“Very well, Benson. What is your proposition?”
He took a deep breath and stuffed his handkerchief in his pocket. “That you marry me, right now, today. Your baby will have a father, although I’ll make legal arrangements for the paternity to be well established for the sake of the inheritance, and you won’t have to go through life as a single, unwed mother.”
“That’s very kind of you…”
“You’re answering before you’ve thought about it, Ana. Take your time. Sleep on it,” he said while patting my arm.
“Benson, I…”
“I won’t make any physical demands on you, if that’s what you’re worried about. Our relationship won’t change. The only difference will be that you can be assured that you and your child will never want for anything for the rest of your lives. I’ll even arrange for my mother to move out,” he added, his ears flaming red.
“I would never ask that of you,” I said, deeply touched. “You’ve lived with your mother all your life.”
“For you I would do it, Ana. Only for you.”
“I will sleep on it,” I said, and earlier today when I called to tell him that I had to decline his offer and go with Sister Josepha as I had planned, I heard the sad resignation in his voice and pictured his kindly eyes filling with tears.
I became aware of footsteps approaching and Benson appeared just beyond the arbor. He was even more agitated than he was the day before, and when he saw me he quickened his pace.
“I was looking for you everywhere,” he said, panting. “I was afraid that you’d already gone.”
“You know I wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye.”
He was literally gasping for air as he brought his hand to his chest.
“Sit down and catch your breath,” I said. “Our plane doesn’t leave for a few hours. We have plenty of time.”
Benson sat down and took several deep breaths, but his expression remained tense. “Ana, Teddy called me just now as I was leaving the office.”
“Teddy?”
Benson nodded anxiously, still out of breath. “I don’t know what’s going on, but he was yelling and”—he grasped my hand—“he said that if I didn’t tell him the truth about everything, the documents and how I’d obtained his father’s signature, he was going to call the police and report the fraud. Ana,” he said, trembling, “I could lose everything.”
“But how could this be? You and I were the only ones who knew, and I’m positive that Teddy never spoke about it with Adam. If he had, Adam would’ve said something to me.”
“I have to go see him, Ana. I have to find out what’s going on, and you have to go with me.”
I informed Sister Josepha that I was going to the Trellis house with Benson, but that I’d be back shortly. Fifteen minutes later we arrived at the gate. I punched in the code on the keypad, hoping that it hadn’t been changed, and thankfully the gate opened for us. My heart was beating fiercely and I tried to calm myself with thoughts about the baby, but it was difficult to do with Benson gasping for air and continuously muttering his fatalistic predictions one after the other.
“I’m going to lose everything,” he said. “My practice, my house, my license…I just know it.”
“It will be fine, Benson,” I said. “Don’t worry.”
And each time he answered, “You don’t understand, Ana. I could go to jail. You could go to jail too,” he said. “It doesn’t matter that you’re pregnant. The prisons are filled with pregnant women.”
After he parked the car, we rushed up the stairs and rang the doorbell. Its melancholy tones lingered, increasing my agitation and the trembling sensation in my knees. Even so, as though greeting an old friend, I turned to admire the garden, and as always, took pleasure in the way the blanket of greenery and flowers undulated in graceful lines all the way to the wall that ran along the perimeter of the estate. I turned back to Benson and placed my hand on his shoulder, hoping that this momentary peace I’d acquired would help steady him.
“Maybe nobody’s home,” Benson said, his voice cracking with despair. “Maybe they’ve all gone to the police station to report the fraud.”
“That doesn’t make any sense,” I replied. “Why would they do that?”
Then we heard the click of the latch and the door slowly opened. Lillian stood before us, her hair in disarray as she gaped at us with vacant, bleary eyes. Wordlessly, she stepped aside so that we could enter. At that moment Jessie came in from the kitchen and when she saw us she rushed to my side. “Nana,” she cried. “You came home.”
“I came to keep Teddy from calling the police,” I replied, receiving her warm embrace. “I hope that we still have a chance to explain.”
“Explain what?” Jessie asked, taken aback. “And why would Teddy call the police?”
At this, Benson took my hand and shook his head mournfully. “Forgive me, Ana, but I didn’t know what else to do.”
“What do mean?”
“I lied to you. Teddy never told me he was going to call the police.”
I stepped back and pulled my hand away from him. “But why? Why would you do something like that?”
Benson hung his head and Lillian stepped forward. “It was my idea,” she said. “I had to get you over here somehow and I knew that you’d come if you thought it would prevent Benson from getting into trouble.”
“So you know about the papers,” I said, turning back to Benson, incredulous of his betrayal. “Did you tell her about the papers as well?”
Lillian folded her arms over her chest and shook her head sadly. “Benson didn’t have to tell me anything. I figured it out on my own. It’s true that Adam and I hadn’t lived as man and wife for many years, but I knew him pretty well, and he wasn’t the sort of man who’d change his mind about something so important at the last minute. And I know you too, Ana. You’ll do anything for the people you love, even if it means giving up a generous inheritance, which is why I have no doubt that you’ll talk with Teddy now that you’re here.”
“Mom, what in the world are you talking about?” Jessie asked, her hands on her hips.
“I’ll explain it all to you just as soon as Ana goes upstairs to talk with Teddy,” she replied.
Still reeling from the shock of being tricked in this manner, I shook my head weakly.
“I beg of you, Ana,” Lillian said. “I’m Teddy’s mother, and as his mother I know that he needs you right now. But if I’m wrong, I’ll never bother you again and you can go off to New Mexico and forget that you ever knew us.”
I took several steps toward the landing. I could feel the three of them watching me, willing me to take one step up and then another, and as I ascended the staircase, the reluctance and dread I’d been feeling began to transform into something warm and familiar. I became aware of the deep desire to see my dear Teddy again, to hold him in my arms and tell him that everything was going to be okay. Just being back in the house gave me strength of heart, and I heard the voices and the laughter drifting in from the past, the sound of Adam’s tires on the gravel when he came home from work, and the back door slamming when the children went in search of a snack in the kitchen after playing in the yard. I heard Lillian calling for Millie to prepare her morning coffee and Adam playing the piano in the music room. But once I reached the top of the stairs, everything was quiet again. And as I walked down the length of the corridor and stood before Teddy’s door, breathing in the air that was thick with sadness, I realized that life and happiness were gone from this house.
I knocked and whispered Teddy’s name. When he didn’t respond I spoke more loudly, “Teddy, it’s me. Your mother asked me to talk with you.”
I heard a rustling and then footsteps heading toward the door. In moments it was opened, and Teddy stood in the doorway appraising me with wounded eyes. He appeared ruptured and tattered, as though he hadn’t slept or eaten in days. “How about you?” he asked. “Do you want to talk with me, or are you here only because of my mother?” he asked cyn
ically.
“I want to talk with you too, Teddy,” I replied. “I’ve been wanting to talk with you for a long time now.”
He turned away and dragged his feet across the room toward his bed, where he lowered himself down, moving slowly like an old man whose joints were stiff and aching.
The only chair in his room was hidden by a mound of dirty clothes, so I sat at the foot of his bed. “Your mother tells me that you’ve been very upset and that you haven’t left your room since you spoke with your uncle a few days ago.”
Teddy grunted and closed his eyes. “I’m sure you’d like to think that this has everything to do with Uncle Darwin, because you’ve always hated him.” He raised his head and opened one eye to look at me. “You can’t deny it, can you?”
I turned away and said nothing, but at that moment I caught sight of the Superman shirt I’d mended for him years ago on the floor. I hadn’t seen it in ages, and was surprised that he still had it, but then as I picked it up from the floor I remembered that this had been a gift from his uncle and he’d never allowed me to throw it away. “Tienes que ser fuerte, mijo,” I whispered, remembering the day I held him in my arms as Adam rushed him to the hospital. “No te olvides que el amor de familia es tu fortaleza.”
“Well, I loved my uncle Darwin,” Teddy said, ignoring my words, snatching the shirt away from me and balling it up in his hands. “I loved him more than anyone. I loved him even more than I loved you.”
Turning back to him, I said, “You talk as though you don’t love him anymore.”
Teddy dropped his head back down to the pillow and tossed the shirt back to the floor. He stared blankly up at the ceiling, and when he spoke again, his voice was more subdued. “After the funeral, Uncle Darwin told me that the day before he died, Dad forgave him for all that had happened, and Uncle Darwin said that he couldn’t live with himself unless he told me the truth, the real reason that Mom and Dad split up. It seems he should know, since he’s been Mom’s lover on and off for years,” he said in a tone that was at once flip and derisive. “He said that you had nothing to do with breaking them up and he didn’t want me going through life believing a lie about my father. So I guess now I can spend the rest of my life hating my mother and Uncle Darwin instead of hating you and Dad.”
Amazed to hear about Darwin’s noble confession, I needed a moment or two to respond. “The answer isn’t for you to hate anyone, Teddy, but to understand the reason things happened the way they did, and to find a way to forgive.”
“But it’s true, isn’t it, Nana?” he asked as he shuddered with disgust. “Mom was cheating on Dad for years, and under his roof, with his own brother.”
I nodded and lowered my eyes, ashamed for Lillian’s sake.
“I don’t want her here,” Teddy said, his fists clenched. “That’s why I haven’t left my room. It’s my house now. Dad gave it to me and Jessie and I want her out. The problem is that I…I just don’t know how to kick her out, but I’ll figure out a way, believe me I will.”
I placed my hand on Teddy’s knee. “I realize how upsetting this is for you, and it’s true that your mother made many inexcusable mistakes, but she never meant to hurt you. She always loved you and Jessie, and I know that you’ve always felt her love and that you feel it even now.”
Teddy shook his head. “How could I have been so stupid? Why didn’t I see it? Even Jessie tried talking to me about it, but I wouldn’t listen to her.”
“We all see things when we’re ready to see them, Teddy,” I replied softly.
Eventually, Teddy unclenched his fists, and we sat together in silence for some time.
“I’m sorry for all the cruel things I said, Nana. Do you forgive me?”
“I’ve already forgiven you, Teddy,” I said. “Just as I hope you’ll find a way to forgive your mother, and your uncle too. I’m sure that’s what your father would’ve wanted.”
He nodded while gazing at me, his eyes wide and imploring. And then he sat up on his elbows. “Maybe I will forgive them, but on one condition.”
“What’s that?”
“That you stay here with us.”
“Teddy!”
“You can’t leave us now, Nana. This house isn’t a home without you.”
“Oh, my dear Teddy,” I said, flustered and overwhelmed. “I’ve made plans to go with Sister Josepha. Our plane leaves in a couple of hours.”
“You can change your plans. Sister Josepha will understand—she always has before.”
“But she’s waiting for me now.”
Teddy continued to gaze at me with those dark smoldering eyes that reminded me so much of his father. “You can’t go, Nana. Nothing will be the same without you. It will never be the same.”
I stood up and knelt next to him. “Teddy, even if I could stay, it would never be the same, you know that.”
“Of course, I realize that without Dad things will be different, but if you stay it’ll be easier for all of us. You know how Jessie and I feel about you, and Mom misses you too. You’re the best friend she ever had.”
I lowered my head. Could I tell him? Was now the right time? “Teddy, something has happened, something I wasn’t aware of until very recently. And because of this, I’m certain that it will be more difficult for everyone if I stay.” I took a deep breath and told him, but even as I said the words out loud, I found it difficult to believe. I pressed my hands gently over my abdomen as I spoke, trying to be gentle, hoping against hope that this revelation wouldn’t further wound my dear Teddy.
As I spoke, he sat up fully, his mouth hanging open, his eyes incredulous.
“I know it’s a shock,” I concluded, folding my trembling hands in my lap. “It was a shock for me too. I couldn’t believe it at first, and I knew…I knew it would be upsetting for you and for Jessie, which is why I wanted to wait until…” I glanced at him, his eyes now blank, his brow furrowed. “I was going to tell you once things had settled down a bit.”
All at once, Teddy sprang up from the bed and grabbed my hand, yanking me to my feet. He ran out of his room at breakneck speed, pulling me behind him. And as he ran, he yelled at the top of his lungs, “Hey, she’s going to have a baby! She’s going to have a baby!”
We ran down the length of the corridor and when he reached the stairs, he rushed down these as well, pulling me behind him as I stumbled and tripped, barely able to keep up with him. Benson was white as a ghost and Lillian and Jessie were more troubled than ever to see him so agitated.
“Teddy, what are you yelling about?” Lillian asked.
“Don’t you have ears in your head? Can’t you hear what I’m telling you?” he said, jumping in place like a madman. “She’s going to have a baby!”
Jessie grabbed Teddy’s arm. “Teddy, calm down, you’re not making any sense. Who’s going to have a baby?”
“Nana,” Teddy said excitedly. “Nana’s going to have a baby.”
Ms. Lillian pressed her hand to her forehead. “He’s lost his mind,” she muttered. “My boy has literally lost his mind.”
Teddy took firm hold of his mother’s shoulders, shaking her as he spoke. “Mom, listen to me. Nana’s pregnant. She’s pregnant with Dad’s baby.”
“Oh my God. Oh my God,” Jessie said, taking several steps back.
Lillian stared dumbfounded at her son and then she angrily swiped his hands away from her shoulders. “You’re crazy,” she muttered.
“No, I’m not. She told me just now,” Teddy said.
“Is it true, Nana?” Jessie asked tremulously.
I nodded. “Yes, it’s true.”
Jessie gasped, but when I looked into her eyes they sparkled with wonder and awe.
Lillian stared at me and took several steps toward me, which prompted Teddy to step in between us. “Leave her alone, Mom. We don’t need any more trouble.”
“Look at her.” She seethed. “She’s skin and bone. Do you really think Ana can carry a child to term in that condition?” She pointed an accusatory
finger at Teddy’s face. “And when you were pulling her down the stairs behind you like a raving lunatic she could’ve stumbled and lost the baby. It doesn’t take much, you know. It’s a wonder she hasn’t lost it already.”
“I…I didn’t realize,” Teddy stammered.
Lillian pushed him aside and stood before me. “How far along are you?”
“Dr. Farrell says I’m almost three months.”
She shook her head in dismay as she looked me up and down. “We’re going to have to put some meat on your bones. Benson!” she said, twisting herself around to face him.
Benson snapped to attention. “Yes, Lillian,” he replied.
“Call Millie—tell her to get over here right away. There’s absolutely nothing to eat in this house.”
“Should I tell her the news?”
“For God’s sake, Benson, tell her whatever you want, just get her over here,” she barked.
Lillian linked her arm smoothly through mine and led me to the bench in the foyer. “Let’s get you off your feet so you can catch your breath,” she said sweetly.
“But Sister Josepha is expecting me. Our plane leaves in a couple of hours.” I put my head in my hands and suddenly the entire house was lurching and dipping like a boat sailing on the high seas, and my thoughts were spinning away from me. When I looked up at the four of them standing over me, they were spinning as well, and I feared that I’d vomit all over their shoes.
“Tell her she has to stay, Mom,” Teddy said.
“Of course she has to stay,” Lillian replied. “She can’t go off to the wilds of New Mexico in her condition. It’s ludicrous.”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell her,” Benson added.
“It’s not a wilderness. It’s a very nice school,” I muttered.
Jessie knelt before me and took my hands into both of hers. “Nana, you’ve been taking care of us for so many years, now it’s our turn to take care of you and the baby,” she said, already enchanted by the idea.
Vigil Page 33
