It was irrational how much I liked the Dark Elf prince after only having spoken with him for less than an hour the other night. The draw I felt to him was intense, and my heart was battling with my mind on my decision, telling me these feelings shouldn't be ignored.
No. I couldn't give in.
His gaze turned forward once more as he stopped next to a stone entryway that framed a beautiful black oak door. Speaking more formally than he had before, he held a hand out to gesture as he spoke, "This will be the chambers for your house during your stay here. You should find everything you need in there, and your bags will be delivered shortly, I'm sure."
My mouth opened and closed as I tried to find the right words, struggling with the chasm I was creating between us. I didn’t want it. Why was I doing this to myself? Because I knew I needed to keep my wits about me. I was too inexperienced with these types of politics, and I had absolutely no idea who was an actual ally and who wasn’t. The allure of him was too much, too overwhelming, and it seemed to consume all rational thought. It was too much change, too fast.
Also because…I didn’t trust myself not to somehow fuck this up. Not only because it was physically impossible for me to have a relationship, but also because I seriously questioned what made me think I would be any better than my mom. Hell, I had found myself inexplicably drawn to four men in two days. Finias deserved better than that. Better than someone who had such a hugely untrustworthy aspect of their nature. No, a relationship with Finias was just not possible.
I settled on a courteous nod and said, "Thank you, Finias. It was nice to see a friendly face so soon."
That was good, right? Polite, yet still showed I was happy to see him, without being too forward? Devil, I was hopeless.
When I met his gaze though, I could see the chasm between us growing, and it had less to do with my words and more to do with my actions. Finias wasn’t dumb, and I was horrible at hiding my emotions. He knew I was pulling away, and that made it all that much more painful to do, because it was so clear the man had me more figured out than most of the people in my life.
His beautiful face seemed cold and closed off in comparison to the version of him he had shown me previously. My heart ached with regret already as he gave me a nod back and strode away, perhaps taking the opportunity for my personal happiness with him. Already, I regretted my actions.
Didn’t I deserve some level of happiness? Was I masochistic? Would I always be okay with living the dark, lonely existence that Drayven and others had forced me into? Apparently, considering I had just pushed away someone who had genuinely seemed interested in me.
My chest felt heavy with the weight of that choice as I stared after him for a few moments before Drayven interrupted with his unwanted opinion. "I think that was a wise choice, Ama."
I rolled my eyes with my back to him still. Of course he did—he had hated the Dark Elf from the moment he’d seen us together in the courtyard back home.
Shaking my head and letting out a humorless laugh, I pushed open the door and answered, "Opinions are like assholes, Drayven. Just because you have one, doesn’t mean people want to hear you talk about it."
Without waiting for his response—because honestly, it felt like we kept having the same conversation over and over recently—I walked into our home away from home for the next few days. The ceiling had to span close to twenty feet, making the space seem massive.
The entryway opened to a sitting room, and it was obvious the space had been decorated to be reminiscent of our own house. Kudos to whoever their designer was because it was spot-on.
Thin, black silk curtains draped elegantly on each side of the three large windows on the far side of the room, letting some natural light into the room. A crystal chandelier hung from the center of the room over the two black velvet chairs, a couch, and a table, which were all situated on a large red and black area rug.
Walking further into the space, I took note of the fully stocked bar in the corner of the room and contemplated pouring myself something to help soothe my nerves. The two large doors on the opposite side of the room captured my interest, though, and I made my way over to them instead.
Cracking the door closest to the entrance of our suite, I saw that it was a stunning bathroom with a sleek obsidian tub that called my name. I'll be back for you, my sweet. That would be the perfect way to relax tonight.
Closing the first door, I moved to open the other and frowned when I saw Drayven had already shoved his way into the room beyond and was making himself at home as if it was his bedroom. I didn't even have time to properly appreciate the gorgeous four-poster canopy bed because I was irritated as hell by the way he was lying on it with his shoes still on. Neanderthal.
His eyes were closed like he didn't have a care in the world, and I growled, "Would you mind getting the fuck off my bed so you stop dirtying it with your shoes?"
Apparently I wasn't even worth the effort of opening his eyes as he responded, enjoyment evident in his tone, "What do you mean, your bed? This is our bed and I'll lay on it with my shoes on if I want to."
A real laugh burst from me at his words. Yeah fucking right.
I was close to hitting a point of no return with Drayven, and eventually, I would explode. Between his asshole behavior and the accusatory tone he always used with me, I just couldn’t handle him. I couldn’t handle my attraction to someone who was such a dick. A dick, mind you, who wore shoes in bed. The absolute worst kind.
Once my laughter had been contained, I countered, "I'll admit, that was funny, but now kindly get the hell out of my space and go find your own room."
Now his eyes opened, and he turned towards me, pieces of his silver locks falling across his forehead as he smirked at me. "It wasn't a joke, Ama. I asked on our way up here if the area Finias was showing you was for just you, or if it was for our house in general."
He had to have done something to arrange this. It would completely throw me off mentally.
He sighed as if I was bothering him with my questions now, which irritated the hell out of me. "I don't make these decisions, Ama, despite what I'm sure you're telling yourself in your head right now. This is what we're getting, and we just have to deal with it, okay?"
I didn't like the situation, but I also didn't want to cause a scene over it, because it wasn't worth smearing the reputation of our house just because I didn't want to share a room with someone. I'd look like an absolute brat, and that was the last thing I needed.
The shock on his face when I responded, "Okay. We'll just deal with it," was priceless. He definitely hadn't expected me to give in so easily, and I enjoyed his miffed expression.
Shrugging my shoulders, I explained, "It's only for a few days. I need to be focused on more important things like networking and finding allies, not throwing a fit over our sleeping arrangements."
He pushed up to a sitting position and pinned me with a look as if he was seeing me for the first time. Nope, never mind, that was suspicion. Good. I hoped he was suspicious and paranoid for the rest of the day. That was payback for being so damn infuriating.
"That's...very mature of you." How did the bastard manage to make a compliment seem like an insult?
A knock sounded at our door as someone called out, "Your bags!"
Sliding off the bed, Drayven walked past me to get them as he said, "If you want to freshen up or whatever, I'll stay out here. We can go find some food for lunch after that if you'd like."
Staring at his broad back, I was pleasantly surprised at how much I preferred this polite communication between us over our normal squabbling. Maybe I had been wrong—maybe I wasn’t going to end up losing it and killing him. Yet.
It would definitely make the next few days together easier, and I needed to do my part in not giving the other houses any reason to sense animosity within ours. They would take any piece of information and twist it to their advantage, of that I was sure.
My stomach rumbled as if Drayven mentioning food gave it perm
ission to demand sustenance this loudly. As soon as he dropped our bags into the bedroom, I decided to extend an olive branch back to him. "I think I'm set to go find something to eat now if you are? Knowing me, I'll get lost and never find my way back if I go alone."
I swallowed the lump in my throat at this white flag that seemed to have been raised between us. How long could it last?
He gestured for me to exit the room ahead of him, "I suppose we'll at least get lost together now. I wouldn't want you to end up accidentally in the House of Fallen's area alone."
Exiting our room, I quirked a brow as I inquired seriously, "What do you think they would do?"
We wandered companionably down the hall in search of a kitchen, Drayven musing, "Honestly, I don't know, and that's what scares me."
My head jerked back in shock at the words "scares me" coming from his mouth. The man was terrifying, and I wasn't sure what in the world could scare him. So I asked. "What, exactly, scares you about that?"
His head swiveled towards me, and his gaze traveled my body, but not in a way that made me feel like he was checking me out in a sexual manner. No, unfortunately it was much worse than that. He looked at me like a man who had found the most valuable thing in the world to him as he admitted, "That I won't be able to protect you."
My lips parted as the meaning behind his words and gaze hit me like a freight train. Alright, all aboard the Ama-is-so-confused train. No, I had to be misinterpreting this completely. Drayven's actions towards me over the past few years cemented the fact that he did not care about me in that manner.
I guessed I'd need to add his name to the list of men whose attention I needed to ignore while I was here. Maybe that was his goal this entire time, just like the rest of them...trip me up and distract me from my one goal here.
Scoffing to myself at how gullible I was, I bit my lower lip and shook my head before I stopped walking and asked him, "Did the rest of the royals from our house tell you to sweet talk me so you could take over the throne when I inevitably mess up here? Was that your goal? Charm yourself into my good graces, just so you could somehow cause me to fuck up here?"
Just the idea of it hurt me much more than I cared to admit, because somehow I'd already allowed myself to open up to the idea of trying to work through our past issues for the sake of our time here together. I couldn't bear the thought of him using that softness for his gain.
I refused to be used like a puppet by anyone.
He didn't answer immediately but came to a standstill, his large frame almost seeming to vibrate with anger at my questions. Without warning, he was suddenly turned around and in front of me, pushing me gently into the wall behind me. Holy hell, what was he doing?
The stones bit into my back as I tried to put space between us, his face stopping just inches from my own as his eyes flashed neon green. "I'm going to say this one time, Ama. So listen closely."
His eyes darted down to my lips as I bit the bottom one nervously. My heart hammered in my chest for a multitude of reasons. I was nervous as fuck for what he was going to say. Recently, he had been surprising the hell out of me with what came out of his mouth. But mostly, I was fighting the memory of how his lips felt against mine.
"I'm here to support you in whatever way I can to ensure you are the one who wins this vote for us. So you can prove to the council that you are fit to lead our house when your father steps down. I know you aren't going to believe that, and hell..." he took a deep breath, "I can hardly believe it myself, but I think maybe I was rash to judge you back then. I let others’ opinions sway my own, and honestly, I was scared of the feelings I had for you. But I can't deny that they are still there and I care about you."
My jaw dropped to the damn floor at his admission, and my brain absolutely blanked. When the emotions began filtering back in, I found I wanted more than anything to believe his words. That piece of me that had grown bitter and spiteful towards him because of the embarrassment and pain he’d caused with his rejection after our kiss was like a thorn in my side. I wanted to let go of that moment so we could move forward.
"I... I don't even know what to say back to that, Dray." The old nickname for him slipped out with ease as I stared back at him, completely shocked and feeling overwhelmed. It was so difficult for me not to assume this was a politically motivated move or one meant to humiliate me. Either of those would have been far easier to believe.
I would handle this tactfully for now and see how it played out. I sure as hell didn’t trust him though. The timing was far too odd for this sudden apology to be a coincidence.
His hands, which had been braced on the wall on either side of me, fell away as he backed up, thankfully giving me some room to breathe. "You don't have to say anything. I just need you to stop questioning the motives of the one person here who actually wants to protect you and see you succeed."
A kernel of hope began to unfurl within me, and I answered, keeping my tone even and unemotional, "Okay. Let's get through this Summit, win, and then maybe we can talk about the rest."
My stomach chose that moment to make another loud appearance, practically roaring at me to feed it. He chuckled and started down the hall again, as if he hadn’t just surprised the hell out of me. "Let's go find you some food before your stomach decides to eat me."
He might not have meant his words to have a sexual connotation, but damn my mind for attaching one to them anyway. I seriously needed to get my hormones under wrap, or I was going to lose this battle before it even began.
Chapter Twelve
Ama
After getting lost and redirected roughly eight times in the labyrinth of a castle, we had finally found the dining hall for visitors. They had a buffet set up, and I had stacked my plate full of pizza and chicken wings...and had all but stolen the bottle of ranch dressing I found. I didn't care what anyone said, ranch was good on literally everything.
Apparently, it was something the human realm came up with, and honestly, I needed to go up there and thank them one day. They were heroes in my eyes for this delicacy.
Drayven had eaten a variety of foods, from burgers, to steak, to a million side items. We had been in bliss the entire time, completely overindulging ourselves in silence, not uttering a word as we practically breathed in the food. The chefs here were phenomenal. It probably didn’t help that we had been traveling all day and been relatively stressed about the Summit in general. It was called comfort food for a reason.
Back in our room, we lounged on the couch and chair in the sitting area like lazy lards. Snuggling further into the couch on my side, I let the haze of my full stomach and mental exhaustion lull me into a half-asleep state. My mind drifted as if I was sleeping, but I was also very much aware of Drayven's snores from the chair near me.
We’d ended up on the furniture out here instead of the bed, likely because neither of us knew yet how to approach the topic of sleeping in the same bed. Granted, it was a king bed and we wouldn't be touching if we stuck to our sides, but the notion of sharing it was still such an intimate one.
We had a few hours yet until we needed to have that conversation, and I began to get frustrated at my body fighting sleep. Despite my drowsiness, it felt as if my mind was running a million miles a minute, and I groaned quietly as I pushed myself to a sitting position and glanced over at Drayven's large frame awkwardly slumped in the sitting chair. His head lolled onto his shoulder, his mouth hanging slightly open as he snored lightly.
He was even more handsome in his sleep, if that was possible. The constant worry lines that creased his forehead and the spot between his brows were gone, his face smooth as he slept peacefully without a care in the world. I found myself longing to see his face like this more often. He carried such a heavy weight on his shoulders at all times, trying to be a “perfect Reaper” for the royals, and honestly, I thought it had molded him into someone he wasn't.
Yes, he was a loyal and talented Reaper who had collected more souls than anyone in his age group, but he als
o wasn't living life. He didn't go out and have fun. Ever. And that was coming from me, the girl with almost no social life. Still, he was all work and no play, and I found myself both hating that and worrying about him as I continued to look him over. I'd have to work on changing that when we got home if he was serious about trying to smooth things out between us.
Stretching my arms above my head, I let out a small groan at how sore my body was from sitting in that damn carriage for hours. I needed a massage or something. The large obsidian tub popped into my mind, and a smile took over my face at the thought of using it. I pushed myself off the couch and strode towards the bedroom to grab a couple items. Ruffling through my luggage, I grabbed a black silk robe and a hair tie before quickly padding over to the bathroom.
Flicking the light on, I noted the floating shelves on the wall that held candles and a lighter. Hanging my robe on the hook, I used my hair tie to roll my ponytail into a bun on top of my head, right behind my horns, securing it so it wouldn't get wet during my bath. When you had this much hair, you washed it only when necessary because blow drying it was such a bitch.
Turning the hot water on, I grabbed a few of the mini bottles of bath products and scanned until I found a scented bubble bath. Vanilla. It wasn't my usual choice of scent, but it would definitely still be delightful and relaxing. After pouring in a generous amount—because who doesn't love a lot of bubbles—I set it back on the shelf.
I figured it would be at least five minutes until the bath was even close to full enough for me to submerge myself in it, so I quietly walked over to the bar back in our living space and poured myself a glass of the cabernet there. Swirling it around in the glass, I breathed in the notes of the wine before taking a small sip. It had a heavy, full-bodied aroma and tasted of dark chocolate with an underlying black cherry note.
Insurrection (Monarchs of Hell Book 1) Page 10
