. Harris will never break away from the family expectations. He’s going to marry Daisy, no matter what he feels inside. But we can’t make our decisions based on Harris. His mother already told him to shun me since I became a vampire.”
“No wonder he’s so much fun,” I said. “Well…the thing is…it’s—it’s not just the two of you.”
I didn’t really want to talk to anyone else about Firian, because I didn’t know who I could trust. But when I told Alec, he didn’t even seem surprised. They already know, don’t they? “Montague, it’s also…Firian.”
“Firian,” he repeated.
“I know how forbidden it is…”
“She already told me,” Alec said.
“You told him,” Montague said.
“Not that I was trying to keep things from anyone!” I said hastily. “It just spilled out. You didn’t already suspect?”
“I did,” Montague said. “Of course. It’s just that hearing you say it…a familiar…”
“The thing is, I would never have known it was taboo if everyone didn’t keep reminding me. I’ve been told the rules of the magical world but to me they seem arbitrary. Like if I was in love with a girl on another planet and then I came to Earth and found out there are places where it’s not okay to be gay. It doesn’t feel any different to be with Firian than it does—“
“I understand,” Montague said. “Witches and familiars can be very close.”
“To me, it’s not a big deal,” Alec said. “How many of these rules are ceremonial, or just there so the council can maintain power?”
“It’s just that—I’m from St. Augustine. The site of the scandal. My parents would rather I become a vampire than if I had fallen in love with Rosa.” A dark look crossed his face.
“Is Rosa your familiar?”
“She was.”
“Was? Oh—she’s—“
“Monty,” Alec said. “You’ve never talked about her.”
“And I don’t want to.”
“But…maybe you should,” Alec said.
“There’s nothing to say. She died when I was bitten. But she was a familiar, so she just vanished. Her body went to Etherium. Of course there was no goodbye. I’m sure someone probably buried her, but that world isn’t my business.”
“Oh…no.”
Montague’s mouth was set, betraying no sadness. His eyes had turned dark and distant, even a little cold. I was reminded again of what he was now. Not human. Something I didn’t entirely understand. I knew all the myths about vampires but I still didn’t really know how it changed a real person. How the bloodlust and immortality and memories of Lisbeth would affect him over time.
Alec put a hand on Montague’s shoulder. “I loved Rosa when we were kids,” he said. “If you ever need to talk about her, just so you know…I understand. I’m glad you said something about her. It’s not your fault. You know that, right?”
“Don’t be so nice, Alec. It was my fucking fault.” Montague took a deep breath. “Charlotte, if Firian makes you happy and you need him in your life, I’ll try to…accept that.”
“Okay. Um. I have to admit that I hardly know what to do now because I didn’t expect you guys to be so cool about this. I thought you would fight over me.”
“Sorry to disappoint you,” Montague said dryly. “I can’t promise we won’t ever fight over you in…smaller ways.”
“If I wasn’t enchanted not to touch you I would definitely…want more of you. Sooner,” Alec said. “So if we do this thing long term, I hope there’s a lot of you to go around.”
“Let me talk to Firian in private,” I said, flushing deeper.
Montague lifted a hand. “Maybe we should all talk to him. He is your familiar, your firs
t protector. Being protective of you is in the core of his being. If we are to court you, then we will also swear to your safety and happiness. I might not be entirely comfortable with the situation, but he’ll probably be even less so, if we can’t look him in the eye.”
“Gah,” I said. I couldn’t imagine Firian was going to be thrilled with this. I felt like I had completely lost control of the situation, but at the same time, I was getting something better than I could have ever dreamed of.
Firian’s going to mess this up, I thought. Alec and Montague are into me, but…Firian is…more than that.
Chapter Forty-Two
Firian
The magical realms are the world of fairy tales and fae, of enchantments and delusions. Occasionally, humans have fallen into it and come back with stories. That used to be more common, back before the blight of technology fell on the world. At least, that is how all magical beings know it, although I couldn’t complain considering how many hours I had spent with Charlotte having fun on a blighted machine.
Still, I understood. The humans took the terrifying beauties of Etherium and safely replicated and contained them in games. It was pretty damn clever, actually.
Etherium wasn’t quite the same for me, ever since, and I knew why. I’d spent too much time in the human world by now. It had tainted me. Now when I came home, I felt as out of place there as I did in the mundane world.
Yep. That was my fate now. Caught between worlds, never belonging anywhere.
In Etherium, geography worked differently. I lived in a cottage in the woods. When I was born and first went to Etherium, the cottage was there waiting for me. It already had curtains on the windows, an inkwell and paper at the desk, a quilt on the bed, and some root vegetables and apples in the cellar. It was like someone else lived there, but somehow I knew it was for me.
There was a path outside of my cottage. The path led to different places at different times. If I wanted to buy new things for my house, it led to the village of Bluehill. If I wanted to visit another familiar, it led to other houses. Sometimes it led to a lake where I went fishing.
The woods were also interesting. In my fox form, I could hunt and easily find game. There were rabbits to hunt, but there were also intelligent rabbits who talked. I had always known the difference and the talking rabbits didn’t even blink if they caught me with a game rabbit in my mouth. There were also sprites and other fair folk. Sometimes at night they would lure me into the darkness and want to play chase. The brownies would fix things in my house or make me presents. Etherium was a world of benevolent spirits, and the ones in my forest were mostly playful, although there were also very wise beings in Etherium that were as intimidating and even frightening as a demon. They wouldn’t hurt a fellow Ethereal, but they had intense power. But I hardly ever saw a High Ethereal, which one might call faeries, elves, or angels.
As enchanting and pleasant as Etherium was, I was spending a lot of time there now, because I didn’t want Charlotte to get a bad reputation because of me.
And I missed her.
All the time.
I yearned for her humor, her laugh, the light in her eyes, the way she hummed to herself when she was distracted. I missed playing games with her, teasing her, talking to her like I was a human too. I ached for the taste of her lips and the feel of her skin against mine. I wanted more and more. I waited for our magic lessons all day and avoided the other Ethereals—especially familiars.
I knew what they’d see.
A corrupted familiar. I had succumbed to the forbidden. They would blame her, of course, because familiars couldn’t even act without their witch. It was impossible for a familiar to want something their witch didn’t want. At least, that was what they said.
Whenever I thought of kissing Charlotte, I felt starved for more. I kissed her first. Which meant that either I had my own independent desires, or she had wanted me to kiss her so badly that I had to do it.
She didn’t even appreciate how impossible this was.
It was better this way. I didn’t want to change our relationship. I wanted her to see me as human. As a man. Not a mysterious being from another world.
But whenever I had to return to Etherium, it was a reminder that I wasn’t human. Etherium had never felt like home. Before Charlotte knew I existed, I spent most of my time in her woods. In the cabin. Watching over her. Catching her scent on the trails. Smelling her dad’s barbecue and waiting for him to put food out for me.
God, I really am half-boyfriend, half-pet…
“Firian!”
Whenever I heard her call, I was there immediately. As happy as I was to see her, a part of me remained detached, even more so when I saw Montague and Alec there. The look in their eyes made me narrow mine. They smelled like they were eager for my girl, and I didn’t trust them.
“Firian,” Charlotte said. “I want to talk to you.”
“We want—“ Montague began, with his smooth voice, a hint of accent suggesting some old world charm. Warlocks who had grown up in smaller, older witch cities had a certain air.
“Me first,” Charlotte said to him, with a slight edge to her voice. “Firian—I was just talking to the guys. Uh, how do I say this? It’s like I have one life with you that’s secret, and one life with them where I’m torn between guys, and…no, no.” She started again, her voice forceful. “So I just found out my grandmother had multiple guys—husbands—wolves…”
My eyes flicked—very briefly—to the other two. “What have you been talking about?”
“I’m trying to tell you!”
“Firian, Alec and I are both enthralled by Charlotte and for various logistic reasons, rather than compete over her, we would rather share.”
“And you’re also invited,” Alec said, in his low, calm voice.
“I’m invited? Oh, thank you,” I said, a little sarcastic.
“We’re cover for you,” Alec said. “It won’t seem as scandalous for you to be around Charlotte if she’s with us too.”
“Not that you have to hang out with us,” Montague said. I sensed he was a little less on board than Alec. “It’s fine with me if you want to maintain a separate but equal relationship with Charlotte.”
I was bristled. I didn’t believe that two warlocks were really accepting a familiar as a witch’s lover. Or if they were accepting me, it was because they didn’t see me as a man, but more of a devoted pet who wouldn’t threaten them.
I looked at Charlotte and it was clear that she wanted this. It was a perfect solution for her, I guess. No decisions. Three men who would protect her and help her navigate the magical world, and stave off the loneliness she had endured at Merlin College. My girl had tried so hard to be tough, but I knew that I couldn’t be everything to her. I wanted her to be happy.
What are you if not a devoted pet? I couldn’t deny her anything.
“I suppose we can try this arrangement,” I said. “Because you’re going to need allies if something goes down.”
“Really?” Charlotte said, whirling toward me for a hug. “You’re not upset? Oh—you are definitely a little upset.” She patted my rigid back muscles. “Are you doing this because you really want to?”
“I’m doing it because you really want to,” I said. “Why else?”
“I don’t want you to be miserable, Firian. If we’re going to have a relationship, I want…”
“Charlotte,” I said. “It’s okay. I’m happy to be with you, and not outside looking in.”
I could see that she didn’t really like this. She believed in independence and equality. She wanted me to be human, and have a human’s sense of agency, but when I looked at her I realized that every time I kissed her, of course she must want it. I could never do anything Charlotte didn’t want.
Because I definitely did not want to share her.
But I also couldn’t, and didn’t want to, say no.
Chapter Forty-Three
Charlotte
Oh. I understand now. This is why wit
ches and familiars aren’t supposed to be together.
Firian wanted to make me his and his alone, but he couldn’t. I had some sort of…hold over him, and he could never go against my wishes. Despite all his talk of devotion, he was fully capable of annoying me, so I never realized just how deep it went until I asked him to do something he definitely didn’t want to do.
This is not an equal relationship.
Nothing in my human life had prepared me for the look on his face, as if he loved me no matter what I did or said, and my presence was all he needed for fulfillment, but at the same time, he wasn’t without his own mind. He didn’t like this. He wanted me to change my mind but understood that if this was what my heart wanted, he was helpless to do anything but go along with it.
What could I do? I instantly understood that to try and push him away would only make him more miserable.
We needed each other. So I guess this was how it was going to be.
“Okay, well…,” I said. “I’m glad you’re all in, tentatively or otherwise, because this is going to be a crazy semester, right? Firian’s been helping me get control of my elemental powers, but I want to move on. I want to figure out how to summon my mom and talk to her. So…what do I do, considering the professors aren’t helping?”
I already knew Alec was wary of this plan, but Firian and Montague seemed more interested.
“We can try and summon a lesser sinistral for practice,” Montague said, rubbing his chin. “But there is always an element of danger. Especially considering this demon mom of yours might be the same demon that shoved Elise out of the way. She gets past the school wards. So even when we practice, you might get her instead.”
“No,” Alec said. “I say, no demon summoning for practice. You need to practice defense and control first. Honestly, getting her to appear doesn’t seem like the problem here. It’s controlling her when she does so she doesn’t hurt us.”
The Fairer Hex Page 22
