Dear God, what would she do if she had to return to North Grove, beg for her job back, and face the new Mr. and Mrs. Fred Dillon every day? With heavy thoughts racing through her mind, it was some time before sleep claimed her.
The next morning she awoke determined to push her anxiety aside and behave in her normal friendly manner. Mama had often said it was easier to catch flies with honey than vinegar. The saying hadn’t made sense to her, since she never could figure out why anyone would want to catch flies in the first place.
Once washed up and dressed, she fixed her hair in a becoming, but practical, style and entered the kitchen with a big smile. “Good morning. . .” She stopped and looked around, then returned to the main room. Caleb wasn’t in either place.
She knew wherever he was, he would be looking for breakfast, so she got busy. Perhaps if she showed off her homemaking skills it would make up for her lack of enthusiasm in the bedroom.
Not likely.
By the time she heard him stomping his feet at the front door before entering, she had coffee made, biscuits ready to come out of the oven, and a bowl of eggs all scrambled and ready to cook. The table was set, and she’d lit a fire in the main room fireplace. She glanced around. Any man would be pleased to come home to a cozy home with wonderful smells in the air. Her spirits rose as her campaign to win Caleb over had begun.
Her heart did a little thump as he walked through the door. Once again she was reminded of how very good looking her husband was. The flush on his face from the cold enhanced the blue of his eyes. Golden locks fell over his forehead when he removed his hat and tossed it on the chair. Her first instinct to remind him to hang it up, but she stopped herself with a reminder to be sweet and wifely.
“I have breakfast all ready.” She waved in the direction of the table.
He cast a glance that she could only interpret as suspicious. Honestly, did the man think she was going to poison him? She swallowed the anger that rose, and smiled sweetly. “If you sit down, I’ll scramble the eggs.”
“I’ll just go wash up.” He headed to the bedroom while she finished the eggs and placed everything on the table. Pleased with the presentation, she added the pan of biscuits and sat at the same time as Caleb took his seat.
He glanced at the table, and looked around her at the stove. “Where’s the meat?”
“Excuse me?”
“The meat. Where’s the meat?”
“Um, I only made the biscuits and eggs.”
“No meat?”
She huffed. Had he lost his hearing? “No. No meat.”
“Darlin’ a man has to have enough food to do his chores. Eggs and biscuits is a woman’s meal.”
“What do you usually eat for breakfast?”
He shrugged. “Steak, ham, potatoes, eggs, biscuits, flapjacks.”
“All of that?” Her eyes grew wide.
“Yes, ma’am. Especially in cold weather like this. The boys and I are riding fences today. That last snow storm blew down a few. We have to fix those we can, and make a note of those we need extra supplies to fix.” He waved at the table. “This won’t hold me for more than an hour.”
Her shoulders slumped. So much for getting off to a good start. Suddenly, the whole thing overwhelmed her. She placed her hands in her lap and a tear slid down her cheek. She swiped it, but it was replaced by another, and then another.
Lillian wept for the humiliation she’d suffered at the hands of Fred Dillon, the decision to give up her job to leave the town she was born and raised in to marry a stranger, then discovering the stranger hadn’t wanted her, still didn’t want her. Her anger at what his mother had done to her and the other girls still rankled. Mrs. Fraser had taken it upon herself to interfere in her sons’ lives in a way that managed to disrupt eight lives. Ten if you counted Jamie’s two kids.
Add to her misery her misplaced virginity she still needed to explain, and now her failure as a cook. The one thing she thought she did well. She cleared her throat thick with emotion. “Excuse me.”
She pushed her chair back and hurried to the bedroom. She crawled onto the bed she’d just made and pulled the covers up over her head. Her life was a disaster.
“Lillian?” Caleb’s voice sounded very close. The bed springs creaking confirmed he was a hairsbreadth away from her. Slowly, the cover came off her head, then slid down her body. She rolled away from him, her shoulders shaking as she was wracked with tears.
“It’s all right, Lillian. You have to learn about ranches, that’s all.” He touched her shoulder gently. She cried harder and curled into a ball, her fist in her mouth.
“All right. That’s enough.” He scooped her up and carried her to the main room where he sat in a chair and settled her on his lap. He rubbed circles on her back as she cried against his chest for all the losses in her old life and the insecurity of this new one.
Slowly, she became aware of Caleb’s warmth, of the scent that rose from him. Horses, leather, and something spicy. Her head was tucked against his neck as he continued to rub her back. She also realized he was murmuring something. Soothing words that she couldn’t understand, but made her feel better.
He shifted her body, withdrew a handkerchief from his pocket, and handed it to her. Taking it from him, she wiped her cheeks and blew her nose. Shudders continue to rack her body, but slowly they subsided and she relaxed.
“Feel better now?” Caleb placed his hand under her chin and raised her head. All she could think of was how awful she must look with swollen eyes and a red nose.
“Yes.”
“Good. I really didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I know. I think, unfortunately, you just happened to be handy when I decided to fall apart.” She sat up and cleared her throat. “I’m usually a very strong person. But there have been a lot of changes lately and I guess I hadn’t adjusted as well as I thought.”
He regarded her for a minute and tucked a loose curl behind her ear. “What made you apply to be a mail order bride?”
She shrugged. “I read the request your mama placed with the bride agency and it sounded like a good opportunity to start a new life.”
“Yes, Mama’s ad.” His tone and expression reminded her he had not sent for a bride and probably still resented what his mother had done. “What was wrong with the life you had?”
Partial truth would work just fine. “As much as I loved my job as the town librarian, I wanted my own home, a husband and a family.” She felt heat rise to her face at that last admission. It would be better to skip the topic of family since she was fully aware what they needed to do together for that to happen. As well as the explanation he would be demanding once he discovered her condition. “And a ranch in Colorado sounded like a nice place to have all that.”
He cast his eyes from her face to her breasts, a slight smile gracing his lips. “There’s just one thing about your explanation that I have a hard time accepting.”
Oh, Lord. Did he somehow learn of her humiliation? Or worse yet, did he suspect she’d been stupid enough to throw away her virginity on a man who had made false promises, leaving her to explain to a future husband?
Before she could question him, he continued, “You are a beautiful woman, Lillian. I find it hard to believe you didn’t receive numerous marriage proposals.”
She hesitated a moment. “Well, actually, there was one man I was sort of engaged to, but that didn’t work out.”
There, that wasn’t exactly a lie, now, was it?
Chapter Four
Caleb stared into Lillian’s eyes as if he were seeing her for the first time. Ever since the women had arrived amidst Mama’s tearful confession of what she’d done, he’d only viewed this woman as a trap. A means to change his life forever, and certainly not for the better.
His distrust of married women hadn’t helped him accept a wife of his own. Over the years, he’d had too many women with gold bands on their fingers attempt to coerce their way into his bed. The worst, of course, had been Jamie�
��s wife, Lucy. Finding her naked in his bed still angered him, even though his brother’s wife was now deceased. He’d been none too gentle when he threw her out of his house, and never told Jamie.
His thoughts returned to Lillian. He felt shamefaced at how he’d treated her. He’d been so busy feeling sorry for himself and angry with his mother that he’d dismissed the fact that this young woman had traveled from the only home she’d ever known to marry a man she hadn’t met. All based on what she’d been told by the bride agency—a lie. That took a lot of courage. He’d never asked her about her family, her home, what her life had been like.
Studying her face, the porcelain skin with a scattering of freckles across her pert nose, her full red lips, black curly hair, he knew he was a lucky man in this mail order bride business. She was truly the loveliest of the four women who’d arrived. He’d always assumed women who resorted to mail order brides were homely.
It was no wonder she wanted to know him a little better before they shared a bed. She was a gently reared woman who was most likely terrified at the idea of sex. He needed to give her time, try to ease her into that part of marriage. Expecting to enjoy his husbandly rights a day after meeting her had not been one of his smarter ideas.
She cast him a slight smile which did strange things to his insides. Hiding under the covers and all that crying had destroyed her carefully arranged hairdo so that curls hung around her shoulders. He slid his fingers into the silkiness of her hair, and with a flick of his wrist the few pins remaining dropped to the floor.
“You have beautiful hair, Lillian.” The locks drifted through his fingers. “I like it down, it’s like a silk curtain.”
“Lily.” Her voice barely rose above a whisper.
“What?”
She cleared her throat. “Lily. Even though my name is Lillian, my friends called me Lily.”
He smiled at the slight flush on her cheeks at her confession. “Lily.” He tilted his head slightly. “It suits you more than Lillian.”
“I think so, too.”
Cupping her face, he rubbed his thumbs over her cheeks. Her eyes grew wide and her breathing increased. He lowered his head and brushed her lips with his. Plump and warm, just as they looked. His tongue traced the opening to her mouth and when she gasped he eased in, tasting her, enjoying her sweet flavor.
Lily pulled back, touching her lips with two fingers, her eyes questioning. Caleb wanted more than anything to crush her body to his, to feel the softness of her breasts pressed against him. But he’d just promised himself he would give her time, ease her into lovemaking. For the first time in his life he had to go slow and entice a woman. But if this woman was to be his wife in truth, it would be well worth the time and effort.
“I’m sorry about the breakfast.”
“Don’t be, darlin’.” He smiled as he gathered her tresses in his hands. “I’ll eat what you fixed here, and then I’ll mosey on down to the bunkhouse and eat with the boys.”
Her grin just about did him in. Perhaps this marriage business wouldn’t be so bad after all. It might be rather nice to have a woman to come home to every night. He’d never expected to settle down, kept promising Mama he would so she’d leave him alone. Not that his plan to hold his mother off had worked. The woman who raised him was smarter and more devious than he’d given her credit for.
“Why don’t we eat breakfast, then I can be on my way?” Caleb shifted her so she sat upright on his lap. She watched him, her legs swinging back and forth like a child. But the curves underneath her dress were not those of a girl. He forced himself away from those thoughts. “I’ll take the afternoon off so after dinner I’ll take you on a tour of the ranch.”
“I would like that.” She slid from his lap and headed to the kitchen. “I’ll just heat this up again.” She spoke to him over her shoulder. “It will take but a minute.”
He watched her hips sway enticingly as she walked away. He shifted in his chair and tried to think of ways to speed up her acceptance of the more pleasurable part of marriage.
Once everything was hot again, they sat, and after Lily offered a brief prayer of thanks, they dug in.
Lily broke a biscuit in half and lathered it with jam. “Do you have any idea how long it will be before the pass clears and we can go into town?”
“Snow’s not too deep. I’d say in a few days we can make the trip. Is there something in particular you need?” Another change he would have to learn to deal with. If his wife required anything in the way of personal items, dresses, or other folderol that women liked, it would go on his account. Hopefully Lily wasn’t one of those women who was wanting some fool thing every time he turned around.
“If I’m going to be cooking these huge meals you’re looking for, I’ll be in need of more supplies. I assume because this is a ranch, you supply your own beef?”
Caleb nodded and swallowed “Sam Zimmerman runs our smoke house, and all our meat comes from there. We also have dairy cows and plenty of hens for eggs. His wife, Mary, takes care of milking the animals, churning the butter, and collecting eggs for the entire ranch.
“I’ve never been on their supply list since I’ve always eaten most meals at the bunkhouse. I’ll tell Mary to see that she delivers milk, butter, and eggs here. I’ll also stop by the smokehouse and have Sam bring some meat over. There’s a cold storage area underneath the house.”
Lily patted her mouth with a napkin. “If you could have them bring things over this morning, I can make you a decent meal for your noon dinner.”
Caleb shoved his chair back. “I will do that. And be ready to take a sleigh ride this afternoon to see the rest of the ranch.”
Her bright smile meant more to him than it should have. He might be able to accept a wife, but that didn’t mean he had to like it.
Lily spent the morning finding storage space for more food than she’d seen in a long time. Ranchers sure did eat a lot. Good to his word, Caleb had Mary bring milk, butter, and more eggs. The small, shy woman also offered a basket of potatoes, carrots and onions from her own stores, and mentioned her husband would be bringing by some beef.
After putting up all that food, Lily checked Caleb’s stock of coffee, sugar, flour, beans, salt, pepper, and rice. She made a list of what she needed to get when they made the trip into town. A few personal items as well as tea made their way onto the list.
Not since her parents’ death eight years ago, when she’d taken the job at the library to support herself and her younger sister, Patty, had she depended on someone else to pay for her necessities. Hopefully Caleb was not the sort of husband who refused her the simple things that made life much more pleasant. Such as bath salts, body lotions, and a new ribbon every so often.
Hands on her hips, she stood in front of the neatly arranged shelves and thought of how this summer she would plant a garden so they could have canned vegetables throughout the winter. She smiled with satisfaction at her new role as an organized, busy housewife. Taking care of a man, cleaning his house, doing his laundry, cooking, sewing, they all appealed to her. And perhaps one day a baby.
Then like a cloud passing over the sun her world dimmed as she remembered what she needed to do to become a mother, and what her husband’s reaction would be the first time they made love. Damn.
She busied herself stewing beef with carrots and potatoes for their dinner. After the skimpy breakfast she’d given her husband, she made sure there was plenty of meat in the stew pot. Then she made three loaves of bread from the last of the flour. Not having any dried fruit for a pie, she hoped Caleb filled up on the stew and fresh baked bread and didn’t miss dessert.
Lily had just finished sliding the coffee pot off the burner when the front door opened. She turned and watched as Caleb entered the house. Once again she was taken with his size. Well over a foot more than her five foot two frame, he had to duck to pass through the doorway.
Not aware that she watched him, he shrugged out of his heavy coat and hung it on the hook by the door.
His hat followed. Tugging off his gloves, he looked around and seemed startled to see her standing there. She sighed, realizing he’d forgotten he had a wife. Not very flattering, but she supposed it took time.
What would he do if she walked up to him, like a good little wife, and raised her head for a kiss? Just thinking about the light kiss he’d given her earlier in the day set her heart to pumping. How would it feel to have his strong arms wrap around her and pull her close? Or to see desire in his eyes as he stared down at her as he bent his head for a searing kiss?
As much as she’d like to experience that—and more—until she found a way to own up to her wrongdoing, those thoughts were better kept in check.
“Something smells good.” He grinned as he rubbed his hands together.
She pulled herself out of her fancies and said, “Mary and Sam came by this morning, so we have some supplies. I made stew and baked a few loaves of bread.”
He ambled up to her, both of them hesitating when he was no more than a foot away. Did he feel the need to kiss her, like she thought of doing a few minutes ago? He ran his fingers through his hair, and she swallowed, drawing his attention to her neck where she was sure her pulse beat a tattoo. He stared at that spot and licked his lips.
The scent that she already recognized as Caleb—leather, horses, and spice—drifted to her nostrils. His presence—and size—overwhelmed her. Tiny fluttering, like butterflies, began in her stomach and traveled downward to a spot she rarely thought of.
“Well, I guess we better eat before it gets cold.”
She pulled her eyes away from his and turned. “Yes. I guess we better.”
Caleb Page 5
