“What are you all running from this time?” Lux finally asked. His eyes were on me, the fire flickering in their emerald depths.
“Let me guess. ACT?” Nyx asked casually, crossing her legs and pouring herself another glass of wine. She laughed and I felt amusement tickling her, as well as the warmth of her beverage sinking in my bones.
It was hardly a joke to me.
Dozer snorted. “Let me guess. You guys still think you’re immune?”
Nyx leaned back on her beach towel, propping herself up. “We haven’t been found yet,” she said coolly. “Personally, we think you are all too paranoid.”
“Though we are pleased to see you escaped that bat cave on the coast,” Lux added.
I felt a sting of animosity from Charlie at Lux’s insult of the Lair, but she didn’t let it slip out.
Lux tilted his head at me, chuckling. “And what about you, Liv? Are you afraid of the big, bad ACT?”
Cash cleared his throat in a clear warning; one that Lux either didn’t get or chose to ignore.
“Yeah, what has ACT ever done to you?” Nyx said. She and her brother snickered and leaned in to hear the answer.
I could feel the muscles in my shoulders tighten. Heat crept up my neck to settle in my face as I recalled exactly what ACT had done to me. “They killed my family,” I finally said, meeting Nyx’s eyes.
My voice was barely above a whisper, but it had same impact as if I’d yelled. They both lowered their gazes from mine and I felt the playful tone of the conversation fade away, replaced by an uncomfortable silence. Charlie’s throat tightened and I felt her reach for me, but I stood abruptly. I could feel the tears in my eyes, but I refused to let them spill over. Charlie looked up at me helplessly.
“Excuse me,” I tucked my hands in the pockets of my hoodie before turning away from the fire pit and heading out toward the dock.
The sand was soft on my bare feet as I crossed the beach and onto the dock, still warm from the heat of the day. The breeze that rolled off the lake stole the heat from my cheeks. Slowly, the battery of emotions that had been welling up inside of me subsided.
I sat down at the end of the dock The waves came up to kiss my toes as my feet hovered above the water. I could still hear the kids’ voices, but the creak of the dock and the boats soon overwhelmed them as they ran further away.
I sensed Cash before I saw him. His concern was heavy in the pit of my stomach. He took a seat next to me, but didn’t say a word. There wasn’t much he could say that hadn’t already been reiterated to me over and over. I knew I was broken. I knew I needed to let things go. I knew what I was doing to myself was slowly killing me. I didn’t know how to fix it.
“You didn’t have to come out here,” I said.
Cash’s face was half-shadowed but his eyes, as dark as they were, were still bright. They were always illuminated when he looked at me.
“I know,” he replied. “I wanted to.”
I nodded and looked back out at the water and the silhouette of the mountains backlit by the Milky Way. The wake came in stronger every few repetitions, and splashed on the soles of my feet. The cold was jarring. I tensed and pulled my legs up quickly, tucking them underneath me.
As I watched the softly churning water, part of me wanted to just jump in; submerge myself completely and give into it, but another part of me—the fighter in me—became alarmed at the idea.
As though he’d sensed my train of thought, Cash reached out and took my hand. The warmth of his skin on mine alerted me to the chill in my bones, and I realized I was trembling. I hated feeling weak. It made me angry all over again, and acid churned in the pit of my belly.
“I’ll be okay,” I said, but I wasn’t sure if I was reassuring him or myself.
“I know,” he nodded. “You will be.”
Without warning, Cash’s grip on my hand tightened. He pushed himself off the dock and into the water, pulling me down with him. The lake rushed up to meet me like an old friend, like death.
My entire body was shocked by the cold as it enveloped me and sucked me down. All I could hear were the bubbles rushing around me, and the muffled thud of the boats against the dock. I curled myself into a ball and felt my power gathering in my center. Then, in a rush of fear and adrenaline, it thrust out of me. It pushed the water away in a tidal wave, momentarily leaving me sitting on the dry lakebed.
I opened my eyes and exhaled, but the sudden realization of what I’d done settled inside me. My telekinesis slipped and the water rushed back down, crashing over me. It pushed me down and rolled me over and over again until I didn’t know which way was up. I felt Cash’s arms wrap around my waist and pull me up, sputtering and splashing. I was absolutely panicked.
“Liv! Liv! It’s okay, look, I’m here!” Cash was just inches away from me. My arms instantly went around his neck. I clung to him. The violent waves stilled, but I couldn’t pull myself together.
“Why did you do that?” I tried to yell, but my chest was too tight. I couldn’t breathe, the water was everywhere and I felt it pulling at me.
“Liv, please, look at me.”
I looked at him, alright. I glared at him with every ounce of anger and frustration and terror that had consumed me for the last few months. Cash didn’t falter. He held my gaze and my body firmly, and spoke to me just as resolutely.
“You haven’t gone into the ocean since Hawthorn,” he said evenly, treading water to keep us both afloat. I could feel his heart pounding through his soaked sweatshirt, and his breath against my lips as he spoke. “I’ve seen the look on your face whenever the kids have asked you to go into the pool with them.”
“Don’t,” I warned.
“No. Don’t do that. I may not be able to feel your emotions like you can feel mine, but I know when you’re lying. You’re lying to me and you’re lying to yourself.”
I stilled, caught off guard by his commanding tone.
“Don’t think I haven’t seen the way you look at the water, like you want it but you’re terrified of it. It scares the hell out of me when I see you that way, Liv. It makes me think I’m going to lose you again.”
“You don’t understand,” I whispered. I felt like all the oxygen had been stolen from me. I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want to deal with it. I pulled away physically, and retreated mentally, numbing out.
Kicking hard to keep us afloat, Cash’s hands came to my face and cupped my cheeks, keeping me with him.
“You’re right.” His voice was breathless, quiet. “I don’t understand. I don’t think anybody can. What you went through, what you lost is immense. But Liv, you’re still here. We almost lost you once. I almost lost you, and I refuse to let that happen again. So I’m here. I’m with you. Sink or swim, I’m here.”
I realized I’d forgotten about the water, and it had nothing to do with the lull of Cash’s voice. It was the absolute conviction in him, the power behind his emotions, and the devotion in his eyes.
“Either way, I’m not letting go of you, Liv. I’ll never stop fighting for you. You came into my life and nothing’s been the same since. Despite everything that’s happened, I wouldn’t want it any other way.”
I felt my heart slow, and my body relaxed in his arms. Cash felt relieved, but he didn’t let me go. He held on tighter, pulled me closer.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I said quietly, afraid of the certainty I felt when I looked into his eyes.
He smiled, and something deep inside of me surged to the forefront. I realized I had closed the small gap between us. My arms went tighter around his neck, but not to keep me afloat. I was treading water on my own again, unafraid, strong.
“Good,” he whispered.
The moment wrapped around us and pulled us even closer until his lips hovered over mine. A heartbeat before he would have kissed me, a blinding light flashed across my eyes.
“Cash? Liv? Are you guys okay?”
I raised my hand to shield my eyes and saw Charlie’s out
line. I felt her concern radiating out toward us. “What happened?”
“Do you mind?” Cash called out and Charlie moved the beam off of us.
“Sorry,” she said sheepishly. “It’s just that we heard Liv scream, and then the water came rushing up the beach, and we didn’t see either of you come back, so…” She trailed off as she really looked at us. I could feel the blush rise in her more than I could see it. “Uh, it looks like I was interrupting something…I’ll just go.”
“No, it’s okay,” I said. “I just fell in. We’ll be right out.”
Charlie nodded and the beam of the flashlight swept away from us. We listened as the sounds of her footsteps on the dock finally disappeared. I heard her yell to the others, “They’re fine! Liv just fell in!”
With the moment broken, I carefully untangled myself from Cash and put some distance between us. The cold water rushed in between us, stealing the warmth of his body away.
“Come on,” he said quietly, nodding toward the shore. “Let’s get you warmed up.”
Everyone was huddled around the fire as they roasted marshmallows. Charlie and Dozer were cuddled under a blanket with Bebe and Headset. Glitch was covered in marshmallow and melted chocolate and arguing with Lux over who the greatest comic book villain was.
“Went for a swim, huh?” Glitch asked with graham cracker crumbs flying out of his mouth.
“Something like that.” Cash chuckled and we both squished our way up to the house.
“Where are you going, Livi?” Bebe asked, running up to me.
“I’m gonna head to bed. It’s been a long day and I’m all wet now.”
Bebe yawned and reached out for my hand. I took it in mine and squeezed it. “I’m tired too.”
“Okay, kiddo. Let’s get you all tucked in then,” I said.
“Tell me a story, Cash?” Bebe took Cash’s hand and looked up at him with those big doll eyes.
“Can’t say no to that face,” Cash said, scooping her up.
She squealed and giggled. “You’re all wet!”
“Am I?” He laughed and hugged her tighter.
Bebe yawned again then hugged Cash closer, resting her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes.
“It’s been a long day. We should probably all head in,” Charlie said.
“I’m not tired yet,” Headset complained with a yawn.
“Come on, dude, let’s go,” Dozer gathered Headset up in his arms, and despite his protest, Headset rested his head on Dozer’s shoulder.
“You girls and the kids can share the second master. Dozer and Glitch can take the cots in the loft and Cash, you can have the cabin in the boat if you don’t mind sleeping outside of the house,” Lux offered.
“I don’t mind at all,” Cash said with a polite grin. He was relieved to not be staying in the twin’s house. Something about them irked him as bad as it bothered me.
About two minutes into Cash’s story, Bebe and Headset were out cold. I walked with Cash down to the beach as he made his way to the boat. Neither of us said a word, but I felt strings of tension pulling tight between us. I wanted to run away and break free of it, but another part of me wanted to hold on tighter; to pull him closer to relieve the pressure.
“Cash?” I brushed my hand over his shoulder and braced myself to look into his eyes. I felt something in him ripple, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to look at me either. When he turned, I couldn’t hold his gaze, and looked back down at my feet. I felt this fleeting feeling of disappointment flash through him.
“Thank you,” I said finally.
He smiled and nodded, then turned and headed back to the dock.
Chapter Six
Charlie and Dozer spent the afternoon playing in the water, towing the kids in tubes behind the twin's speed boat. I stayed on the shore. I was still uncomfortable with the idea of deep water, but Cash's words stuck with me. I wasn't okay. I knew that, but I needed to stop pretending I was and work on getting there.
I sat down in the shallows and let the gentle wake wash over my body. I dug my toes into the soft sand and grounded myself as each wave rolled in. I focused on my breathing and the snow capped mountains over the blue horizon. Eventually, I felt my muscles relax and my heart slow to a reasonable pace.
Glitch splashed along the beach and came to sit beside me. He shook off like a wet dog, sprinkling my warm skin with cold droplets. I cringed away from him, but he only scooted closer. He smiled at me with teal eyes that rivaled the lake.
"I freaking love this place," he said, squirting some sunscreen onto his palm and reapplying it to his shoulders and face.
"It's really beautiful," I concurred and leaned back on my palms. I raised my face to the sky and felt the sun kiss my cheeks.
Glitch wiped his excess sunscreen on my nose and shoulders. "Beautiful, but deadly. Protect your pasty skin, girl."
I wrinkled my nose at him, and rubbed it into my skin, which wasn't as pasty as Glitch claimed, but would definitely benefit from a little protection.
"Headset is monopolizing the tube." Glitch sighed.
"Sorry, buddy. You've got to take turns."
"I never get a turn! As soon as Headset relents, Bebe looks at me with those big eyes and I can't snake her turn. Then, after Bebe is done, I think it's my turn, and the little fool just jumps right back on the tube and cackles like a maniac at my defeat."
"You were never good at sharing." I giggled.
"Bull. Shit." Glitch's eyes widened. "I always get shafted!"
I laughed out loud like I hadn't in months, then narrowed my eyes at him. "Please, Glitch, tell me about all the injustices done to you."
"Remember that time Stone let us drive into town for the carnival?" He asked. I could see the memory of it glowing within him, but I couldn't grasp it.
My gut tightened and it was like a cloud moved over me, blocking the sun and chilling my skin. The water didn't feel comforting and calming anymore. I pulled my feet out of it and scooted backward onto the dry sand.
"That weird psychologist that Lexa used torture said we needed to get out and have some fun or we'd all crack and kill Stone in her sleep or something. Come on, you remember."
I just nodded, staring straight ahead. I wasn't seeing the lake. I saw the inside of Hawthorn, water pooling and rising around me. With each wave that rolled in, I felt a subtle surge of panic settling in.
"I was so pissed because she wouldn't let me drive, even though I was the oldest, and Jason had only just started taking his lessons."
I squirmed uncomfortably and wrapped my arms around my legs. I did remember. Jason knocked over a row of porta-potties in the parking lot and got so freaked out that he bent the steering wheel. Glitch ended up driving us home. When Stone saw the damage to the car, she wasn't even mad. If it had been Glitch, she'd have punished him. Jason was always her favorite. He was her project. He was the special one. That thought conjured up the memory of her the last time I'd seen her alive. She was lecturing me about Jason and his abilities. About how much of a disappointment I'd been to her, and how I didn't really know Jason at all. Then I recalled him cradling her lifeless body, the bullet hole in her forehead, and the pain that broke over Jason as he held her. The water pushed up against my toes, and brought me back into the present.
"I don't want to do this, Glitch," I said. My voice was low and pained. My power was pushing out of me against my will, drawing the water back from the shore. The sand and rocks started shivering all around me.
Glitch lowered his head dejectedly, like he'd almost gotten away with something. "I know you don't." His eyes leveled on mine again. "But whatever you're doing to deal with this isn't working. I think it's time to try a new approach."
Tears stung my eyes. I tried to calm my power and hold it all inside. I looked away from Glitch.
"I miss them too," he said.
I deflated, feeling incredibly selfish and angry with myself for not acknowledging Glitch's pain. Glitch loved them too. He needed closure as much as
I did.
"I'm sorry." I looked at him again, wiping the tears from my eyes. "I'm horrible."
"Dude, no." Glitch's emotional grid lit up with remorse and surprise. "I wasn't trying to send you on a guilt trip. I just want you to know you're not alone in this."
I buried my head in my hands and did what I could to slow the flood of tears and the force of my power.
"When someone leaves you, however it happens, it damages you. It takes something from you, but there's no hole, like people always say. You still have what they did for you, the way they made you feel, the way they changed you. Walking around like an incomplete person because they're gone is an insult to everything you had together. The way I see it, you have a choice to make. You can let it ruin you, or you can go on living the way they'd want you to."
Hearing that calmed me. My pain wasn't insurmountable and I wasn't alone. "It's so hard." I took a deep, breath and looked back out at the horizon. "It's like everything brings me back to that place. I don't know how to stop it."
"My advice? Grieve, but change your perspective and honor them by really living your life. Appreciate the water, and the kids running around like maniacs. Enjoy the bonfires and late night dance parties. Watch the sunsets and stare up at the night sky as often as you can. And when you think of them, don't think about all the shit you regret. Think about the good times and how they helped make you who you are. Think about how knowing them made you better."
I didn't try to stop the tears anymore. Glitch's words and emotions flowed through me like a current, recharging me. I felt like I'd just taken my first breath since being submerged in the ruins of Hawthorn. I felt my power curling back inside of me. The water flooded in again, wrapping around our feet.
"There you go." Glitch pulled me in, and I leaned against him, resting my head on his shoulder.
He was always able to center me and pull me out of my own head.
"Remember that time Stone thought Lexa had escaped, but she'd just fallen asleep in the common room?" I asked.
"Haaa, yes I do. We only found her because she started snoring."
Collide (Anomaly Book 3) Page 4
