Harmony moves in my arms, and I look down at her face. My prayer of faith answered, tears spill down my cheeks onto hers, and she blinks and looks up at me. A scream leaves her lips, and I cover her mouth. I hold her close and whisper words of comfort. When I look to Matt for help getting her up, he is several feet away—sitting on the ground leaning away from us in fear and awe. When I see Matt’s face, I realize fully the amazingness of what just happened and how truly different he and I are. I want to help him understand. Maybe now that he's seen, he will change. I suddenly remember that we aren't safe in the open. We need to get back in the tunnel.
Chapter Forty-Seven
Friendship Bites
At the bottom of the steps in the dark, cold cellar, Matt lunges at Harmony. I can't fathom why he is attacking her, and I try to push him away. Matt has hold of her shirt, and he rips it open down the front.
What is he doing?!
Harmony is screaming again in the terrified grips of another assault. I wrench her from Matt's grasp and hold her close to me. But before I wrap her in my arms, I see what he saw. Her sports bra is stained bright red with her blood, but there is no wound on her chest. Matt backs away and paces back and forth in a state of obvious agitation.
"She was dead," I hear him mutter.
Harmony is sobbing. I try to sooth her and reassure her that she's safe now. That Matt doesn't want to hurt her. He's not helping. He looks angry and menacing. It's dark outside now, and I know how late it's getting. I'm in huge trouble. I need to get Harmony home.
I find a shirt in the piles of stuff Matt has stashed in the dark basement. Harmony cowers in a corner and trades the torn, bloody shirt for the new, too big T-shirt. I leave Matt to his mental breakdown and help Harmony into the tunnel. We hurry back through the oppressive darkness to the entrance to our safer world. I've never gotten up the ladder on my own, and I'm not sure I can do it. I'll have to help pull Harmony up too.
I put my hand on the lowest rung of the ladder and take a deep breath. Suddenly, Matt is there next to me. Harmony shrieks again, and it echoes through the tunnels like a banshee's cry. Matt and I both turn impatiently and shush her. She covers her mouth with her hand and looks fearfully back at us. Matt lifts himself easily up the ladder and reaches to help me. His warm hand grabs mine, and I notice he's taken off the bloody gloves.
The physical touch between us does what it always does to me. It boosts my confidence exponentially, warms me with intimacy, and confirms in my heart that I want nothing more than to be with him. Our second date has been fraught with catastrophes.
Would I walk through the tunnel again for a third? Absolutely.
I'd take on the world with him. Harmony stands at the bottom, unwilling to take Matt's hand. I coax her to take one of my hands and one of his. We lift her small frame easily up to ground level without her even having to climb the ladder.
I take her hand to lead her towards home, and Matt grabs my arm gently, holding my attention for one more warning, "Don't let her tell anyone about this."
Harmony barely looks at me during our short, speedy jog. She lets out little sobs between panting breaths as we run. She's desperate to get home and get away from me. I won't leave her alone; I go with her to her door before running to see how much trouble I'm in. I try to reason with her and explain the importance of keeping the tunnel a secret. She doesn't give any indication that she's listening or that she'll comply. I don't have time to beg, and I wouldn't dream of threatening her. Her hands shake as she unlocks her door and ducks inside without a word. She slams and re-locks the door behind her.
"Bye" I mumble to myself and run the last block to the Inn.
I can see Tim pacing outside the back door as I run up the alley behind the Inn. I've left Matt frustrated and Harmony terrified to hurry back to Tim who is furious. I'm not doing great with friends right now. Tim barrels towards me and grabs me by my shoulders.
"Where were you!" he demands, worry and anger fighting for victory over his facial features. I meet his scowl with needy, emotional, tear-filled eyes—desperately hoping that worry will win out over anger. I can't take anymore tonight. I'm completely spent emotionally. If Tim starts yelling at me, I don't think I'll be able to keep myself together.
"I went for a walk?" I mumble as a tear breaks free in the corner of my eye and plunges down my sweaty cheek.
"You've been gone for hours! I looked everywhere. You weren't at the grave, you weren't at the U.R. Where were you?!"
"Tim, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you. Where's Rosa?"
He nods impatiently towards the back door, and I see tiny Rosa sleeping sitting up against the door, bundled in her little jacket.
I feel terrible. I promised to take care of her.
How long has she been huddled there in the cold?
I've hurt three of the people I love with my foolish choice to follow Matt tonight. But was it foolish? It may have been very necessary.
"You're hurt?" Tim asks with concern, gently touching the bloody scratch on my neck where the briars caught me.
"Tim. I can explain, but right now I need you to do something," I wipe my nose and steel myself for the inevitable. I need his help, and that won't come without his anger—without hurting him.
His hands now on his hips, he puts his head back and looks up at the night sky, both frustrated and worried, trying to calm himself.
"I need you to go to the Elders tonight and tell them we're all in danger. The missionaries were right. We have to move as soon as possible. There are gangs of armed zombies gathering around the fence. They are planning to attack us. You have to tell the Elders tonight. I don't know how long we have."
"You were walking the fence? Alone?! After everything we learned from Chuck?! Are you an idiot, Ivy? Do you have a death-wish? What were you thinking?"
"I wasn't alone," I blurt and then deeply regret.
"Who were you with?"
When I don't immediately answer, Tim looks darkly at my face, my traitorous tattle-tale face, and figures it out. He knows it was Matt. I look down at my shoes, ashamed, testifying that he has indeed guessed right. He steps back from me disgusted and furious.
Anger has won.
Worry never had a chance.
Tim doesn't say a word. He stalks down the driveway without looking back at me. I've hurt him. I don't know if the damage is repairable, and I genuinely hope it can be. I care about him. He's been so good to me, and I hate myself for stabbing him in the back. Matt was right, Tim may have just gotten his first glimpse of the real Ivy.
"Please Tim!" I yell after him. "Tell the Elders tonight! We are in serious danger!"
No indication that he hears or cares.
I pick Rosa up, and she opens her sleepy eyes and smiles at me. Her smile is precious, and I'm thankful for her unconditional love. I hug her tight and take her inside.
*****
Rosa is back to sleep, tucked in my bed. I'm absolutely exhausted. Physically and emotionally drained dry. Before I climb in next to her though, I have to pack. I am thoroughly convinced that we have few days left here in Toccoa. The attack could come at any time. Hopefully the Elders will listen and decide to move us all before it's too late. If we leave as a community, I'm sure I'll be able to take at least one suitcase. If we leave in a panic in the middle of the night however, I'll need to be able to carry my bag and Rosa.
That's the bag I'm packing tonight; a backpack of the most important things. I pack: a change of clothes for Rosa and I, extra socks and underwear, Rosa's Mickey Mouse hat, a toothbrush and a bar of soap. I fill the front pocket with Gov Bars. I'm almost out of room.
What else can I not live without?
Oh, my Taser and my flashlight. And hair bands. I tuck the drawing that Matt made of me in between the pages of Aunty's Bible and add it to the backpack. I have just enough room for the little devotional book that has helped me the most lately. I can't think of anything else that I need or want. I zip the backpack and l
ay it next to my shoes by my bedroom door. I can leave fast if I need to.
I climb in next to Rosa; and, though I'm exhausted, sleep won't come. I wonder if Matt is sleeping. I wonder if Harmony is ok and if she understands what happened tonight. Did she know she died? Did she feel Him raise her? It was the most incredible thing He's ever used me for. If He never did anything noticeable in my life again, that moment alone will be enough for me to know who He is—how awesome He is—for the rest of my life.
My tired eyes tear up again just remembering how it felt to be so full with Him. That must be what heaven will feel like. To be that closely connected to our Source. Aunty has that now. Tears fall and quiet sobs shake my tired body and make my stomach hurt.
What about Tim? He must hate me. I wonder if I'll ever see him again. I know I have a choice to make. Matt has asked me to go with him "when the time comes," and I know the time is coming fast; if not tonight, then maybe tomorrow. I wonder where we'll go. I knowMatt lives in Atlanta, but I can't go there. That's Pravda central. Ground zero. I wouldn't last a day there. Matt doesn't believe me though about how much they want me. What if I can't make him understand? What if I pick to go with him and miss out on leaving with the others and he still wants to go to Atlanta?
I have to think of Rosa, too. I know where I want to take her. A warm beach. I don't know how far away we are from a nice beach in Florida, but surely it can't be that far. Georgia is only one state away from Florida. I bet we could get there in a few hours. I think life would be so much more bearable if the weather was warm and hospitable. This awful cold is just one more reason to hate life. I can just picture me and Rosa and Matt and Thomas splashing in the ocean. Far from zombies. Far from Pravda. With the sound of the ocean in my mind, I fall into a fitful sleep next to Rosa.
Chapter Forty-Eight
This Is A First For Me
Rosa wakes me by tapping gently on my cheek. When I open my eyes she's just inches from my face. It's still dark out, but I can tell the sun is starting to rise. It is morning, and we made it through the night.
"Hi," I say with a smile and a yawn.
She smiles in response. She still hasn't spoken. She points at her open mouth to tell me she's hungry. I don't even know if she had dinner yesterday. I feel guilty again for making them wait hours for me last night.
I love waking up to guilt. It's such a great way to start your day.
*****
I make Rosa and I duck egg omelets with the last of the eggs and cheese. Aunty was in charge of trading for food and keeping the fridge stocked. I feel her absence everywhere this morning; her kitchen, her crocheted tablecloth, her bible verses on the fridge. She was memorizing the book of Revelation. Rosa waves for my attention; she wants me to blow on her bites. It's kind of amazing how easily we have fallen into this mother/daughter relationship. She wants to be taken care of, and I want to have something to live for, someone who needs me.
I don't know where Jack and Ben are or if they are even still staying here. I guess they've been eating their meals somewhere else. I try to tell myself that I can't take care of everyone; that Aunty would understand. I want to live up to what she wanted me to be, and I'm worried that I'm already falling short.
Rev. Depold said that Ms. Scott would be coming by sometime today to officially take over for me. If Tim took my message to the Elders, hopefully they are planning to move everyone. I'm worried that they won't take my warning seriously enough. I'm relieved that the attack didn't happen in the night, but I feel certain it's coming soon. If we are relocating, Ms. Scott won't be taking over the Inn. I think she would've been terrible at it anyway.
When the doorbell rings, I assume it's someone coming to tell us what the Elder's have decided. Through the leaded glass door I see Jose standing outside. I hope nothing is wrong with Thomas as I hurry to unlock the door and let Jose in.
"Hello, Ivy."
"Hi. Is anything wrong with Thomas?"
"No, he's doing great. Actually, I'm here because Ellen and I were hoping you'd keep him company during the meeting today. Ellen thought maybe you wouldn't mind missing it; and she and I both want to be there."
"Oh. Sure. When is it?"
Jose looks suddenly uncomfortable when he realizes this is the first I've heard of the town meeting. I guess he's worried he's told me something I wasn't supposed to know.
"It's ok," I try to sound nonchalant. "I knew there'd be a meeting, I just hadn't heard what time."
I don't even consider this a lie. I'm more "in the know" than anyone at this point. I wonder if they asked Tim to tell me. That's a good possibility and a likely reason for my ignorance. He's probably really mad at me.
"I'd love to watch Thomas. I don't need to be at the meeting."
"Oh. Are you sure?" Jose looks like he'd like to back out of his request.
"Totally. I'll have Rosa with me if that's okay? What time do you want me at your house?"
"Uh, 11:45 would be great. Thank you."
Rosa has been hiding behind my legs peeking out at Jose. She suddenly sneezes and Jose squats down to her eye level and says, "Dios te bendiga."
Rosa smiles shyly at him and looks up at me with bigger eyes than normal. I think she understood him.
"¿Estás bien?" Jose asks her.
I don't speak any Spanish. I have absolutely no idea what he said. But it's one of the happiest moments I've had in ages when I hear Rosa’s sweet little voice respond quietly, "Sí".
I laugh and pick her up and hug her close. Jose stands back up and turns to go. He has no idea what an important thing he's just been part of.
"Jose!" I call out as he is stepping back outside. "Can you tell her that I love her? Please? Can you tell her for me that I'll always take care of her?"
Jose studies me for a moment. He looks skeptical. He's probably worried about promising this sweet little girl something that neither of us have true control over. Only God can make such promises. I know that, but I want to say it anyway. Is that stupid? I think it's the kind of thing a mom promises her little girl, even if it's not always kept. It's still what my heart wants.
Jose reaches out and takes Rosa's little hand. They have the same skin tone and similar eyes. He speaks quietly with sincerity, "Ivy te ama. Ella quiere cuidar de ti."
I can't be sure of what he said to her, but she looks sweetly at me and then hugs my neck. Jose has already stepped outside and pulled the door closed behind him. I spin Rosa around and around in the foyer until we are dizzy. We fall on the carpet laughing and she climbs into my arms for a snuggle.
*****
A few hours later, Rosa and I arrive at Jose and Ellen's a little early. I brought our bag of belongings with me. I plan to keep it on me wherever I go now. I hope Matt will find me and give me some warning when it's time to leave. But I'll be ready to go no matter what. I also decided to bring the bag of toys for Thomas that I've had in my closet. I should've sent them to him days ago. He's been stuck in bed with so little to do. I just never thought of it in all the chaos that has been my life this week.
I take Rosa in to meet Thomas while Jose and Ellen finish getting ready. He's sitting in a wheelchair this time, and I'm happy to see him out of bed.
"Wow! You're looking great kid!"
"Thanks," he nods happily, "I'm getting better."
"This is Rosa," I say introducing her. "Tom," I say looking at Rosa and pointing to Thomas. Now that I know she's capable of speech, I'm trying to remember to point to things and say their name. At home, after Jose left, she followed me around the house and listened to me point to different things and name them. She never tried to repeat me, but she smiled the whole time and wanted the new game to go on and on. Even on the walk to Thomas' she pointed at houses and trees, looking to me for each word.
"Hi Rosa!" Thomas says sweetly. He's more kind and gentle than other boy's his age and I can tell he likes her already. “Where did she come from?” Thomas asks.
“I don’t know very much a
bout her. One of the missionaries brought her. He said he rescued her near Atlanta.”
"Just like me!" Thomas proclaims.
I hadn't even thought of that connection. Thomas will probably love Rosa even more for that.
"Was it Harvey?" Thomas asks. "Harvey was great with kids."
I don't want to tell Thomas that Harvey didn't come home for the homecoming. It seems Jose and Ellen haven't told him.
"No, a missionary named Jack. He looked like a wild mountain man when he showed up at my door. I thought he was Big Foot or something!"
"Big Foot?" Thomas asks, too young to have heard of the old legend.
So much has been lost in the decline of civilization. Kids his age used to know all about Big Foot and the Abominable Snowman and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Now, with no television, and most of life being a constant survival situation, the hero's and monsters that were common knowledge when I was a kid are dead.
"Never mind." I say with a smile.
I reach up and rub my hand over the stubble of Thomas’ buzz cut. I miss his cute curly locks. The stitches on his head look much better and the cut on his face is healing fast. Last time I was here, his arm was in a sling. Today it's propped up on a small pillow on his lap, no sling, wrapped in layers and layers of gauze.
"How's the hand?" I ask when he sees me looking at it.
His sunny face gets cloudy, "Pretty ugly. Mom re-bandages it every day. It keeps getting infected. The Doctor found me some Penicillin, but it didn't make it all better. Mom puts herbs on it and they help. It still hurts." Then, in a conspiratorial whisper, he asks, "Does Matt know about it?"
I guess Thomas has figured out that I'm not supposed to see Matt but that I do. It's nice to talk about Matt with someone who is happy hearing his name. I'm used to hiding him. I choose my words carefully, not wanting to say something that would upset Thomas or get me into trouble with Jose and Ellen.
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