Love at First Fight

by Mary Jayne Baker

  He coloured slightly, looking down at his toes. ‘Yeah. I was trying to get how I felt all written down for you, only it kept coming out wrong. I wrote that the same day I came over to tell you I loved you.’

  ‘And this bit, where you say you’ve been hiding from it for years?’ She looked up at him. ‘Is that real? Or is it just part of another trick?’

  ‘Yes, a very old one. A trick I was playing on myself for the best part of a decade, until that bunch of bellends we call our mates opened my eyes.’ He smiled at the photo of their teenage selves, then glanced over at his love letter on her phone screen. ‘And the evidence against us has come straight from our own hands. We can deny how we feel till Doomsday, but our hearts can’t help telling tales on us.’

  ‘Very poetic. So, friends again?’

  ‘I guess so.’ He drew her gently against his bare chest. ‘Although I hope you realise I’m taking you back out of pity. I’d hate to see you die miserable and alone, which is obviously what’s going to happen if I don’t snap you up.’

  ‘Same here. It’s clear you’re half dead through pining for me, just like the girls said. I couldn’t have your stiff, broken-hearted corpse on my conscience.’

  ‘Give us that mouth then, love, if it’s the only way to stop you wittering.’

  Ben claimed her lips for a kiss, his fingers burrowing into her hair. Bridie relaxed in his arms, feeling that she was once again back where she was supposed to be.

  ‘Not worried about life in your shed?’ she whispered when they broke apart, stroking his ear with the tip of her finger.

  ‘No. I’ve actually always fancied my very own shed. I can get myself a workbench and a subscription to Pornhub.’ He brushed his lips against her forehead. ‘What about you? Scared I’ll be off to Bermuda with my secretary as soon as my hairline starts to recede?’

  ‘No. I know you could never bring yourself to leave your beloved shed behind.’

  ‘Well, we don’t need to worry about how to break the news of our relationship to the others now, do we? I think after that blazing row in the bar earlier, it’s safe to say there isn’t a friend or mutual acquaintance who isn’t aware we’ve been shagging.’

  ‘Or anyone else out in Blackpool tonight, for that matter.’

  ‘Here.’ He picked her ring up and slid it back on her finger. ‘Keep it on for me this time, OK? I seem to suffer from sudden shooting head pains whenever you take it off.’

  ‘I will.’ She lifted her face to kiss him again. ‘I’m sorry, Ben. I acted like a kid, didn’t I? I was just so humiliated when you didn’t respond to Cal asking if you had feelings for me, then when you said…’ She sighed. ‘Let’s talk it out next time, all right? We can’t keep relying on our mates to sort it out for us every time we have a fight.’

  ‘And I’m sure we’ll be having plenty of those in the years to come. It’s obvious we’re destined to be one of those couples. Although that also means plenty of vigorous make-up sex, so swings and roundabouts really.’

  Bridie’s phone buzzed again and she smiled as she looked at it.

  ‘Looks like Hat’s had the same idea,’ she said. ‘She’s offered a swap. I can have Cal’s bed and he’s taking mine.’ She glanced at the twin beds. ‘What do you reckon, shall we push them together for a bit of fun?’

  ‘I’ll even offer to sleep in the crack afterwards.’ He buried his face in her hair. ‘God, I love you, Bridie Morgan, you enormous pain in my arse. No tricks this time. I really do.’

  ‘I love you too, Ben. You equally enormous pain in my arse.’ She glanced up. ‘What happened to that lass from before? I stormed over here with every expectation of finding you in flagrante with her.’

  ‘Mia? She was pretty keen at first, despite the singing, but she’d soon had enough of me. Seemed to think I was just chatting her up to make some other girl jealous.’

  ‘What? Madness.’

  ‘Right?’ He grinned. ‘You picked out another entirely unsuitable match for yourself tonight, I noticed.’

  ‘I know. Instinctively homing in on lads who wouldn’t go for me in a million years is my only real talent in life.’ She smiled up at him. ‘I do think this one might have potential though.’

  ‘I’ve certainly got high hopes for him.’ He gave her a last kiss and let her go. ‘Come on, let’s push the beds together and get naked. This make-up sex isn’t going to have itself.’

  ‘Well, she hasn’t come back,’ Hattie said to Cal over in her and Bridie’s room. ‘I think it worked.’

  ‘Yep. Team Cupid to the rescue again.’ He gave her a high five. ‘This time with the added bonus that I now get to spend the night cuddling you. Win-win.’

  ‘You mind if it’s just cuddling tonight, love? I don’t know if it’s all the partying, the pregnancy hormones or a bit of both, but I’m worn out.’

  Cal kissed her cheek. ‘Of course I don’t mind. Like I said, we’ve got the rest of our lives to catch up on that sort of fun.’

  They got into their pyjamas, then pushed the two beds together so they could snuggle up.

  ‘Hat?’ Cal whispered when they’d turned out the light.

  ‘Mmm?’

  ‘That night with Joanna… you do believe me, don’t you? That it was all innocent?’

  ‘Course I do. I just wish you hadn’t kept it from me. If you’d told me about it up front, I wouldn’t have been worried.’ She pressed her face against his chest. ‘But let’s not go over that again. It’s in the past.’

  ‘Right.’ He rested a hand on her stomach. ‘And we’re all about the future now.’

  ‘Yep.’ She glanced up at him. ‘You’ve been acting a bit oddly today, Cal. Everything’s all right, isn’t it?’

  ‘Everything’s perfect. As long as I’ve got you, how could it not be?’

  ‘There isn’t anything you want to tell me?’

  Cal hesitated, his hand still resting on her stomach.

  ‘It’s nothing,’ he said after a moment. ‘Wedding nerves, that’s all. Somehow, this weekend’s made it all feel more real.’

  ‘I know what you mean.’ She kissed him. ‘Night, Cal.’

  ‘Night, beautiful.’ He ducked under the covers to plant a kiss on her tummy. ‘Night, Peanut. Love you both.’

  Hattie smiled. ‘I know it’s only a nickname, but Peanut Leonard-Kemp is really starting to grow on me.’

  ‘I know, right? Very minor celeb.’

  ‘Just imagine the future he could have on reality TV.’ Hattie snuggled deep into Cal’s arms. ‘See you in the morning.’

  Cal stroked Hattie’s hair while he waited for her to drift off to sleep. When her breathing had become soft and slow, he turned on his phone.

  He groaned silently. Another new message had come through from Joanna. Cal hesitated a moment, then muted the conversation and snuggled into Hattie.

  From now on, he was all about the future: him, Hattie and the baby. Ben was right. Whatever he had to do to leave Joanna firmly in the past where she belonged, that was what he was going to do.

  Twenty-Nine

  Cal was packing a bag to go over to Ben’s when a knock sounded at the front door. Hattie had already left to stay the night at her mum and dad’s, so there’d be no tempting bad luck by seeing each other before the wedding – well, the wedding rehearsal, but Hattie felt it was important to do everything exactly as they would for the real thing in a week’s time.

  Cal chucked a pair of socks in his bag and went to answer, wondering if Hattie had forgotten something she needed for tomorrow.

  ‘Fuck!’ he said when he opened the door. ‘Joanna! What the hell are you doing here?’

  His ex looked awful. Her hair was unbrushed, her face pale and streaked with mascara.

  ‘I didn’t know where else to go,’ she gasped between sobs. ‘Cal, I’m so sorry. There… there wasn’t anyone else I trusted. I messaged you loads but you weren’t answering so I… I just came.’

  ‘Christ, Jo! What happened?’

 
‘It’s… Conrad. It’s over, Cal. He left me.’

  ‘Oh God.’ He sighed. ‘I’m so sorry.’

  ‘Can I come inside?’

  ‘Um…’ He cast a nervous glance at Mrs Bradley’s house next door. ‘It’s not really a good time, Jo. I’m getting married tomorrow – I mean, I’m practising getting married tomorrow. I was just about to go out.’

  ‘Please, Cal. I need you.’

  Her face was so pale it was almost white, and her eyes were red and puffy from crying. Cal felt a stab of pity for the woman. She really looked like she’d been through the mill.

  ‘All right,’ he said, standing aside so she could come in. ‘But it can’t be for long, I’m afraid.’

  Joanna went into the living room and took a seat while Cal went to fetch her some tissues.

  ‘Thanks,’ she said, taking them from him gratefully. She took out a pocket mirror and started cleaning up the carnage on her face. ‘Oh God, look at the state of me. What must you think of me?’

  ‘Give over, you look fine.’

  She summoned a watery smile. ‘Cal, you’ve always been the worst liar I know.’

  ‘All right, you look pretty rough,’ Cal conceded. ‘But that sounds like it’s the least of your worries. Let me get you a tea and you can tell me about it.’

  ‘Thank you.’

  Cal went into the kitchen to make the tea. When he came back in, Joanna had cleaned up her face, applied some fresh make-up and was looking a bit more like her usual self.

  ‘Here,’ he said, handing her a mug before taking a seat beside her. ‘Now come on, tell me what happened.’

  ‘We had a blazing row,’ she murmured. ‘You know one of those that starts over something really small and quickly escalates out of control?’

  ‘No, not really.’

  Joanna smiled thinly. ‘No, I suppose not. I forgot other couples don’t have those. It’s become so much the norm for us now…’ She sighed. ‘But this one was different. Things were said that can’t be unsaid.’

  ‘What did he say?’

  ‘Not him. Me.’ She took a sip of her tea. ‘I told him… told him I didn’t love him. It just slipped out in the heat of the moment, but then when he pressed me on it… I couldn’t take it back, Cal. I don’t love him. I thought I did but I was wrong. The next thing I knew… he was driving away.’

  Cal patted her shoulder. ‘I’m sorry, Jo. But might it be for the best, in the long run? It sounds like you wanted very different things out of life, and if you don’t love him, well… I’m convinced there must be someone better for you out there.’

  ‘I hope so.’ She looked up at him, her puffy eyes wide and appealing. ‘Would a hug be out of the question?’

  ‘Er… I’m not sure that’s such a good idea after last time, are you?’

  ‘Why not? We’re not drunk now. I’m sure we can manage to behave.’

  Cal hesitated, but Joanna’s arms were already snaking around him. Not knowing how to extricate himself politely, he gingerly patted her back.

  How was he going to get himself out of this? He didn’t want to spend all night comforting his ex on the day before his wedding rehearsal. Obviously he felt for the woman, but what could he do? He’d only seen her twice in six years. She must have someone else she could go to for support. Cal couldn’t help remembering the last time he’d seen her, and the kiss he wanted more than anything now to put behind him.

  ‘Um, Jo… look, don’t take this the wrong way, but what are you doing here?’ he asked. ‘I mean, why come to me?’

  ‘I didn’t know where else to go,’ she whispered. ‘There’s no one genuine in my life now except you, Cal. No one who knows the real me.’

  ‘Right. Right.’ He hesitated. ‘But, well, I’m not in your life, am I? This is only the second time I’ve seen you since we broke up.’

  ‘I know, and I feel awful about that.’ She let him go. ‘Aren’t you wondering why I got back in touch after all this time?’

  ‘A bit, yes.’

  ‘Because… because I realised I made a mistake. The problems with Conrad, and seeing you about to marry someone else, it finally made me realise…’ She laughed wetly. ‘God, do you know how many times I’ve wished I never took that bloody job in Liverpool?’

  He frowned. ‘What are you saying, Joanna?’

  ‘It was you, Cal,’ she said softly, resting a hand on his leg. ‘It was always you. I lost the best thing that ever happened to me the day I accepted that job.’

  ‘Joanna…’ Gently he lifted her hand from his body. ‘Look, you’re upset. Let’s forget this happened, eh? I know you’re going to regret saying all this tomorrow.’

  ‘No. You’re wrong. I’ve been thinking about this ever since we kissed.’

  ‘We didn’t kiss. I just… failed to stop being kissed as quickly as I should have.’

  ‘I know you did.’ She summoned the seductive smile that had always had such an effect on him back in the days when they’d been dating. ‘Because you were tempted, right? Look me in the eye and tell me there wasn’t a big part of you that wanted me that night.’

  Cal looked her in the eye. ‘All right. There was a part of me. But there was a far, far bigger part of me yelling through the champagne fog that I love Hattie.’

  ‘What does that matter? I’m talking about something far more visceral than love here, babes.’ She slid her hand up his thigh, bringing her lips close to his ear. ‘You remember all the fun we used to have, when I used to get you all hot and bothered out in public? All I had to do was whisper that I wasn’t wearing any knickers underneath my skirt and you couldn’t wait to drag me into the nearest—’

  Cal flinched. ‘Joanna, stop.’

  ‘I know you don’t really want me to.’ She lowered her voice to a husky purr as her fingertips trailed over his leg. ‘Do you know the sort of life you could have with me, Cal? All the things I could give you? More than that frumpy, uptight little schoolteacher ever could. Think about that.’

  ‘Really? That’s what you think I care about?’ Cal got to his feet. ‘I love Hattie, Joanna. I’m going to marry Hattie and I’m going to have kids with her. I get that you’re not thinking straight right now, but this… this is wrong. I think you’d better leave.’

  She shook her head, scowling. ‘You’re seriously turning me down for her? You know how many men send me messages online telling me all the things they want to do to me? How many have left wives and girlfriends just for a chance of being with me?’

  ‘I don’t know and I’m not particularly interested in finding out.’ He flung open the living room door. ‘Bye, Joanna.’

  ‘Come on. You’re throwing me out?’

  ‘I’m asking you politely to leave. I’ve got somewhere else to be.’

  ‘Fine, if that’s what you want. I’ve never begged a man in my life.’ She stood to go, then hesitated, her expression softening. ‘Look, Cal, I’m sorry. You’re right, I’m not thinking straight tonight. I was upset and I… I wanted to be with someone. Let’s not leave it like this, eh? If this is the last time I’m going to see you, I want to go as a friend.’

  Cal’s frown lifted slightly. ‘Look, there’s no hard feelings. I am genuinely sorry your marriage didn’t work out. I hope you meet someone else to make you happy.’

  ‘How about a last hug to show you mean it?’

  He hesitated, then nodded slightly, not resisting as she wrapped her arms around him.

  ‘You know, we could just have tonight,’ she whispered while she held him. ‘For old times’ sake. Hattie doesn’t need to know.’

  ‘I’d know though, wouldn’t I?’ He extricated himself from the hug. ‘I’m sorry, Joanna. There’s only one woman I want to be with, and I’m afraid you’re not her.’

  Thirty

  At 7.30am, Hattie’s mum Sandra woke her daughter up with a cup of tea.

  ‘Time to get up, my love,’ she said, putting the steaming brew down on the bedside table. ‘Today’s the big day. We’ve got lots t
o do.’

  Hattie smiled. ‘Not quite, Mum. Today’s only the big day rehearsal.’

  ‘Well yes, but we have to pretend, don’t we? That’s the whole idea, to give it a trial run so we’re all set for the real thing on Saturday.’

  Hattie yawned as she sat up and reached for the tea. ‘You didn’t need to wake me quite so early, you know. It’s not a dress rehearsal. At least three hours on the actual day are going to be dedicated to getting into my dress, getting my hair done, make-up, nails and all that. All I have to do today is chuck a pair of jeans on and run a brush through my hair.’

  ‘Listen, Hats, you’ve given me an itinerary and I’m sticking to it,’ her mum said firmly. ‘I’ve got one child, and since I firmly believe that you and Cal are made for each other, this is my only chance to help organise a wedding for someone I love rather than a stranger. If this is my one go at being the mother of the bride, I’m bloody well going to do it properly.’

  Hattie laughed. ‘Well, I’m glad you’re taking it seriously.’

  ‘Someone has to, don’t they?’ Sandra said, flicking her daughter’s ear fondly. ‘Now drink your tea and up you get. Breakfast first, then at nine we need to start getting you into your dress.’

  ‘I told you, Mum. I’m not wearing the dress today.’

  ‘No, but you have to pretend to get into the dress all the same.’ Sandra tapped her watch. ‘Itinerary, remember? Drink up, sweetheart.’

  She went out, leaving Hattie to sip her tea in quiet thoughtfulness.

  It had felt strange, sleeping back in her childhood bedroom. It wasn’t enormously different now to how it had been when Hattie had left home to go to university at eighteen, even down to the posters of My Chemical Romance that still adorned the walls. Her parents were constantly talking about turning it into a home gym, but somehow that never seemed to happen. Hattie got older but her old room stayed the same, other than the junk and boxes that seemed to accumulate in there now it was no longer inhabited.