by Jenn Hype
"I know. Deep down I know it's not my fault. He should have communicated with me or at the very least just broken things off. In the end it wasn't even about him, though. Yeah, it hurt that he cheated, but I wasn't heartbroken so he obviously knew before I did that our love wasn't real. Honestly, he probably did me a favor because I would have gone through with the marriage for all the wrong reasons."
"So," Liam paused to clear his throat. "I uh, I've never done this. Talk about feelings and shit I mean. I'm not, uh, I'm not great at it. Yet," he tacked on firmly.
"I've unloaded a lot of information on you all at once. So what if we just... Take things slow. Start over, clean slate."
He gripped the back of his neck. Something was bothering him. I wasn't sure if I should push him to open up or give him the space to decide on his own. My instinct was to push, but I didn't want to mess up before things even started. Despite my trepidations, I wanted this. Wanted him. It might end up crushing me, but I couldn't start shying away from risks. If I shied away from a chance at something amazing I'd regret it forever.
"So what does that mean then?"
He looked so uncertain and vulnerable. Freaking adorable. I liked this side of Liam as much, if not more, than all the others I'd seen.
I shrugged. "I'm not so great at this either. Let's just take it a day at a time. See what happens."
Just going with the flow really wasn't a quality I possessed, but I oddly felt okay with it. Liam opened up to me and showed me he wasn't going anywhere. Maybe not having all the answers right away wouldn't be as bad as I always thought.
"So I, uh, I guess this is goodbye?" He asked adorably after following me to the door.
"I kind of like this fumbling, confused version of you," I teased while grabbing the lapels of his jacket and toying with them playfully.
One side of his mouth lifted into a half smile. "Are you flirting with me?"
Heat rose to my cheeks. Damn him for being so direct.
I looked down shyly and shrugged. "Maybe."
He tipped my head up with one finger under my chin. My hands flattened on his chest. The way he looked at me with unmasked desire lit a fire in me. With bravery I didn't even know I possessed, I snaked a hand up and around his neck and pulled him down to me.
He put up no resistance.
The instant our lips touched, all hell broke loose. Long fingers speared themselves deep into my thick hair. One of my legs lifted up and wrapped itself around his hips. My nails dug into his shoulders so hard I had to be drawing blood, even through his shirt.
Liam let out a primal growl and the kiss went from aggressive to downright dangerous. Like we couldn't get close enough. And when he spun us around and pressed me up against the wall, grinding his erection against me? I almost died.
Except the pleasure that shot up my spine didn't make me even more frantic. It grounded me. Reminded me of where I was and what I was doing. Of just how unfamiliar the territory I'd stumbled into was for me.
I didn't get the chance to panic though. Like always, Liam seemed to know what I needed even before I did.
The kiss slowed, turning reverent and gentle. His hands went from gripping my hair tightly to cradling my face. That giant erection still pressed against me, but not forcefully.
After a few more amazing seconds, he eventually pulled away, but not before pressing one last tender kiss to my mouth.
"Night, Clara."
And he left. He just left me there. Panting and turned on and confused.
And wanting more.
So much more.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Liam
I hated texting. Loathed it, actually. But since I couldn't glue myself to Clara's side every second of every day, I had little options. Email was just as, if not more, annoying. And not as quick when it comes to dialogue. And since we both had jobs, we couldn't talk on the phone all day every day. So... texting it was.
Me: What's your favorite color?
Clara: Random... It's red.
Me: Do you like flowers?
Clara: Sure...
Me: Knock it off with the dot dot dotting
Clara: Sorry...
Me: So if someone were to send you flowers, would you like that?
Clara: Depends on who they were from and why they sent them.
Me: What if they were from a devilishly handsome man who rocked your world with the hottest kiss of your life last night?
Like a total jackass, I sat and stared at my phone and watched those three little dots bounce around. Then disappear. Then bounce. Disappear. Bounce.
What the hell? Should I not have said that?
I fucking hate this. I'd never felt so damn lost. Women were one of the easiest aspects of my life. Finding someone to take home had never been a challenge. A little fun, a few orgasms, and off she went.
I didn't mind putting in the work. What sucked was not knowing whether or not I was fucking up or doing something right.
Clara: Sorry, got a call I had to take.
Clara: And sure, flowers are nice but not necessary.
"What are you doing?" Malcolm said from right behind me, making me jump out of my damn seat.
"The fuck? Don't sneak up on people, asshole."
He smirked and took the seat across from me. "Not my fault you were so focused on your phone you didn't hear me approach. Speaking of which... Why do you look like you're about to shit yourself? You waiting on some bad news or something?"
I sighed and ran a hand down my face.
He'd give me shit for the rest of my life if I asked him for advice, but I was flailing here. It hit me though that I wasn't sure if Clara would want me telling Malcolm our business.
Me: Am I allowed to talk to people about you?
Clara: Uhhh... I literally have no idea how to respond to that.
"Son of a bitch," I muttered. I hated myself so hard. If I could have fucking punched myself in the nuts, I would have. I deserved it.
Me: You know, like, about us
I paused, trying to figure out how to finish the damn message. We were dating? Not really. We'd hung out, kissed twice and were friends. Why the hell was I trying to define things?
I bit the fucking bullet and finished the message.
Me: You know, like, about us dating or whatever?
I cross my fingers and pray Clara doesn't tease me about my obvious lack of game. I have no pride when it comes to this woman and my confidence is sorely lacking.
Clara: Um... Maybe keep that between us until we figure things out. You know how my family is. They'll ask a bunch of questions we can't really answer.
Her answer made total sense. So why did it piss me off?
Me: OK
"You seriously going to ignore me for your phone right now? What the hell, dude?"
My head snapped up. I'd completely forgotten Malcolm was even here.
"If I confide in you right now, are you going to give me shit about it?"
His lips twitched. Ass. "Probably."
I glared and he held his hands up in surrender. "You want me to lie to you?"
Running a hand down my face, I tossed my phone aside and leaned back in my chair. Business had been fairly slow lately and neither of us were assigned cases so we were sitting around, bored out of our freaking minds.
"I'm trying to get Clara to give me a chance."
His eyebrows hit his hairline. "You finally doing something about that crazy sexual tension you guys have going on?"
What could I do but shrug? Everyone but Clara seemed to realize how into her I'd been from the beginning. They saw it long before I did, too. Almost daily Malcolm brought it up, so his shock wasn't about my going after her but over the fact that I finally decided to man up and do something about it.
"Yeah. Already talked to CJ and he was on board. I've just given Clara no reason to trust me, on top of her already existing trust issues with men."
He nodded gravely. "I don't know all the details, but I do know her ex cheated on her.
Fucked up. Clara is the last person who deserves to be treated that way."
I grunted in agreement.
"I know. She deserves the best. But I have no fucking clue what I'm doing. Feel like I'm growing a damn vagina with all the obsessing and stressing out I've been doing over this."
Malcolm looked at me like I had ten heads. "Why are you trying to do this on your own when you have an arsenal of women who love to meddle?"
I tossed my phone to the side in frustration. "She doesn't want anyone to know, and I get it. Sort of. Until she knows I'm serious she doesn't need to deal with everyone hassling her. But that leaves me without options if I can't ask Blake and Josi for help."
Again, he looked at me like I was a giant dumbass. His condescending expressions were starting to piss me off.
"So tell the girls to keep it quiet. Hell, everyone has been conspiring against her to help you sabotage all those dates. How is this any different?"
My head teetered side to side while I considered it, but ultimately, I couldn't do it.
"I want her to trust me. She asked me not to say anything and I'm going to respect that."
This time he looked a little impressed.
"Never thought I'd see the day."
"What day?"
"The day you grew the hell up."
"You're one to talk," I argued. "You come up with most of the shit we do to screw with people around here."
Instead of laughing, Malcolm grew tense. His eyes took on a faraway look, his lips thinning.
After a long bout of silence I cleared my throat.
"You okay man?"
He fidgeted in his seat, looking uncomfortable. "Yeah, sorry. Got lost in thought."
Raising from his chair, he stopped next to me and gripped my shoulder and squeezed.
"Don't fuck this up. You'll regret it for the rest of your life if you do. Trust me."
Before I could question what the hell he meant, he darted out of the break room.
Snatching my phone back up, I smiled when I saw a text from Clara.
Clara: I forgot I have a date tonight that I set up a while back...
Me: I assume you're messaging to tell me you plan on canceling.
Minutes ticked by. Nothing. After ten minutes passed, I hit my limit.
"Screw this," I muttered, grabbing my keys and storming out of the building.
Me: I need a personal day. Also, any idea where I might be able to locate your mom?
CJ: Sure, no problem. And she should be at home... Do I even want to know?
Me: Thanks and nope.
I didn't usually drive one of the JS vehicles and honestly didn't feel like explaining why I'd need one, so I ordered an Uber instead. The forty-minute drive to Mama Rose's cost me a small fortune.
By the time I arrived, Clara still hadn't messaged me back. My irritation had reached nuclear levels.
After taking twenty or so deep breaths to calm myself the fuck down, I finally knocked on the door. Mama Rose answered with a big smile on her face.
"What a nice surprise," she said before pulling me into a bone-crushing hug. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"
I followed her into the kitchen. She pointed to a chair and I sat dutifully.
"Can I get you some coffee?"
"Sure. That would be great, thank you."
She patted my cheek, leaving me to fidget in my seat while she gathered everything onto a tray. Not until we'd both taken our first sips did she try and push me to confess the reason for my unexpected visit. I'd also never made a trip to the Jade house alone. Not having one of the Jade siblings around and having all of Mama Rose's focus on me had me squirming.
"I was hoping you might be able to help me with something."
She smiled knowingly. "It took you longer than I'd expected, but I'm glad to see you're finally pursuing my youngest daughter."
My eyes bugged out. "Did CJ tell you?"
"No, no," she laughed, shaking her head. "I have eyes. I could clearly see you two circling each other. It was only a matter of time before things progressed."
I probably should have felt relieved. Her mom obviously approved. She even looked pleased. Except it didn't help. If anything, it made it worse. The pressure to not screw this up just kept getting heavier and heavier.
"Can I be completely honest with you?"
I waited for her to nod before continuing.
"I have no clue what I'm doing. I've never had a relationship. My parents didn't have a great marriage and it imploded pretty early on. Until Clara, I didn't picture myself ever settling down."
Mama Rose grunted softly in understanding, sipping slowly on her coffee. I'd barely touched mine.
"Clara... She's... Well, she's hard to read. She's told me a little about her ex and her trust issues and things, but I have a feeling it's a lot more complicated than she's letting on."
I paused to take a drink of my coffee. Mainly just to give myself a chance to gather my thoughts.
"I get it if you don't feel comfortable getting involved. I guess I just thought... Well, I hoped maybe you could give me some advice?"
Mama Rose's lips quirked, her eyes twinkling.
With slow, deliberate movements, she sat her mug down on the table and clasped her hands demurely. Her poise and class reminded me so much of her daughter.
"I'm sure you know by now that I have no trouble inserting myself into the lives of my children and those around them. Meddling happens to be a specialty of mine. There's a very good chance you've made my day by coming to me with this."
I let out a sigh of relief.
Thank God.
"Might want to get out your phone," she instructed, confusing me. "You're going to want to take notes."
❖
"Clara has all the confidence in the world, but at the same time is one of the most insecure people you'll ever meet."
I nodded, understanding completely even though it made no damn sense.
"Be honest with her about everything and be very blunt. She might not react the way you'd want or expect, but it matters. It's the best way to get to know her, too. Really know her. She'll tell you anything, but she'll hold back unconsciously unless you're being just as open and honest."
My fingers flew over my phone's keyboard, barely able to keep up.
"My husband treats me like I'm precious and delicate. It used to make me crazy, but I've come to accept his way of showing affection. Seeing that over the years has made Clara crave the same sort of displays of love. She wants the PDA and the doting, but she'd never ask for it."
I shifted in my seat, starting to feel a little uneasy.
"Is, uh, do you think maybe this is wrong?" I ask, rubbing the back of my neck nervously.
Mama Rose quirked a curious eyebrow. "What do you mean?"
Communicating had never been my forte. Something that needed to change stat if I wanted to keep pursuing Clara, apparently.
"You giving me all of this information about her almost feels like cheating. Shouldn't I be getting all of this from her? I kind of feel like I'm betraying her."
Rose sat up straighter, a pleased smile emphasizing the apples of her cheeks.
"That you would even think to feel that way tells me I'm right in trusting you with my daughter's heart. You're a good man, Liam."
She reached across the table to pat my hand. The small bit of affection had me choking up. Growing up with a barely present father and a mom who didn't bother calling even for my birthday made dealing with emotions a bit difficult. I found, though, that when it came to Clara, nothing was too difficult.
"Besides," Mama Rose continued, sitting up straight. "I'm a professional meddler. It's what I do. That you came to me only made my job easier. Either way, I would have found a way to be involved."
I chuckled, knowing just how true that to be. If it hadn't been for her, CJ and Blake might not have wound up together. I trusted Mama Rose's judgment. If she believed I was good enough for Clara, then I had to believe it myself.
"She's apparently going on a date tonight," I grumbled, looking and sounding a tad petulant.
Rose laughed. "Yes, she had set this up a few weeks ago. Clara would never cancel on someone at the last minute unless it were an emergency." She hesitated, and then, "Do you plan on showing up like you did with all the others before?"
I gripped the back of my neck and squeezed. Damn stress had my shoulders in knots.
"Should I?"
Mama Rose's eyes softened. "Follow your instincts. Don't spend too much time wondering about what you should do. Clara will either appreciate you for who you are or you'll find you're better off. Though if I know my daughter, I suspect she appreciates your particularly unusually brand of attention."
"I highly doubt my instincts should be trusted since I have no idea what I'm doing."
Rose shook her head, her lips twisting into a rueful grin. "You know more than you think."
I really fucking hoped she wasn't wrong...
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Clara
"So you're into clothes or something?"
Don't roll your eyes, Clara. Don't. Do. It.
I forced a smile, though it probably looked fake as hell.
"Yes, I co-own a fashion line with my friend. We're starting to-"
"I don't really like clothes," he cut me off with a frown, pushing his food around on his plate. "I can't wear wool or polyester. My mom has to buy my clothes online from a special place that makes everything how I like it. Going to stores is the worst."
"Yeah..." I drawled. Since he wasn't looking, I let my eyes roll. He'd barely looked up from the ground or the table since I'd met him at the restaurant.
"Your clothes are too bright. They draw too much attention. I don't like when people look at me."
