“So I heard the news that the two of you got married,” she says, and I think maybe she might be happy for me, but when I look at her, I see her almost sneer at me.
“We did,” I say, taking a sip. “It was lovely.”
“I can only imagine since I wasn’t given an invitation.” She hisses out the last word, but she does it with a huge smile on her face. “It’s a mockery is what it is,” she says, and my stomach starts to burn. “Look at him.” She motions with her head toward Beau, who is standing with a woman I’ve never seen before. Both of them are laughing, and she puts her hand on Beau’s arm. “He should be married to someone like that and not—” she starts to say, and I bury down the hurt.
“Not the town whore,” I finish the sentence for her. “I get it.” I take another sip of the champagne, the sting of tears burning my eyes. “I’ll see that it’s put on my tombstone.” I don’t let her say another word. Instead, I walk away from her and from Beau, who hasn’t once looked my way. I walk to the bathroom, ignoring everyone and pondering how bad it would be if I took off. I finish the champagne, leaving the glass in the bathroom, and when I walk out, I see that more people have arrived. I look around to see if I spot Beau, but all I see is Cassandra. “Hey, did you see Beau?”
“Yeah, he was in his office with his mother.” She points at the office door and smiles at me.
I walk away from them and head to the office door, and before I knock, I can hear the yelling. “Admit it,” Mary Ellen says.
“Fine, I did it to protect her. Does that make you happy?” Beau says, and the words are like a kick to my stomach. I am about to turn and walk away when the door swings open, and I come face-to-face with Beau, who looks at me and his face goes white.
“Hey,” he says softly. “I was looking for you.”
I ignore the pain in my chest, and the burning in my stomach. I ignore it all and smile. “Well, you found me,” I say. When he leans forward and kisses my lips, it takes everything I have not to take a step back.
“Dinner is almost served,” he says, and I see Mary Ellen step up beside him. “We should go and sit.”
“Go easy on the drinking, Savannah.” Mary Ellen walks past us toward the backyard.
“God, that woman,” Beau says, shaking his head. “She just doesn’t get it.”
“Well, she’s your mother, and she has your best interests at heart,” I say, averting my eyes.
“Are you okay?” he asks and puts his hand under my chin to make me look up. “Look at me.”
I finally look at him, and I wonder if I can hide the hurt. “I’m fine. It’s just been a whirlwind few days.”
“I wish we could get away,” he says, and Cassandra comes running to us.
“People are sitting, and they are waiting for you,” she says. “Also, I’m not sure you approved it, but Savannah has been moved from beside you.”
I swallow down the lump in my throat and listen to him. “I didn’t approve that,” Beau hisses, and I just shake my head.
“It’s fine,” I say. “You need to do your thing.”
“I don’t care,” he says. “You’re my wife.” I want to tell him that we should talk about that, but I’m not sure now is the time to do that. Instead, I try not to make a big deal out of it.
“I already told them to fix it,” Cassandra says. “I don’t know about you, but I’d be pissed if my husband wasn’t sitting next to me.”
“Thank you.” I smile at her. “That means a lot.”
We walk to the seating area, and Beau holds out the chair for me, and I sit down, smiling at the men around the table. The meal is a blur, and I have no idea what is discussed, but when we walk into the house, I don’t say anything to him as I follow him up to the bedroom. He doesn’t even turn on the lights. He unzips my dress and kisses my shoulder, the lone tear comes out of my eye and rolls down my cheek. I make love to him, holding him in my arms as tight as I can, and when I know he’s sleeping, I get up and walk down the stairs to sit on the couch. I go over the speech in my head over and over again, and when I hear his footsteps coming down the stairs, I’m ready for him. “Morning,” he says, coming over to me and leaning down to kiss me. “I am going to go on the record in saying I hate waking up without you.” I wait for him to be in the kitchen before I start.
“We need to talk,” I say, and he turns around to look at me.
“I don’t like the way that sounds,” he says, smiling, and he must see that my face is probably a mess from crying all night long. “Why have you been crying?”
“It’s just been an emotional couple of days,” I say. “I went to the bank yesterday, and they denied me the loan,” I say, and he walks to me. “He was sure to tell me that the mayor’s office stands behind his decision since you will be buying the land.”
“I have no idea why he said that. I haven’t even had any discussion with anyone about it,” he says.
“It doesn’t matter, Beau,” I say. “This”—I point at him and me—“was just to keep me safe.”
“What are you talking about?” he says now, his voice going louder.
“I heard you,” I say, and he just looks at me. “I heard you yesterday with your mother.”
“Good,” he says.
“I heard you tell her that you did it to keep me safe,” I say, and he nods his head.
“Yeah, I did after I told her that I married you for love, and she laughed at me,” he says. “You didn’t hear the whole conversation, Savannah.”
“It doesn’t matter that I love you or that you love me,” I say. “It’s just too much.”
“What is too much?” he asks.
“I stood in the room yesterday, looking around, and I felt like an imposter.” I wipe away my tears. “I didn’t belong there. I don’t even belong here.” I open my arms. “This town has shown me over and over again how I don’t belong nor am I wanted here.”
“But I want you here,” he says, taking a step toward me, but I hold up my hand to stop him.
“I stayed this whole time because I wanted to show the town I could be someone else. I stayed for my bar, which I don’t have anymore. It’s time for me to move on.”
“But what about me?” he asks, and if I was a strong enough person, I would ask him to come with me. If I thought for one minute I deserved his love, I would beg him to come.
“What about me?” I ask. “What about me walking out of my house without having people leer at me? What about going into the supermarket and hearing home wrecker at least once?” I let the tears fall. “What about being treated like I am the scum of the earth? What about that? I have a chance to walk away and start fresh.” I shake my head and sit down. “I have a chance to walk out of my house and look around and smile at my neighbors. I have the chance to just be the new person in town that doesn’t have so much baggage with her that I’m buried up to my knees. I have the chance to not be known as the town whore who forced Beau to marry her.”
“You leaving is letting them win,” he tells me. “You walking away shows them that they won.”
“Then let them have it,” I say. “They took everything else from me. Let them have that also.”
“Nothing I say is going to change your mind,” he tells me. “I can sit here and beg you to stay, but you are already gone.” His voice goes low. “I can beg and plead and tell you all the things, and in the end, your mind is already made up.”
“I just need to get away,” I say. “Maybe I just need to clear my head. Maybe …” I say. “I just know that I can’t sit here without wondering.”
“Our love means something,” he tells me, breaking me. “I’m going to let you go,” he says, looking down and wiping his own tear away. “Just promise me one thing.”
“Yes,” I say because I would promise him anything.
“That before you do anything, you let me know. Before you sign anything or make any decision, you tell me.”
“I can give you that,” I say. He gets up and walks away from me, stopping and turni
ng back to me.
“For my whole life, I’ve loved you. For my whole life, my dream was to be married to you,” he says and looks down. “It was always you. I know that I’m not the whole town”—he swallows—“but just so you know, you have at least one person.” He walks up the stairs and away from me. He doesn’t even come and tell me goodbye when he leaves, and I have to wonder why would he. If he did this to me, I would have stormed out and never looked back. I pack my bag and make one more stop before I head out of town.
I walk up the steps, ringing the bell, and the door opens. “Hey,” Kallie says. “I didn’t know you were coming over.” I look down, and she must see something is wrong. “Let me get Jacob.”
Chapter Thirty-One
Beau
I walk out of the house without saying goodbye to her. I don’t go to her because if I did, I would get down on my knees and beg her to stay. I would wrap my arms around her and never let her go. I don’t want her to stay because I’ve made her feel guilty or because I forced her to stay. I want her to stay to simply stay. I want her to choose me and not have any regrets.
The drive to the office is a blur, and when I walk up to the step, I just nod to Cassie and go straight to my office. I sit down in the chair and go over everything in my head.
I don’t do anything all day. I just sit with my door closed, looking out the window. I wonder where she is or what she is doing, hoping that she knows I’m thinking about her. I pick up my phone and send her a text message.
Me: Just wanted to tell you that I miss you.
I look at it, but then don’t send it. It’s too soon, I think to myself. I watch the sun go down, and when I walk out of my office, I walk to my truck and make it back home. I open the door, and my heart sinks when I smell her. I walk up to the bedroom where I left her this morning and see that she’s taken some of her stuff.
Sitting on the bed, I feel lost. I don’t eat supper because all I can do is lie in our bed and go over our conversation. How can she think that no one wants her here? Sure, there are some who hate her in this town, but I can count those people on two hands.
I sit up in bed now and grab my phone, texting the same text to everyone.
Me: Tomorrow morning mayor’s office nine a.m. sharp. Mandatory.
I put the phone down, and when I walk into the office the next day, it’s just before eight. I walk to the conference room and set things up. When it gets closer to nine a.m., they start filing in. Jacob and Casey are the first to arrive.
Casey looks around, asking, “Do I want to know what this is about?”
I smile and then Jacob is the one who speaks up. “How are you doing without her?”
“Horrible,” I answer. “It’s one day, and I swear it feels like someone died in my house.”
He slaps me on my shoulder. “Love will fuck you every time,” he says. “I hope you made coffee.”
“I did,” I tell him, “and I got doughnuts.” They both take off to the conference room. Tony is the next to arrive at the same time as Sal, the town plumber.
“Whatever it is,” Sal says, “I didn’t do it.”
I laugh at him and shake their hands, thanking them for coming. “There is coffee in the conference room.”
Five more people arrive at the same time. Peter, the electrician; Jake, the carpenter; Tyler, the masonry expert that we have in town; Kaylie, an architect; and Tracy, the town gardener. “Thank you, guys, for coming,” I tell them and walk into the conference room at the same time as them. “Please have a seat.”
I wait for everyone to be seated before starting my pitch. “I’m sure you are all wondering why I called this mandatory meeting.” I look around the table. “As you are all aware, the town bar was burned down to the ground.”
“It’s awful,” Kaylie says. “Poor Savannah.”
“It really is awful,” I tell them. “It’s awful, and it’s a shame that one of our own has been targeted like this.” I wait to see everyone’s reaction to that statement. “With that said, I want to rebuild it.”
Tony is the first one to speak up. “Where is Savannah in all this?” he asks, and I look at Jacob, not sure what to say.
“She went to visit her mother for a couple of days,” Jacob says, lying. “She said she would be back next week.” He tells me something that I didn’t even know. I didn’t even ask her how long she would be gone. I didn’t want to think about it.
“It’s a lot of work,” Tyler says. “It’ll take a day just to clear the mess.”
“It’s a big job, but,” I tell them, “if we get the town to pitch in, we can do it.”
“How long?” Jake asks, looking at me, slouching in his chair. “I’m assuming we are all here because this isn’t a job that you want to take your time doing.”
“I’d like to have it done by the time she comes back,” I tell the table, and a couple of them groan.
“I can have a crew come in,” Casey says. “To help with clearing the area.”
“I can ask at the station. I’m sure the boys will want to pitch in,” Jacob says.
“Like it or not, the bar was a meeting point in town. Many of you stopped by there on the way home from work or just to blow off some steam. It’s a shame if we don’t have that anymore.”
“I can start clearing it right away,” Tyler says, then looks at Casey. “Any extra help will be appreciated, but I’ll work through the night if I have to.”
“So will I,” Tony says, and twenty minutes later, when they walk out of the room, I sit down.
“That was some pitch,” Jacob says. “Does she know you’re doing this?”
“No,” I answer. “She told me she didn’t think she belonged here. She thinks this whole town hates her, and I want to show her that she’s wrong.”
“Well, if this isn’t the biggest grand gesture of life,” Casey says as he gets up, “I don’t know what is.” He looks at Jacob. “I’m going to head over there and see if I can help do anything now.”
I drive by the site an hour later and see that about forty people are working. Tyler has gotten an extra rig so they can pick up the pieces of what was her bar. I drive to the diner to get food for everybody. Tony is at the counter eating. “Hey, there.” I slip onto the stool beside him. “How are you?”
“Good,” he says as Mr. Lewis comes out of the back.
“Hey there, can I get about a hundred burgers?” He looks at me funny. “It’s for the cleanup crew at the bar.”
He nods his head. “I heard about that,” he says. “I’ll take care of it. I can’t help them, but it can be my contribution.” He turns and walks back into the kitchen, leaving me speechless.
“Hey, Beau.” I see some of the older men sitting at the table in the middle of the room. “We heard that you want to rebuild the bar in a week.”
“I’m going to try,” I tell them.
“We may be old, but we have some good times left in us,” one of them says. “We will be there tomorrow morning.”
“Thank you,” I tell them.
When I turn up the next day, the whole place is swarmed with people. I park as close as I can, but with all the activity going on, it’s hard. I stand at the edge and see about two hundred people ready to work. I look around, taking pictures for her. I won’t tell her, but I want her to see that she matters to this town.
Instead, I send her a text.
Me: Missing you. Hope you have a great day.
I put the phone away, my heart aching in my chest when I think of her not being here. I work until I can’t stand anymore, and when I go back home, all I can do is collapse in bed after my shower. I sleep on her pillow with her smell all around me, and when I wake up in the morning, I’m greeted with a text from her.
Savannah: I miss you, too. Talk soon.
I run my finger over the words, the muscles in my body aching as I stretch. I walk to the bathroom, passing the picture of us on our wedding day. I have to sit down and just stare at it while my heart beats for her.
When I show up, I’m shocked at the progress that’s already been made. “Holy shit, I can’t believe the frame is already up.” I look over at Jacob.
“Casey hired three groups of people to rotate shifts, so there is someone here all the time,” Jacob says. “Mr. Lewis hired an extra cook, and he keeps bringing food every eight hours.” I put my hand to my mouth. “What if this isn’t enough?” he asks, and I look at him.
“I’ve been without her for three days now,” I tell him. “The pain just gets worse instead of getting better.” I look over at him. “If she isn’t going to stay, I’m leaving.”
“What?” he asks, shocked.
“If she comes back and decides that this isn’t the place for her, then I’ll follow her wherever she goes.”
“But your life is here.”
“No,” I say, shaking my head. “My life is wherever she is.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
Savannah
I watch the water crash onto the shore as I sit in the sun. It’s what I’ve been doing for the past three days.
When I left town, I did it with a heavy heart and an even heavier mind. I cried the whole time, and the only thing I could see was Beau’s face in my mind. The way he looked at me on our wedding day; the way he looked at me when we got home after the party. I shouldn’t have doubted him or dropped this bombshell on him out of the blue. I should have stayed and spoke to him about it. I wipe the tear away from my face again, opening the phone and seeing the message that I sent to him yesterday, but he never got back to me.
I see a bird fly by and dive into the water and then spot a couple of people walking up toward me. I’ve seen these people for the past three days, and each time, they’ve smiled at me and said hello. Like clockwork, they walk by me, and both of them say hello to me, then smile and move on.
I get up now and walk back up the steps to the house I’m renting. I walk into the cool house and look around at its emptiness.
Three days ago, I drove into town, thinking this was it, and I could live here. I went to the supermarket and walked down aisle after aisle, and it bothered me that I didn’t see anyone I knew. It also bothered me that I smiled at people, and they just nodded at me. God, this is what I wanted, I told myself. This whole thing of no one knowing me is what I was looking for, yet having it makes me feel more alone than I’ve ever felt in my whole life.
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