"Looks like you ladies had a celebration." Cash's eyes wandered down the line of empty shot glasses. "Or two..." He lifted one up and studied it. "Or three."
"Yeah, we're feeling pretty good right now." I beamed up at him.
Nyx's eyes met mine and she nodded. With that nod, I felt a compromise had been made. She and I may not have understood one another or approved of how the other lived their life, but in that moment, we'd agreed it didn't matter.
"I want to dance," Nyx blurted, standing quickly. I felt the world tip and, my head spun for a moment. When everything stopped moving I found myself leaning over. Cash's hand was on my waist, steadying me.
"Here," he said, helping me get my balance. "Let's you and I have a dance, shall we?"
Something warm and bright bubbled up inside of me. "Let's." I slipped my hand into his, and he pulled me onto the floor.
Chapter Ten
Lux stayed behind, and flirted with the bartender. Nyx was a little tipsy, but managed to keep her Mila glamour going. She pressed up against one of the guys who bought us the shots. They rocked back and forth like kelp drifting in the current. Their eyes were closed and her forehead rested against his. I felt nostalgia and sadness twisting inside her, and it appeared I wasn't the only one pining after the dead. I had no doubt she'd been imagining herself wrapped in Niko's arms.
Cash distracted me from Nxy's heartbreak. "Found yourself a new best friend?" He asked.
I laughed a little. "Definitely not."
"You two seemed like you were having a good time."
"As good a time as we could have playing one another."
Cash cocked his head to the side and furrowed his brow in confusion.
"She helped me reclaim a few memories from before Hawthorn. We made a deal. I think she was hoping to uncover some deep, dark secrets of mine. She may have been able to get in my head a little easier, but I got into hers too."
"You were inside Nyx's head?" He laughed. "You might need a few more drinks, then."
I smiled and pulled him closer. "Just a dance, please?"
"Deal," he said, and led me to the center of the dance floor.
It felt like the music was moving through me, weaving in and out of my body as we swayed in the crowd of dancers. Everyone around me was under its trance, and I was powerless against it. Cash's left hand was at the small of my back, pressing my body against his. His heart was beating so strong and sure, I could feel it inside of me and in the palm of my hand pressed against his chest. His right hand was lightly on top of mine, holding it to him. Our cheeks touched as we fell under the thrall of the music.
"You look amazing," Cash said. I felt his breath against my neck as his deep voice rumbled in my ear, and sent shock waves of pleasure through my body.
"You're not too bad, yourself," I said, giving him a warm smile as I ran my fingers through is hair, then rested my hand behind his neck again. I felt his body shiver in response and he didn't try to hide it anymore. Since the night Hawthorn fell into the ocean, he'd been so careful with me, so relaxed. Before that night, he didn't try to hide his feelings from me. He wanted me to know exactly what I meant to him, but since then, he'd respected my broken heart and kept his distance. Tonight felt different. He was letting go again. It was like he physically couldn't keep it from me any longer. Feeling his appreciation of me didn't make me feel guilty like I'd thought it would. It made me stronger.
"It feels really good to see you like this; to see you let go of everything and allow yourself a little happiness," he said.
"It does," I agreed.
"You know you're safe with me, right? I will always take care of you."
I looked into Cash's eyes and felt the nervous flutter in his stomach and the accelerating pace of his heart inside of my own body, but it didn't feel foreign. I was just as nervous.
"I know," I said.
The music faded and a man took the stage.
"It's after midnight, which means it's time for karaoke on the stage," the man said. "Half priced drinks at the bar for a little extra courage."
We all met up back at the bar where Lux had four more shots lined up. He and Lux had another, but I declined. Lux made a pouty face and drank mine.
"Cash, this one is all you." Lux pointed to the remaining glass.
"I'm good, dude. I can't handle those things like some people." He grinned at me and poked my side playfully.
Lux nudged Cash and nodded to the karaoke stage.
“I bet you twenty bucks—real money—that one of those drunk losers busts out with Don’t Stop Believing by the end of the night,” he chuckled.
Cash laughed and shook his head. “I’m not taking that bet. It's not karaoke if you don't sing that song."
"What song?"
Cash looked over at me, and arched a brow. “Please tell me you know what that is?" Cash asked.
"What? Like Bon Jovi or something?" I asked.
Lux chuckled drunkenly and Nyx cackled.
"Uh oh, Liv. I think you broke his heart," Nyx said as she leaned forward on her elbows, her hands balled under her chin.
I frowned and Cash just stared in awe. I sighed, getting frustrated. "I lost twelve years of my memory, was raised in a prison, then practically quarantined in my dorm room. Give me a break."
A surge of shock rolled through Cash, followed by a subtle ache. Then his lips tilted into a smile, and a sense of determination came over him. He stood, took the last shot and tossed it back.
My eyes widened. “Cash, what are you doing?”
He reached into his pocket, pulled out a twenty dollar bill, and slapped it into Lux’s hand. He pulled me across the floor toward the stage. “I’m going to school you on some Journey.” He let go of me once we reached the stage and walked over to the DJ’s booth, saying something to the man behind the small podium. When the guy grinned and nodded, Cash bound across the stage, grabbing the microphone.
The music started and Cash raised the mic to his lips, and sang the first line of the song. Suddenly, the floor was crowded with women. More and more of them came filing in from other parts of the casino and the street. Screams and shrieks of excitement rose up around me, but I was focused on Cash. This time it wasn't his power that drew me in. I could see the effect that it was having on the women around me. I could feel his power in my blood, heavy and alluring. It pulled through my veins and flooded into my brain, but watching him on the stage didn't pull me into the haze of his power. In fact, I felt like I was actually seeing him for the first time ever while he was singing. He was crisp and clear, bold and a completely unafraid.
His smile is what pulled me closer to the stage. The way he danced around, pouring his heart and soul into the song. When I reached the front, he held out his hand to me, beckoning me to join him. I reached out and he pulled me up onto the stage. I danced with Cash and watched the lyrics on the screen and sang along with them, laughing and brimming with joy.
When the song ended, Cash and I were both breathless. Elated, I fell into his arms. They felt strong around me. The heat from his body radiated outward and his chest rose and fell heavily. When he pulled back from the hug, I took his face between my hands and kissed him.
At least, I tried to.
He caught my wrists just before our lips touched. Unease flared brightly in him, abruptly halting his exhilaration. When I opened my eyes, he was looking down at me, his eyes frantically searched mine. His brow was furrowed slightly as though he were trying to figure me out.
“What?” I tried to ask what was wrong, but I could see it in his dark eyes. He didn’t think my affection was genuine, and pain twisted in his chest like a corkscrew.
“I don’t know why I keep doing this. Why do I ever think it could be different?”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m sorry, Liv. This was my mistake.” Cash let go of my wrists and broke away from my gaze. The women were still gathered at the foot of the stage, pawing at him like a horde of zombies. Their g
lossy eyes were wide and awestruck. Lust, hope, desire, and infatuation radiated up toward us, and I felt Cash's heart sink. “It’s getting late. We should probably find Glitch and get going,” he said, refusing to look at me.
I didn’t know what else to say. I felt like he wouldn't believe anything I had to say in that moment, anyway. “I’ll go find him," I said quietly. "We’ll meet you at the car?”
Cash nodded and left me on the stage. He pushed his way through the swarm of women, gently pulling them off of him as he made his way back to the parking garage. His heart ached and regret seeped in. Even though he was walking away from me, I could feel it growing stronger inside of him. I looked over to Nyx and Lux. They clapped lightly for me. I sighed and stepped off the stage, then went to find Glitch.
It wasn’t too hard. I sent out feelers for his uniquely hyper emotional grid and found him at a slot machine. He was pulling the lever and pressing buttons at lightning speed; so fast that I was afraid the machine was going to break.
“Glitch!”
He didn’t look at me. “Yeah?”
“Exactly how much have you lost?”
“Um…seven-thousand, five-hundred and sixty-seven…” He pulled the lever. “Sixty-eight…” He pulled the lever again. “Sixty-nine.”
“Glitch!”
“Sixty-four. Yes! Got some back.” He pulled the lever. “Sixty-five—”
“Okay, buddy. Come on. We have to go.”
Glitch looked up at me then, and really saw me. He frowned slightly.
“Jeez, Liv, are you okay?” he asked gently, slipping off the slot machine stool.
“Yeah, I'm good."
I was a terrible liar, and Glitch wasn't the most observant. Though, when it came down to it, he had a solid head on his shoulders and a good heart in his chest. He knew when something wasn't right.
"If you don’t want to tell me, I won’t force you. You know you can always talk to me though, right?” He dipped his head down so that he could catch my eyes.
“I know.” I squeezed his hand in mine. “I’m okay. Really.”
He didn’t quite believe me, but true to his word, he didn’t push me.
“Oh! I wish you had been there! I met this dude. He was like eight feet tall and had these huge muscles and tattoos all over his body. He came and sat next to me and asked me to get a drink with him. I was afraid to say no, 'cause this guy looked scary as hell. But, I'm like, I can't lead this huge dude on. I mean, Glitch likes the ladies. He can't help that."
All I could do was watch and try to follow along as Glitch talked. I felt like my head was going to explode.
"So, I let him down gently and we ended up getting a drink anyway. Turns out, he works as a stunt double in Hollywood. He's actually a pretty cool guy. But anyway, when I went to the bar, I saw Mila Kunis making out with some random guy on the dance floor!”
I laughed out loud and didn't stop for a good minute. Glitch looked at me like I'd lost it. I put my arm around his shoulder and kissed his cheek. "You never fail to cheer me up."
"I do what I can." He grinned.
We walked back to the car, and Glitch regaled me with tales of his slot machine adventures. Once we got back to the cabin, I could sense that Charlie, Dozer and the kids were asleep. Glitch, Nyx and Lux tiptoed quietly to their rooms, leaving Cash and I on the porch. His hands were tucked into his pockets.
“Well, I guess I’m going to head out.” He started down the path to the dock.
I chewed the inside of my lip. I didn’t want to watch him walk away. “Cash?"
"You don't have to say anything, Liv. I'm really tired. I'll see you in the morning. Better get some rest, I'm going to need you to bring your A game to the table. I'm planning on making French Toast, and those eggs can't crack themselves."
"I'll be ready." I could tell he was done with the whole night, too drained to deal with whatever we did or didn't feel for each other. I still didn't know what it all meant to me, and I didn't want to hurt or confuse him more than I already had, so I let him go.
“Goodnight, Cash.”
"Goodnight, Liv."
With a nod, he turned and bound down the steps. I watched the night envelop him as he walked down to the dock.
When I got to my room, Bebe was cuddled up with Headset in the pop tent in the loft area and Charlie was snoring softly on the bed. I peeled off my dress and let it fall to the floor. I slipped on a cami and slid into the pull out.
I lay there for a moment staring at the reflection of the lake that came through the windows and danced on the walls. I could still smell the light musk of Cash’s cologne on my skin. His emotions lingered inside of me, passionate and sorrowful all at once. They stirred like a growing storm until my chest felt heavy with them, like they'd rain down on me and drown me if I didn't do something to quell them. Panic set in. It was the same panic that surged through me in my nightmares, but I'd never been more awake, more aware of myself. This fear was too real, too consuming as it rushed through me.
I pushed the blankets off of me and sat straight up. I realized why it physically hurt me to leave things so unfinished with him, and I knew what I had to do.
Chapter Eleven
The dock creaked under my bare feet as I made my way to the boat. I climbed down onto the deck, my chest rising and falling heavily. I was nervous, but I'd never been more sure of anything in my life. I knocked on the door of the cabin; lightly at first, then harder when there wasn’t an immediate answer.
When Cash finally came to the door, worry swirled inside him. "What? What's wrong? Are the kids okay?" He searched my eyes frantically.
I pushed inside hastily and shut the door behind me.
"What's wrong, Liv?" He insisted, wide eyed.
"Nothing is wrong."
I felt his whole body relax. "What is it, then?" He brushed his hands through his hair. He was both frustrated and relieved. And if I was picking up on it correctly, he was a little annoyed with me too.
“Don’t say anything." I pressed my finger to his lips. "I don’t want there to be any doubt for you that this is my choice.” My voice quivered slightly. Cash stared into my eyes. He took a deep breath. I raised too my tiptoes, slid my hands behind his neck, and pressed my lips to his.
“Liv…” He pulled away from me, hesitant. Fear pulsed faintly through him. He was afraid to let me go, but he was also afraid of letting me get too close.
"Cash, this is what I want." I pulled at his collar and brought his lips to mine again.
"Liv, I can't." he wrapped his hands around mine and gently pulled them away from his shirt. "You're probably still feeling my power...and all those shots." he let out a nervous laugh and softly pushed me further away, avoiding looking into my eyes.
"I'm not," I whispered insistently, and pushed forward again, pulling his hands around my waist.
"You are," he insisted and I felt this ache opening inside him like I were hurting him. He pulled back gently, and avoided looking into my eyes again, afraid of what he'd see.
"Fine. Sing to me, Cash," I pleaded.
"No." He shook his head, but he didn't try to pull away again.
"Sing to me," I whispered. "Please?"
He brushed his thumb over my lips, and I could feel his emotions warring inside of him. "Fine."
Cash took my hands into his and guided me to sit on the edge of his bed. He placed my hands behind my back and said, "don't move."
I nodded and settled in, giving him my undivided attention. He began to sing, but he still wouldn't look into my eyes. As I listened to him, I couldn't help but smile. A laugh escaped my lips and I felt this excitement bubbling up inside of me. Although his voice was still alluring and ignited sparks of pleasure as it rolled through my body, it wasn't that unnatural, all-consuming desire that put me in a trance.
He'd told me once before that women who hear his voice stop seeing him. They see an ideal, but I could see him clearer than I ever have. He was my ideal. He was what I wanted, and I needed h
im to know that.
Seeing what probably appeared to be a delirious reaction on my part, Cash stopped singing and lowered his head. He felt dejected and a little confused. "Okay, come on. What is this, Liv?"
I stood slowly and cupped his cheeks in my hands, forcing him to look me in the eye. I took his hand in mine and placed it over my heart. His eyes widened and I felt something in him surge forward, snapping tightly against his restraint. He was confused, but there was something in the back of his mind, an inkling of understanding. I saw it light up ever so faintly in his eyes.
"Listen to my voice, Cash. Feel my heart." I gently pulled him closer to me. "Look into my eyes. Do I really look like one of those lust zombies?" I smiled and waited.
"No," he said quietly, studying me. I felt heat blossoming inside of him as the idea took root.
"Your power doesn't sway me anymore. I'm not in love with what I hear in your voice, Cash. I'm in love with you."
He didn't move, didn't say a word. He just stared at me for a few heartbeats, processing what I'd said and what it meant. I felt this pressure building inside of him that I couldn't place. The feelings that flowed between us were too intense. I couldn't focus on what was mine and what was his anymore.
I took in a shaky breath and said, "if I'm wrong, and this isn't what you want..."
Cash's arms wrapped around me, pulling my body flush against his. His mouth claimed mine, silencing me. "I love you, Liv," he said breathlessly. "I love you." He smiled into my kiss and pulled my lips into his, over and over. "I've wanted to tell you that every day."
He didn't have to tell me. I felt it. Cash loved me like he breathed air. It took so many different forms over the past year, but it was constant and strong and pure.
His happiness was singing in my blood, mingling with my own. He lowered me back down onto the cool sheets and cupped the back of my neck, guiding my lips back to his. I felt his muscles relax, and he let go of everything that held him back. Every worry and apprehension fell away.
Collide (Anomaly Book 3) Page 7
