The next morning, just when we thought that the rainy season had ended, we were blessed with more rain. It would be a bad idea to run away in such conditions, and we never mentioned it again. Carlitos did his chores without being asked and with such exuberance that anyone would think he was being paid to do them. I did mine with a newfound sense of commitment as well, and when Mama wasn’t looking, I put the blanket she’d given me back among her things.
“Where will you go?” I asked Jessie, who was taking her time repacking her basket.
She shrugged and then said, “To Disneyland, probably.”
Like most children, Disneyland was Jessie’s favorite place.
“Will you live at Cinderella’s castle?”
She shrugged again, more forlorn than ever. “Probably,” she muttered.
“Wait,” I said, and I rushed into the kitchen and returned with a box of cereal and tucked it into her basket amid everything else. “You’ll be hungry in the morning,” I said.
She gazed at me with large, luminous eyes. “Aren’t you going to miss me, Nana?” she asked.
“Oh, I’ll miss you terribly. I’ll cry every night and so will your mommy and daddy. I’m sure that Teddy will also be very upset.”
She opened the cereal box and popped a few nuggets in her mouth, but she kept her foot planted firmly on the ground. “Do you think they’ll call the police?” she asked.
“Once they realize you’re gone, I’m sure they will, but if you go straight to Disneyland now, you can probably get there before the police start looking for you.”
She nodded thoughtfully and popped a few more nuggets into her mouth. “They might think I’m dead or that a bad man stole me away,” she said, “and then they’ll be sorry.”
“I’m sure they will,” I replied.
“I know what,” Jessie said, her face lighting up. “Why don’t you come with me? How about we both run away from home?”
I thought about this for a moment or two. “Well, I would go with you, Jessie, but the truth is that I really like it here and I’d be sad if I left.”
She nodded wisely and closed the cereal box with a sigh. “You’re scared, aren’t you?” she asked.
I nodded, trying my best to look a bit ashamed. “I guess I am…a little bit.”
Looking rather relieved, she swung her leg up and jumped off her bike. She walked it to the garage, glancing back once or twice to see if I was following, which I was. Once she’d parked her bike, she pulled her things out of the basket and handed them to me one by one. As we walked back to the house, she said, “I’m not going to run away after all, but if you ever decide that you’re not scared anymore, let me know.”
“I’ll remember that,” I said.
Thirteen
WHEN ANA TURNED AWAY from the window, Millie was no longer chatting casually with Adam about her retirement. She had her face buried in her hands and she was weeping. In all the years she’d known her, Ana had never seen Millie weep in such a manner, and it frightened her.
Millie lifted her face and said, “Tell me again, Adam. Please, I want to know exactly what happened. Where was Mick sitting in the car? How did you persuade him to let you drive?”
Adam nodded to Ana, letting her know in his way that he was fine. She decided to leave them and go outside where Sister Josepha was still sitting on the ledge of the fountain.
When she saw Ana approaching, she smiled. “It seems that over the last year or so these knees of mine have been getting worse. I don’t think they’re going to get any better,” she concluded with a chuckle.
Sister Josepha leaned on her cane as she attempted to stand but was having difficulty, so Ana helped her to her feet. “Maybe you’re working too hard, you should slow down a little bit.”
Sister Josepha leaned on Ana’s arm. “If I didn’t have my work, it would be the end of me, but when you come…” She corrected herself with a conscientious nod: “I mean if you come, you’ll see for yourself how infectious the work can be. The children are so grateful and they’ll love you, but I must tell you, in spite of the many improvements we’ve made over the years, the conditions are nothing like they are here. It will be quite an adjustment for you.”
Ana stopped to face Sister Josepha, her expression incredulous. “Sister, do you forget where and how we met?”
“Oh, I’ll never forget,” Sister Josepha replied, lowering her eyes.
“Nor will I. And this,” Ana said with a grand, sweeping gesture, “is all very beautiful, but it’s not who I am, and it doesn’t belong to me. It never has…not really.”
Sister Josepha appraised Ana for a moment or two, surprised by her impassioned reaction. “My dear, I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“No, of course not, I…I’m not upset,” Ana replied, flustered and embarrassed about having expressed herself so forcefully, when Sister Josepha was only being considerate.
They headed toward the house and when they entered Sister Josepha said, “You go on up now, I’ll be fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m quite sure,” Sister Josepha said with a kindly smile.
Ana rushed upstairs and by the time she reached the top, she was winded. “Time is passing too quickly, and I can’t keep up,” she thought. “I just can’t keep up with it.”
“There is always time,” came the reply in the stillness between each breath.
“But what if there isn’t? What if I’m left behind again?”
“Trust yourself, mija. When you follow your heart, you’ll have all the time you need.”
On her way down the hall back to Adam’s room, Ana hesitated outside Teddy’s bedroom door. After the children had left for school, Ana would often go into their rooms to remember the many conversations they’d had over the years, the happiest moments as well as the difficult ones, and for an instant she was able to alleviate the loneliness she felt in their absence.
For several months, she hadn’t dared peek into Teddy’s room, knowing it would only bring her additional sadness and strain during an already difficult time. Nevertheless, feeling that it was all she had left of him, she opened the door and peeked in. The first thing that met her eyes was Teddy’s extra-long single bed in the corner of the room beneath the window. When he was in high school and had grown several inches in one year, it became apparent that a regular-size bed would no longer suffice. How they’d laughed when he lay down with his feet sticking out beyond his blankets.
They’d rearranged this room many times over the years, from a nursery to the room of a schoolboy and now to a young man’s room. Each time, Ana had been involved in the task, helping Teddy select new furniture, curtains, and bedclothes to achieve the look he wanted. The poster of his latest athletic hero still hung on the wall. Ana couldn’t remember the name of this man, who was one of the best pitchers of all time, only that Teddy worshipped him for the better part of his four years in high school.
Feeling surprisingly better than she thought she would, Ana took several tentative steps into the room, and the memories flooded her before she could step out again.
Lillian watched Teddy and his new “little floozy,” as she liked to call her, through the sunroom window as they sat out sunbathing by the pool. Maggie was a sweet girl with short brown hair and a wide, easy smile. I thought she was lovely and down-to-earth, the kind of young lady who was just as comfortable in a pair of old blue jeans as she was in a strapless gown. Teddy boasted that she was not only pretty but smart, as evidenced by the fact that she was applying to Harvard in the fall. She hoped to become an international journalist and tour the world to write about the exploits of presidents, kings, and underworld spies. I could easily imagine her in such a role, and when I watched the news at night, I thought that her pretty, smiling face and intelligent gaze would be very well received by the viewing public.
“There’s something about her,” Lillian said, narrowing her eyes at the young woman, “something that makes me uncomfortable, but I can’t quite
put my finger on what it is.”
I couldn’t imagine what it could be, and when I turned back to them, Maggie was giggling while applying suntan lotion to Teddy’s muscular shoulders. He was teasing her about something as she rubbed his back, and they were both obviously enjoying the process immensely. “She seems like a very nice girl to me,” I muttered.
“Oh, you would say that, Ana,” Lillian said, rolling her eyes. “But then again, Teddy could bring home a stripper with nipple rings and you’d probably say, ‘She’s such a nice girl, isn’t she?’”
I cringed at the thought of what nipple rings might be and shook my head. But if what Lillian said about me was true, then she was the complete opposite. She heartily disliked all the girls Teddy brought home and had no difficulty indentifying their faults no matter how subtle they might be. There was one girl who she thought of as sallow and with a watery personality to match. Another was, in her opinion, too manly, and yet another was so syrupy sweet that it made her sick to her stomach.
“I think I know what it is,” Lillian said, turning to me with a start. “This young woman with her highbrow ambitions, impressive SAT scores, and modern short haircut is really nothing more than a common trollop who wants to snare my son and tie him down for her own sick amusement.”
“So,” I said, nodding in understanding, “you think she’d like to marry Teddy and make a life with him, is that it?”
Lillian turned to me, disappointment clouding her expression. “One has to read between the lines, Ana. As a mother, I have to remain vigilant. Teddy is an extremely good catch, and any girl would happily sell her soul to the devil to get her hands on him.”
“Teddy will make someone a wonderful husband one day,” I said.
“You miss the point entirely,” Ms. Lillian snapped.
“Forgive me, but what exactly is the point, if you don’t mind my asking?”
Ms. Lillian shook her head as though my profound lack of insight made it difficult for her to speak. She glared at Teddy and Maggie, who were now feeding each other frozen grapes, and scowled. “If you don’t know,” she muttered, “then I’m certainly not going to spell it out for you.” She continued to stare at the scene before her, and her lips began to tremble with rage. “I can’t take this anymore,” she snapped and she walked away in a huff.
I wasn’t put off by her remarks because I’d long understood that the sexual obsession Lillian had finally learned to control had been replaced by the persistent and irrational fear that her son would end up with someone just like her. I admired and pitied her at the same time.
Several nights later, I was awakened by the sound of yelling somewhere down the hall. I realized that it was Lillian’s voice, and she was so hysterical that I became frightened the house might have caught fire. I threw on my robe and ran out into the hallway, expecting to confront a cloud of smoke and flames. Instead, I found Lillian standing in front of Teddy’s bedroom door, with Mr. Trellis trying his best to calm her down.
“Call the police, Adam!” she yelled. “Call them now!”
“I’m sure that isn’t necessary,” Mr. Trellis said in a measured voice, although I could see that he was also upset.
“I don’t want her in this house, do you understand me? I want her out of here!” She attempted to reenter Teddy’s room, but Mr. Trellis held her back. Then he turned to me, his face coloring a bit as he explained, “It seems that Teddy has a visitor.”
Lillian glared at him, looking as though she might claw his eyes out. “A visitor? Tell the truth, Adam. This girl tries to impress everyone with her high-and-mighty ideals, but now we know the truth, don’t we? She’s trying to trap him.” Ms. Lillian was speaking loudly at the door so that Teddy and his visitor would be sure to hear her.
Mr. Trellis led Lillian down the hall toward their room. She struggled against him at first, but eventually she gave in and went with him, muttering all the while. Once they had closed the door to their room, Teddy peeked out to see if the coast was clear. When he saw me, his face colored much as his father’s had moments earlier, but he seemed relieved that it was me standing there and not his mother. He was at a loss for words, and I was preparing to return to my room as well when he whispered, “Can you help me, Nana? Maggie’s really upset right now.”
I followed Teddy into his room to find Maggie sitting on the edge of his very long bed with her head hanging. In her blue jeans and long T-shirt she looked all of thirteen, and it was hard to imagine that she’d snuck into Teddy’s room with scandalous intentions. As I went to her, Teddy quickly grabbed something from his nightstand and stuffed it into his pocket, but not before I saw that it was a package of condoms. It gave me some comfort to know that at least they were taking precautions.
“I’m so embarrassed, Nana,” she said, looking at me with anguished eyes. “I don’t know what to do.” Her fingers were trembling as she wiped tears from her cheeks, and I could only imagine the scene she’d endured with Lillian. “I want you to know that I don’t make a habit out of sneaking into guys’ bedrooms in the middle of the night.”
“I’m sure you don’t, Maggie,” I said. “Where do your parents think you are right now?”
She stared at me with wide, imploring eyes. “That’s the problem. They think I’m spending the night at Lisa’s house or I’d go home right now, but then they’ll know I wasn’t there, and if my Dad finds out, he’ll kill me.” Her shoulders slumped and she glanced at Teddy, who was equally despondent. “And I obviously can’t stay here,” she muttered.
“Can you help, Nana?” Teddy asked as he used to do when he’d broken a toy. “You know how crazy Mom gets. If Maggie isn’t out of here in a few minutes, she’ll call the police, no matter what Dad says.”
I nodded, not sure of what I could or should do to help out. I thought it was wrong for Teddy and Maggie to go sneaking around, and for Maggie to lie to her parents about her whereabouts.
“No matter what we do, I’m screwed,” Maggie muttered, and she began to whimper, something that I’d never expected this strong-minded modern girl to do.
I wrapped a reassuring arm around her shoulders. “You can come with me to my room for the rest of the night. Ms. Lillian has a yoga class tomorrow morning that she never misses. Once she’s gone, I’ll take you home.”
“Oh my God, thank you, Nana,” Maggie said, giving me a hug. And then she gazed at me adoringly. “Teddy and I are going to name our first child after you. Isn’t that right, Teddy?”
Teddy shrugged, looking a bit uncomfortable. “What if it’s a boy?”
“Our first girl child, then,” she replied happily.
I ushered her out of Teddy’s room while giving him a stern look. “You two have plenty of time for that sort of thing. Let’s concentrate on getting through the night and home tomorrow, shall we?”
The next day Lillian refused to speak with Teddy. As difficult as it was for him to bring up the subject, he tried his best to apologize, but every time he did, she turned up her nose as though he smelled of rotting fish, and if he persisted she left the room entirely.
One weekend afternoon several days later, I was preparing a fruit salad for lunch when Teddy came into the kitchen looking especially bereft. I hadn’t yet spoken to him further about the incident because I wasn’t sure what to say. Nevertheless, I was preparing to tell him that I thought that Maggie was a nice girl and that he should consider that whenever he invited a nice girl to his room in the middle of the night, he was opening the door to many other possibilities as well, or something like that. I was thinking about how to begin when Lillian swept into the room, her smile ablaze and her mood so buoyant that she seemed to be floating several inches off the ground. “There he is,” she said, gazing adoringly at Teddy. “My sweet, wonderful prince of a son.”
Teddy blushed, but where his mother was concerned, he was much more at ease with this particular brand of discomfort. I stopped what I was doing to wonder at Lillian’s sudden transformation. By that time I was well
accustomed to her mood swings, but I had fully expected her upset with Teddy to last much longer than this.
“We’re going car shopping,” she said, her eyes glittering. “I believe that Teddy has his eye on a shiny yellow Porsche. It’s not brand-new, but new enough, isn’t that right, sunshine?”
Teddy blushed profusely and shrugged. “I guess,” he muttered, avoiding my eyes.
They returned that very afternoon with the car, and Teddy parked it in front of the house and invited me and Jessie to go outside with him to admire it. We oohed and aahed and told him how striking he looked behind the wheel, and he happily gave us each a ride around the block. He was eager to show his friends his new car as well, and informed me that he’d be in a bit later than usual for dinner.
“Oh, I almost forgot,” I said as I got out of his car, “Maggie called this afternoon while you were out with your mother.”
Teddy’s face grew somber, and he revved the engine. “If she calls again, tell her that I’m not home.”
“But what if you are home?”
“I don’t want to talk to her,” he said
In response to my baffled expression, he said, “All this talk about children was just too much for me, so I broke up with her yesterday.”
“I didn’t think she was serious about that, at least not now. A smart girl like Maggie with so much ambition…”
“Nana, please, I don’t want to talk with her and I don’t want to talk about her.” Then he drove off and didn’t return until much later that night.
Ana walked out of Teddy’s room feeling the same disappointment she’d felt all those years ago. She had no trouble believing that Lillian would bribe her son with a new car, but it pained her to think that Teddy would allow himself to be so easily manipulated. And then she remembered how years ago she’d been able to motivate his good behavior by promising him a game of hide-and-seek or an extra story before his nap. In many ways, as intelligent and capable as he was, Teddy was still a little boy in a grown man’s body. But Ana knew that despite his immaturity he had a good heart. Then as now, she loved him unconditionally and could easily forgive him his faults.
Vigil Page 25
