by Pearl Tate
“I’m positive.” Sniffing, I straighten my back. “Just allow me some processing time, okay? You don’t need to watch me cry.” I don’t mean the bitterness in my tone towards her, and she’s a good enough friend she knows that.
Putting down the tea, she comes over and sits down before wrapping her arms around me. “I love you, Shelly. This will work out, I know it.” She can’t see me roll my eyes over her shoulder but Forohn can.
Dropping his gaze, I pat her on the back and pull back. “I know.”
Beth hands me a tissue, and I blow my nose as she stands. “Just give me some time and… can I ask a favor?”
“Of course.” Beth sits down again next to me, waiting for me to continue.
“Can you check in on Callim? I'd prefer not to complicate things with him. I can’t see him right now.” My voice cracks, and I wait a beat to pull my voice together, sniffing loudly. “But let me know if things go wrong…”
“Nothing will go wrong, I promise. Hannah rocks, remember?” She stands and squeezes my shoulder. “I’ll be back in a little while.”
“Thanks.” I don’t look up and watch them go. Instead, I concentrate on clearing my nose. But once they’re gone, I can finally give into the tears that have been threatening.
Ever since I’ve woken up on this spaceship, it’s been one fucking drama after another. Like that fucking crazy shuttle ride. Jerking from one side to the other and losing my stomach along the way.
This time, I think I might have lost my heart. The whiplash from the ride just yanked that motherfucker out without me noticing!
From waking up here, to finding out I’m sick. Then negotiating for the antidote and going to Quasar to fight the crazy Council bitches. And of course, meeting Callim. My gorgeous mate.
I’m really letting myself go now. Tears are coming hot and heavy as I take off my clothes. For a second, I hesitate since Callim could show up. It’s dumb, but I don’t want to encourage him at this point.
Thinking about him makes my ridiculous tears worse. A shower will distract me and help me relax. No one will come by to bug me if I’m in the bathroom.
Blowing my nose again, I wander in and climb under the soothing spray. There’s more than one ache in my body, not to mention the small twinge between my thighs. Fuck.
How can he be so much younger than me? Over five years! I understand from studying the laws that most states enforce sixteen-years-old as the age to consent to sex. But there are also additional laws about age differences between the parties. This keeps the younger members from being taken advantage of by an older person.
Based on my personal history, I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around it. Yes, he consented. We’re mates, but in my head our relationship still doesn’t seem right.
And it’s embarrassing. Everyone knows I’ve been fucking a kid.
I mean, there’s no way in fucking hell I’d have looked at a fifteen-year-old boy that way on Earth. Most boys that age are just starting to hit puberty. I reflect back to the fifteen-year-old in the last foster home I was in.
He was withdrawn and moody—probably a lot like me. But sex? Maybe they’re thinking about it but the appeal for me is not there.
Of course, that may have something to do with them not being Callim. Just contemplating not being with him makes my heart ache and nausea set in. It’s like I need him. How fucked up is that?
With all the chaos of Callim and his withdrawal, it’s been a while since Atticus checked me out to make sure the Tirus X is cleared from my system. The fact that I used sex with him to help cure me, isn’t lost on me either. I’m a predator.
There’s no other word for it. And I’ll have to live with that knowledge for the rest of my life.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
- Shelly
TWO DAYS LATER
The doorbell is ringing—waking me up from another dream about Callim. He seems to always be on my mind.
I’ve pretty much just holed up in my room to lick my wounds. I’m trying to figure out how to go about having a friendship with Callim for a few years. With the way I'm suffering now, I’m not sure we’ll be able to stay apart much longer.
When people talked about the mating and the lust you'd endure for each other, I didn’t really buy into it. Until it happened to me. That biological imperative is the only thing that has comforted me over the last two days.
Groaning, I stumble out of bed. “Just a minute.” It’s Atticus. I even knew he was coming and forgot. My head is all fucked up.
Taking my time, I shuffle into the bathroom to splash water on my face. Dark circles ring my eyes from the sleepless nights I’ve been having. As wonderful as the sex was with Callim, I just miss having him as a friend too.
We could talk about anything, like that first night we were together in this room. I care about him. Crave him.
Because I’ve been getting Beth to deliver my food, she’s kept me updated on his progress. They worked out a way to taper him off the drugs in his food and he’s doing much better. That won’t keep me from grilling Atticus though.
Beth must have discussed me with Atticus because early this morning he called to say he would be by to give me an exam. I’m due to get the all clear on Tirus X. I can tell I’m not shaking or weak any longer but I’m still not hungry.
With my own demons tormenting me, I’ve had a hard time eating and sleeping and it’s taking its toll on me. Oh, well. It can’t be helped at this point.
Throwing on yesterday’s clothes, I stumble to the door. I’m surprised to see Hannah is with Atticus too.
“Morning,” Hannah smiles cheerfully. She looks around at the chaos of my room but doesn’t comment. I've done nothing around here and it shows.
“Hey.” Sinking down on the end of the bed, I surrender to their inspection.
Atticus does his traditional staring at his medical device. But Hannah tilts my head back and starts a physical exam. Putting her hands on each side of my neck, she begins by checking my glands.
“You look pretty bad.” I roll my eyes and submit to her inspection. “You realize, you’re the first mated couple to have stayed apart this long.”
“Hm.” I don’t understand what she expects me to say? Yeah, me! “How’s Callim?” I don’t even mean to ask, but I have to know.
Abandoning her inspection, she sinks down next to me. “He feels a lot like you. His withdrawal is under control, and we’ve set up a schedule so he won’t be taking it any longer in about a month.”
“Really? That long?” I suppose compared to a lot of drugs that isn’t too bad.
“We possess the time and resources, so rather than stress his system, we decided to start with that. I think what he’s feeling now is more the mating pull. What are you experiencing? What’s it like?”
“Well, if I’m totally over Tirus X…” I glance up at Atticus who nods his affirmative. “Then mostly listless. Tired? I’m not hungry or motivated as you can notice from looking around here.”
Hannah, the little bitch, looks around with a smirk. “Oh, anyone can see that.”
Dropping my hands behind me on the bed, I lean back and think about what I’ve done over the past couple days. Cry. A lot.
“I think I miss his scent.” Locking eyes with Atticus, I raise my eyebrows. “Is that possible? It’s just… I feel best when I’m in bed and I haven’t changed the sheets, you know?” It sounds so skanky and stalkerish. What have I turned into? I didn’t even mention that I switched to his pillow and I can totally smell him in the bed. That sounds so fucking weird even in my head. “I’m horny, and I’m positive I can tell where he is in the ship now. I sense a pull—like an itch to go find him.”
“Everything sounds normal.” Atticus lack of inflection is so endearing. Not.
“Pretty much the same thing Callim is saying. He misses you. He wants to come see you.” Hannah grabs my knee and squeezes it. “Come on. How long are you planning to hole up in here and pout?”
“Pout?�
�� My voice raises along with my thin temper. “I’m working on forgiving myself. Trying to consider how we can maintain a friendship for two or three years? Maybe date…?” My voice drifts off as the irony of it all shows on Atticus’s face. He looks horrified.
“Um. Hannah, can I talk to you outside for a minute?” My eyes squint at Atticus. He looks nervous.
Grabbing Hannah’s hand, I halt her from getting up. “No! What about doctor and patient privilege? You’re supposed to tell me first! What the fuck?” I feel like I’m having withdrawal with the way my nerves are jangling. Atticus is pushing all the wrong buttons.
When he hesitates, I realize I’ve won. Calmly, I wave at him to continue even though my insides are in turmoil.
“What now?” My voice is resigned. How much worse can it get?
Instead of talking, he grabs one of the chairs and swings it around to sit it across from us. Our knees are almost touching as he leans forward and tilts the display towards us.
Hannah’s quick inhalation sounds more like excitement than terror. “You’re pregnant!” she squeals before throwing her arms around me tightly.
What? It takes a minute before I relax in her arms. “Are you sure?” Angling my head towards Atticus, he’s nodding as Hannah releases me.
“This is great! I’m only a little ahead of you. We’ll be pregnant together!” Hannah’s huge grin leaves no doubt she’s pleased as punch.
Fuck me. My life is so fucked up. I’m pregnant by a teenager.
Atticus has a worried expression on his face though. “I have concerns. Although the Tirus X is completely eradicated, you still show low proteins in your blood. I don’t know if this is a side effect of healing from Tirus X or if it could be part of the separation from Callim? I just don’t know. But it’s probably part of what is making you tired and listless.”
“But it couldn’t be because of Callim’s addiction to the hormone stimulants?” It’s my worst fear right now. What are the odds of having a baby with an addiction? Wouldn’t that be life having the last laugh?
Atticus and Hannah both shake their head no. “Definitely not. But I won’t rule anything out, and we have to keep a close eye on everyone’s progression. I’ll want to check you in the medical clinic tomorrow. I can do a complete work up and see how you compare to what Hannah looked like a few days in. No arguments.” Atticus expression is stern as he gives me the evil eye.
“Fine,” I grit out as I think about dealing with tomorrow—later.
“Are you going to still try to ‘date’ your baby daddy?” Hannah’s joke makes me smile. “No one thinks any less of you, Shelly. You realize that, right? I mean, come on! You weren’t here to watch me when Bren found me and seduced me within hours of coming onto the ship. There really isn’t any fighting this. It’s hard to explain unless you experience it. But calling it horny is like saying it’s a mild day outside when it’s one hundred and ten degrees in the shade! Your libido becomes a living entity. The draw to complete the mating is undeniable.”
I'm aware she’s right, but I have to ask. “You’re sure no one thinks I’m a cougar or something?”
“What do you mean a cougar?” Atticus is honestly curious as he tries to keep up with our conversation.
“It’s a woman that goes after younger men.” Hannah turns back to me. “Don’t be an idiot! The only thing everyone else around here feels is jealous. What you have is a blessing, and now you will experience what all of them want—a family. You’re a celebrity.”
Great. I realize she’s right to a certain extent. It won’t be long and the news of my impending child will make headline news on their planet. “Don’t tell Callim.”
Atticus jumps up. “I can’t be expected to keep this from the father!”
“You can let me tell him!” Standing up slowly, I meet his angry glare. “I won’t hide it, but I get to tell him. Okay?” My voice is firm even though it’s shaking.
“When?” Leave it to Hannah to put me on the spot.
“Soon.” Scrubbing my hands over my face, I look around my room objectively. “I promise. Just… just let me do some cleaning up and think about how I’ll tell him.”
“Don’t take too long. I’m not good at keeping secrets.” Atticus obviously doesn’t like this, but it isn’t his news to share. He’s already at the door with a pissed off look on his face.
Turning to Hannah, I offer her a hand to help her up. “Haven’t you taught him about patient confidentiality?”
“He knows. He’s just excited about how things are changing and the men are more involved. You have to remember in the past, they were never even positive which kid was theirs. They may have a general idea, or if they had a nice Ermada, they may have been the only one sleeping with her. But most of them were lucky if they found out she was pregnant within the first trimester. You should have seen when I told him Bren would be there when the baby was delivered!”
Putting my hand on my stomach I can’t help but ask, “Everything looks normal though?”
“Why don’t you come down to the clinic, and we can run a full checkup and scan now?” Atticus’s antagonistic tone is taunting. Well, I’ve pissed him off. He’s really mad since he knows I won’t come down there while Callim is around and we’re estranged.
Covering the distance between us, I grip his hand in mine. “I’m sorry, Atticus. I know you don’t understand what my problem is, but I swear I’ll fix this with him. Before I was taken from school, I was studying to stop predators from taking advantage of children. I personally experienced that with my childhood. It meant a lot to me to get involved in the system on Earth. I wanted to bring justice in the courts for the innocent victims who can’t always speak for themselves. When I found out his age…” My voice falters and I swallow hard. Traitorous tears are welling up in my eyes. “I let myself down. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard, ‘I didn’t know they were that age.’ It’s sick and no excuse. But I made the same mistake.”
Atticus draws me closer and looks at me seriously. “You’re mated. He wouldn’t have received the mating marks if he wasn’t an adult.” I open my mouth to argue but he cuts me off. “Maybe his body is young, but he has incredible strength of mind. The Sanctuary he was raised in made sure of that. So be thankful for what you’ve been given and enjoy it instead of making yourself miserable. It’s a waste.”
To soften his words, he pulls me into a hug, and I start to cry again! Stupid, fucking tears.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
- Callim
I’ve been waiting. Waiting for Shelly to come see me. Respecting her wishes, I’ve given her this space she feels she needs in order to ‘come to terms’ with my age.
This is what Hannah and Beth told me was best—even though my chest feels like it’s filled with a rock instead of a beating heart. I try not to dwell on the way I've suffered. Going right from withdrawal to heartbreak has been difficult.
I’ve stayed busy helping take care of Vekel. It’s been good to feel useful, although we still aren’t sure he will make it. Atticus speculates it's because of the number of years he was on it. The reduced amount he was giving himself just wasn’t enough. They’ve had to triple the dosage that has worked on me in order for him to respond and sleep without pain.
The first day he had so many seizures they weren’t sure he would come out of it with all his faculties. At one point, his heart shut down before they revived him. It was frightening and made me even more thankful to be alive. Even if I don’t have my mate by my side.
But when Atticus and Hannah come back reeking of Shelly’s scent, I almost lose my mind. “What’s wrong with her?” Following them as soon as they enter, Atticus tries to flee into his private rooms in the back. “No! You’re both covered in her scent. Did you hug her?”
Glaring at Atticus, I feel like killing him. Literally, killing him. There’s no reason he needed to get that close to her unless she’s hurt. But I don’t smell blood. Just the sweet, enticing scent of my Shelly.
Hannah steps between us, trying to pull my hand from Atticus’s arm. Her tugging makes me realize how tight I’m holding him. There’s a pained expression on his face and right now, I just don’t care.
“Callim, I have a plan. Let go of Atticus.” She’s trying to shake my arm off him now.
I don’t though because I want to know everything. Instead, I keep a firm grip and turn my head down to look at her. “What kind of plan?”
“Let go of Atticus, and we can go get a bite to eat and discuss it.” Narrowing my eyes at her, I release him and he immediately flees. Coward.
“Now.” I announce. I’m having a hard time concentrating just knowing that Shelly was with them moments before. “How is she?”
Waving my hand towards the door, I fall into step behind Hannah. I will not let her try to change the subject like she’s done so many times over the last two days. It would be easier if they’d just speak of her. I want to understand everything.
“She’s alright.” Her tone is evasive.
“All right? What's wrong?” I want to run to her dwelling and see her immediately. I’ve given her time.
“Nothing is wrong. We went there to make sure the Tirus X is totally out of her system. You know?” She acts like I haven’t been thinking of her every moment.
Of course, I know. Every thought of every moment has been about her. “Is it? Is she healed?” Why does she make me keep asking? Why can’t she be more forthcoming and give me the information she must realize I crave?
We turn into the eating area. “Yes. Sorry, Callim. I’m a little distracted. There’s Beth!” She heads their way, but I cut her off. She will not change the subject or redirect the conversation.
Beth is a nice person. I’m glad Shelly has someone like her she can confide in, but Hannah has committed to helping me.
“Wait. You said you had a plan.” I use my larger frame to cut her off between tables, effectively stopping her from getting over to Beth. “You’re going to help me win Shelly back?”
