by Brandy Scott
‘They call you a power couple,’ said Aimee petulantly.
‘Really?’ Melinda started flicking. ‘That’s good.’ One of the pictures was extremely flattering. Maybe she could get a copy.
‘No it’s not.’
‘Aimee, just leave it.’
‘But you once caught him picking his nose when he didn’t think anyone was looking!’
‘I KNOW!’ Melinda roared. ‘And I don’t care. I’m just enjoying myself, all right?’
‘O-kay,’ said Aimee, making the sort of face she’d tell Byron off for.
‘For fuck’s sake,’ Melinda snapped, feeling uncharacteristically teary and slightly out of control. ‘I’m allowed to have sex, aren’t I? I’m allowed to have fun, aren’t I? Don’t worry, I’m not going to do anything stupid like marry him, or give him half the company.’
‘You don’t sound like you’re having fun,’ muttered Aimee, but she was interrupted by a loud ‘yoo-hoo’ from the post office steps.
‘Melinda,’ hollered Sharna, waving one of the stuffed envelopes jubilantly above her head. ‘This package, to China’s International Child Foundation? Insufficient postage, love. You need to give me another dollar-fifty.’
Bloody hell, where were they? Lou tried to keep her eyes on the door, but every two minutes she had to stop an over-excited Hensleyite from stealing her seats. ‘I’m saving them,’ said Lou, earning herself glares and tuts from exactly the sort of people who’d glared and tutted at her all her life. ‘My friends are coming.’
‘You can’t save seats,’ one woman said indignantly. ‘It’s against the rules.’
‘There are no rules,’ said Lou. ‘It’s free seating, at a free event.’ ‘But I’m live streaming!’ pleaded another.
‘I don’t care,’ said Lou. ‘And neither will anyone else. It’s not the fucking Oscars.’
Honestly, what were these people like? True, Lou had nabbed great seats: halfway down, right on the aisle, away from the village elders and overenthusiastic parents at the front, and perfect for quietly ducking out when you got bored. And you would get bored. Lou flicked through the badly photocopied program. Speeches from Rex the mayor, the Rotary president, the head of the local Country Women’s Association. Numerous musical items and one-act plays. Good thing Aimee’s poem was fairly high up: Lou wasn’t going to last more than half an hour.
The hall was nearly full now. Lou spread the contents of her handbag across her spare seats so there could be no mistake. She ignored the evil looks and studied the front of her program. Hensley: The Lucky Town. Lucky for some. But the slogan didn’t invoke the rise in blood pressure that it normally would. Even this hall, the site of so many snubbings and small humiliations, was beginning to look almost charming, with its wood panelling and homemade bunting. Lou watched a frankly adorable row of kindergarten kids with recorders being marched onto the stage. Well, maybe in some ways it was lucky. It was a safe place to raise children after all. Grandchildren. One little tacker began stealing the show, playing his recorder as though it was a saxophone and he was Kenny G. Was it wrong to hope Tansy had a boy? Lou had never raised a boy. She secretly thought she’d be suited to them.
Melinda and Aimee arrived at the start of a Year Two play depicting the gold rush.
‘Where the hell have you two been?’ asked Lou, clearing her stuff off their seats. ‘And why do you both look so weird?’
‘Aimee’s a bit caffeinated,’ hissed Melinda.
‘Melinda’s sleeping with Clint,’ whispered Aimee.
‘Really?’ said Lou. ‘Oh well. At least someone’s getting some.’
‘Thank you,’ said Melinda.
‘Shhh,’ said the woman sitting next to them.
‘Lou, he’s a dick,’ said Aimee.
‘Well, yeah, of course,’ said Lou. ‘Biggus Dickus.’ She turned to Melinda, curious. ‘Is he, by the way? Biggus Dickus?’
‘Fairly largish dickus, yes,’ said Melinda. ‘Above average dickus, certainly.’
‘Lucky you,’ said Lou. ‘I don’t remember the last time I saw a dickus of any length.’
‘Behave,’ murmured Aimee.
‘Oh, I’ve come across my fair share of dickus lately,’ said Melinda, clearly enjoying herself. ‘In both senses.’
There were a few sniggers; the ears of the heavyset man in front began to go red. ‘Do you mind?’ asked the woman sitting next to them, motioning to an oblivious child.
‘Not really,’ said Lou. She might be feeling friendlier towards the town as a whole, but not its individual inhabitants. ‘So, did he do anything especially interesting with this dickus?’
‘Oh God,’ said Melinda. ‘You know, he did this thing where he raised my legs over my head, like right over, so my feet were flat against the headboard, then piled pillows under my arse and entered me on his knees. It was incredible.’
The woman next to them got up and moved.
‘And then,’ said Mel, not bothering to keep her voice down. ‘He tried to pour prosecco inside me and drink it out. It didn’t exactly work, but it was weirdly sexy. I kept thinking of Mum’s copy of Lace, remember? All that was missing was the goldfish.’
Heads began to turn. The neck of the man in front of them was virtually purple. ‘Stop it,’ hissed Aimee.
‘I don’t even know if my legs still go over my head,’ Lou said wistfully. ‘Probably not. My stomach would get in the way.’
‘You two —’
‘You could try yoga,’ came a voice from behind them. ‘My husband says it’s like shagging a new woman.’
‘That’s a hell of a lot better than him actually shagging a new woman,’ Melinda said loudly. ‘Which far too many men around here seem keen to do.’
Aimee grabbed her handbag and pushed past their knees. There was a spare seat two rows in front. She settled into it, face turned pointedly towards the stage.
The Year Two gold rush finished; the Year Three depression began. Melinda leaned towards Lou. ‘I love you,’ she said quietly, giving her a squeeze. ‘And I’m sorry about the other night.’
Lou squeezed back. ‘Me too.’
‘I was insensitive.’
‘I was oversensitive. Forget about it.’
‘So how are you feeling about everything? Any better?’
Lou gave Mel a genuine smile. ‘Really good,’ she said. ‘Honestly. I feel like it’s all going to work out for the best.’
Melinda monitored the back of Dave Tolford’s neck as the mayor made his way towards the stage. It was slowly becoming less purple, like a nervous penis draining of blood and colour. But the tips of his ears were still bright red, his shoulders tense. Good. Let him be the one to feel like a bloody idiot.
Biggus Dickus. Dickus Majora. Melinda scrolled quickly through her emails as the mayor arranged himself behind the lectern. Three from Clint, all work-related. And why wouldn’t they be? He might not be quite the Dickus Twatus she’d initially thought, but he wasn’t her boyfriend either. Melinda had no illusions about that. This wasn’t a relationship, no matter what she told the others; this was a mutually beneficial arrangement between two busy, horny adults.
Melinda dropped her phone back into her handbag as the mayor began to acknowledge everyone who’d made this morning possible. Would all her relationships be like this, going forward? Unspoken understandings, reciprocal itch-scratchings? The kind of sex where you thanked the other person afterwards, as though they were doing you a favour. Even worse — how long had things been like that? Too long. Melinda’s last real relationship, she realised, as she watched Aimee swig from her water bottle, had probably been Nick.
Well, she’d stuffed that one up. Possibly — probably — her one chance for a proper family life with children and pets and weekly date nights that she could post on Facebook, to prove the romance was still alive. He’d gone down on one knee in the middle of his parents’ vineyard, spelled out the life they’d have together. The kind of life that made Melinda inwardly recoil. Devoid of any variety
or growth, unless you counted bloody grapes. ‘No, thank you,’ she’d said, as though she was turning down a job offer. ‘I don’t think this is for me.’ He’d begged her to think about it, dropped the ring in a drawer and taken her to bed, as if to remind her what he could do for her. And he certainly could — that was one thing she’d never needed any convincing about. Melinda shuffled in her hard plastic chair as she remembered just how good the sex had been. How desirable and fun he’d made her feel, as opposed to the ageing spinster she’d somehow become. But sex was not enough. And once you’d said you didn’t want to marry someone, the relationship was pretty much over, no matter how much you both tried to pretend you could carry on as normal. She’d broken up with him the week before she flew to Europe. ‘Don’t wait for me,’ she’d said, shutting down his promises. ‘You need to find someone else. I’m going to.’ She hadn’t expected him to find someone quite so soon, or so close to home. But when you were the one who left, you didn’t get to dictate the terms.
The mayor began to speak about the town’s latest achievements, but Lou wasn’t listening. All she could think about was Clint and Melinda in bed together. Melinda’s small breasts bouncing gently, her pale thighs pushed wide either side. Lou’s bits began to tingle; she squeezed her legs together.
‘New dividers for the town hall,’ Rex droned, ‘meaning it can be used by multiple community groups at the same time.’
Had Clint made her come? Almost certainly. Lou felt her face heat up, like the poor bloke in front. She snuck a look at Melinda, who was perfectly composed, tried to imagine her with her jaw slack, her breath shallow. Lucky bitch. God, when was the last time Lou had screwed someone? A year ago, at least. No, two. Hell, Tansy had had sex more recently than she had. The tingling feeling disappeared. That was it, Lou vowed. The next person who asked her, the next person who so much as looked at her funny, she was going to sleep with.
The mayor moved on to this year’s fundraising plans. Tansy had been sick that morning. Lou had left her tucked in bed with a pot of ginger tea. Not so long ago she’d have dressed her up and dragged her out, paraded her in front of the old guard dotted around this hall, the churchgoers and committee members like her parents, including her parents, especially her parents, to show that she wasn’t ashamed. She and Tansy had gone to every town event for fifteen years, just to make a point. School prizegivings, carol services, music recitals. It was the one time Tansy behaved.
Fifteen years. A decade and a half of passing her parents on the main street, of sitting just a couple of picnic blankets away down by the river, and never, ever saying a word. Her mother not so much as glancing down at Tansy in the kiddy seat of the supermarket trolley as she reached over her for a tin of own-brand baked beans. And how the town had loved it.
The mayor started talking about community spirit and Hensley’s deep-rooted Australian values, and Lou started snickering. All these good honest folk, the Harolds and Sonias and Carols, they all loved the drama. Lou glared at the grey heads sitting innocent in the front row. Hypocrites.
And yet, without the stand-off, Lou felt slightly lost. If it wasn’t for Aimee’s poem, she wouldn’t even be here today. There was no point in making a point without anyone to make a point to. The anger had given her a reason to get out of bed every morning and face her mediocre life. To put on makeup and go to work in the soul-sucking office where they had to come to pay their council rates. Lou’s adult life so far had been one giant Fuck You.
But that was the past. She had a new life now. A new role as a grandmother to look forward to, a new relationship with Tansy. A new house, sort of, to enjoy it all in. And sex. She was bloody well going to have sex. With anyone who had a penis.
Not again. What were they like? Aimee ignored the snickering behind her and concentrated on the mayor’s speech. Lou and Melinda might not care what the town thought of them, but she did. What was the point of living in a small community if you didn’t want to be a proper part of it? Why come to an event like this if you were just going to make a scene?
But Aimee knew why they were both here, today at least. She sat up straighter as the mayor began to introduce her.
‘Our Poet Laureate,’ he intoned. ‘A leading light of this community. Not just for what she contributes in terms of her literary talent, but also the sheer amount she does to keep this town together behind the scenes. I’m not sure there would even be a Hensley if it wasn’t for Aimee Verratti.’
Aimee smiled modestly. She did do a lot to keep the town together. And she was doing an okay job of keeping herself together, considering. Aimee mentally patted herself on the back as the mayor continued lavishing praise. ‘Girl Guides, The Junior Baking Club, founding member of the Hensley Garden Committee.’ She’d only asked three people for reassurance since the accident. Well, four. Ish. But that was incredible progress. A couple of years ago, a situation like this would have floored her.
There were a lot of things she was handling well at the moment, actually. A long list of things she was keeping in perspective. She wasn’t freaking out about their finances. She wasn’t worried about how often Nick seemed to bump into Melinda. Shelley had broken her arm last year, in two places, and Aimee had calmly driven her to the hospital, made all the decisions about surgery and anaesthetic without a moment’s hesitation.
‘Her poetry book, A Light on the Vine, was a local bestseller, now stocked in Melbourne and Sydney.’
And all that without her pills. She’d been right to come off them; she’d lost five kilograms already, and her libido had come bouncing back. If she lost another ten, Nick’s might as well. He said her weight didn’t bother him, but Aimee could tell. They’d become more lights-off-doona-up than midafternoon-on-the-winery-bench. Aimee missed the winery bench.
But that was the only issue in their relationship, in fact the only real problem in her life right now. Aimee remembered writing the little card for Melinda’s letting-go exercise, how hard it had been to come up with anything wrong. Even the accident didn’t seem like such a big deal any more. Because the boy was okay, and that was a blessing. Whatever he saw and whatever he said, it didn’t matter. Aimee smiled at Shelley and Byron, slipping through the stage curtain to hear her read, at Nick standing beside them, holding Shelley’s double bass. The things that really mattered in her life were rock solid. She wasn’t even bothered that the mayor had got the title of her book wrong.
Someone else obviously was, though. Another councillor darted up to the stage with a folded piece of paper and an apologetic glance at Aimee.
‘Reciting a poem she’s written especially for Hensley’s anniversary . . .’ The mayor paused, confused, and patted for his reading glasses. ‘Excuse me a moment.’
Aimee smiled patiently and gave her family a little wave. Nick spun the double bass, jazz-style, and winked at her in return. That man was as hot at forty as he had been at twenty-three. Aimee felt a familiar tug deep in her stomach. Once she lost the rest of this weight, she was buying new underwear. And getting everything waxed. Nick wouldn’t know what had hit him.
‘Ladies and gentlemen, if I could just have your attention.’ The mayor was back, but without his Hensley Festival smile. He frowned as he smoothed the creases out of the piece of A4 he’d been handed. ‘I’m afraid I have to make an announcement. It’s about the plane crash on New Year’s Eve. Sorry, Aimee,’ — he looked grimly at her — ‘but I’m afraid this impacts you.’
Oh God. They’d found a lantern. With her and Nick’s bloody initials on it. Aimee’s head whirred.
‘I know you’ve all been following news of the accident, and that your thoughts and prayers are with the Kasprowicz family. As the deputy principal of Hensley Secondary College, Peter Kasprowicz is a pillar of this community. He and his family may technically live in Meadowcroft, but they’re still very much part of Hensley. We consider them our own.’
She was going to be publicly admonished. Verbally flogged. The mayor was going to call her out in front of everyone
for causing the accident and putting the entire community at risk of bushfire.
‘This isn’t easy to say.’ The mayor paused, scanning the crowd.
And then she was going to be marched off to the police station and charged with public endangerment and grievous bodily harm and destruction of public property and God knows what else. Aimee placed her water bottle in her handbag, ready for her exit.
‘I’m very sad to have to tell you that Lincoln Kasprowicz passed away last night at St Margaret’s Hospital.’
The room gasped in shock. The mayor rubbed a beefy hand across the top of his face. ‘Complications, from the accident. There’ll be an announcement in tomorrow’s paper.’ He stared directly at Aimee, whose heart gave a single, heavy thud. ‘So I don’t think — well, given the circumstances, it doesn’t seem appropriate to go on with the reading this morning, or the concert. I’m sorry, Aimee. I know you’ve been preparing for this.’
Two hundred faces swung round to gawp at her. Aimee swallowed back the bile rising in her throat.
‘I’m sure you agree it wouldn’t be right to celebrate. Not now. But maybe you could lead us in a moment’s silence instead.’
The faces grew blurry as Aimee stumbled to her feet. She clutched the chair in front of her for balance, opened her mouth to speak. ‘Please bow your heads,’ she managed. And then she vomited, straight into her handbag.
CHAPTER 20
Shameful how much crap you could accumulate in barely a week. Pete sat numbly on the edge of the bed as nurses bustled around him, questioning what he wanted to take home. Surely he’d want to keep the little portable radio, the rest of the chocolates, what about the nice tin those biscuits had come in? All of it from misguided wellwishers; Pete had arrived with barely the clothes on his back.
And now he was leaving without the one thing that mattered most. ‘None of it,’ he said. ‘I don’t want any of it.’
What about the cards, they asked, surely he’d want the cards, the more personal gifts? There was a lovely photo album someone had put together.
