Love at First Fight

by Mary Jayne Baker

  She wondered how Cal was doing this morning after a night in the spare room at his brother’s: if his heart was fluttering the same way hers was. It all felt a lot more real now the Sten do was over and they were counting down in days rather than weeks to the big event. Hattie could feel the butterflies dancing in her stomach, hyperactive on a diet of nervousness, stress, excitement and burgeoning pregnancy hormones.

  Feeling suddenly queasy, she pushed her tea away. Was that nerves or morning sickness? She’d been feeling a bit bloated and sluggish lately, but she’d avoided any of the really bad symptoms so far. It would be nice if Peanut could carry on behaving himself until at least after the wedding, if not the honeymoon.

  In just six days’ time she and Cal would be husband and wife, preparing to fly off to Venice. As filled with trepidation as Hattie was about the various things that had the potential to go wrong, she couldn’t wait to marry Cal. There was no one else she could imagine raising a family with… growing old with. Cal Kemp, sweet and funny and warm and lovely; Cal who loved her unreservedly, demonstratively and without embarrassment, and who did a million little things for her every day to remind her how lucky she was to be with him.

  Hattie hugged herself as she pictured his handsome, smiling face. Not everyone was fortunate enough to meet their soulmate in life; it almost felt unfair that she should be one of the lucky ones. Not that she was about to start complaining.

  Her dad was cooking a fry-up when Hattie went down to the kitchen. After she’d eaten – her mum commenting on how little appetite she had, but without seeming to suspect any reason for that other than nerves – Hattie had a shower and got dressed in her best jeans and a nice silk top, which she’d selected as about the right amount of smart-casual for a wedding rehearsal.

  Getting ready took around an hour, compared to the three hours reserved on the itinerary for dress, hair, make-up and other beautification rituals, so she had quite a bit of time to fill before the bride, groom and a few select guests were due to gather at the stately home where the wedding was to take place. She tried to occupy herself with a book, but she couldn’t focus and the words swam before her eyes. Despite the lack of a big dress or fancy up-do, the prospect of this rehearsal was rendering Hattie nearly as restless as the real thing.

  ‘Mum! Dad! I’m going to go out for a walk,’ she called to her parents from the hall as she put on her coat. ‘If I’m not back in an hour just head to Lindley House without me and I’ll meet you there, OK?’

  ‘All right, but don’t be late!’ her mum called back.

  ‘I won’t. See you in a bit.’

  Outside, Hattie breathed in a deep lungful of sea air to help calm her nerves and started walking along the clifftop path towards the steps that led down into Messington town centre.

  It was a quiet morning, with hardly anyone about, but she soon felt someone fall into step behind her. She glanced over her shoulder and blinked.

  ‘Um, hi.’

  Naturally, Hattie recognised the woman smiling awkwardly at her immediately. She must’ve seen her face on a dozen magazine covers and advertisements for make-up – and of course, on the ubiquitous ‘Beauty with Jojo’ channel.

  ‘You know me, right?’ Joanna said.

  ‘Of course. You’re Jojo.’

  ‘And you’re Hattie.’ Joanna glanced at the Leonards’ house. ‘I’ve been waiting here hoping to catch you. There was something I wanted to… I felt like I owed you an apology. I couldn’t go back home easy in my mind until I’d seen you.’

  Hattie blinked. ‘Um, OK.’

  ‘You know me and Cal saw each other a few months back, when you were out of town?’

  ‘Yes, he told me. He said you were around for a conference or something.’

  Joanna sighed. ‘I told him that, but… Hattie, please don’t hate me for this. It was a lie. There never was any conference. I came to see him, not for any other reason. I tricked him into agreeing by implying it was going to be a double date, the four of us, when all the time I knew you’d be away from home that weekend.’

  Hattie frowned. ‘You came especially to see Cal? What for?’

  She shrugged. ‘Because I missed him. Because I realised I’d made a mistake all those years ago when I ended it with him. Because… because I was hoping I might be able to win him back.’

  Hattie took a step back. ‘What?’

  ‘I know, it sounds awful. I knew he was with you, and yet… I couldn’t help myself. I haven’t been having an easy time of it lately, Hattie. Conrad and me were having problems, I wasn’t in a great place, and I suppose… I suppose I fixated on Cal as the one person who could make me happy again. Then I saw you two had announced your engagement and… well, it felt like my last chance to convince him I was the one for him after all.’

  ‘Why? I mean, why Cal, out of everyone? You two hadn’t seen each other for years.’

  ‘He was different from the others,’ Joanna said quietly. ‘I’ve been with a lot of men, Hattie, but I’ve never had another lover like Cal. So sweet, so passionate…’

  ‘I don’t think I want to hear this,’ Hattie muttered.

  ‘No. Sorry.’ Joanna reached out to rest a hand on her shoulder. ‘Anyway, I sought you out to say I’m sorry, and I’ll be going now to let the two of you get on with your lives. It was wrong to try to tempt Cal away from you. When I saw him last night and he told me he had no intention of leaving you, it finally made me realise that I was being a real bitch and there was no excuse for it.’

  Hattie felt like she was in a dream. Was this really happening? Jojo Fitzroy, beautiful, famous, larger than life, standing right in front of her, apologising for trying to steal her boyfriend. If Hattie ever told this story afterwards, she was certain no one would believe her.

  ‘Oh,’ she said. ‘Well, that’s… um, that’s very big of you, Joanna.’

  ‘And here. Just to show there are no hard feelings and it’s genuinely all over now.’ Joanna reached into her handbag and took out a little pink envelope, which she handed to Hattie. ‘These are all the love notes Cal ever gave me, and all mine to him as well. You can burn them or do whatever you like with them.’

  Hattie stared at the envelope. Cal had been in the habit of writing Joanna love notes, had he? He never wrote anything like that to her. She drew out one little square note and skimmed the writing on it.

  Jo, last night was amazing. God, I can’t believe you let me do that. You are bad! Can’t wait for round two tonight. Love you now and forever. Cal xxx

  Hattie winced and stuffed it back into the envelope again.

  OK, that had been a mistake. She hadn’t expected it to hurt that much, being reminded he’d enjoyed sleeping with someone else – that he’d been sweet to someone else, loved someone else, just as much as he now loved her.

  But it was fine. That wasn’t her Cal, that was twenty-one-year-old Cal: a boy still becoming a man, and someone very different from the person she knew now.

  She frowned at another note that had been partially drawn out of the envelope when she’d removed the other. Cal’s had looked old, but this… this looked new, on crisp pink notepaper and written in fresh blue biro.

  Miss you so much. Sneak away soon, please: I need to be with you desperately. Counting the seconds. Jo xxx

  ‘This doesn’t look six years old,’ she muttered.

  Joanna blinked. ‘Well, no.’

  Hattie looked up at her, feeling slightly dazed. She’d half forgotten Joanna was there.

  ‘What do you mean, no?’

  Joanna looked puzzled. ‘I told you I wanted to apologise. I mean, I thought you understood.’

  ‘Well I don’t, clearly. What exactly are you apologising for, Joanna?’

  ‘Well, me and Cal…’ Joanna paused for a moment. ‘You do know, don’t you? He did tell you what’s been going on between us, since we spent the night together that weekend?’

  Hattie stared at her. ‘What?’ she whispered.

  ‘Hattie, I’m s
o sorry. I genuinely thought you knew.’ Joanna rested a hand on Hattie’s arm, her face a picture of mortified guilt, but Hattie pushed it away.

  ‘No.’ Hattie shook her head. ‘No. Bullshit. You wrote that note to set him up.’

  ‘Honestly, I didn’t, I swear. Why the hell would I want to do that? Look through and you’ll see his notes to me too, new as well as old.’

  ‘Well, then… then you wrote those as well,’ Hattie snapped. ‘I don’t believe it and I won’t.’

  ‘I don’t get it,’ Joanna said, blinking in confusion. ‘Cal told me last night you knew all about it. He said he’d confessed and you’d forgiven him so there was no point trying to get him to go back to me.’

  ‘No. You didn’t see him last night. He would’ve told me.’

  Joanna rested a hand on her arm. ‘I’m so sorry, Hattie. It was supposed to be one last time before the wedding, that’s all: goodbye sex. I’m sure if you check with your neighbours, they’ll be able to confirm I was there.’

  Hattie gripped the rail that ran along the clifftop to steady herself. She felt like she was going to be sick.

  ‘No,’ she whispered. ‘This… I don’t believe any of this. Cal would never, ever do that to me. He loves me.’

  Joanna smiled sadly. ‘He told me that too, once. Love doesn’t always last forever, does it?’

  ‘You’ve made all this up,’ Hattie said, glaring at her. ‘These notes have to be forged, the newer ones anyway. I’m going to ask Cal and he’s going to explain it and we’re going to get married on Saturday and that’s that. So just sod off back to your mansion, Joanna. Nice try but it didn’t work. Game over.’

  Joanna sighed. ‘I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this. I don’t want to cause you unnecessary pain, honestly I don’t, Hattie. But… there is something else.’

  ‘How’re you doing, mate?’ Ben muttered to Cal as they stood in front of the lectern in the orangery wedding chapel at Lindley House, resting a hand on his brother’s shoulder.

  ‘Fine.’ Cal gulped down a breath and exhaled slowly. ‘Fine. I’m fine. So, so, so fucking fine here. Have you got the rings?’

  ‘Eh? I thought we weren’t bothering with them for the rehearsal.’

  Cal’s eyes widened. ‘What? Yes we are!’

  Ben grinned. ‘Yeah, I know. Just winding you up. They’re in the back pocket of my jeans.’

  ‘You prick, Ben!’

  ‘Hey. House of God here. Watch the mouth, little brother.’

  ‘It’s a civil ceremony, I can eff and blind as much as I like.’ Cal glared at him. ‘And no more jokes like that, all right? I’m nervous enough as it is.’

  ‘Bloody hell. If this is what you’re like at the rehearsal, how bad will you be on Saturday?’

  ‘Well, I can’t guarantee you won’t have to physically hold me in an upright position if my legs give way.’

  Bridie came over and stood on tiptoes to kiss Ben’s cheek. He smiled down at her.

  ‘Hiya, trouble,’ he said. ‘Any sign of the bride yet?’

  ‘Yeah, Meg just saw the Leonards’ car pull in.’ She glanced around as the organ struck up the wedding march. ‘Just in time too, it sounds like we’re getting ready to start. Trust Hat to make an entrance, eh?’ She slapped Cal on the arm. ‘You all right, Kemp the Younger?’

  ‘I can’t feel my teeth, Bride. Or my tongue. Is that normal?’

  ‘Er, dunno. Probably.’

  ‘Oh God,’ he groaned. ‘What if it flops out of my mouth while I’m trying to say my vows?’

  She smiled. ‘You’ll be fine. Just remember, it’s only a practice run. You don’t have to get it right first time.’

  ‘I wish Hattie was here. It wouldn’t seem so scary if we were going through it together. I could strangle whoever invented that stupid superstition about not seeing each other before the wedding.’

  Bridie glanced at the door as Hattie’s mum came in and took her seat. ‘Hat’ll be in the back room with her dad and the girls, I guess, getting briefed by the celebrant on what to do when we all walk down the aisle. I’d better join them and find out what I’m supposed to do. See you in a bit, boys.’

  Twenty minutes later, the friends and relatives drafted in to fill out the rows were starting to get antsy. Irritated whispers rippled through the seating area.

  ‘What’s the hold-up?’ Cal muttered to Ben. ‘Should it take this much time to brief the bridal party or are they just doing it to turn me into even more of a quivering wreck? I mean, all they have to do is bloody walk.’

  ‘I’m no expert, but twenty minutes does seem excessive,’ Ben said. ‘Want me to go check it out?’

  ‘Please. Thanks, bruv.’

  Ben made his way to the back room, feeling a growing sense of trepidation. What was the problem? Surely Hattie wasn’t experiencing cold feet or something? It wasn’t even a real wedding, for God’s sake. He hoped this wasn’t a taste of what was to come on the actual big day.

  When he opened the door to the back room, he discovered Dafydd Leonard, Hattie’s dad, in earnest, hushed conversation with the celebrant while the three worried-looking bridesmaids tapped at their mobile phones.

  ‘What’s going on?’ he asked. ‘Where’s Hattie?’

  Bridie looked up from her phone, her face drawn and pale.

  ‘We’ve got a bit of a problem here, Ben,’ she said quietly. ‘The bride seems to have vanished into thin air.’

  Thirty-One

  Half an hour later, all hope of Hattie turning up to the rehearsal had disappeared. There was no answer from her mobile, which seemed to be switched off, nor any response from the landlines at either her parents’ house or the place she shared with Cal.

  ‘Right,’ Ben said when they’d dismissed the few guests and only Hattie’s parents and closest friends remained. ‘Let’s work out what we can do. Who saw her last?’

  ‘Well, we did,’ Sandra said in a trembling voice. ‘I woke her up this morning with a cup of tea, then we all had breakfast together. She got dressed and there was a little while before we were due to arrive, so she went for a walk to clear her head. She said to go ahead without her if she wasn’t home in an hour and she’d meet us up here.’ She turned to her husband. ‘Oh God, Dai, do you think she’s safe? Anything could’ve happened to her!’

  ‘Now, love, don’t worry,’ Dafydd said soothingly in his lilting Welsh accent, putting an arm around her. ‘It’ll be a case of last-minute nerves, I expect. She’ll be OK.’

  ‘Did she seem nervous when you last saw her?’ Ben asked Sandra.

  ‘A bit anxious, definitely – she barely touched her breakfast – but no more than you’d expect. I didn’t think anything of it. Well, it’s only a rehearsal, isn’t it?’

  ‘We’d better split up and look for her, I think.’ Ben turned to Cal, who looked like he might be about to faint, he was so pale. ‘Cal, me and you will go back to your place and see if she’s there. Sandra and Dai, go home and check if she’s at yours. And everyone else… well, if there’s anywhere you can think of that she might be hiding, check it out. Message in the wedding WhatsApp group if you find her, OK?’

  Everyone nodded and dispersed to start the search, leaving Cal, Ben and Bridie together.

  Bridie patted Cal’s arm. ‘Don’t worry, love. We’ll find her.’

  ‘Jesus, guys, what if it’s the baby?’ Cal whispered, pushing his fingers into his hair. ‘Hattie might be sick or bleeding or passed out or… or…’ He trailed off, his eyes filled with pain at the horrors he couldn’t help picturing.

  ‘It won’t be anything like that,’ Bridie said, as soothingly as she could. ‘It’s easy to imagine the worst, but Ben’s right: it’ll be last-minute cold feet, that’s all.’ She gave Cal’s elbow a squeeze. ‘Now go home and look for her. I’d say there’s a ninety-nine per cent chance she’s back at your place, hiding under the duvet and whimpering.’

  ‘Yeah. OK.’ He summoned a wobbly smile. ‘Thanks, you two.’

  Bridie gave Ben
a quick kiss before they left.

  ‘Thanks for taking charge, Ben,’ she whispered. ‘I’m glad someone’s able to keep their head in a crisis. Proud of you.’

  ‘Text if you find her at your place, won’t you?’ Ben said.

  ‘I doubt she’s there. She gave her key back to me when she moved out. But yes, if I find her I’ll let you know.’

  The little square notes spread out over Hattie’s bed swam before her eyes. They were all different colours, some in Cal’s writing, some in Joanna’s: curling and creased scraps of paper mingling with the new and fresh.

  Her head felt odd, like it was trying to float away from her body. Everything seemed unreal. If this was a slasher movie, this would be the moment when the heroine finally makes the missing connection and realises the killer is the person she trusted most. The camera would be zooming in on her horrified face right now to the sound of a scraping violin.

  Hattie looked at her white face, reflected in the mirror opposite her bed. It didn’t look horrified. Just numb. Dead.

  She thought she’d known that man, inside out and back to front. Thought he’d loved her as much as it was possible for one person to love another, just as she had him. Could she really have been so deluded?

  Hattie heard the front door unlock and tried to call out, but it just emerged as a sort of strangled yelp.

  ‘Hat?’ Bridie’s voice called out. ‘Is that you?’

  Hattie managed another little yelp.

  A second later she heard feet thundering up the stairs and Bridie burst in, the draught causing some of Cal and Joanna’s love notes to flutter off the bed.

  ‘Hattie, oh my God!’ Bridie threw herself at her friend and hugged her tight. ‘We’ve been so worried! I’ve been scouring the whole town for you. How did you get in?’

  ‘Spare key,’ Hattie managed to whisper. ‘Still under the plant pot in the back porch. Sorry.’

  ‘Never mind sorry.’ Bridie held her back and examined her pale face and red eyes. ‘Sweetie, what’s wrong? You look like you’ve been crying.’