by Dave Cullen
I owe a huge debt to my brilliant, tireless editor, Gail Winston, who raced through so many rewrites with me to get this book tightened up and so much better with the clock ticking loudly the whole time. Her advice and encouragement really got me through. When the stress was high, it was calming to know I was in good hands. Emily Taylor played traffic cop with the army of people it takes to create a book, and pull all the pieces together. I’m grateful to Jonathan Burnham and the whole Harper team, including Leslie Cohen, and Nicholas Davies, Theresa Dooley, and Emily VanDerwerken on her publicity team; the production team, including John Jusino, Diana Meunier, and Nate Knaebel; copy editor Douglas Johnson; the sales and marketing teams under Leah Wasielewski and Jennifer Murphy; senior designer Bonni Leon-Berman, who designed the lovely interior; lawyer Trina Hunn, who did the legal read; and a hundred others on the Harper team whom I may never meet but who played a role in bringing this story to the page. (And still more to bring it to your e-reader or audiobook, including Robert Fass, whom I was lucky enough to have read it.) I was already working with Harper on my book on two gay soldiers, and I chose them for that project because I was so impressed by their entire team and the way they wanted to approach it. So when the possibility of a Parkland book came up, I knew exactly whom I wanted to work with, and I was thrilled to see how enthusiastically they embraced the project and allowed me to interrupt the gay soldiers book to plunge right into this one. (And I want to thank the two gay soldiers I’ve now been working with for nineteen years, and their families, for being so understanding to wait even longer to bring their story to the page. I don’t want to reveal your names yet, T. and S., but you know who you are.)
This book grew out of my work at Vanity Fair. Big thanks to everyone who got the project rolling and helped there, especially Mike Hogan, my editor on most of the stories, and the one who first called and suggested I go. To Radhika Jones, for having the faith to green-light the project, to send me down with little sense of what might be possible, and then to extend and expand the project several times. To so many people there who helped, but especially the copy editors and fact-checkers Katherine Commisso and Mary Flynn, who saved my butt countless times, by questioning, digging, and checking. And Sarah Shoen, who got me on planes and booked me rooms and sorted out any little problem I had. And to the photographers and videographers who worked with me, Paul D’Amato, Ron Beinner, Tim Braun, Abie Troen, and especially Justin Bishop. And of course Matt Alston.
Thank you to the experts who advised me on various matters, especially John Della Volpe, Professor Robert Spitzer, Dr. Alyse Ley, Dr. Frank Ochberg (so many roles), and all the journalists I cited in the notes on sources. Special thanks to retired FBI profiler Mary Ellen O’Toole and the anonymous friend at the University of Virginia, who has been so generous in helping me understand these killers all these years.
Eternal thanks to my great writer (and a few reader) friends who responded to my absurd request to read the first draft of the manuscript and offer feedback in eight days—and right over Thanksgiving. I sent the Hail Mary request to several people, hoping for one or two responses, and I was stunned that so many took it on, to read all or part of it: Miles Harvey, Kevin Davis, Patty Wiater, William Lychack, Staci Amend, Dr. Frank Ochberg, Bethany (aka BethAnnie) Belle, and Matt Alston. Special thanks to Staci, who made so many amazing and thorough edits.
To my incredible research sleuth, Marc Greenawalt, and my additional researchers Colson Lin and Manola Gonzalez. To the ACIA team and Dr. Frank Ochberg and everyone at the Dart Center, including Bruce Shapiro and Kari Pricher, who helped cure me the first time, so I was capable of going down there again. Dr. Ochberg, retired FBI SSA Dwayne Fuselier, and my shrink Pat Patton all helped pull me out of my second Columbine breakdown in 2006, which I’ll never forget. You’ve all become great friends too, along with Mimi Fuselier.
So many survivors from so many tragedies have shared their insights and their friendship. I can only name a handful, but thank you Coni Sanders, Paula Reed, Kiki Leyba (plus Kallie and Samson), Frank DeAngelis, Heather Martin, and Chris and Jenny Babij.
Friends have kept me sane, and let me start with a few: Mike and Elise Jordan, who created the “Sag Harbor writer’s retreat” for me to stay for weeks at a time, so I could get away from the city. And Patrick Brown and Chris Nyce, who did the same for shorter stretches in Boulder. And for so many more: Samuel Morett, Alejandro Morelos, Ira Gilbert, Tito Negron, Gregg Trostel, Octavio R. Lavoignet, Dave Yoo, Elizabeth Geoghegan, Brian Cookstra, Miles Harvey, Kevin Davis, Bill Lychack, Bill Kelly, Dennis Grech, Jeronimo Sochaczewski, Paul Campbell, Juan Carlos Alvarez, Joseph Leskody, the Cosbys (Doug, Monica, and Cecilia), Kyle Bradstreet, and of course Bobby Sneakers.
For my family, who have been so encouraging, my dad, and my siblings Linda Reinert, Kathy Pick, Marie McGrath, Patty Wiater, and Joe, Danny, Peggy, and Kelly Cullen and their spouses. My nieces and nephews, who bring such joy to my life, and who remind me what it was like to be young: Chris Pick, Cari Pick, Steven Pick, Matthew Wiater, Michael McGrath, Caitlin McGrath, Kaylee Wiater, Seamus Cullen, Kennedy Cullen, Liam Cullen, and Siobhan Cullen. And my mom, who died a few months before this began, but whom I still carry with me, and who oddly in the final stages of dementia reminded me how much I loved her and why. To my extended family, the Eustises, Kachuriks, and Lerches, and the Phillipses. Special thanks to Aunt Mary Ellen and the other Phillipses who found the poetry and writing of my grandfather Joe Cullen from 1914, and fresh bits about his grandfather Matthew Cullen, the revolutionary Irish newspaper publisher, to open up a whole new understanding of how long writing has been in my blood.
For all the readers of Columbine still emailing or tagging me on social media nearly every day, especially the high school students—and the teachers and librarians bringing the book into their lives. Writing can be a lonely life, with so many frustrating and sometimes fruitless days, wrestling with the page. The encouragement coming in, and the personal stories of its impact on you, saved me from countless shame spirals, that I’m just some goofball, typing up drivel in my little writing cave.
I apologize to everyone I left out, because I left this chapter till last, and kept writing and editing up till the last minute. Finally, I will never repay the debt to my writing mentors along the way; chronologically, Mrs. Barrows, Linda Tufano, Joan Walsh, Jonathan Karp. My trusted agent, adviser, and friend Betsy Lerner was the first person to believe in this project as a book, and helped me shape it throughout. The singular being Lucia Berlin is in a class all her own. She taught me so much, about writing and living, in the guidance she gave and the example she set, in person and on the page. But she gave me something so much bigger. Lucia was the first person not dating or related to me to tell me she loved me. That gave me permission to finally say it back—to her, and to everyone else I loved. I never would have told my mom I loved her without you, Lucia. Thanks. I miss you.
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