by Barry Solway
But it wasn’t really Anna. The girl looked like Anna, but the eyes that stared back at Mel were dead. There was no personality, no mind behind them. Because Mel had killed Anna. Had shot her, over and over, until her android body had exploded. Mel felt the guilt of it like a heavy blanket.
I didn’t kill you, Anna. The thought was both her own and like someone else talking to her. Her attention came back to Anna’s body, vacant eyes staring ahead.
“Get up, Banana. Time to get to work.”
To Mel’s surprise, Anna leaned forward and stepped out of the tube, standing naked in front of her. Mel reached up a hand and touched Anna’s cheek. She could see herself touching the cheek, but the feeling of it was far away. A blurry touch, like the images themselves.
“Here we are, me and the ghosts of friends I’ve lost,” she said to Anna, but the unliving girl didn’t respond.
I am the ghost, Mel thought. That’s how she felt, floating in a dream beyond her control, seeing things she couldn’t quite see, touching things she couldn’t quite feel.
There was a shift then, as if someone else had joined her in the dream. She could feel the presence, even if she couldn’t see who it was.
Who are you? She couldn’t tell if she was asking the presence, or if the presence was asking her.
Mel looked down at her hand again, the perfect human hand that should have metal and plastic fingers. The fingers twitched. Suddenly, she could feel a horrible pain in her leg, the pain of skin and flesh tearing as a razor-sharp tooth sliced her to the bone. Her legs dissolved in fire and she gasped as Anna’s face melted away to darkness.
Who are you? A faraway shout that she could barely hear.
I don’t know, she replied.
***
Mel could feel it, deep inside her brain. A blackness that threatened to crawl out and engulf her. It was the same feeling she had months ago on Kathor’s ship, when she had been resurrected for the third time. When she had tried to kill herself and realized that she couldn’t even do that.
Over a week had passed since the game. She stared down at the new leg, a smaller version of Evan’s. The plastic housing was light brownish-gray, and in no way matched her actual skin tone. It worked well enough in the initial light exercises she had done, although she hadn’t tried to walk yet. If she wore pants, you couldn’t tell she even had a cybernetic leg. She guessed that was something.
Flexing her hand distracted her from the leg. The control was getting better, the fingers no longer spasmed or jerked the way they had at first. She hadn’t really had that problem with the leg, but guessed that was because it had fewer parts to move around and precision and coordination wasn’t as important. Barely a week since the gauntlet and here she was, practicing with her new leg. The miracles of alien technology.
Sheila looked up from her notes, chattering about interface voltage levels and immunity response. Mel tuned it all out, knowing that Sheila had a habit of talking out loud. The Chaturee repeated herself three times before Mel responded.
“Silly person, pay attention! Are you ready?” Sheila scolded.
Mel sighed. Sheila had a horrible bedside manner and didn’t seem to notice Mel’s discomfort. Mel suspected Sheila’s translator couldn’t pick up on Mel’s body language. More likely she just didn’t care.
“Yeah, I’m ready,” Mel said. The surgery had completed two days ago and she had already done some minor stretching and movement exercises in bed. Now she was supposed to get up and walk.
She swung her legs over the bed and Evan stood to help her, holding out crutches for her to use. Evan told her there would be discomfort in the leg where the cybernetic parts supported the weight of her body, but that she would get used to it. She wasn’t sure if getting used to all the things that had happened to her was a good thing or not.
Standing tentatively on her good leg, she tucked the crutches under her arms. She leaned on Evan for a moment, steeling herself. “Here we go,” she said.
“You got this,” he replied with an encouraging smile.
She nodded and paused for a moment. “Thanks, Evan. For being… just for being here.”
Evan nodded and motioned to Sheila. “Is she ready?”
Sheila had the leg hooked up to her equipment, monitoring it and Mel’s vital signs. “Yes, yes. Don’t rush me.” She fiddled with her tablet for a moment, then looked up impatiently at Mel. “Well? What are you waiting for? Your leg isn’t going to walk itself. Hop to it!”
Mel shook her head, amused and annoyed. She flexed her new leg at the knee a few times, judging the range of motion. She could ‘feel’ the leg, after a fashion. Evan and Sheila both said the feeling would become natural over time as her brain adjusted to the cybernetic feedback.
Her new foot touched the ground and she tried to shift her full weight onto the leg. She found herself leaning heavily onto her crutches. Pushing harder, she willed herself to take the first step, but her leg refused to cooperate. Surprisingly, she found herself giggling.
“What’s the matter?” Sheila asked.
“You can’t step, can you?” Evan asked. He had a knowing expression on his face.
“No. It’s weird. I’m trying to put weight on it, but my body is like ‘no way,’” Mel said. “Is something wrong with the leg?”
“I don’t think so,” Evan replied. “I had the same thing happen. I think your body knows it was injured. It’s trying to protect itself from further injury. You have to will your way through it. It’s a weird feeling, though.”
Mel nodded and gritted her teeth. She was going to take a step whether her body wanted to or not. The resistance mounted, increasing her resolve and she finally let out a gasp as she realized she was standing with most of her weight on her right foot.
“Whoo-hoo! I did it,” she said. She felt exhausted and a bead of sweat dripped down her forehead.
“It gets easier from here. Sheila modified the original hardware and software based on my parts, so this should go much faster for you.”
Mel nodded. She kept some weight on the crutch for balance, but finally transitioned all her weight onto the new leg and took a step with the left one. She did it again, then walked slowly to the door and back.
“I’m not doing any marathons soon, but I can walk with the crutches. It’s already pretty easy. My balance is a bit off.”
Sheila poured over data coming out of the tablet. “The balance algorithm is adjusting based on your feedback. It’s in line with expectations. Your balance will improve quickly as the software adjusts to you and you adjust to the leg.”
“Good to know. This is way easier than I expected. Can I go out to the kitchen? I was hoping to talk to Gorgeous and Beats.” Evan winced but tried to hide it. “That bad, is it?” Mel asked.
“Uh. I don’t know. Have they been in to see you?”
“Not in two days,” Mel said curtly. Which was disappointing, to say the least. And those conversations hadn’t gone well. Both Beats and Gorgeous were upset about the last gauntlet, but reluctant to talk about why.
“I need to figure out what’s bothering them. They didn’t tell you, did they?”
“Not really. I’ve talked to Beats a bit. You know how he is. He’s just not happy that other people died. That you threatened to kill Sahass. But there’s something else going on with him I can’t figure out. Gorgeous too. It’s got something to do with the other Ankhen she met, but she won’t say what happened. She seems depressed to me, but I can’t really tell.”
“Yeah, that’s going around,” Mel said, mostly to herself. Although she had to confess that she felt better than she had just ten minutes ago. At least she had hope she would walk again.
“Want to walk down to the kitchen with me?” she asked Evan.
“Sure. Anything you need before we go, Sheila?”
“No, no. Run along,” Sheila muttered, looking at the data on her tablet. She looked up in alarm. “I don’t mean that literally. Don’t be a silly person. No running for
at least a week. Walk slowly.”
Mel laughed. “Got it, thanks.”
Sheila gave a chirping sound that Mel thought of as a human grunt, and went back to her tablet while Evan held the door and Mel slowly swung herself forward.
***
“I was bluffing,” Mel said, for the third time.
Beats and Gorgeous sat across from her in the kitchen. Riley was still in the hospital wing while Sheila and Anna worked on a treatment course, and he wasn’t slated for initial surgery for another three days. Mel realized she hadn’t seen Jon in days either, but pushed the thought away, focusing on Beats.
He wasn’t exactly angry, she thought. But he definitely struggled with something.
Beats nodded his head up and down, which for him meant ‘no.’ “You shot Polliwog when he had his back turned. And you threatened to kill Sahass after she surrendered. I don’t think you were bluffing.” This was the third time Beats said that.
“And Samor,” Gorgeous said softly, the first time she had joined in on the conversation. Gorgeous tapped the side of her head and occasionally her lips would move as if she was talking to herself.
“What about Samor?” Evan asked.
Gorgeous’s lips moved for a few seconds, as if she hadn’t heard Evan, then she slowly turned to face him. “He saved me. I was in the water, unconscious. Drowning. He pulled me out. And he pulled out Mel, too. Samor saved us. Without him, we wouldn’t have won.” Gorgeous frowned, as if confused about what she had just said.
Evan looked at Mel and she shrugged in reply. “I was fine. I didn’t need rescuing. But yes, he saved Gorgeous.”
“So… what? Saving you was a good thing, right?” Evan said.
“Mel threatened to kill him,” Gorgeous said. “If she had, then we would have died. No… that’s not right.” Her lips moved again, then she looked away, her fingers lightly tapping her forehead. “I don’t know. It’s confusing. She shouldn’t have threatened him.”
“I did not threaten to kill him. I didn’t threaten him at all,” Mel said. “Okay, I was pointing my pistols at him, sure. I was just making sure he didn’t try to trick us.”
“Why would he rescue me just to trick us?” Gorgeous said. She curled up, rocking slightly in a little ball, looking like a lost child. Mel could barely hear her voice under the translator.
“I’m not saying he would have. He seemed nice enough. For someone in the gauntlets, anyway. He really seemed to like you. I just wasn’t taking any chances. We have to win the gauntlets or I’ll never get home.”
Gorgeous said something that Mel didn’t catch. “You’re whispering. I can’t hear you.”
Gorgeous looked up, her eyes rapidly changing color from green to gold. “He didn’t like me. He… he pitied me.”
“Pity? How do you figure that?” Mel asked.
“I could see it in his eyes. The way he looked at me. Because I look… because I look like this,” Gorgeous said. She sobbed, a very human-sounding noise, and her eyes cycled faster from green to gold.
“Uh. I’m missing something,” Evan said. “What’s wrong with how you look?”
Gorgeous sobbed harder and Mel waved Evan to be quiet. “I’ll tell you later,” she whispered to him. Evan raised a hand, then leaned back and closed his mouth.
“Gorgeous, I’m sorry that what I did upset you. But it all turned out okay. Samor escaped without any problem. He didn’t look too worried about any of it.”
“It’s not just Samor,” Gorgeous sobbed. “You… you killed Polliwog. You threatened to kill Sahass when she was defenseless.”
Mel felt anger rising in her belly. “Oh, please. Polliwog had a gun to my head. And I’ve already said ten times that I was bluffing with Sahass.” A silent voice at the back of Mel’s mind questioned whether that was true. She pushed it aside. “I didn’t shoot her, did I? When the snake came, I let her go. She got away and she was fine. Anyway, that’s quite a double standard you have. I don’t remember you having such concern for Croaker.” It came out more harshly than Mel intended.
Gorgeous flinched and cried harder, at least based on how quickly her eyes were changing colors. Her words came between sobs.
“What I did to Croaker… I’ve never hurt someone in my entire life. What kind of person could do something like that? I don’t… I don’t know who I am anymore.”
Mel hadn’t seen it happen, but she had seen Croaker’s disembodied arm floating in the water. When Gorgeous fought she was like a machine, efficient and deadly. Anna suspected it was an effect of the drug Kathor had given Gorgeous, to speed up her ability to learn new skills. When she fought, she moved on autopilot without thinking about what she was doing.
Mel reached across the table and tried to take Gorgeous’s hand. “Gorgeous. I’m sorry. You just did what you had to do. Croaker had a sword. He was trying to hurt you.”
Gorgeous yanked her arm away from Mel. “No. I did the gauntlets to help you. You made me do it.” Gorgeous’s breathing came quicker and she rushed on, her words running together. “You killed him. I love the way I move, the skill. I can’t control it. I hate it. And I’m ugly and I’m a… I shouldn’t be here.” Gorgeous shook her head, confusion on her face, her lips moving silently. “No… maybe… I can’t think straight. I’m doing it… for you. I’m doing it for you and I hate it!” The last line came out with surprising force. Mel didn’t know if it was the translator or not, but a thought went through her mind about the last three words. Not I hate it, but I hate you.
Mel didn’t know what to say. Gorgeous looked at her and sobbed, then ran from the room.
Mel looked down, her attention drawn to her cybernetic hand. She flexed it, in and out. Smooth and perfect, artificial, not messy like human flesh and blood. It didn’t feel pain, not the way the rest of her body did. Her leg didn’t anymore, either. She wondered what it would be like to be completely cybernetic. No flesh, no heart, no pain. Beats drew her attention back to the room.
“You’re too eager to kill. You enjoy it too much. You and Riley. And Anna,” Beats said.
“Anna’s not exactly human anymore,” Mel said. “I assure you that when she was, the last thing you would have called her was too eager to kill.” Mel turned to Evan. “I guess you pass the alien compassion test.”
Evan raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t even study for it.”
Mel couldn’t bring herself to smile. “What’s really going on, Beats? I know you don’t like the violence. But you volunteered to help. And now everyone hates me all of a sudden, because I’m just doing what I have to to survive.”
Beats stood up, and Mel was reminded of his immense size. But he seemed somehow smaller. She didn’t need the translator to tell her that he was troubled.
“Maybe I made the wrong choice.” Beats sniffed and walked out.
Mel shook her head, trying to keep the tears out of her eyes. “We’re losing the whole team.”
“Is that the only thing that comes to mind?” Evan asked softly.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she shot back.
“Gorgeous and Beats are your friends. And they’re upset. It’s not just about the gauntlets.”
“Isn’t it?” Mel pushed herself away from the table and grabbed her crutches. “We can’t afford to have everyone go soft. Not now. We’ll never get home if we do.”
“Right now, this is where you are. You need your friends. I’m not saying you’re wrong, Mel. The gauntlets are tough, physically and psychologically. Gorgeous and Beats are having problems. You can’t just pretend they aren’t.”
Mel turned away. “I need to talk to Anna.”
Evan sighed. “Fine. I’m heading into the market later if you want to come.”
Mel stopped, still facing away from Evan. “I can’t walk that far.”
“We can take a scooter. It might be good for you to get out.”
Mel half-turned. “Yeah. That would be nice. Thanks.”
“What are friends for?”
Cha
pter 24
Mel stood by the door to the meeting room where Anna had been installed. She hesitated for a second, unsure whether she should knock or just go in. It wasn’t like Anna would be doing anything embarrassing. Annoyed with herself for the indecision, she finally decided to knock.
“Anna? It’s Mel. Can I come in?”
There was a brief delay, then she heard Anna’s voice. “Yes, come in.”
Mel pushed the door open and hobbled over to the table. She used the crutches fully, not putting weight on her new leg. Walking on it was too slow, and the mental effort exhausted her. Anna’s holographic image floated in the center and she focused on Mel.
“I need to talk—” Mel began.
“Just a second,” Anna interrupted. “I’m having a conversation with Jon. I can handle two conversations at once, but I’d hate not to give you my full attention. Or the ten percent of it that I reserve for normal conversations anyway.”
“Oh. Sorry,” Mel said. A moment later, there was a whirring sound and a small drone that Simon had built flew into the room.
“It’s been amazing to have Polly,” Anna said. “I can be in two places at once.”
“You named it Polly?”
“Sure. Short for Pollyanna. It’s like a parrot because it can fly and it’s Pollyanna because it’s part of me.”
Mel felt a pang of sorrow. It was such an Anna thing to say, before they had been kidnapped by aliens. Before Anna had been turned into a machine.
“Cute.” Leaning back in her chair, Mel realized how tired she was and how much she didn’t want to have this conversation. “We should talk.”
“Mmm,” Anna said. “Can we wait seven seconds?”
“Really? Seven seconds?” Mel said.
“That’s when Riley will walk in,” Anna said. Moments later, Riley hobbled into the room on his crutches.
“Oh. I didn’t realize you and Anna were talking,” Riley said. “I can come back.”
“You should stay,” Anna said. “Mel wants to talk, and I’d like you to be here for it.”
