by Thom Mahoney
sleepover at his best friend’s house. R had a pool table, and they had potato chips and Dr. Pepper with dinner, and his mother made bowls of popcorn and root beer floats.
They made a blanket fort in the basement rec room, where they watched TV and played monopoly, and when it was way past ten his mother brought down sleeping bags and pillows.
He had never slept in a sleeping bag and at first it was fun, but then it got scary the way he couldn’t roll over without using his elbows and the way it felt like he’d be trapped if all of a sudden he had to go to the bathroom.
It had gotten better, but for a long time it happened almost every night. Then his mother started waking him up so he could go, and it wasn’t too long before he didn’t need to be awakened because he could wake himself.
But what if he didn’t wake up, or woke up but couldn’t get the zipper down? Wetting a sleeping bag on the rec room carpet would be worse than wetting the bed, wouldn’t it?
He tried to stay awake, but it was late, and soon he was dreaming he was trapped in the sleeping bag, and he woke up pinching himself and terrified the dream was going to happen. So he got up and ran up the stairs to the bathroom next to the kitchen and stood there trying to go.
“Are you OK in there, W?” R’s mother asked, turning the bathroom knob and opening the door a crack and whispering in to him.
“I’m fine,” he said, mortified she would come in, that she might know he was a bed-wetter and never have him back for root beer floats and blanket forts.
She was seated at the kitchen table in her nightgown when he came out, a dim light over the sink casting a soft yellow glow.
“Did you have a bad dream?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Why don’t you tell me about it.”
She held out her arms and he climbed in her lap and began making up a dream from TV shows he’d seen and parts of dreams he could remember about monsters and invading aliens from outer space because he couldn’t possibly tell her the real one.
And then she touched him.
R’s family moved away a couple of months after that, and W and R never spoke about his mother, nor did they ever speak again after he moved away.
And it was not until many years later, when his daughter had a friend over for the night for videos and bowls of popcorn, and in the middle of the night a scary nightmare.
MEMO
TO:All Parents
FROM:Henry Dwyer, Principal
As another school year draws to a close, I want to take this opportunity on behalf of all of us here at Lillian and Hermann Polk Experiential Elementary to wish all of our families a safe and enjoyable summer.
Looking back, I can easily say that this has been the most remarkable academic year in this unique and stimulating school’s short three-year history.
And true to our school’s mission to “encourage the development of positive mind and body appreciation,” our little Polkers had some first rate, hands-on experiences they will no doubt cherish forever, as I’m sure many parents will never forget, either.
I want to make a special shout-out to all the parents who participated in this year’s Career Day in Ms. Volkner’s Life Awareness class. It was a hit, with police, firemen, doctors, dentists, lawyers, and even a butcher.
But let me dispel any rumors right here and now and assure you that none of our Polkers had any actual, direct contact with the gender-reassignment physician.
Moving on….
As I have done each year in this newsletter, let me encourage all of our Polkers to read, read, read this summer!!!
Please note several changes to Ms. Volkner’s reading list:
I Wish Daddy Didn’t Drink So Much, by Judith Vigna, will be replaced by Because Your Daddy Loves You, by Andrew Clements.
My Big Sister Takes Drugs, again by Judith Vigna, will be replaced by Best-Ever Big Sister, by Karen Katz.
Does God Love Michael’s Two Daddies?, by Sheila K. Butt, will be replaced by I Love Mommies and Daddies, by Joy Berry.
And, The House That Crack Built, by Clark Taylor, will be replaced by The House That Mouse Built, by Maggie Rudy.
And remember, READING IS FUN!!!!
I also want to thank all the parents who helped make Ms. Volkner’s Annual Pageant such a success: Mrs. Drinstuck for the wonderful costumes -WOO-HOO! Mr. Abbot for the wonderful set – YES! And Ms. Akpu-nku for that great script – YOU ROCK!!
I would like to take this opportunity, however, to ameliorate some of your concerns about the enactment of this year’s theme, WHERE DO WE COME FROM?
As directed, all of the boys Ms. Volkner’s third and fourth periods were dressed in Mrs. Drinstuck’s highly original spermatozoa and heading through Mr. Abbot’s terrific cervix on their way up his uterus and into his fallopian tubes, when half the boys appeared to have fallen off the stage. This was planned, as only one-half of all sperm in real life pick the correct fallopian tube.
An extra-special Polk Shout-Out to Little Betty Rubenstein who was a real trooper as the egg with all those sperm boys ramming into her.
And finally, on a personal note, we all wish Ms. Volkner the best of success during her leave of absence next year.
HAVE A GREAT SUMMER!
