by Laura Acton
Jen hurried to Nick and gave him a brief hug. “Always wonderful to see you, Nick.”
“You as well. Sorry for ruining your evening alone with Jon.”
“Not ruined, and what Jon is doing is more important than spending a few hours with me. We’ll still have the remainder of date night to ourselves when he comes home.” Jen turned her gaze on her eldest son, who rolled his eyes. “The pizza is in the oven. Make sure you lock up and set the alarm when you head over to your friends.”
“Thanks, Mom. Will do. Catch you later, Uncle Nick.” Kent trotted into the kitchen.
Jen chuckled as Kent lopped off. “He’ll eat the entire pizza by himself. I don’t know where he puts it all.”
“Growing boys eat a lot.” Nick grinned. “Oh, before I forget, both Lexa and Dan confirmed they’re coming over on Thanksgiving, but we’ll be eating one hour later than originally planned to accommodate Dan’s schedule.”
“I’m glad both decided to come. Wouldn’t be a team dinner without them. What is Dan doing?” Jen bent to grab Joey’s overnight backpack.
A blur raced straight for Nick and launched itself at him as it squealed, “Unca Nick!”
Catching the bundle of energy in his arms, Nick’s heart filled with joy, and a touch of sadness. Joey was now one year older than his own Martin had been when he died … he loved the vitality of Jon’s boy but missed his son. The pain of losing a child never went away entirely. “Hey, kiddo. I hear you’re spending a couple of nights with your uncle.”
Joey’s eyes beamed with excitement. “Yeah, and tomorrow we’re gonna ride ATVs. Unca Jack lets me give it some gas. I like going fast. I’m gonna be a racer when I grow up.”
Jon ambled down the stairs clutching the stuffed animal. After much searching, he located the missing toy buried in the back of the closet. Only then did Joey recall he had been playing hide and seek with his toy, and it was the dog’s turn to hide, so he shoved it under the shoe rack but forgot all about his game when Kent asked him to shoot some hoops.
As Joey and Nick talked, Jon came to a halt next to Jen and handed over the plush dog. “Found him in Joey’s closet. Apparently, he is adept at hiding.”
“Thanks.” Jen put Joey’s toy in the bag. “I should be back about ten thirty or maybe a little later, so no need to rush home after the meeting. Your mom is coming over to Jack’s place, and we’re going to start making pies. I plan on winning the contest this year.”
“You’re number one in my book.” Jon kissed Jen’s cheek before extracting Joey from Nick’s arms. He hugged his boy, ruffled his hair, and said, “Behave for your aunt and uncle. I’ll see you on Monday.”
Hugging his dad, Joey said, “I’ll be good.” Once his feet touched the floor, Joey tugged on his mom’s hand. “Let’s go! Bye, Unca Nick.”
A moment later, the whirlwind of child exuberance was gone, leaving Jon and Nick in the entryway alone. A wistful smile came to Nick’s face. “Miss that sort of energy.” Shaking his doldrums away, he chuckled, “But at least I’m not going broke trying to feed a teenager.”
Jon nodded. Tonight would be beneficial for Nick as well as Dan. Although over ten years had passed since Martin’s death, holidays remained tough for his friend. “Phoned Dan a little while ago and offered him a lift. He decided to ride his mountain bike and will join us there.”
“Thought he might. Rooftops, running, and riding tend to clear his head.”
“The three R’s have a little different meaning for our sniper.”
As Nick grinned, Jon shouted bye to Kent before the two exited the house and climbed into Nick’s vehicle.
Support Group – 6:30 p.m.
Though long, Dan enjoyed the evening ride, which helped wake him up a little, as well as centered and cleared his mind. Coming to a halt, he spied a bike rack enclosed on two sides with a three-quarter height block wall. He locked his bicycle, hung his helmet on the handlebars, but hesitated to enter the building.
Still unsure about coming, he fought the desire to continue riding as a part of him kept insisting he should cope on his own, and Nick and Jon weren’t to be trusted. But two things countered those thoughts. One, he gave his word and always strove to honor his obligations. Two, memories of the night he spoke with them and shared about the Blue Wall of Silence came to mind. That night he opened up, and so did they. Trust could be rebuilt, but he needed to put a clamp on his doubts and accept both men at face value.
Taking a deep breath, which caused him to yawn, Dan set his feet in motion and entered. He paused inside the door to scan the area for exits. Some habits would never be easy to change, but Dan strove to alter the ones that no longer served him, like believing he must deal with this by himself.
The night he risked confiding in Blaze on the rooftop of the Anzhi-Qala Resort in Makhachkala had been a turning point for him. Blaze’s words resonated in his head. No one can take your masculinity from you. Real men weep and scream. They shake with fear, suffer nightmares, and phobias. None of these things makes you less of a man. They only make you human. Blondie, you are a man based on the choices you make. Please remember we all are vulnerable at times.
“He’s here.” Jon tapped Nick’s shoulder.
Nick turned and spotted Dan across the room. “You sound surprised, Jonny. He said he would be here. Dan never breaks his word.”
Jon nodded before moving toward Dan. “Yeah, but there is a first time for everything. He’s struggling, and all the extra caffeine he’s consuming isn’t helping him sleep.”
Nick chuckled lightly. “Loki picked the lock to Dan’s locker and switched out his caffeine tablets to sugar pills during workout this morning. Perhaps he will sleep better tonight.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jon halted and eyed Nick.
“Loki revealed his action to me after the abduction call, and I forgot until now.” Nick patted his back. “Dan appears a little apprehensive. Let’s go rescue him and make some introductions.”
As they headed for Dan, Jon said, “We should lead by example tonight.”
“What do you mean?”
“If we want him to bare his soul, we need to share with the group tonight. Oh, and just so you’re aware, I called Samuel and requested a favor.”
Nick wanted to ask what but didn’t as Jon greeted Dan. “Hey, Dano. Glad you found the place. Let me introduce you to a few of the guys while we grab a soda and some pizza.”
Dan nodded but remained silent as he followed his bosses to the tables set up with food and beverages. He expected to be on edge, but the men he met warmly welcomed him. As a result, he allowed a more natural expression to display as he munched on pizza and listened to banter between people who appeared quite comfortable with one another.
Thirsty, Dan scanned the available drinks, and almost groaned when he didn’t find any caffeinated ones. A huge catering style dispenser with coffee sat on one table, but the tag on it indicated decaf. Hot water was available, but his choice of teas included only non-caffeinated herbal ones. He settled for an orange soda to wash down a couple of covertly taken caffeine pills.
Nick caught Dan’s move. In his over-tired state, Dan was not as subtle as he might think. He almost chuckled when he realized what favor Jon requested of Sergeant Kelly. Their usual selection of beverages lacked regular coffee, black tea, and colas. Jon effectively eliminated caffeine. With any luck, nothing would interfere with Dan sleeping tonight.
Unabashedly, Nick observed as Dan interacted with some of the attendees. The haunted eyes Dan possessed when he joined TRF had returned in the past few weeks. Though the Whitehall call affected each member of his team on various levels, Nick sensed there to be something more to the flicker of pain he caught in Dan’s tired eyes.
These men possess open minds and kind words, which might assuage Dan’s anguish if he allows them in, but they will never push anyone to share. It will be Dan’s choice whether or not to reach out to us. Though Jon is right, we must provide him an example. I must open
up and express what is troubling me to help him.
Hovering near Danny, Brody smiled at all the guardian angels gathered. Each one did their part to whisper to their charges, creating an environment his brother would find safe and secure. He believed Danny needed to lance the infected wound. This one festered for far too many years, and Dan must give voice to what happened with Shy. If Dan did, this particular gash in Danny’s soul would begin to heal.
Brody whispered, “Danny, you’re safe here like you were in the barracks with the unit. Release your pain and begin the process of healing, my brother.”
As Shy materialized, he peered at Dan, wishing he never requested him for the ill-fated op. Both times he led Blondie, the shit hit the fan. “Thanks for contacting me, Brody. I made arrangements for my charge to be cared for so I could be here. Do you truly believe he will talk about the mission?”
Brody patted Shy’s back. “Thank you for being here. I’m hopeful. Danny has a ton of support tonight, so maybe.”
Support Group – 7:35 p.m.
About an hour after arriving, Dan chose a seat, well, more or less Boss guided him to one and flanked him on the right while Jon occupied the chair on the left side. The folding plastic chairs had been arranged in a circle, and now fifteen men faced one another. According to those he spoke with while eating, tonight’s attendance was about typical, though on occasion upwards to twenty-five men came, but not everyone showed up for each meeting, coming and going as they deemed necessary.
However, some came regularly, Sergeant Samuel Kelly for one, since he created the group. The mix of men is what surprised Dan the most. A few were much older and retired, some happened to be younger like him, but the bulk appeared to be closer to Jon’s and Boss’ age. He met constables, firefighters, one paramedic, and a couple of soldiers, and some had both police and military experience under their belts. One of the guys served in Sudan and two in Kandahar, while two men had been in the field in Iraq.
Kelly called the meeting to order, and for Dan’s benefit, he explained, “This group is for men who have dealt with or are dealing with stresses associated with being a first responder or serving in the armed forces. Our primary tenants are to offer support without condemnation or pity, and we don’t require anyone to speak. We want everyone to feel safe, so anything shared by the members must be held in the strictest confidence. We are here to buoy each other, listen without judgment, and offer advice if requested.”
Focusing on Broderick, Samuel said, “Welcome, Dan. As I said, there is no pressure to say anything. Some guys never share but continue to attend because it helps them understand they aren’t the only ones coping with difficult events. Recognizing you’re not alone and someone is willing to listen if you want to talk is half the battle.”
Dan nodded in acknowledgment of the welcome and ground rules.
The session started, and Dan listened as several disclosed problems and sought advice or only an open ear. He carefully studied the faces, searching for any signs of pity or derision but found none, even when Wade, a constable fresh out of the academy and a little younger than him, shared how he had been so scared the when a subject pulled a gun on him that he pissed his pants.
Wade worried he was not cut out to be a police officer, but the man sitting to his right, Harold, his training officer who encouraged him to come tonight, only offered words of reassurance. So, too, the others who shared embarrassing incidents when faced with the barrel of a weapon for the first time.
Carles, a soldier home on leave after deployment in Sudan, spoke next. This was his fifth session and finally decided to air his struggle. He described how his unit had been taken by a rebel force when escorting aid workers.
He suffered extreme guilt and nightmares plagued him because one of the men in the Special Forces unit sent in to rescue them had been severely injured while saving his life. Carles explained he couldn’t get images of the man’s flesh, embedded with metal shards and covered in blood, out of his head and worried his savior might lose his leg. As the young soldier broke down, a grizzled, older ex-soldier offered comfort as Carles cried out his grief over the situation.
Dan could relate to being haunted by images, and guilt was his constant companion. No one appeared fazed by the tears shed by Carles … well, more aptly not disgusted … only concern and compassion were exhibited.
Jon glanced at Dan, unable to read his expression or ascertain if Dan felt comfortable here. He hoped Dan would open up tonight, but if not this time, he would coax him into attending until he did.
Nick stole a quick peek to his left and noted Dan intently scrutinized everything. Absolutely everything. Nick recognized Dan relied on his situational awareness ability. The skill saved the team many times. Dan often spotted details others either were not cognizant of or did not categorize as a threat. To Nick, Dan appeared to be taking the measure of this group, which pleased him because Dan was assessing whether or not he felt safe. If he did, the odds of him speaking his mind increased.
The group took a short intermission after Carles’ breakdown, giving the soldier a minute or two to regroup. Nick and Jon deliberately did not engage Dan in conversation during the recess. Neither wanted Dan to believe they hovered, so moved off to converse with others.
Dan rose from his seat and headed to the men’s room, needing to relieve himself and to pop a couple of pills without worrying his teammates. As he strode across the room, Dan yawned. These pills are not working as well as they did all week. I hope I don’t nod off in the second half of the meeting.
Support Group – Restroom – 9:05 p.m.
In the restroom, Dan took care of business, and after drying his hands, he placed his palms on the counter and leaned heavily on it for a moment. He blew out a substantial breath. Damn, I’m tired. Straightening up, he pulled a little container from his pocket, shook out three white pills, and put them in his mouth before turning on the faucet again and cupping a hand under the running water, needing a bit of liquid to down the tablets.
Carles witnessed the new guy pop pills as he exited the stall. Worried, he said, “Drugs aren’t the answer. They only work so long before they screw up the rest of your life. I know … a few friends went down that dark path.”
Startled, believing himself to be alone, Dan turned and gazed at the young soldier. Shit, I’m more tired than I thought if I missed him being in here.
Carles noted the dark circles and haggard appearance of the blond constable. As much as he needed help, which he got tonight, the man standing before him needed it more. He was glad Nick and Jon brought their teammate tonight. Perhaps we might be able to prevent him from crashing and burning.
Detecting the concern in Carles’ eyes, Dan withdrew the pill container. “Only caffeine. Had a long shift, long week. I need to be alert riding my bike home later. Thought about drinking some coffee, but there’s only decaf.” To reduce the tension, he flashed a lopsided grin. “Rather drink bilge water.”
Carles smiled with relief as he washed and dried his hands. “Right there with you on decaf. Who in their right mind drinks that vile shit? Not sure what happened tonight, regular coffee is usually served too.”
“Could’ve used some tonight. These,” Dan shook the bottle before pocketing them again, “aren’t working as they should.”
As he tossed the paper towel in the trash, unsure if he should ask, but needing an answer and hoping Dan might be able to provide one, Carles awkwardly segued into a topic which puzzled him. “So, Dan, if I remember correctly, Jon indicated you were previously in JTF2, is that right?”
Dan nodded.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Yeah.” Leaning back on the sink counter, Dan’s hands gripping the edge tightly, wondering what Carles wanted to know.
“The JTF2 guy, the one whose leg got impaled by shrapnel … I don’t understand something. He was the unit’s sniper and safely away from the shit going down. Why would he leave his perch to save me? He would be whole and uninjured i
f he left me there.”
Dan inhaled long and slow and exhaled in the same manner. “I wasn’t there and can’t say exactly why he did it, but the Special Forces motto is Deeds Not Words. His unit had been sent in to rescue yours. They wouldn’t leave without getting everyone out. If the others were engaged elsewhere and couldn’t return to help you, then overwatch would move in to assist. I did it many times.”
“You were a sniper?”
“Yeah, still am … but with TRF now.”
Carles’ shoulders sagged, and he sighed. “I wish I knew his name. I wanted to thank him for saving my life, but I never saw him after med-evac flew him out. I think it would help me if I tell him I appreciated his sacrifice.”
“Perhaps if you give me the mission date and location, I can find out.”
“You can do that? I thought all special ops are like classified or something.” Carles stared.
Dan released his death grip on the counter and shrugged. “Let’s just say I have connections.”
“Really?” Carles didn’t quite believe Dan, and it showed in his expression.
Noting the skepticism, Dan recalled when Jon introduced him tonight, he provided his first name only. “My surname name is Broderick. My father is General Broderick, Commander of Special Forces.”
Carles’ jaw dropped. This is General Badass’ son? He only knew of the general by reputation, having never encountered the legend in person.
Recalling one of the group ground rules, Dan sought permission to disclose things Carles shared in the meeting with his dad. “If security protocol won’t be compromised, my dad may supply me with the soldier’s identity if I provide him a valid reason. May I share your story and why you want the information?”
Carles nodded, and the first real smile he had in months crossed his face. “Yeah. That would be awesome if you can pass me his name. I’d also like to find out how he is doing. If he lost his leg, he might need a friendly ear willing to listen.”
“I’ll see what I can do.”
