"And myself?" Eugenia hissed. "You had said that Frederick had wanted a virgin? What had you meant by that? Just more lies?"
"Yes. Lies. All lies. True, you were much different from the other two that Frederick had invited into his house. That's why he got so upset with me when he learned what I had done with you. He would never have dismissed me if he hadn't truly cared about you."
Eugenia was finding it hard to breathe, she only wished that Clarissa could vanish, and she could forget all of this conversation. She didn't need anymore complications in her life—not so soon after Dawn's death.
"Do you mean that Frederick wouldn't have taken advantage of me like you said he would?" she said in a low whisper.
"It was a lie. Believe me, Eugenia," Clarissa said, grasping onto Eugenia's hands. "I only told you all of this to make you hate him and want to leave the house willingly. I only wanted to frighten you enough to let you free, possibly the next day, and never want to return."
Eugenia eyed Clarissa cooly, seeing the tight, shiny black curls sweeping around the semidark face.
"And you? Would you have abused my body by force if I hadn't escaped?"
"No. I swear I wouldn't have," Clarissa said quickly. "I hated you too much to even want to try to get you to accept my sexual advances. Please believe me. I would have set you free in only two day's time."
"And what do you really want of me now, Clarissa?"
"I need help. Desperately. As I said, Frederick has gotten my name around, and no one will hire me. I have no one else to turn to."
"Frederick told me that he had given you enough money to leave by train. Go to another town. Or state. Why stay in Cripple Creek?"
"I don't know this country," Clarissa said, her voice breaking. "I wouldn't know where to go. Or how to exist day to day. I wouldn't even know how to seek employment elsewhere."
"Again, I ask, what do you expect of me? What should I be able to do for you?" Eugenia demanded hotly.
"Let me be your maid. Or maybe even one of your girls. I know ways to make a man lose his senses if I only had the chance. Could you see to let me have some part of your establishment? I would serve you well."
Feeling rage seize her once again, Eugenia began to laugh hysterically. "I can't imagine your even having the guts to ask," she said hotly. "You? In my house? Never!"
"You've got to have pity on me, Madam Eugenia," Clarissa said, bowing her head as she began to cry.
Eugenia rose and walked away from her, then swung around, gathering the fullness of her skirt up into her arms as she walked back toward Clarissa. An idea was forming. It would not only degrade Clarissa, in Clarissa' eyes, it would make Eugenia get even with her.
"I do have a place for you, Clarissa," she said softly, mockingly.
Clarissa jumped to her feet and smoothed her skirt around her. "You do? You really will take me in?"
Eugenia smiled crookedly. She had never felt so wicked. "Yes. I have a place for you. If you are willing to accept the position."
Clarissa grabbed Eugenia by the hands and clasped them strongly. "Anything, Madam Eugenia," she gasped loudly. "Anything. Just tell me. I will do it."
Eugenia jerked away from Clarissa and let her fingers fumble with the diamond brooch on her pale green satin dress.
"You can live out back," she said, eyeing Clarissa closely. "Be one of my colored girls. Live among them. They get much business, believe me. You could serve me well out there."
Eugenia could see the old hate surfacing in Clarissa's eyes as they flashed back at her. She could even see Clarissa's jaws tighten, and her lips draw into a straight line. But she knew that she had gotten the best of her. She knew that Clarissa didn't have any other choice.
"You would do that to me, Eugenia?" Clarissa mumbled, almost inaudibly.
"Why not? You would be among your own kind," Eugenia said, tilting her head upward, walking away from her. "In fact, not even that. The girls that I've made acquaintance with back in that other house are much better than you are. I would welcome each one of them to live under my roof." She swung around and faced Clarissa with a look of power. "But you? Never," she hissed.
Clarissa's expression weakened. She had no other choice, for now. She knew that she could get Eugenia in the end, she would turn the colored girls against her. Yes. Eugenia would pay for this.
"That's fine with me," she said. "If that's what you want. I need a place to stay."
"All right," Eugenia said. "Just go on out back and ask for Iris. Tell her that I sent you. That I said it was all right. I believe they have a spare room right now. One of our girls left the other day. To get her own crib."
"That's what I should've done," Clarissa hissed, her eyes narrowing as she hurried away from Eugenia. She felt hands stop her. She turned and found Eugenia face to face with her once again.
"And why didn't you, Clarissa?" Eugenia snapped angrily. "Why did you come to add more torment to my life?"
"I thought I might get better here," Clarissa answered.
"Well, feel free to leave any time you want, Clarissa," Eugenia said flatly. "I'm only doing this to help another human being in trouble. But, you should know, I would do this for a stray dog."
Clarissa didn't wait to hear more. She rushed out the front door, almost falling down the steps, then headed toward the back of the yard, her mind already working, figuring out a way she could pay Eugenia back for having degraded her. She was only partially colored. She couldn't help it if she had had a colored Mammie and a white Pappie back in Germany.
Eugenia slammed the door shut, anger seething inside her. Clarissa had been one of the worst experiences of her new life in Cripple Creek. She could be placed side by side with Madam Valerie.
Thinking about all that Clarissa had said, Eugenia now knew that Frederick had told the truth. He hadn't had a part in what Clarissa had done with the girls. And the girls were now in cribs? Only down the road apiece? It was so unbelievable. How could Frederick have had such girls as part of his life? How could he have thought they might be turned into opera performers? But yet loneliness had probably guided him in his hasty decisions. She sat back down in front of the fire and watched the flames dancing, wondering if she should approach Frederick in any way, let him know that she now understood and truly believed that he had been used by Clarissa. He had sent Eugenia roses each and every day since his last presence in this house. He even had sent her more diamonds, necklaces and rings. But she hadn't responded in any way, not wanting to get anything going with him again. She was happy in her new role as madam. But maybe she should go and tell him anyway. What could it hurt?
She rose and hurried to her room to check her appearance. How the satin dress hung so neatly from around her tiny waist, and so accentuated the largeness of her breasts. She touched the brooch and smiled. Frederick had been a friend after all. He had only acted from kindness, and possibly a deeply imbedded love. Yes, she had to go to him. To thank him. She withdrew her black velveteen cape from her closet and rushed down the stairs and outdoors without stopping. She would even walk this day. Retrace the steps that she had taken that night with Key, when she had escaped. A route that would take her in front of the Opera House. She only hoped that he would be home to accept her thanks. Even to accept her apology for having thought such things about him. True, he had been known for his kinky sex while Madam Valerie had run The Old Homestead Parlour. But from her experience she had found out that most men had a kinky nature to them, one way or the other, where sex was concerned. She would no longer hold that against Frederick. Sex was another world, apart from her and Frederick's. It shouldn't be a matter of their concern.
Hurrying along the street, Eugenia found many stares coming her way from men who were well aware of her status at The Old Homestead Parlour. They even stepped aside, without a word, to let her pass. She had become to be known as the untouchable Madam, something apparently unknown in such a house. But she hadn't yet been able to trust a man's touch, touches that would drive her
to such heights of passion that she could forget her own name. No, she was going to control her feelings. And be proud of it. She liked the reputation that she had acquired for herself. And it was making it much easier for her to be the madam over the other girls. Nothing was expected of her except to have them ready for all the requests of the many visitors each day and night.
A turn of a corner brought Eugenia in front of the large, white house, making her heart pump at a faster rate. She hadn't been in there since that horrible night when Clarissa had chained her up in the tower room. Her eyes looked upward, searching for the tower room she had been in—two to be exact. One with Drew. Oh, how she had loved that evening. How much they had shared. And in the other one it was so horrible, being shackled to the wall. Yes, she hoped that Clarissa was feeling degraded right at this moment, being placed with the colored girls. Eugenia knew well that Clarissa would hate the thought of being called "colored" herself, having set herself apart from them. It made Eugenia smile inwardly to envision Clarissa being told what to do by the five colored girls who were quite skilled in their profession. Yes, they would teach Clarissa also.
Moving onward, Eugenia climbed the front steps, and held her fist poised, ready to knock. But then she stopped long enough to swallow hard. Was she ready to enter this house once again? Was she truly ready to talk to Frederick? Had she truly brushed all evil thoughts of him from her mind? When the door swung open, she found him standing there, his face red, his brow perspiring, and clutching onto his cane, eyeing her widely.
"Eugenia?" he said softly. "I saw you walk up the steps. Are you truly here?"
Eugenia smiled warmly, seeing the frustration in his searching eyes. "Yes, Frederick," she said. "I'm here. May I come in? For a moment? I have a few things I'd like to say to you."
Frederick stepped aside and let her by. "Let's go into the library, Eugenia," he said thickly. "I have a warm fire going in there."
Sweeping her skirt up into her arms, Eugenia walked the familiar steps to the library, and when she entered it warmed her heart remembering the many days she had sat by the fire, lost in reading the many books, not having a care in the world. And he had sat, so often, just watching her until he had snuffed the white powder into his nose—then their worlds had separated. Right then and there.
She had to wonder if he still practiced such habits. Or if he still had his opium den. But surely he would. Now more than ever. For he was more alone.
"Should I order tea?" Frederick asked, guiding Eugenia by the elbow to a chair.
"No. I don't care for any," Eugenia said, but wondering what servants were still there. There had been so few, but they had been faithful, she was sure, and were still there.
Frederick slouched heavily into a chair opposite Eugenia and leaned forward, leaning on his cane with both hands grasped atop it.
"And why are you here, Eugenia? Or should I call you Madam Eugenia now when we talk?"
Eugenia laughed softly as her cape fell from her shoulders. "You must never again call me Madam Eugenia," she said, her eyes twinkling. "Please only call me Eugenia. As you always have."
Frederick smiled widely, making his fat jowls bounce. He leaned back into the chair, relaxed. "I have a feeling you do have much you want to say to me, Eugenia," he said, wiping his brow with a folded handkerchief.
Eugenia relaxed back against her own chair and proceeded to tell all about Clarissa, what Clarissa had said, had admitted to her, and then in the end what Eugenia had done with Clarissa. Her eyes widened as Frederick flew into a fit of laughter, almost vibrating the room around them.
"Clarissa? Working with the colored girls?" he said, sucking in his breath noisily, then letting out another loud bout of laughter. "You don't know what you've done, Eugenia."
"Yes. I believe I do," Eugenia said smoothly. "Yes, I believe I do."
"I've got to hand it to you, my dear," Frederick said, wiping his lips and his brow once again. "You've got more gumption than I would have ever given you credit for. And I'm glad you did this with Clarissa. It serves her right for destroying what you and I had."
"She destroyed it only for a short while, Frederick," Eugenia said softly.
"Do you mean… ?"
"No, I don't mean that I'll live here with you. I just can't. Not in this house," she answered quickly, needing to make her decision known right away. "But I can visit with you. Each day if you wish. We can listen to your operas and even read quietly by the fire. Whatever you desire. You won't have to be alone any longer." Eugenia's eyes widened as she saw tears brimming in his eyes.
"Mein Fräulein Eugenia," he said, wiping the tears away with his handkerchief. "I knew that I had figured you right the day I met you. I knew you wouldn't be anything like the other girls that I had tried to calm down, to make something of. You were different from the start. I knew that you had class. But why must you stay as a madam at that place?"
Eugenia swallowed hard, finding it hard to speak her name, but she had to learn to do it. "I promised Dawn I would take care of the girls at the house," she whispered. "I keep my promises. And I feel important there. Can't you understand?"
"But you could be important here, Eugenia," he said, beginning to tap his cane in front of him. "I could even make you my wife, to make you feel even more important. You could be the mistress of this huge house," he added, swinging his cane in the air, gesturing with it.
Eugenia gasped. "Do you mean you're asking me to marry you?"
"Yes. You would be the mistress of mein haus. Ja?"
Eugenia rose and went to the fire, facing it instead of Frederick. She hadn't expected this. A friendship? But not a proposal of marriage. God, what was she to do? She only wanted friendship. Yet, this house? All that was in it? Could she really turn it down? There was the other house, how the girls had grown to depend on her, and her promise to Dawn.
She swung around and faced Frederick. She could see the silent pleading, hope, in his eyes. She hated to disappoint him again, so soon, but yet she had no other choice.
> "I just can't, Frederick," she mumbled, going back to sit across from him. "You and I are different in our ways. I can't see myself as your wife. Your daughter maybe. But not your wife. Don't you understand? It just wouldn't work."
Frederick rose and went to a shelf and pulled a book from it, pretending to be more interested in its contents than who was sitting in the room with him. But Eugenia knew that it was a ploy to distract her attention from the hurt that she had just now inflicted.
He thrust the book back in place and walked back toward Eugenia, stopping behind her chair. He placed his fingers on her shoulder and squeezed softly.
"Ja. I understand, my dear," he said. "I'm ready to accept you in any way you are ready to present yourself to me. I have grown to love you. Maybe I have had my feelings confused. Maybe it is only love for a daughter. It's been so long for me. I've forgotten what true love is."
Eugenia jumped up from her chair and for the first time ever swung her arms around his thick chest and hugged him.
"I do love you, Frederick," she murmured. "But in only ways of friends, not lovers. I hope you do understand. I want to be a part of your life. But only in that way."
Frederick hugged her also, patting her fondly on her back. "Ja. I do understand. Our friendship will be special. You'll see."
"I really have to get back to my girls right now," she said, pulling away from him. It was also the first time that she hadn't been repelled by his sweaty fingers on her. "Leaving Clarissa alone with the girls, who could guess what she might be up to?"
Frederick frowned darkly. "You may have made a big mistake taking her in, Eugenia," he said. "You have embarrassed her. She will get revenge. You'll see. Please watch her closely. I don't know how I was fooled by her presence so long. I guess it was because she was all I had at the time. But now my fräulein, I have you."
Eugenia smiled warmly. "Yes. You have me. But now I truly must run. Shall I come tomorrow? Maybe in the morning? Afternoons
are quite busy for me, I guess you know."
"Ja." He laughed. "Quite. I'm sure. But I have to ask, Eugenia…"
"Anything."
"Is it true that you are the madam whom doesn't participate in the activities of the house?"
Eugenia could feel her face reddening as she slung her cape around her shoulders. "Yes. It is true."
Frederick began to walk beside her toward the door. "Is it because of that fellow you had with you that one night here in the tower room? Do you still think of him?"
Eugenia's eyes widened, studying Frederick, wondering if he had thought of that often when he thought of her.
"I'm not sure what it is, Frederick," she said softly. "I guess I'm just not ready to add that type of relationship to my life. I just don't know."
Opening the door for her, Frederick followed her on out to the porch. "Always stay as innocent and sweet as you are, my dear," he said, laughing lightly. "And you will get what you deserve in life. I'll see to it."
"I'll try," Eugenia giggled, then waved as she began to walk away.
"Don't you want a carriage to return you to your house?" he yelled after her.
"No. I love the walk. It's good for the soul." She laughed, walking away, feeling cleansed inside for some reason.
* * *
Chapter Seventeen
Spring seemed to have arrived in small doses, but now it was really here. Eugenia made her way down the sidewalk on Myers Avenue, heading back toward home after having her daily tea and cake with Frederick. This day she felt so much freer, not having a cape around her shoulders. No, this day she had on a thin, flowing dress of silk, dotted with small blue flowers to match the spring atmosphere all around her. She inhaled deeply. The aroma wasn't like that of a spring day back on her parents' homestead. Ah! How she remembered how the wild daisies had filled the air with their tartness!
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