by Ashley Munoz
Go figure.
Of course, it splintered my heart like a piece of brittle wood…but this had been the deal from the very beginning, and I couldn’t be angry at him for it.
I swung the door wide, letting him in. My eyes stayed on the floor because I didn’t want to see his lack of reaction to my makeover changes, or worse, the obvious surprise that I’d fixed my moppy head of curls and finally applied more than just mascara to my eyes. He was here for Taylor, and that was all there was to our relationship. He’d more than made that clear.
“Come on in. Taylor will be out in just a second.”
I moved so he could come in, my eyes trailing over his brown boots, untied and gaping open around the dark denim. It was sexy, and I had to force my eyes shut so I wouldn’t notice.
“Mallory.” My name on his lips, spoken in that timbre…it conveyed a different story than the one he was telling, a story of a different deal he wanted to broker than the one he’d fixed. We were two sides of the same coin, playing a game neither of us would win.
“Decker.” I finally lifted my eyes, shifting everything internal to align with my decision not to care about him. It was no use. My heart leapt within my chest at the sight of him, like the tip of a mountain in the middle of winter, an avalanche of desire cascading through me, ruining me. He wore his practice jersey with the red D for the Devils on the right side and red lines running down the white cotton, split open and gaping over a plain white tee.
My throat dried at how hot he looked. His dark brown hair was lightening from being in the sun, but the longer strands were messy, like he’d run his fingers through them recklessly. I wanted to demand that he explain himself, that he tell me why he’d ignored me. There was even a small part of me that wanted to ask what I had done wrong, but that tiny part needed to die. Which was why I wouldn’t give in to him.
He stepped inside, and before I could move or create space, his hand shot toward my hip, gripping me to stay put.
Dangerous. This was nothing but dangerous.
He needed Taylor to want him. For whatever reason he had, he needed her…but the way he looked down at me, pulling me flush against his chest made it seem like he needed me too.
“What have you done to your hair?” He leaned in until his nose ran along the smooth strands that hung near my ear.
His eyes closed as he inhaled and skimmed the sensitive skin there, right over my tattoo. I wanted to sink into his arms, beg him to take me back to my bedroom and close the gap that had widened between us over the past week.
“I cut it.” I cleared my throat and grabbed his forearm, desperate for space.
His eyes blazed as they ran a path along each change on my face and slowly worked their way down to my thin fitted tank top, showing tanned, freckled skin. He dipped his head to see my skinny jeans that ended above my bare toes, which were painted white. That confused gaze swiftly worked back up to meet my calculated one. I wanted to understand that look he wore, the pinched eyebrows, the worry lines, and the concern softening his gaze.
“I liked the way your hair was before…your shirts and jeans too.” He finally stepped back, and the air that was suddenly available between us burned like a heat wave.
I nodded, knowing he probably did like those things.
“Guess I’m not going for someone to like me. I want someone to want me. You know…the way you want my stepsister.”
“Hey.” A sultry, soft voice spoke up from behind me. Speak of the devil.
We both turned to see Taylor walking toward us, drawing closer to Decker, wearing tiny sleep shorts that showed the bottom of her ass cheeks. She had a sleep tank on as well, showing her perfect silicone breasts and those nipples alert and ready for Decker’s touch.
I swallowed a lump that had suddenly formed in my throat as I looked at her shiny blonde hair and tan skin, her legs that had zero cellulite, and the lack of a single hint of a muffin top at the band of the shorts hugging her hips.
I was confident in myself. I loved my body. I did…it was just that, when we were teenagers, as I blossomed into the curvy hips and awkward bust, I became aware of how different I was from her. I began to notice how the boys our age would look at her and ignore me, unless they saw a way to get to her through me. Becoming my friend, hanging out…all so, in the end, they’d get to her. Subconsciously, I had handed over a few cards to Taylor that never belonged to her. I was so careful to ensure no one else was given those things freely, but it was so hard to get them back once I’d let them slip free.
I looked up and realized Decker’s gaze was still on me. He had that look on his face like he was chewing gravel again. I waited him out, not giving in to that look or what it might mean, until finally he slid his eyes toward Taylor. There wasn’t appreciation in his gaze, or desire…but maybe that was just what I wanted to see or didn’t want to see. Maybe I was just creating this entire thing in my head.
I needed clarity, and more than anything, I needed space.
“You kids have fun. I’m headed out.” I reached for my red hoodie, like my own little security blanket.
Decker swung his head back in my direction. “Where?”
“Elias wants to take me out tonight, wants to go dancing.” I grabbed for a pair of wedged heels, withholding a wince at how stupid of an idea it would be to dance in them all night. I wanted my Converse tennis shoes.
Decker took a step toward me and gripped my arm in a tight hold. “You fucking joking?” he angrily whispered, leaning toward my ear so Taylor wouldn’t hear.
“I’m not.” I gave him a tight smile.
“Mallory, he’s not—”
“He’s here, gotta run.”
“Mallory, don’t,” he warned, but I couldn’t let it land because I was doing exactly what he was…at least I hoped he was. There was a chance he did have feelings for Taylor, but a part of me knew he was doing this out of obligation to something. I had games to play too, and I didn’t need Decker making me feel things when he couldn’t give me what I wanted.
I pulled my arm free, waved at Taylor, and ran out the door, swinging it shut behind me.
Elias was outside his truck waiting for me, leaning against it, watching the house like a cat who’d just cornered the pesky mouse that had gotten away from him one too many times.
“Hey.”
“Hey yourself.” He smiled, but it flew over my head, did nothing to me. Might as well have been Juan smiling at me.
“You ready to go?” I asked as his gaze fixated on my house. It bounced between the truck in my driveway and the front door.
“Yeah.” He pushed off the truck and headed toward my door, opening it for me. He even tried to lean over me to buckle me in, but that shit was weird.
“I got it, thanks.” I gave him a tight smile and a warning look to back off. I didn’t know him that well, and I sure as hell wouldn’t be lowering my defenses around him.
I took one last look at the house and the man who was staring at us from the front door before I closed my eyes and faced forward.
Chapter Twenty
Elias Matthews was an idiot, a jock with no substance whatsoever. He was perfectly suited for a jersey chaser or anyone who didn’t mind a little bleeding in the ears, and yet I sat at the bar listening to his stories of how he’d been endorsed early on in college for all of his athletic gear, his cell phones and laptops…basically all his fancy shit. Oh, and apparently, he was already being scouted by two different pro teams. I was fairly certain at some point he used the term ‘best of the best’ in describing himself. His face flushed when he said that, leaning closer to me as he trailed a finger down my arm, but he’d still said the actual words.
“So…what’s the story with you and Decker James?” I asked coyly.
Elias’s light brows dipped, a line formed right between them.
“Duggar?”
I bit my lower lip, leaning forward. “Yeah, something like that. I’ve seen him a few times, hung out…but I’ve heard rumors abou
t you two.”
Please work. I wanted more info on why these two hated one another, and I knew Decker would never give it to me.
Elias took a long swig of his beer, the foam left behind a white mustache along his upper lip. It made me smirk at how ridiculous he looked.
He let out a whoosh of air, which made me tense. “He tried to ruin my career, but I think God must have been looking out for me. I managed to hit the ball in a way that protected me. Another time, he attacked me, tried tripping me…ended up getting that scar on his hand. He’s bad news.”
My stomach hollowed out, tipping with defensiveness.
“So, you know him pretty well then?” I sipped my water. I wasn’t getting wasted with this guy near me. I’d bought a water bottle from the vending area near the ATM machine and had been nursing it while he drank his beer.
“Yeah, guess you could say that. We grew up together actually…you know, it’s a funny story.” He crossed his arms, leaning them on the tall table, his face sliding just inches from mine. “So I’ve actually been into your stepsister for a while…I invited her to the party that night, and now she’s with Decker, I guess.”
I wrinkled my brows in frustration and confusion. Did Taylor have a magical vagina or something? What was I missing?
“What makes you say they’re together?”
His boyish looks only amplified when he smiled and showed his dimples. He pulled his phone away from where it sat in front of him and slid it toward me. There on the screen was Taylor’s Instagram feed, with a picture of her and Decker cuddling on the couch, her face nuzzled into his neck while he smiled at the camera.
My chest seized. It literally felt like someone had just launched a missile at us then asked me to absorb the impact on behalf of civilization.
I grappled with my water bottle lid and begged the tears lining my eyes to stay the fuck inside my tear ducts. I didn’t need to show this prick that I cared that Decker had actually followed through with dating Taylor.
“Wow…didn’t realize they were so close already,” I muttered, tipping my face back to gulp back more water.
Elias watched me carefully then slowly slid his phone back to his side of the table.
“You see, that’s just it. I have known this guy for a really long time. I know what he looks like when he likes a girl. That day in the bakery…he looked at you in that way. He likes you. I wonder if he’s maybe playing a game with Taylor or something.” He shrugged his massive shoulders like it didn’t mean anything.
“Why do you say that?” The prick had me hooked and he knew it.
“He still has it out for me for whatever reason.” A palm the size of a dinner plate came up and over his shoulder, rubbing at his neck.
I was curious now; I wanted more details, even though I knew I shouldn’t. Decker had Taylor…whatever his reasons, he wanted her, and now he had her. I should have left it alone.
“What happened between you guys to make him want to ruin your career and have it out for you?” I resisted the urge to use air quotes because I wasn’t buying this guy’s bullshit.
Elias let out a heavy sigh then dipped his head, letting his hair fall along his forehead.
“Let’s just forget it…want to dance?” He held out his hand, giving me a sheepish smile.
I held back a glare. I didn’t want to dance. I wanted more information, but instead I decided to just go with the flow of the night, see if I could squeeze more from him. Even if Decker had made his choice clear, questions led to answers, and some of them might help with my article. So, I put my hand in his.
“Lead the way.”
Elias pressed his body against mine while we moved along the floor, shifting our feet briskly to the fast-paced music. I tossed my head back and laughed a few times when he sang along with the lyrics or exaggerated the moves like he was a contestant on Dancing with the Stars or something. It was nice. My lungs filled with artificial air, lifesaving but not fulfilling. I would survive the heartbreak of Decker James choosing Taylor. What I wouldn’t survive was if I didn’t choose myself.
I needed to start choosing me, no matter what…even if it was the villain in the story, the one guy who wanted to spin me around the floor and make me laugh.
Elias and I stayed out until two in the morning. At one point my defenses lowered with him, especially when he drove off toward the back of the bar, laid a blanket across his hood, and watched the stars with me. He didn’t mention Decker again, but he did talk about the game—not the card game, but the sport. Still, tidbits led to some questions I had about what I had seen in that bedroom.
He’d mentioned to me that he had invited Taylor to the game that night. I had finally registered that he might know I had gone in her place. My mind briefly considered if that meant the other team members knew as well.
I shook it off. There was no way Elias would be this nice and open with me if he knew I was writing my article. It had probably just been a slip of the tongue.
It was nearly three in the morning when I finally slipped my key into the lock of my front door. The lights were out, and thankfully Taylor and Decker weren’t having sex in the kitchen or living room. I immediately let out a sigh of relief.
My wedged heels were off, already dangling from my fingers as I secured the door and headed for my bedroom. I never liked turning on the overhead light; it was too obnoxious. Instead I opted for smaller lamps and hanging lights. Clicking the switch for the hanging lights, I shut my door and started unbuttoning my jeans.
It wasn’t until I was shimmying out of them that I turned back toward my bed.
“Holy fuck!” I threw my hands over my mouth.
“Shhhh,” Decker said, moving to sit up.
He was shirtless, in just his jeans…and barefoot. The man was barefoot, in my bedroom…in my bed.
“What are you doing here?” I pulled the rest of the denim material free of my legs then grabbed the same pair of sweats I’d worn the night Decker first showed up at my house.
His eyes narrowed again, just like they had then.
“Why do you have those?”
I ignored his mussed hair sticking up in all directions and the fact that he was in my freaking bed! I was totally going to smell my pillow as soon as he left.
“Why are you here?” I drew out the words, indicating that I wouldn’t be answering any of his questions without him first answering mine.
Finally, he let out a sigh and threw himself back on the bed.
My. Bed.
“I kind of need to sleep there. You gotta move,” I said after a few seconds of silence.
“I need you to come here.” His voice dipped, nearly shuddering with something I didn’t recognize but that pulled at something deep inside me. It reminded me of the storm we had gotten caught in, the vulnerability of seeing him in his childhood home.
Taking a step forward, I was nearly to the edge of my bed when I crossed my arms, protecting my chest. He was so handsome, so perfectly out of my league that it was painful to even acknowledge his existence.
“You need what?”
Fast as lightning, his hand shot out and grabbed me, pulling me on top of him. We rolled, and he was suddenly hovering over my body.
“I need to hold you tonight, Mallory. Don’t fight it, and I’m too fucking exhausted to explain it, but please just give me this.”
I swallowed, staring into those murky eyes of his, wondering how they shone with topaz colors in this lighting.
“And take these fucking sweats off.” His hand shoved the hem of the sweats down my hips, his fingers brushing against my skin, and suddenly I was fevered and desperate for more of what he’d given me that night in Elias’s room.
I hesitated, hating my physical reaction to him. He didn’t get to just come back into my life and suddenly demand things, not after he ghosted me for a week and humiliated me by ignoring every single text I’d sent. I knew I was being that girl who was demanding too much and I hated myself for it, but I was worth mo
re than what he was offering. I was worth a text back. A heads-up. Something.
“You need to leave.” I kept my arms folded across my chest, looking up at the ceiling.
“No.” He let out a heavy sigh, settling into my side.
Frustration and something like relief sailed through me at a frantic pace. This wasn’t good for my heart.
“Decker, I’m serious. You’ve ignored me for an entire week and only came around once I said you could hang with Taylor…this is fucking crazy. You can’t be in my bed right now.”
His body shifted, curling around mine, pulling me closer to his chest.
“I know, and I need to explain myself. I know I do…but let me do it right. Let me look you in the eye and tell you how I feel without bedsheets between us.”
I laughed, rubbing my eye. “Great, then you can sleep on the floor, or go home and see me tomorrow.”
Was he shaking? His body seemed to vibrate next to me as he waited to respond. I was tempted to move my face so I could see his eyes. They always told me what his voice wouldn’t.
Finally, after a few silent beats, he breathed slowly through his nose. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him he should breathe in through his nose and out through his mouth.
“I know the right thing would be to do what you’re asking me to do. I know you deserve a gentleman who’d respect your space and what you’re asking…but I’m not a gentleman. I’m a devil, through and through. I can’t be away from you tonight. I need to feel your skin, hear your heart…feel the heat from your fucking breath…” He propped his head up on his elbow, looking down at me. “I’m not leaving you. I won’t touch you or do anything at all to you…I just need to be near you tonight.”
Well fuck.
Butterflies, pterodactyls, and fucking bats were set loose in my chest at his admission. I’d let the suckers fight it out while I turned away from him to get some sleep. I was past fighting him on this. I just wanted to forget.
