Unable to help himself, Kado took a few salty bites before setting it aside. “What do you want?”
“I’m here to take that thing off you.” The old woman gestured to one of the two stools by the fireplace. “Sit.”
Kado touched the Monil. “I—” He glanced away from the silent Alvornians. Though they had not said anything, their stares and intensity frightened him. “I only ever have it off when I’m in the arena.”
“Well, not anymore.” Silver half-smiled. “I’m told it doesn’t hurt to have it removed. Please, let us help you.”
“Why?”
“He’s a difficult one, isn’t he?” The Sylrian said as she removed a small knife from her belt.
Kado gulped. “You just want to see if it’s true that I’m a white wolf. You don’t believe me.”
“It’s not about that,” Silver said unconvincingly. “No matter who you are, you deserve to be free.”
“Is that what you call this?” He gestured around the den. “This is a nicer prison cell, I grant you, but I’m no more free here than I was in the Republic.”
Silver sighed. “You’re not a prisoner.”
“Perhaps this was premature,” General Pheros spoke for the first time. “If he wishes to be left to his self-pity, then we should respect that.”
Before the others could reply, raised voices came from outside.
“Wait! You can’t go in—”
Katrine marched into the den, followed by the two hurried guards. “Kado,” she said. “Are you all right?”
“Alphena,” one of the guards said, “I’m sorry. She wouldn’t listen.”
“No, it’s all right.” Silver’s brow furrowed. “Katrine, you can stay.”
Katrine smiled at the other Fenearens as they left. “Kado.” She crossed the dirt floor to him. “What’s going on?”
When she reached for his hand, he pulled away. “Apparently I’m not a prisoner.”
“Could have fooled me,” she said with a sharp look at the others.
“I understand your irritation,” Silver said. “But let us prove our intentions. Let Violette free you from your Monil.”
“That would be a start.” Katrine caught Kado’s gaze. “Wouldn’t it?”
He chewed his lip. “Are you sure it’s safe?”
Violette cackled. “I’ve removed Monils, boy.”
“No, I mean for you all.”
Silver and Katrine exchanged confused looks.
“Kado Aronak,” the Alvornian Priestess spoke to him, “you have nothing to be frightened of. You won’t harm us.”
Something in her voice soothed Kado, like a lullaby his mother used to sing. An unnatural peace settled over him. Perhaps it was some strange magic. Whatever it was, Kado found himself standing with his back to Violette.
“Hold still,” she commanded. “This is a knife consecrated with water from the Alvornian's sacred spring. Its magic can power an unlocking rune.” She scratched the tip of her blade into the Monil’s surface.
At the mention of runes, Kado's interest piqued. So the Monil could be controlled with runes, as he had controlled the prison door.
The Monil fell open.
The sudden resurgence of his wolf senses overwhelmed Kado, pushing all others thoughts from his mind. He scented all the people crowded around him, the bread, and salted fish. He heard their heartbeats and his own.
“Kado?” Katrine approached him. “How do you feel?” Her scent—woodsmoke and juniper berries—flooded his awareness.
In the same moment, Silver asked, “Can you shift?”
He looked to the Alphena. The curiosity, however restrained, in her pale green eyes locked his muscles, pinning him in his memories to the sandy floor of the arena when he stood amidst thousands upon thousands of bloodthirsty onlookers, their curiosity searing him with their judgment, their pity, and their contempt.
Kado’s heart pounded. At first he thought he was still afraid, but that was not what he felt. He wrapped his fingers around the ring in his pocket.
These Fenearens did not care about him. They wanted to see what he could do.
How were these people any different than the others he had performed for?
He was done putting on shows.
A growl rumbled in his throat.
Pheros drew his blade in an instant, stepping in front of the Priestess.
“Katrine, move away from him.” Silver’s voice was calm, but her claws extended from her nail beds.
Katrine ignored her. “What’s wrong?” she asked Kado.
“Get out of my way!” He fled the den and past the surprised guards. He expected Silver and the others to race after him.
Instead, he heard the Alphena shout, “Let him go!”
“Kado!” Katrine called after him. She started to follow him, but Silver stopped her.
“I'll go,” said the Alphena. “It's best if only one person follows at a distance.”
“I don't want to follow at a distance,” Katrine bit back. “I want to talk to him.”
“It's too dangerous,” Pheros said.
Katrine shook her head. “He's saved my life twice. I can get through to him. I know it. Please, Alphena, let me try.”
Silver considered Katrine. “Very well. But the moment he starts behaving erratically, you find help.”
“He won't, but thank you.” Without waiting for further objections, Katrine ran from the den.
Kado's scent was easy to track. He smelled of cedar trees and apples, though fear and anger soured the scent. It was not long until she came upon him in a chickweed-filled glen.
Kado leaned against a red oak, catching his breath. He faced away from her, and did not seem to have noticed her.
Katrine took a deep breath. “Kado.”
He turned in an instant. His teeth were dripping sabers and his eyes had thinned. With a roar, he leaped toward her.
Kado fell upon her in a heap.
They rolled through the chickweed.
She shoved her forearm against his neck, trying to push him off.
He sputtered, but did not let up.
“Leave me alone!” He shouted into her ear.
“Kado!” Katrine shouted back. “I'm not going to hurt you.”
“I don't want to fight anymore!” He swiped a hand lined with extended claws at her.
She grabbed his wrist. When Katrine caught sight of the wild, glazed look in his brown eyes, she understood.
He was not attacking her—not really. He was flashing back to everyone who had hurt him.
Katrine knew the feeling well. She also knew that flashback or not, he could kill her.
With a guttural yell, she rammed her knee into his belly.
He fell back with a grunt.
Katrine grasped the lowest red oak branch and pulled herself up into the tree.
Kado rose, panting. Slowly, he looked up at her. The wildness faded from his eyes. Confusion and horror clouded them instead.
All words fled Katrine's mind.
They stared at each other in silence.
Eventually, Kado turned away.
She thought he was going to run again.
Instead, he walked a few paces and stopped. His back was to her, but he'd stayed.
Katrine made her way back to the ground one careful step at a time. She never took her gaze from Kado.
He did not move.
“I'm sorry,” she began. “I know you're scared. The others didn't help. Their intentions are good. They just don’t know how to treat you.”
He snorted. “And you do?”
“I think so.” She sat cross-legged on a patch of moss. “They’re caught up with the question of what you might be. But I don’t care about that. I care about who you are.”
“But you don’t know who I am.” He kept his back to her.
“I know enough. I know you saved my life when you had no idea who I was. That’s all I need to know. Though, I’d like to know more.”
“You really don
't. And even if you did, why should I tell you?”
She took a deep breath. “Why are you pushing me away?”
“I don't see the point.” She heard the grimace in his voice.
“In talking?”
“In any of this. You all take my Monil and act like it's some great gift to be able to transform whenever I can't hold the wolf back.”
“You're afraid of transforming?”
He looked down.“You Fenearens, you grow up being taught the wolf is a gift. But it’s brought me nothing but pain and suffering.”
“Anyone you harmed in those fighting pits, it wasn’t your fault. You were forced to kill to survive.” Katrine took a few cautious steps toward him.
“It’s not just that.” Kado sighed. “Because of me, because of what I am, the only person that ever loved me is dead.”
“I don’t understand.”
“My mother.” He gulped. “She’s dead because I wasn’t strong enough to fight the wolf.”
“Your mother? Quella? But she was Fenearen.”
“Yes. But the slave-owners knew what she was. To give me the best chance, she made the first mate of the ship where I was raised believe he'd fathered me. I believed that, too, for the first twelve winters of my life. We were still slaves, but we were treated better than the others.”
“But once you began to grow up, the wolf remained dormant no longer,” Katrine realized aloud.
“Yes. I didn’t understand what was happening. My mother tried to explain the situation. She told me my real father had been a man named Nero Geddeont, but that Enzo would be furious if he knew the truth. The children of Fenearens who conceive while wearing Monils can’t transform, so I could never shift without revealing her secret. And I tried. I tried to hold the wolf back.
“But one day, one of the men slapped my mother. It was nothing—a bruise that would’ve healed in a week. But I lost control. As soon as I shifted, the men tied me up and beat me. My mother was screaming. And then Enzo came out, and saw what I was. Once he realized what that meant, he beat my mother nearly to death in front of me. He called her terrible names. They dragged me away, and that was the last time I ever saw her. They sold me the next morning, but not before Enzo told me what they intended to do with my mother. He was going to make her pay with her life. All because I was too weak to protect her.” Kado collapsed onto the ground, his claws and teeth extended.
“Kado,” Katrine whispered, kneeling beside him. She wanted to take his hand, but resisted. Kado did not like to be touched. “I’m so sorry. I really am. But you can’t blame yourself. You couldn’t stop the change forever.”
“If it weren’t for me being born, she’d be alive.” He still refused to look at Katrine. “She was kind and pure and loving, and she’s dead because of me. If that doesn’t make me a monster, then I don’t know what does.”
“That’s why you fight the wolf.”
“Aye. And because Terayan made me kill when he had me imprisoned. He starved and hurt and provoked me. Made it so I couldn't hold the wolf back. The Kyreans would cheer as I murdered. And part of me liked it, craved their approval…”
“Kado, none of that is your fault.” She could not help but touch his back lightly.
He pulled away, heaving. “Don't touch me,”
She backed off, arms raised. “I'm sorry. But Kado, listen to me,” she whispered. “What happened to you and your mother, there are no words for such injustice—such heinous cruelty. I know because—” she broke off.
Kado turned his head, his gaze finding hers for the first time. “You know because you’ve lost someone, too?”
She blinked rapidly. “I lost everyone. Last fall, when the Maenorens invaded, my mother, father, brother, my uncles, all my friends…they all died. I was the only survivor of the northern densites.”
She had not intended to speak about her family. She could barely think about them, let alone say the words. But when Kado lost his mother, he'd lost his whole world. Maybe if he saw she had too, he would let her help him heal.
“How?” he whispered. “How can you go on if that's true?”
She sniffed, wiping away her tears. “My family, my packmates, they’re dead, but they’re not really gone. Besides, I’m here.” She smiled, looking at the forest surrounding them. “As long as I’m in Fenear, I’m home. Now, so are you.”
“But how can you still be so kind, so hopeful? After all that’s happened? Don't you see how foolish it is to let yourself feel like this?”
She approached him, though did not try to touch him this time. “It’s no big secret. I choose to be. Every day, I wake up and decide to be kind, to hope for the best, and to believe in people, because I can. We can’t control what happens to us, Kado. It doesn’t matter how strong or brave you are. Terrible things happen sometimes. But we can control how we react, and how we see the world. I choose to see the beauty in it.”
For some moments they stood there, a tail-length apart, listening to the sounds that populate silence—singing warblers, chattering woodpeckers, the wind through the budding trees, and the rustles of a squirrel in its nest above them.
“It is beautiful here,” Kado admitted.
“And you’re part of that, you in both your forms.”
“Even with a face like the traitor that fathered me?”
“You aren’t so like him,” Katrine said. “Your eyes, they’re darker, and kinder.”
He sighed. “I have my mother’s eyes.”
“It shows,” she said with a tentative smile.
“But in every other way, I look like him, don’t I?”
She paused. “A son is not the father,” Katrine said.
“The truth of that statement depends on whom you ask.”
“But those who answer otherwise are wrong.”
Kado frowned. “You're a stubborn girl.”
“Only until I get what I want.”
“And what is it you want from me now?”
She rolled her eyes. “I don't want anything from you, except your trust.”
He looked away. “Why?”
“I don't care about this white wolf story. I care about the man that saved my life, whether he likes it or not.”
He scoffed. “If that's true, then you may be the only one. Or, you're the best liar.”
Katrine exhaled a frustrated huff. “This wall you're putting up, this vicious killer persona?” She gestured to him. “It might fool the others. But I see you, Kado. You're afraid to let anyone in, because you don't want to lose anyone else. I understand. Trust me. But also trust me when I say it can't last.” She turned away from him. They had come far enough for one day. She would leave it up to Kado to take his next step.
“Where are you going?” he questioned her.
“Where you want me to go—away. Come find me when you're ready to stop pretending.” With that, Katrine left him alone in the forest.
Pike spent the morning hunting with Laera. He'd been secretly skeptical of her skills, but found himself happily surprised by her prowess. Together, they had caught two squirrels and a rabbit. They stopped by a brook to share one of the squirrels before bringing back the rest for the other True Wolves.
The war must have been hard on the herds and prey animals, Laera observed.
Aye, but it seems they are beginning to bounce back. We've been eating fish, Pike grimaced, and all manner of alternatives to lessen the toll on the forest creatures, but Gar saw the deer and elk herds looking strong yesterday.
Fish isn't bad. Lonian used to catch salmon for me. Laera swallowed her food hard, closing her eyes.
Pike decided to change the subject from her loss. Give me a squirrel any day. We should head back to our dens, though. I know of a few hungry pups who will make quick work of this.
Once they had finished their meal, they walked side-by-side back to the sycamore grove where the True Wolves made their dens.
Growls and sharp barks greeted them. Pike and Laera exchanged a concerned glance b
efore racing toward the sounds.
Alpha Gar stood with his back toward them, his dark brown hackles raised.
River, a wolf Pike knew well crouched in a defensive posture a few tail-lengths away from the Alpha. Can't you see? River snarled. They will lead us to ruin!
What's going on? Pike ran to his Alpha's side.
Laera wisely held back.
Pike, River addressed him. A few other wolves gathered around, observing the argument. You have to see it as I do. We lost thousands of our packmates to the war last fall—
As did the Fenearens! Gar interrupted.
But there are more of them! There are so few of us left, Gar. We've what? Five hundred wolves left between all the densites? We're facing extinction. It's time we put ourselves first, for once.
What is he talking about, Gar?
Gar closed his eyes. The raised fur along his back settled. River thinks we ought to dissolve our alliance with the Fenearens.
What?
Pike, we can't keep fighting in their wars! If Gar can't see that, if he puts his Fenearen friends ahead of his own kind, than perhaps he doesn't deserve to be our representative.
River, Pike continued calmly, keeping his posture as soft as possible, you're not making sense. Their wars are our wars.
River snorted a frustrated huff. I should have known you'd take his side. The two of you did just abandon us to save your precious Rayna and Katrine.
Pike stepped back, stung. He had not seen their actions as abandoning their pack, but he had been blinded by his concern for his friends. Were they wrong to have left their packmates behind?
River felt abandoned. He was scared, as they all were. River, I'm sorry. We should have talked it over with all of you before we left.
It's not just that. Pike, Ash died barely out of puphood. I'm tired of losing family.
Gar padded toward River. The darker wolf did not back away, but rather eyed Gar warily.
River, Gar bowed his head. I miss Ash, Hawk, Lark, Cairn, and all of our fallen packmates every day. But they didn't die for Fenearens. They died for us. The Maenorens would have destroyed us, as surely as they would have destroyed our allies.
As will the Council. Laera approached them. I know I'm an outsider, so forgive my intrusion. But you speak of extinction. I've seen my culture and home destroyed already, so I understand your fear. But now is not the time to be breaking alliances. Make no mistake, war will reach us again, and when it does, we will need the Fenearens, as they need us.
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