While My Heart Beats

Home > Other > While My Heart Beats > Page 16
While My Heart Beats Page 16

by Erin McKenzie


  “Now, Ellie, in time you’ll—”

  “No, Papa.” Ellie’s face burned but her voice remained strong. “I can’t fritter away my life at pointless luncheons, talking about the latest fashions. And I can’t bear Mother’s endless attempts to see me married.”

  “Your mother just wants what’s best for you, Ellie, to be sure you’re taken care of.”

  “Forcing me into a loveless marriage is what’s best for me? I’d rather be alone than do that. Now that I’ve found a purpose, a way to help people, I can’t go back to an idle life of leisure. Please understand, Papa—I’m grateful for my life and all you have provided, truly. But now I have a plan, a dream to be of service to others.”

  Ellie’s father looked at her with an odd expression, but in his eyes she detected a hint of pride. “You’ve always wanted to do things your own way, Ellie. You have your mother’s stubbornness, to be sure, but while she struggles with change, you embrace it. I understand that a vibrant young woman such as yourself would not be happy in a marriage of duty or convenience.”

  “Thank you, Papa.”

  “Your mother leads a sheltered life, and clinging to the old ways is, for her, a source of comfort and safety. I, however, see every day how this war has upset the natural order of things. London is a different place than it was before, and even if we resist, we’ll all eventually be swept along with the tides of change.”

  Ellie nodded, speechless, a cautious optimism taking root.

  Her father continued, “Every day I pray for your brother to return safely, and I think about the future for him and the estate once I’m gone. Perhaps he, too, will want to take a different path.” He cleared his throat, his eyes misty. “Life is short, Ellie. What I want for you both, more than anything else, is happiness.”

  Ellie fought back tears as she reached to take her father’s hand. His words had touched and validated her, and she was beyond grateful.

  “Now let’s get you home,” Papa said. “On the way, you can tell me all about this dream of yours.”

  * * *

  Armed with her father’s blessing, Ellie came to the breakfast table the next morning, ready to talk matters over with her mother. She picked at her food, certain that her nervous stomach would revolt if she ate anything. Her father sat at the head of the table, reading the newspaper, and his presence helped calm Ellie’s nerves.

  “For heaven’s sake, Eleanor, why aren’t you eating? Are you ill?” Mother said.

  “No, Mother, I’m quite all right. I would like to discuss something with you, though, if you don’t mind.”

  Her mother nodded. “Go on.”

  “I know you wanted me home to assist with the luncheon today, and I’ll happily help with whatever you need. But,” Ellie said, pausing to gather her courage, “I won’t be staying.”

  Mother gazed at Ellie over her teacup for a long moment, one eyebrow raised, then slowly returned the cup to its saucer. “What do you mean you won’t be staying?”

  “I’ve decided to stay in Edinburgh. I would like to establish a long-term residence for soldiers who have been disabled by the war and have no home or family to care for them.”

  “Oh, Eleanor, you and your grand ideas,” Mother said, and Ellie bit her tongue to check her temper. “I’m sure there are facilities in existence that can help those people. You needn’t worry about such things.”

  “I’m afraid the need is far greater than you realize, Mother. I have found a purpose, and I am passionate about this work. I would like to continue my training to become a nurse, or perhaps even a doctor.”

  “Oh, posh, a woman doctor! Who has put such nonsense into your head? You’d be wise to forget this foolishness and settle down, Eleanor. There are plenty of nice, eligible men with whom you could be spending your time.”

  Ellie’s face heated as she watched her mother flick a hand in dismissal. “Mother, perhaps you didn’t hear me. I am going to Edinburgh to follow my passion, and settling down with a man is not part of the plan.”

  Her mother put a hand to her chest. “My God, you’re serious. Charles, are you listening to this?”

  Papa lowered the newspaper and looked his wife in the eye. “Yes, Violet, every word. We have been blessed with a bright, compassionate young woman for a daughter, and I for one fully support her decision.”

  Mother’s mouth dropped open in shock, then just as quickly settled into its habitual frown of disapproval. “I see that I’ve been left in the dark on this, and my opinion doesn’t matter to either of you. If you’ll excuse me, I have a luncheon to prepare for. At least I won’t be shirking my responsibilities as a lady of this house.”

  She gathered up her skirt and flounced out of the room.

  Ellie’s breath came out in a whoosh, and her father grinned. “Wait until she finds out I’m going to Edinburgh to help choose your new building.”

  Ellie giggled, then sobered. “Oh, Papa, am I making a mistake?”

  “My darling daughter, you will never know what you can accomplish until you try.”

  Ellie jumped up and gave her father a hug. “I love you, Papa. Thank you for your support, especially with Mother. I imagine she’ll be upset for a while.”

  “I’ve weathered her storms for years. She’ll come around eventually.” He winked at Ellie. “I hope.”

  Chapter Twenty-seven

  Johanna couldn’t stop smiling as she walked away, the lease to her new flat in hand. It would be available in just a week, and she was excited to move in. She had finally regained some sense of independence, and it felt amazing. They had seen the partially furnished place right before Ellie went back to England, but today, Johanna had signed the papers herself. Ellie had spent a small fortune on the hotel room as Johanna healed. Now that she was mostly recovered, pride dictated that she pay her own way.

  Johanna had been busy in the three days Ellie’d been gone. She had made inquiries through the Red Cross and Queen Alexandra’s Royal Nursing Service about open posts, and her application had been gratefully accepted. A nurse of her skill was needed, she’d been told, as so many regular nurses had joined the war effort. No one had seemed bothered by her facial scar and slight limp, and Johanna felt encouraged that she’d soon find employment. She couldn’t wait to tell Ellie.

  As she headed back to the hotel, she suffered another bout of anxiety. What if Ellie ran into trouble with her parents? What if she didn’t come back? Johanna tried to push her fears aside—at least she would be able to take care of herself if the worst happened.

  It was nearly dinnertime, and Johanna was thinking about where she would eat as she opened the door. She froze in her tracks at the sight before her. Reclining on the bed, in a pale blue satin nightgown, was her beautiful Ellie. Her red-gold hair was loose upon her shoulders, and her lovely smiling face was flushed pink.

  “Hello, my darling. I’ve missed you,” Ellie said, standing. The thin material seemed to caress her body as it cascaded down her legs, and Johanna gasped as desire washed over her.

  “You came back.”

  “Of course I came back, love,” Ellie replied. “Living without you isn’t an option.”

  “Oh, Christ, Ellie, I was so worried,” Johanna said, gathering Ellie’s warm body in her arms.

  “Everything is fine now, Johanna. I’m here to stay.” Ellie reached up and removed the pins from Johanna’s hair, running her hands through the tumbling locks. Cupping the back of her head, Ellie placed a tender kiss on Johanna’s waiting lips, then blazed a whisper-soft trail along her jaw to her throat, sucking lightly. She dipped her head to capture Ellie’s lips again, deepening the kiss with her tongue until they were both breathless and quivering with need. She ran her hands down Ellie’s back to her hips, gathering handfuls of satin as she moved back up.

  “I need to feel you,” she said and drew the nightgown over Ellie’s head.

  Ellie stood nude, her pale skin blushing under Johanna’s worshipful gaze. With trembling fingers, Ellie began to loosen th
e fastenings of Johanna’s dress. Johanna hastened to help, and soon she was naked, her body on fire.

  “My love,” she said, claiming Ellie’s mouth in a searing kiss.

  Everywhere Johanna touched was silk, and her hands roamed Ellie’s body, coming to rest on her breasts. Ellie’s nipples hardened beneath her palms, and her caresses made Ellie whimper with desire.

  “You’re so beautiful.” Johanna took Ellie’s hand and led her to the bed. Ellie kissed her, then smiled and lay back, drawing Johanna on top of her.

  Their bodies fit perfectly, and Johanna’s senses were overwhelmed with pleasure. She buried her face in Ellie’s sweet-smelling hair and moved against her. Raising her thigh to meet Johanna’s center, Ellie moaned when she reached the warm, wet evidence of Johanna’s desire.

  “I don’t think I can hold back,” Johanna said, thrusting her hips.

  “Then don’t, love. Let go for me.”

  Johanna leaned forward and braced her arms on either side of Ellie’s head, allowing Ellie to suck a taut nipple into her mouth.

  “Oh, so good,” Johanna cried, thrusting faster. Ellie’s thigh was slick and hot, her hands on Johanna’s hips urging her closer and closer to the brink.

  “Look at me, Johanna,” Ellie said.

  Johanna gazed down into Ellie’s blue eyes, darker now and full of emotion. Ellie brought her hands between them and cupped Johanna’s breasts.

  “I love you,” Ellie said, and she pressed Johanna’s breasts together, sucking hard on her swollen nipples. Heat exploded in Johanna’s core and radiated throughout her body, leaving her breathless and trembling. She collapsed on top of Ellie, who held her close, stroking her hair and murmuring words of love.

  “My God, Ellie, you make me feel so much,” Johanna said. “How can I ever express how much I love you?”

  “Shh, my love,” Ellie said, pressing a finger to Johanna’s lips. “I need you to show me.”

  Johanna kissed Ellie’s finger and sucked it gently into her mouth. Ellie moaned and bit her lip, and Johanna’s body started to respond all over again. Rolling to Ellie’s side, she abandoned the finger and moved to nuzzle her earlobe, leaving tiny kisses in her wake. She cupped one of Ellie’s breasts as her mouth found the other, and she licked, sucked, and teased Ellie’s nipples until Ellie cried out in pleasure, her hips moving in circles on the bed.

  “Touch me, Johanna…oh God, please.”

  Johanna slid a hand down Ellie’s body, stroking and caressing her belly and hips in agonizing avoidance of where Ellie needed her most. She smiled when Ellie whimpered in protest and spread her thighs wide in invitation. Ellie lay open and trusting, her breath coming in shallow pants, her eyes shut and fingers holding Johanna’s head to her breast, and Johanna thought this must be what heaven felt like. She touched Ellie then, dipping into her wetness and stroking her folds.

  “You’re stunning, lass,” she said, overcome with her lover’s vulnerable beauty. “So ready for me.”

  “I need…oh!” Ellie’s hips came off the bed as Johanna circled her most sensitive spot. Stroking it with her thumb, she slid a finger inside, stunned by Ellie’s heat. Another finger joined the first and set up a steady rhythm, drawing Ellie closer to climax. Soon her thighs began to quiver and her belly clenched, her fingers tightening in Johanna’s hair.

  “I’m so close…don’t stop.”

  Johanna pressed her thumb down firmly and plunged her fingers deep, flicking her nipple with her tongue. Ellie nearly shouted as the orgasm crashed over her, and she rode it for several moments before collapsing, spent.

  Johanna gazed at Ellie in awe, then placed lingering kisses on her forehead and cheek before claiming her lips once again. Ellie broke the kiss and pushed Johanna onto her back, then cuddled into her side, her head on Johanna’s shoulder.

  “You are an incredible lover,” Ellie said with a sigh. “How have I survived so long without your touch?”

  “And I so long without touching you. My heart is overflowing, my love. I think I’ve only been half alive, until now.”

  “Oh, Johanna, I love you so much. I’ve no idea what the future holds, but I know I want to be by your side, forever.”

  “As long as I draw breath, I’ll love you, Ellie. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. In you, God gave me my very own ray of sunshine, and you brought my heart back to life. Thank you for not giving up on me.”

  Tears spilled from Ellie’s eyes as she pulled Johanna closer. “And thank you for trusting me with your heart. I promise that you’ll never be alone again.”

  Moments later, Johanna lay still, reveling in the feel of Ellie in her arms.

  “While you were away, I signed the lease for the flat we liked. I was afraid I’d be living there without you, but now, I can’t wait to move in.” When Ellie didn’t respond, Johanna’s insecurities reared up. What if she doesn’t want to live with me?

  “Ellie?” Johanna looked over to find Ellie sound asleep against her shoulder, and her heart surged with love. She nearly pinched herself, still not believing that this beautiful, intelligent, loving woman was hers. She kissed the top of Ellie’s head and whispered, “All of me is yours while my heart beats.”

  Epilogue

  Spring 1919

  “Papa, I’m so glad you came,” Ellie said, as she greeted her father in the vestibule. “Things have progressed splendidly since you were last here.”

  “Yes, I see,” her father said, looking into the spacious, comfortable sitting room where four convalescents sat playing chess. “It looks as if you’ve done wonders with the place.”

  “Indeed we have, thanks to you. I don’t think we ever would have found such a perfect location, let alone the funds we needed, without you and your contacts.”

  Ellie’s father had made inquiries amongst his friends and colleagues and found this grand, well-kept manor house in Leith. The grounds were stunning, with manicured lawns, gardens, pastureland, and sturdy stables for several horses. In addition, he had told everyone he knew about his daughter’s grand idea, and donations had steadily come in.

  “It’s been my pleasure. I’m so very proud of you.”

  “Thank you, Papa,” Ellie said, kissing his cheek.

  “Now come outside. I have a surprise for you.”

  Ellie’s curiosity was piqued as she followed her father out to the circular drive in front of the house. Johanna and Theo stood beside a shiny black horse-drawn hackney carriage. Theo smiled and opened the door, and Ellie just stared. Emerging from the carriage was her mother.

  “Hello, Eleanor. Do close your mouth.”

  “Mother? I can’t believe you’re here.”

  “Frankly, neither can I, but if I’m to ever see my children, I suppose I’ll have to travel on occasion. Your father insisted I come see your, ah, facility.”

  Ellie nodded, dumbstruck. Theo laughed and took his mother’s arm.

  “Mother, I’d like you to meet our dear friend, Johanna Lennox.”

  Their mother looked Johanna up and down. “So you’re the one who drew my children away from home.”

  Ellie found her voice before Johanna could respond. “Actually, Mother, Theo and I made our choice all by ourselves. Surrey is where we come from, but this is where we belong.”

  As if sensing Ellie’s temper rising, Johanna stepped forward and offered her hand. “It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Lady Violet. Your children are wonderful people—you must be so proud.”

  “Yes, well…Charles, I must get out of the sun. Take me inside.”

  “Yes, dear,” he said, winking behind her back at the other three.

  “Well done, Jo,” Theo said, “stepping in before Ellie popped her cork.”

  Johanna grinned. “It’s my new mission to win your mother over. Do I stand a chance?”

  “You survived a war, so you’ve a decent chance of surviving our mother,” Ellie replied. “We’ll soon see if she’s gearing up for battle or here to make peace.”


  Theo laughed and clapped Johanna on the shoulder. “Steady on, soldier, but watch your back.”

  They went inside to find Fiona Campbell chatting with the Winthrops in the parlor reserved for visitors.

  “Yes, Ellie was one of our finest volunteers, and Johanna the best of my nurses. I was thrilled to be invited to work with them again.”

  “But is this work really suitable for well-bred women?”

  “Oh yes,” Fiona said, deftly deflecting the veiled insult. “The smartest, most worldly women make the best nurses. Besides, how can helping one’s fellow man be anything but a divine calling?”

  Fiona had things well in hand, but Ellie was still a bit tetchy.

  “Papa, a word?”

  She stepped back into the vestibule, and when he joined her, she beckoned him outside.

  “Why is she here, Papa? I won’t stand for my friends to be insulted.”

  “Now, Ellie, you know she’s just testing them to see what they’re made of. Seems to me your friends are passing with flying colors.”

  “But if she isn’t in support of our mission here…”

  “Let me tell you something, Ellie. I believe that, in her own way, she has come around. When Theo came home, she was shocked to see his injury, sheltered as she was from the reality of war. When he told us that he wanted to establish a working stable for the residents here, she couldn’t understand the need. He took her to see his old schoolmate who was in a convalescent hospital, so that she could see firsthand the physical devastation with which these men must now cope. When they came home, she went to her room and stayed there, weeping, until the next morning. That was the turning point in her attitude, I think.”

  Ellie, moved by his account, felt her anger slip away. “Thank you for telling me, Papa. I just wish she wasn’t so negative.”

  “Perhaps if you look for the positive, you’ll see it, Ellie.”

  Ellie’s cheeks burned from his gentle scolding, and she nodded, vowing to give her mother a chance.

 

‹ Prev