And I don't fucking do scared.
But I can't lose Pandora. Especially not now, knowing she's so vulnerable, knowing she's carrying a kid. A kid that could be mine. A kid I have to save from Lily Anna.
I keep telling myself I'm only doing this because of the baby, but deep down, I know the truth. I want Pandora back. I miss her body next to mine. Miss our conversations. I miss teasing her, hurting her. I miss having a willing little victim, a toy to play with whenever I need one.
Now it's almost too late in the game. She's heavily pregnant by now, her belly filled with life growing inside her.
Soon enough, she'll be a mom. And I won't be there for her, or for the baby.
I slam my fist into the wall.
"Dexter!" Emilian Oakes hisses. "Maybe you need to take a breather."
I glare at Pandora's father, hating every moment of our interaction. We've been forced together in a dinner celebrating Julian's father's architectural achievements, but my mind is elsewhere, and everyone can tell. It's already the talk of the town that I'm at this party, despite the suspicion that I murdered Lai still hanging in the air.
"Fine," I hiss at the older man, tugging on Julian's sleeve. "Come on man, let's go."
My friend glances uncomfortably between his father and Mr. Oakes. His dad gives him a barely perceptible nod, which is when he finally follows me out onto the balcony overlooking Fox Hall.
"You got to stop acting like your dad's little bitch," I grunt at Julian, and he sighs.
"You're fucking drunk, Dex."
"So what?" I slur, bumping into the balcony fence and laughing out loud. "What have I got to lose? I'd rather drink and forget than stay sober and remember. Every goddamn second, of every goddamn day."
"Would you get away from the edge?" Julian asks, signaling for help. "For fuck's sake, Dex, do you really want to hurt yourself on top of everything else?"
Caspian arrives a moment later, and Easton follows suit. Together, they pry me away from the fence. We descend the stairs and walk into the garden that's been illuminated with fairy lights. It's beautiful here, beautiful and fucking meaningless. It seems like everything has lost that sparkle and shine it used to have. Or maybe it's just because I haven't had my dick sucked in fucking months.
"Any new leads?" I hiss at Brantley as we make our way into the gardens behind Julian's house. "What happened with that local guy who noticed some suspicious girl in town?"
"We asked him to keep an eye on her," Easton mutters. "But she hasn't reappeared since then."
"Fuck!" I kick a rock on the gravel path, repeating the curse word again and again. "The chances are getting smaller and smaller the more time goes on."
"She's not dead," Caspian mutters.
"You don't know that, fuckface," I grind out.
"Calm down." Easton grabs my shoulder and steadies me. "Seriously, man. You need to cool off and calm down. You're acting crazy. We're just trying to help you."
"I'm not the priority here," I growl. "Pandora is. And the baby."
"Don't you think we want to find her too?" Julian asks. "We're just as invested in this, Booth. And we want Lily Anna brought to justice, just as much as you do."
"Doubt it." I run my fingers through my hair. "Fuck. Fuck. I'm a mess."
They surround me as I pace between them trying to think of new ways to find my toy. But there's nothing—we've exhausted all our resources. There's nothing else. Either Pandora is long gone... or she's not in Eden Falls.
Just then, my phone buzzes with a notification. I don't want to pay it any attention. It's probably just Audra or some other thirsty bitch from my past desperate for me to pay her a visit. But something implores me to pull out my phone, and my eyes widen when I see what's on my screen.
"New message from an unsaved number," I mutter.
"Open it," Caspian says.
I click on the notification and the message loads on my phone. It's a photo. As the four of us wait for it to open, my nails dig into my palms as more and more of the pic comes into view.
It's Pandora. She has a panicked expression on her face, but she still looks beautiful, even without her hair or makeup done. Lily Anna is next to her, smiling her sweet, innocent smile for the camera. Lily Anna's palm is resting on Pandora's swollen stomach, and my heart and stomach drop when I see it.
Fuck. She's okay. She's alive. She's still pregnant.
The message chimes in a moment after the photograph.
Getting so close now! x P & LA
"Oh my God," I groan. "I fucking know where they are."
"What?" Caspian manages. "You do?"
"Get Emilian Oakes," I growl. "And Kelley. We're taking their car, we have to go. Right the fuck now!"
Easton runs off to get Oakes, and I stalk off to the Aston Martin where Kelley is standing. He seems to sense the urgency in my walk, putting away his newspaper and nodding at me wearily as I approach him. He's devastated by Pandora's disappearance, too, and has confided in me several times about how close he'd gotten with my toy during the drives to and from Prep.
"Where are we going, Master Booth?" he asks, not hesitating for a second as he slips back into the driver's seat.
"The Oakes' old wood cabin," I mutter. "That's where they've been hiding."
"How the fuck do you know that?" Julian demands. Caspian follows closely behind, their worried glances tracking me as I tap my fingers against the car door.
"I recognized one of the hunting trophies in the background," I mutter, pointing to the background of the photo where a deer's head is nailed to a wall. "Always hated those things. Where the fuck is Oakes?"
"I'm here!" Emilian rushes down the steps, looking flushed as he undoes his bowtie and the first few buttons of his shirt. "Do you really know where they are?"
"Positive," I mutter. "Let's fucking go, right now."
We put our seatbelts on and Kelley pulls out of the driveway to the guys' insistence they should come with. But I don't want them to. I'm only taking Oakes so he'll stop me from killing Lily Anna when I find her.
I don't know whether the text is a sick game on her part, or another clever ruse. Why would she send me that? Why would she fuck with my head even more? She's a fucking bitch. I won't let her live after this. Not if she hurt the baby.
We drive in silence, the air thick with tension. I don't have anything to say to Oakes, and he seems too preoccupied with his own thoughts to deal with me, anyway.
My mind drifts back to Pandora. She looked so heavily pregnant in that photo, and yet exactly the same as I remember her. The hard truth of it dawns on me—it's been months since I've last seen her, felt her skin on my skin. Maybe she doesn't want me anymore. Maybe my effect on her has waned. Maybe she's over me.
But then I remember her tormented gaze in the photograph. She looked tortured, unhappy, miserable. And she never looked that way with me. Maybe defiant, stubborn, pissed off, but she was never unhappy. Lily Anna did this. Lily Anna took my beautiful toy and turned her into this.
I'm preoccupied with the sad expression on Pandora's face. I can't bear to think about what was causing her frown. Her belly, swollen with a child growing in it. A child that may or may not be mine.
I don't know which would be a bigger relief—finding out I am the father after all, or accepting that I am not.
I don't know how the truth will impact my decision, or Pandora's. If it's Julian, Caspian or Easton's... she might pick either of them over me.
And that fucking hurts.
I hate the feeling of pain.
Hate the way it swells in my chest and prevents me from breathing properly. Hate how fucking insecure it makes me feel. But I try to accept it, invite it in almost. Darkness has always been a part of me. Maybe it's finally time for me to hold the door open for it to enter.
There's a chance she won't want me. If that happens, I'll do everything in my power to convince Pandora Oakes I deserve her.
And if she picks someone else, I'll let them live their li
fe, happy, together.
But if she picks me... then... maybe, finally, I'll have a chance of being happy, too.
My nails dig painfully into my palms. We're almost halfway to the cabin, and I'm being a sentimental fucking mess.
"How much longer?" I hiss, even though I know the answer.
"Another twenty minutes, I'm afraid, Master Booth," Kelley replies apologetically. "The roads up here are awful."
I groan, running my hands through my hair. "Why did nobody think to check the cabin?"
"It's been abandoned for years," Oakes replies. "Nobody knows about it."
"Lily Anna does," I hiss. "You should have known."
"You should have as well," Emilian strikes back.
He's right.
This is all my fucking fault.
I spend the rest of the drive sitting there in charged silence. When we pull up in front of the cabin, I nearly fall over myself, jumping out of the still moving car and rushing toward the house. There are no lights on.
I stumble inside, flipping the switch and calling out Pandora's name. I stumble, bumping into something heavy on the floor.
"What the fuck," I mutter. When I look down, fear shoots up my spine.
It's a dead body. A fresh one. Blood has pooled under the unmoving man's corpse. He's got a stethoscope around his neck, and a knife lying next to him, covered in his blood.
"Holy shit," Emilian mumbles as he walks in after me.
I point to a bloody footprint leading away from the body. "Someone went out this door. You need to find them. Go after the footsteps. Find whoever did this."
It's then that we hear a whimper coming from the other room, and we all step over the corpse. I flip another switch and feel sick to my stomach when I see the scene laid out before my eyes.
The wooden floor is covered in no-longer white sheets. They're covered in blood. Some running down from the kitchen, some coming from the frail form slumped over on the floor.
It's her, it's my toy, and she isn't moving.
"Pandora," I grind out, taking a step toward her before turning back to Oakes. "Go after Lily Anna. Call the cops and an ambulance."
"But we need to make sure Pandora is-" he objects, but I cut him off before he can finish.
"Go!" This time, he obeys, leaving me alone with my broken toy.
I kneel down next to her as I listen to Oakes and Kelley run after her.
Pandora's lips are blue and she looks deathly pale. I don't allow my fear to take over. Instead, I try to wake her up.
For myself.
And for our baby, too.
Chapter Ten
Pandora
"That was another one." I pale, clutching my belly and trying to breathe normally. "You have to take me to town now, Lily Anna."
"I don't have to do anything," she snaps back before returning her attention to the book she's holding. "Fuck, it doesn't say anything about the bleeding."
"Lily Anna," I groan. "Please, I'm begging you, do this for the baby, if not for me... I don't want it to get hurt."
She closes the book and puts it back on the shelf before pacing the room, running her hands through her hair while she ponders her next move. While I wait for her to make the right decision, another scream rips itself from my body and I cry out in pain. This is torture. Pure torture.
"Fine," she hisses. "I'm getting the doctor to come up here."
"I need to go to a hospital!" I start crying. She's delusional if she thinks I can have the baby here. We aren't prepared at all. "Please, Lily Anna, please! You'll have the baby's blood on your hands if something happens... Do you really want that on your conscience?"
"Shut up," she snarls before grabbing her jacket. She leaves, locking the door twice behind her. I wail helplessly, but there's no one around, no one to help me. I'm assuming Lily Anna has tipped the caretaker down the road handsomely with her natural favors, because he pretends not to see me every time he passes by and I bang on the window for him to help me.
Now, I'm left alone and terrified. The seconds turn into minutes and soon enough, it's been an hour since she left. But then I finally hear voices, and I hear them come in. They're arguing.
I make eye contact with the doctor, who looks worried, and I can't hold back my tears any longer.
"Please," I whisper. "You have to help me."
"You'll have to forgive her, doctor," Lily Anna says sweetly. "She's a little delusional from the labour. You brought the painkillers, didn't you?"
Dr. Meyer glances between the two of us, as if he's unsure who to believe. Finally, he nods and puts his briefcase on the table, starting to go through his things while simultaneously giving Lily Anna instructions. They put me on the floor on some clean sheets, propped up on pillows. I know things aren't good the moment I see Dr. Meyer's face after he examines me.
"What's wrong?" I whisper. "The baby's okay, right?"
He doesn't answer me. I can't stop crying. The whole situation is stressful and maddening because Lily Anna is preventing me from delivering the baby safely. I tell myself I'll never forgive her for all the shit she put me through, making a mental vow to make her pay for everything she's done to me.
When she leaves the room, claiming my screams are giving her a headache, I grab the doc's shirt and pull him in.
"You h-have to help." I'm stuttering in my effort to get the words out before she comes back and catches me in the act. "She's crazy. Fucking crazy. I think she wants to steal the baby."
"Alli?" he asks, pushing his glasses up higher on the bridge of his nose and chuckling. "No, no, she wouldn't do that..."
"Her name isn't Alli," I snarl, letting out a desperate cry. "It's Lily fucking Anna-"
"Pandora." She appears in the doorway. Her gaze is cool and calculating, locked with mine. "You'll want to shut up now."
But it's too late for that.
Dr. Meyer is already looking at her, and his eyes widen when he comes to a realization.
"It really is you," he whispers. "You're Emilian Oakes' daughter."
"No," I snarl. "I am. She's a fucking... nobody. An imposter."
"Shut up!" Lily Anna roars, pointing back to me as she addresses Dr. Meyer. "You need to deliver this baby, right fucking now."
"But you're..." He shakes his head when I cry out again, picking himself up. "I'm calling the cops. And an ambulance. Do you know everybody's looking for you?"
"Don't be crazy now." Lily Anna blocks the exit. "Give me your phone."
"No," Dr. Meyer shakes his head. "I should have known something was off... I should have known you weren't who you said you were."
"But you were more than happy to fuck me," Lily Anna snarls. "You put your dick in every one of my holes. How would your wife feel about that, Dr. Meyer?"
"It doesn't matter." He shakes his head, punching a number into his phone. "You're sick. I'm calling the cops."
"No, you're not." Lily Anna sounds so determined I'm momentarily distracted from the awful pain in my belly. "Put the phone down."
He doesn't. Instead, he raises his hand to his ear, telling her, "You're a sick little girl, Lily Anna. I'm telling your father everything."
She snarls then, launching herself at him. I scream for help, but help doesn't come. Somehow, Lily Anna has managed to catch the doctor off guard, and she knocks him over, straddling him on the floor. She knocks his phone out of his hand and he desperately tries to reach for it, but she just laughs.
"See what happens when you're bad?" she asks him innocently. "You pissed me off now, doc. And now I have to punish you."
"What the fuck?" he snarls when she pins his hands behind his head. "Are you crazy? That girl needs my help... She could bleed out if we don't get her to a hospital."
"Do I look like I care?" Lily Anna gives me a saccharine smile. "I don't give a shit about little Miss Oakes. All I care about is the baby."
With those words, she pulls a giant kitchen knife from her boot. I stare in disbelief as she brandishes it in front of the do
ctor.
"N-Now, don't do anything stupid, p-please," he manages, holding his hands up. "I'm a family man, Lily Anna. I have two sons."
"Maybe I'll fuck them too," she says with a smirk. "See if they're any better than their old, useless Dad. Still want to call the cops, do you, Dr. Meyer?"
"N-No," he manages. "I won't call them, I won't tell anyone, just let me go, please."
"Oh, now you're so very eager to keep this secret, aren't you?" she giggles. "Only moments ago you were ready to put me behind bars... Did my little toy change your mind?"
I cry out in unison with the doctor when she runs the blade over his cheek. Blood dribbles down his face.
"Any other comments, doc?" she asks him sweetly.
"N-No, please," he stutters. "Just let me go. Please. Just let me go. I've done nothing. I just want to leave."
"I bet you do." She pouts. "But you've already fucked up now, haven't you, doc? I can't trust you anymore. You're a traitor. And you know what I do with traitors?"
He stares at her, immobilized and terrified as she plunges the knife in his chest, giggling.
My scream echoes in the room as she laughs out loud.
"I kill them, doctor. I fucking kill them."
The doctor gurgles blood. She leaves him on the floor. I watch her pull the knife out of his chest in disbelief. This can't be happening, this can't be real. Please God, don't let this be real.
"L-Lily Anna," I whisper. "Didn't you h-hear what he said? We need to go to a hospital... I could bleed out."
"Do I look like I give a shit?" she snarls. "Just keep pushing, you dumb slut. Get my baby out."
"Your-but... I..." A scream rips through my body and I realize I don't have a choice. This baby is coming whether I want it to or not—I can't stop what's happening now. I'll just have to give birth here, and have my revenge later.
The pain is so intense I keep passing out from it. To Lily Anna's credit, she stays by my side, never leaving as I struggle. At one point, I look down between my legs and cry out when I see the amount of blood staining the snow white sheets.
"T-This doesn't look normal," I cry. "Please, you have to get me to a doctor!"
A Hurt So Sweet: Complete Dark Bully Romance Series Box Set: Elite of Eden Falls Prep Page 53
