* * *
A week after leaving Paris, my arm hurt, my head hurt, and pretty much everything else still ached too, especially my heart. I knew I was an idiot, but how far I had dug myself into this hole was a little ridiculous.
I was home in Los Angeles and a million light years away from my heart. But London was safe and tucked away.
And I was alone. Exactly where I needed to be. I deserved that and more.
I’d hurt her. Maybe if I had been strong enough, she wouldn’t have been hurt at all. And if that was the case, maybe there would have been a chance for me to stay with her.
I frowned at that line of thought, knowing it couldn’t go anywhere.
She wasn’t for me.
She couldn’t be.
She’d tell me if something changed with her circumstances within the next month, but other than that, there would be no contact. There couldn’t be. Not when she had a whole life in front of her that had nothing to do with me. And I would always be the one in the shadows. The one who took the bullet for my charge.
And I couldn’t do that and be with London at the same time.
I still couldn’t get her face out of my mind.
It’s for the best, I told myself. It had to be.
I needed to change my bandage soon and set up the next job with my team. I was lethargic and unmotivated. I had already checked in on Sparrow and annoyed the hell out of her. She should be fine and was on the mend, but I had almost lost her too, and I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if I had.
I would never tell Sparrow that, or she would kick my ass. She was my friend, my teammate, and she had almost died because of my recklessness.
That was why both of them had gotten hurt, and I would never forgive myself.
A loud banging on the door made me freeze and reach for my gun, only I had already put it in the safe. But I had a few weapons near.
I pulled the knife out of my boot and went to the door.
I was already on edge, but when I looked through the peephole, I cursed and thought about keeping the knife. Instead, I slid it back into my boot and opened the door, preparing for what was eventually going to be my downfall.
Three men stood on the other side of the door, all in suits, one looking a little disheveled, one looking cocky as hell, and the other looking like he would break me.
I knew right away who he was...the king.
The King of fucking Alden.
The two flanking him like the Men in Black were London’s other brothers, Breck and Wilder.
“Aren’t you going to let us in?” the cocky one asked, and I knew that one was Breck.
The other one, Wilder, didn’t live up to his name. He just pushed his way through, silent and brooding. It seemed the wild one was Breck, at least from what I could tell from news outlets. The brothers had been named wrong, or maybe they had been named just right.
“Come right on in, why don’t you?” I scoffed, pissed off that they were on my doorstep, and ready for whatever fight came.
“I’m sure you would’ve invited us in eventually,” King Roman said, glancing around my loft.
I was rarely at home. And when I was, it was just to sleep, train, and get ready for the next mission.
It had been that way at my old job and continued as I had built my company.
The only reason I had the place was for storage and to be able to say I had a home. But I didn’t really. It was hard even to stay there most days. Phoebe had never been in my home. I’d gotten it after I had lost her.
And I even had a bit of her stuff packed away in the closet, which I’d never again look at. Including that damned box from the nursery.
I’d given most of the things to her family. Her parents hadn’t even spoken to me since her death.
But I kept a few things—a few things I didn’t need to see.
“Should I fix the punch now or what?”
“I take it you know who we are?” the king asked, his voice cultured, that same coolness I had heard over the phone and in countless media appearances.
He was a hardass, but I supposed that came from ruling a country. I respected Roman, but that didn’t mean I had to like him, especially when I saw parts of his sister in his face.
I didn’t want to think about London. I couldn’t.
“I’m Breck, this is Wilder, and you know the king. And you must be the asshole who broke our sister’s heart,” Breck said, leaning against my counter.
I shook my head. “Your aunt did that. I was just there to pick up the pieces,” I said.
“Oh, our aunt did a lot,” Wilder said. “We’re just here to make sure you didn’t take advantage of her.”
I tightened my jaw. “I didn’t.”
“So you say,” Roman said. “But I know my sister. We all do. And she’s not broken merely over our aunt being the treacherous snake that she was. She’s quiet. Doesn’t tell us much. But we know. And we know you fucking touched our sister.”
I met the king’s gaze and then pulled my eyes away so I could look at the others.
“She’s a grown woman. What we had was consensual. It’s over.”
“You say it’s over, and yet, look at you, sitting here alone in the dark, licking your wounds.”
“I’m sorry, but do you actually know anything about me? No, you don’t. Feel free to go and self-fornicate,” I snapped.
Roman’s brow lifted even as the corner of his lip twitched. Breck coughed a laugh before recovering himself, and Wilder, well, his expression didn’t change.
“Our sister is in pain. You hurt her. So what the fuck did you do to her?” Wilder asked, his voice not even raising a bit.
“I didn’t do anything,” I said. “I just told her the truth.”
“That you didn’t love her?” the king asked.
“What did she tell you?” I asked, my heartbreak reflected in my voice.
“She told us enough,” Roman whispered. “But you just told us the rest. You’re an idiot.”
“Excuse me?” I asked, my gaze going from brother to brother.
“You love our sister, don’t you, asshole?” Breck asked, looking down at his phone.
“That’s none of your business,” I bit out.
“I see that wasn’t a no,” Wilder said, shaking his head. “Should have just said no if you want us off your dick,” he whispered.
I barked out a laugh. “I don’t want any of you anywhere near my dick.”
Wilder grinned for just a moment before looking over at Breck.
“He sounds almost like you,” Wilder said.
“Excuse me? I am one of a kind. Nobody can sound like me. Not even the idiot who broke our sister’s heart.”
“She’s not broken up over me. She’ll get over me in a minute.”
“If you truly believe that, then you’re not worth her,” Roman said.
I looked up at Roman. “I wasn’t worth her to begin with. She’s a princess. Who am I?”
“You’re the man who saved our sister,” Breck said. But I didn’t look over at him.
Instead, I kept my gaze on Roman. “I saved your sister, but she still got hurt.”
“I would give you anything you asked for. Thank you for keeping our baby sister alive.”
What I wanted to tell him was that I wanted her. I needed her. But trying to tell him he wasn’t at liberty to give her to me would not have gone well. Besides, I didn’t deserve her. “There’s nothing I want. As long as she’s safe.”
“Liar. I can see it on your face,” Roman said. He looked over at his brothers and nodded before turning back to me. “Kannon, our plane leaves in an hour. Be on it if you want to at least apologize for being an asshole or if you want to do something good for yourself and for our sister. It’s up to you. We’re not going to force you.”
“But we could force you,” Wilder said.
“What the hell?” I asked, taking a step back to look at the three of them.
“All we’re saying is we
like you. You saved our sister. But you hurt her. You better fix it,” Breck said.
“How am I supposed to fix this?” I asked, my heart racing.
“You’ll figure it out,” the king said slowly. “But if you hurt her again, I have two words for you.”
“I’m afraid to guess.”
“Diplomatic immunity,” he whispered. And chills slid up my spine.
“I’m not good for her,” I whispered.
“And that is for her to decide. Not you.”
And then the three brothers left me standing there wondering what the fuck I was going to do.
That’s how I somehow found myself standing in front of a fucking palace.
Roman and Wilder had already left to do their thing, and I stood next to Breck, who just raised a brow at me.
“Still going to remain silent? You spent enough time being that way on the plane.”
“There wasn’t much to say on the plane.”
“At least you showed up. I was pretty sure Wilder was going to truss you up and stuff you in the back if you hadn’t.”
I looked over at London’s brother and frowned, trying to size him up, but I really couldn’t. He laughed, and he joked, and he acted like he had not a care in the world, but I had a feeling there was something else beneath the surface.
It seemed there always was when it came to this family.
“What do you want me to say?” I asked.
“That’s up to you. Wilder and Roman will probably kill you if you do anything to hurt her.”
“And you?”
Something dark came over his eyes, and he shook his head. “You won’t know what I plan to do in advance.”
“You know what I do for a living, don’t you? And you’re threatening me?” I asked, confused by this man.
“I know exactly what you do, Kannon Adams. I know exactly who you are. I also know that you protected my sister and that she loves you. So don’t fuck this up. Now, come into the palace, and we can show you how the royals live.”
“I don’t think I’m ready for this.”
“Nobody ever is. But we’re the Waterfords, the royals of Alden.”
We made our way through the castle, and I could barely take it all in. It was large, clean, and people seemed to be moving about all the time as if they had places to go and a right to be there. This was where London lived? No wonder she wanted to travel the world and look through her camera lens. This wasn’t what she wanted, this life that seemed to be closing in around her.
But I didn’t think she had a choice.
And yet somehow, I needed to make her see that I could be a choice for her.
“Okay, here she is. Don’t fuck it up.” Breck practically pushed me through a set of doors to a courtyard and then closed them behind me.
I looked over my shoulder while Breck saluted before walking away. I turned around, noticing the trees and the flowers and benches everywhere. It seemed to be a private area, with only one person in attendance.
London. She was turned away from me, her hair flowing down her back, and she stood in front of a fountain, her shoulders set, looking regal, like she was set in stone.
I moved closer, one step, and then another.
And London whirled, her eyes wide, her face pale and bruises still evident, and she just looked at me and blinked.
“Kannon?” she asked. She took a step forward, but then she seemed to remember our last meeting and froze.
“London.”
“What are you doing here?” she asked with a frown.
“I wanted to talk to you.”
She shook her head. “Why? Why do you want to talk to me? You’re the one who pushed me away.” She held up her hand. “No, I don’t want to rehash that. I don’t want to feel like I did before. How did you even get here?”
I was determined to be honest. “Your brothers found me and brought me here. And Breck practically pushed me into this courtyard.” I cringed as her face paled even more, but I continued. “I would have found my own way here sooner or later, but I was too chicken shit to take the first step and I needed time to collect my thoughts.”
She blinked in disbelief, and I didn’t blame her. “I’m going to ask again. Why are you here?”
“Because I was an idiot.”
“I’m not going to correct you there. You are an idiot. About many things. But why don’t you tell me exactly what you mean?”
“You’re not going to make this easy, are you?”
“Why should I? I don’t even know what this is.” London let out a breath, and then she narrowed her eyes at my arm. “How is your arm? Are you okay? I’ll get back to being annoyed with you in a minute, but you were literally sliced open a week ago. Should you even be here? How did you even travel?”
I took a step forward and reached out to brush my knuckle against her jaw, but she took a step away. I ignored the hurt I felt. After all, I’d earned it.
“I’m fine. It’s not the first time.”
She swallowed hard, tears swelling in her eyes before she blinked them away and rage filled them instead. Good, she was still the fiery London I had fallen for.
I just hoped to hell she could forgive me.
“I’m so sorry.”
“You said that, but you haven’t told me why you’re sorry.”
“I’ll never get the picture of you hurt and bleeding out of my mind. And it’s my fault that you were even hurt to begin with.”
“How could you blame yourself for that? My aunt orchestrated all of this so that she could have the throne for her son. And yet you’re blaming yourself? You did everything to protect me. I’m the one who ran out because I couldn’t stand to look at you.”
“And if I hadn’t pushed you away, if I hadn’t acted like a dick because I was scared about what I was feeling for you and my own inadequacies, maybe you wouldn’t have run straight into danger. Maybe neither you nor Sparrow would have been hurt.”
“Is she really okay? She and I have been texting a bit, but I don’t know if she’s lying to me or not.”
“You’re checking up on her?” I asked.
“Of course, I am. She was hurt because of me.”
“No she wasn’t. None of this was your fault.”
“Then none of this was your fault either,” she shouted back.
I hadn’t even realized I had raised my voice until she did the same.
“I’m going to be honest and tell you that I’m scared,” I said, not even realizing the words were coming out of my mouth until I’d spoken them. I just needed to get my head out of my ass and say what I was feeling.
“Scared of what?” she asked wearily.
“I was scared you were going to end up like Phoebe.”
She pressed her lips together. “You loved her very much,” she whispered, and I heard the pain there.
I stepped forward again, this time hesitantly putting my hand on her cheek. She didn’t move away, and I took that as a good sign. “I did. I loved her very much. But that doesn’t mean she’s the only person I can ever love.”
“What are you saying, Kannon?”
“I’m saying that sometimes I get in my own way. I do it all the time. Phoebe’s not the only one in my heart now. And that means I’m going to be scared to death of losing you like I lost her.”
“Kannon,” she breathed. Then she pushed my hand away. “I bared myself to you, and you threw it back in my face.”
I let out a breath, the hurt in her words a visceral pain. “I know, and that’s unforgivable. I was trying to do what I thought was best for you.”
“You were trying to make my decisions for me. Something that everyone has done for me since the time I was conceived. Most likely, before that. How do I know you won’t throw that back in my face again?”
“You don’t. You’ll have to trust me. And I’ll have to spend however long it takes working to make sure I earn that trust.”
“I shouldn’t even be listening to this. I should let you w
alk away again or do it myself.” I waited for her to continue, waited to hear something that would give me hope. “But...I can’t. If I do that, I’ll only be hurting myself. And I’m done hurting my future and heart just to live up to everyone else’s expectations.”
I nearly fell to my knees, truly ready to grovel. “I’m sorry. I’m scared. I was an idiot. I’ll do whatever you want. But take me back. I know this is too fast, and there’s so much left in our way, but let’s figure it out together. I’ll go down on my knees if I have to. I’ll grovel. I’ll do anything you want. But just forgive me for walking away. Forgive me, please.”
She blinked up at me and then reached up and traced her finger along my jawline.
I leaned into her touch, soaking it in. I didn’t want this to be the last time she touched me.
“You’re right. It’s far too fast,” she whispered. “But I know what I’m feeling. I don’t know how this is going to work. I don’t even know what my future looks like beyond this moment, but I know I don’t want to have that future without you. I want to figure it out. I love you, Kannon. I wasn’t lying or caught up in the moment when I said it.”
I sucked in a breath. “And I love you too,” I whispered. Her eyes filled with tears, and I leaned in and brushed my lips along hers. She sank into me, and I nearly groaned. I’d missed this connection between us.
I didn’t know what was ahead of us, but I knew this needed to be part of it.
“I don’t know what I need to do for this to work, but I’m all in. There’s just going to be a lot of threads to untangle and weave for us to make it work.”
Her eyes clouded for a moment, and she backed away but took my hand in hers. “You’re right. I have no idea how this is going to work. And I don’t want any promises beyond this moment. But I love you, and I want to figure it out, even though we have a lot of obstacles to overcome. My kingdom still has that arcane law we have to deal with, and my timing couldn’t be worse.” She cringed and put her hand on her stomach.
My eyes widened. “Do you know this soon?” I asked, fear and what felt like elation tangling up together.
She shook her head, her hand falling. “No, it’s far too early to tell, and as I said, I’m on birth control. But that doesn’t negate the fact that there’s still a rule in place that states if I don’t get pregnant, or if my brothers don’t impregnate someone else within the next few months, we could lose our throne. And then, even if we get around that, I’m still the princess. I still have responsibilities. And you have your job to deal with, and I have my photography career, and… I just don’t know.”
Royal Line Page 18
