by Dave Cullen
3
My interview with the four Legally Blonde kids actually took place a few weeks later, on May 8. As a rule, I tried to use quotes in the narrative when they occurred, or very close to that time, to give the reader a sense of how individuals’ impressions evolved. Two weeks is longer than I usually like to stretch it, but this was the place in the story where this material was relevant for readers, and it was clear that the kids had settled on these feelings for quite a while. I had also heard bits and pieces of this sentiment from many Douglas students for weeks before and after this point in the narrative (April 20). Of all those conversations, I felt this foursome really captured many shadings and perspectives of those feelings. I hope this scene provides a sense of so many more like it.
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The meeting with survivors was by far the most intimate exchange between survivors I’ve ever witnessed in two decades covering such events. It was closed to the press and public. However, since I’ve known several of the Columbine survivors so long, they trusted me to observe quietly in the back of the auditorium. I took notes but did not record it. To augment my notes, I taped several minutes of impressions immediately after walking out. Because no one taped the session, I used only the few brief quotes—which I jotted down and then confirmed with the source later. Because it was private, I used only names and quotes from people who gave me permission afterward.
More disclosures: I have gotten close to many of the Columbine survivors over the years. After Columbine was published, I foolishly believed I had moved on from this horrible story, and became good friends with some of my “former” sources, including Kiki and Paula. The reality is that after two decades, we have all been pulled into the strange gravitational orbit of these awful events, and are part of it together. Normal journalistic boundaries have blurred.
In the years after Columbine was published, I also faced an ethical dilemma. I had always sought to remain neutral and objective on issues like the gun debate. However, I am now frequently sought out for advice on mass shootings by students, parents, school administrators, academics, and law enforcement officers. (For example, I was the keynote speaker one year for the annual threat management conference organized by the FBI and LAPD.) I realized at some point that I had blended into being part of this, and with people dying—so many children dying—and such an obvious national problem with guns, I could no longer stay completely neutral. I avoid public positions on specific gun legislation, but I take the overt position that we have badly failed to do anything, and some reasonable action is clearly called for.
Paula and Kiki are both articulate and empathetic, and I often recommend them as speakers when reporters, TV producers, or others ask me for suggestions. In 2014, John Ridley, the executive producer of ABC’s American Crime, contacted me for help selecting survivors for the second season of the series, which involved a school shooting. He wanted to weave clips of actual survivors into the show. I suggested Kiki and Paula, and ABC eventually hired me (for the day) to interview them and three survivors of other brutal situations on camera. It aired in February 2016. Kiki has taught Columbine as a text in one of his English courses for the past several years. The first year, I Skyped in with the class. He knows writers struggle to make ends meet, and on several of my trips to Colorado, he and his wife, Kallie, invited me to stay at their house for a few days, and I accepted. That included both trips covered in this book: the April trip in this chapter, and the August trip in chapter 19.
I see people like Kiki and Paula now less as sources and more as friends, as well as valuable conduits into the closely guarded world of trauma survivors. When tragedy strikes or controversy arises, and insiders seal themselves off from the press or recite talking points, I have abundant sources who will share the blunt truth. So now I rarely use Paula or Kiki as direct sources, but because the Parkland kids sought out the Columbine community, Paula and Kiki ended up at the center of a few powerful scenes that I thought readers would appreciate. So I’ve included them, with this disclosure of our friendship.
This boundary crossing comes with risks, but I think they are heavily outweighed by the insights and access they afford. These people have been living with this for twenty years, and they trust me to share feelings they otherwise never would with a reporter. On the April trip, staying at Kiki’s home provided extraordinary access, including long conversations with him immediately before and after events, in his kitchen or living room. He also arranged for me to interview Kaylee there, and then to visit at her home, where about twenty of the Douglas kids were hanging out and preparing to go on the Lookout Mountain trip. (I made sure all those kids knew I was a reporter, and a few chose to do interviews with me there. I got another window into them behind the scenes.) It’s also highly unlikely I would have known about Kiki’s car crash without staying there. I learned about it when I landed in Denver and switched on my phone from airplane mode. Kiki had texted that he might be late meeting me at his house, because he had just crashed his car. (He was not injured.) I saw the car crumpled in the driveway for the next three days. I talked to Kallie about him being too upset to call the insurance company.
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Two years after Paula Reed taught Dylan Klebold, he and Eric Harris attacked Columbine. Most of Dylan’s friends shared Reed’s perception that Dylan was a sweet kid, and were shocked that he participated.
17. Setbacks
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Because of my existing relationships with Frank DeAngelis and others in the community, I was monitoring the evolving controversy for weeks while it remained private. I had agreed to keep it off the record at that time, because everyone involved supported the movement and didn’t want to sow public discord. They eventually hit an impasse and DeAngelis went public—taking issue only with the timing. (He was an enthusiastic supporter of MFOL both publicly and privately.)
2
My quotes from Diego Garcia come from my interview with him. That was June, when I met him the weekend of the Peace March, but his comments about the walkout were pertinent here.
3
Most of the information about Alfonso and Charlie’s trip comes from my interviews with Alfonso and an Arizona representative who spoke on the condition of anonymity. I also spoke to several other MFOL kids about it and its implications, including the passage quoted from Dylan. Alfonso didn’t cover all the nitty-gritty details—and he was not present to the end of the die-in—so I augmented his account with news reports: “Hamilton High and Other . . .” (Arizona Republic), “We’re Not Going to Give Up” (Arizona Republic), “Parkland Student to Campaign for Hiral Tipirneni” (Arizona Republic), and “Arizona Students Stage ‘Die-In’” (Arizona Daily Independent).
Background on Arizona’s and Pennsylvania’s special elections come from the New York Times. In the Senate race, the bisexual woman leading in contention for the Democratic nomination was Kyrsten Sinema. She won the nomination and the seat.
Officials eventually chose not to arrest five students who remained in the Arizona capitol building, but they shut off the lights and left the students in the dark. When that failed, officials carried them out around ten thirty p.m.
Gadsden flags are the yellow ones embellished with a coiled snake, which read dont tread on me.
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In addition to David’s Axios interview, he made similar comments at a Twitter Live Q&A with Alex, Cameron, Emma, Jackie, and Ryan earlier in the week.
Yahoo News picked up the Newsweek story on David’s Axios quote, and Tyah-Amoy Roberts actually linked to Yahoo’s version in her tweet.
18. Graduation
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The company put on four performances of Spring Awakening, and I attended the first two. I bought my ticket to the first show early, a front-row seat, on the far aisle, stage right. That put me beside the front VIP table, which Cameron’s family happened to purchase, so I got to see their reactions during the show. (I learned who they were only later, though it was clear they were connected to him in some way.) C
ameron also performed some of his major scenes at that edge of the stage. For the second performance, I got a seat toward the center, several rows back, which allowed me a much wider view of the show. I didn’t design it that way, but the two seats were highly complementary in giving me different perspectives on the show.
I attended the talk-back with Sater and Sheik. I hope my account doesn’t give the impression that Duncan was silent. They both had great insights, but Sater wrote the lyrics, which are most pertinent to this story, so I ended up quoting just him. The talk-back was intended to be held in the theater and open to the public, to begin after the cast had a chance to meet with friends and family outside on the boardwalk. But while that was happening, the theater owner locked up the venue, so Barclay was forced to come up with a quick plan B, and she moved the talk-back to her studio, just steps away. It was a small space, so the event had to be restricted to the cast, crew, Sater, Sheik, and a few journalists. It made for an intimate setting, with the two dozen of us barely squeezing in. They brought in chairs for Sheik and Sater, and the kids sat or lay on the floor, many curled up together. The adults mostly stood. All the questions came from the cast and crew. I got it all on tape. As stated earlier, I went over Sater’s quotes with him in November, and he clarified and expanded on them. (For the most part, he added back bits that were either included in the question or a previous answer.) It was also in November that Sater shared his poem and gave me his permission to include it.
Sheik and Sater had also met with the students earlier, visited their school, and met with their drama instructor, Melody Herzfeld. I should also note that Melody played a big part in these kids’ lives, and they really liked her. I contacted her in March (with Daniel Duff’s help), and we texted several times, all off the record. She was extremely gracious but decided that she wanted to be there for her kids and keep the focus on them. That was very understandable. I always intended to follow up, but as with some other sources, the story got so big and great story lines got crowded out. The Spring Awakening material was so powerful, and so aligned with what they were going through, that I decided to focus on that. If I had another few months and could write a few more chapters—and were she willing—I would definitely include Melody. Sadly, I also intended to interview Ed Stolz on that trip, but our paths kept missing. He was assistant musical director at Douglas High, and was with most of the kids in lockdown in the drama room. He was also the musical director for Barclay’s company. I regret not finding the time or space to include him. Eric Garner is also on that list, the broadcasting teacher at Douglas.
I did not attend the master class with the original Broadway cast. I spoke to Barclay about it, and some of the kids mentioned it from time to time, but I relied heavily on Alexis Soloski’s excellent New York Times feature “Parkland Survivors Get a Broadway Master Class in Healing.” Most of the quotes I used from the event come from her.
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When I write “Everyone saw a change in David,” that was an understatement. The kids were often bringing it up, and just walking into a room with David, you could feel it. He was also quite aware of it.
I had already spent a lot of time with Cameron and David over the previous months, but it was really concentrated that week. I spent a good chunk of the late part of the week shadowing Cameron and the rest of the Spring Awakening company, and then about five hours on Saturday at the Hoggs’ house (with David there for a bit more than half of that). The contrast was so extraordinary that I bounced my impressions off David.
3
I was in town for prom weekend because of Spring Awakening, and I also took the opportunity to talk to some of the kids about their plans. But I felt strongly they needed a break from the media that night, so I stayed away and made no contact that evening. I used the kids’ social media posts and media reports for most of the details about it, including “Marjory Stoneman Douglas High Plans ‘Over the Top’ Prom” (Los Angeles Times), “Marjory Stoneman Douglas High Prom” (Sun-Sentinel), and “Parkland’s Seniors Celebrate Prom, but Four Are Missing” (NBC News).
By coincidence, I happened to spend much of prom day at the Hoggs’ house. I was actually supposed to do an interview with Rebecca and Kevin on Thursday, but Kevin was rushed to the ER with a kidney stone. He was back on his feet quickly, and they suggested I come by Saturday morning. They were held up a bit, and only Lauren was home when I arrived, but she was open to an interview, so I caught up with her. (This is when she told me about the incident with the special issue of the Eagle Eye, among other things.) Then I did a long interview with Kevin and Rebecca while the kids went to lunch. Rebecca showed me the unique wrist corsage she had gotten Emma and let me photograph it. She could barely contain her giddiness about her only son going to prom. (I agreed to keep everything about Emma and David going together off the record.) We were still talking when the kids returned, and David sat down on the couch and just listened for about twenty minutes. Eventually he chimed in, and it gradually morphed into a long interview with him. Prom came up several times, and that’s when David broke the news about no pictures, and he and Rebecca had it out. Eventually, Rebecca left, and Kevin spoke to David again about it, trying to find some compromise. They both felt terrible about it for Rebecca, but David said the price for letting the information out would be terrible. Eventually David went up to get dressed, while I chatted more with Kevin. (Kevin is the introvert in a very extroverted family, so it’s best to get him alone. And David said he was fine with my staying.) When David came down in his tux, I got out of there to give him some space, wished him well, and promised not to text.
I regret not finding more space for Rebecca in this book. She is hysterical in person and also extremely caring. (All the parents I met were incredibly gracious and kind to me.) Rebecca always put me in a good mood. I also appreciated her candor. I hope all that comes across. I wrote and deleted much more material about Rebecca, but decided the focus needed to stay on the kids.
4
I was concerned about Lauren the first time I met her. Of all the Parkland kids I spent time with, she reminded me most of the shell-shocked Columbine kids I’d come to know. All three of the assessments of Lauren in this section (by Lauren, David, and Rebecca) came over the course of prom day. (Kevin did not weigh in.)
5
I interviewed Tío Manny on May 8, five days before Mother’s Day, and he was really worried about the upcoming holiday. It seemed unthinkable for Patricia. But then when he considered it, he realized graduation would likely be the worst day of all. All the quotes in this section are from that interview.
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My reflections at the start of this section come from nineteen years watching survivors go through the process. It tends to be a much bigger milestone than most of them foresee at the beginning.
I next saw Tío Manny in Chicago on June 15, and met Patricia then. They had just been through graduation, and they were bracing for Father’s Day two days later. We talked about all three occasions. Mother’s Day had been as bad as expected, and graduation was terrible, but they’d felt much better after they devised Patricia’s silent protest of a T-shirt.
I did not attend the graduation. I discussed it later with many of the MFOL kids, and particularly with the Olivers, who were still reeling from it. I composed this section primarily based on those interviews. For details, I watched much of the graduation online. I drew additional details and quotes from the NowThisNews article “Joaquin Oliver’s Parents Appear on Their Son’s Behalf at Parkland Graduation.”
19. Road to Change
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The kids talked to me about the tour throughout April, May, and early June—with all conversations embargoed until it was announced. During much of that period, they were still figuring out what it would really look like. (I didn’t hear about the Florida bus until rather late in the game, but perhaps it just didn’t come up.) I went most in depth about it with Matt and Jackie, and to a lesser extent with David and several others. All quotes
and descriptions in this section are from those conversations.
Earlier in the book, I refer to Father Pfleger organizing the Peace Marches (plural), a series of marches held every Friday night throughout the summer. But with MFOL coming to the kickoff march this year, it became a big event, and the church itself dubbed it the Peace March (singular), which is how everyone I encountered before, during, and after spoke of it. So for clarity, I used the singular in this chapter.
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I attended the Peace March on Friday, and also all the related events that evening and Saturday. Friday’s activities included the MFOL students touring the area around the church, Tío Manny creating his mural, the rally, the march, and street interviews after. (The march lasted a long time, and the MFOL kids were dispersed throughout the crowd. I ran up and down the length of it watching the MFOL kids, and speaking briefly to get a quick impression, but mostly giving them space to enjoy it. Daniel was feeling chatty, so I marched with him for a while and talked with him and his new friends.) Saturday included the press availability with kids at Saint Sabina, a public barbeque in a park nearby, and then the first town hall Saturday evening in Naperville, and more press availability afterward (and a bit informally squeezed in before). We also did a Vanity Fair group portrait session with twelve of the MFOL kids early Saturday afternoon. In all, there were opportunities to catch the kids in a multitude of different settings and moods. I checked in with many of them repeatedly throughout the weekend. All depictions and quotes come from that reporting, as well as my preinterviews. I spoke to the MFOL kids about the Peace March many times leading up to the event, and interviewed Alex, D’Angelo, and Father Pfleger by phone several days before. I spoke to all of them throughout the weekend.
