"Well, there's no reason for me to stay here. Its better if I head back, before Kristoff thinks I ran away" Hans said. I nodded at him.
"Yeah, thanks for helping" I told him, though I sent him a look he purposely refused to meet.
"Hold on. Sky, hold this for me?" Elsa said getting up from the armchair and heading to the desk in her room, giving me her pack of ice. She opened a drawer and took out a paper, then, she took her quill and started writing on it. When she finished writing, she put the quill back down and rolled the paper. Then Elsa straightened back up and walked to Hans handing him the paper.
"Give this to Kristoff, it's the explanation to your prolonged absence. My signature's on it, so it should do" she said. They looked at each other for a moment, as trying to read one another. Hans was hesitating for some reason and Elsa noticed "You helped Skylynn and I, this is just my way of thanking you"
"What if Kristoff thinks that I made this?" Hans asked.
"He's seen my handwriting and signature, before. Don't worry" Elsa said. Hans hesitated again for a moment, then he lowered his gaze and took the paper.
"Thank you" he said.
"Don't mention it" she said before calling the guards and telling them to escort him back to the ice harvesting grounds. Then Hans bowed to her, gave me a nod of the head and walked out of the room with two guards at his sides. As soon as he was out, Elsa and I remained alone in silence. I gave her the ice pack back as she sat back on the armchair, while I remained standing up.
"So" I started, breaking the ice (no pun intended) "This wasn't exactly my idea of a fun ride, but it could have been worse"
"Yeah… if it weren't for you I could be dead, right now" she said with a small smile
"Yeah…" I muttered, not really liking the idea of taking credit for something I didn't do.
"Thank you, Skylynn. We're even now" she said.
"Don't thank me" I said before thinking, good thing she took it in another way
"Oh, right! I keep forgetting you're not just a queen, you're a soldier and saving lives is classified as 'duty', right?" I gave a small smile.
"Pretty much, yes" I said, sharing a small laugh "Well… I guess I'll go. You heard the doctor: you need to rest for today. You should head back to your quarters. Do you want me to walk you there?" I asked, heading to the chair on the other side of her desk to get my jacket.
"No, it's fine" she answered.
"Do you want me to call Storm so he can walk you there?" I said with a smirk trying to lighten up the mood. Elsa smiled a bit.
"Stop it, and no, really, it's fine. I can go there on my own" she said.
"Alright. I'll be on my way then" I said picking up my jacket and heading towards the door.
"Sky" Elsa called before I could touch the doorknob "May I talk to you for a moment?" she asked.
"Yeah, sure" I said sitting down on the armchair, in front of her. We remained silent for a few seconds, then Elsa spoke up.
"Even if you consider this as duty, I just wanted to say: thank you, for saving my life today" she said. I was about to complain, but if Hans didn't want her to know it was him, I'd like to know why before telling her the truth.
"As you said: duty" I answered. There was another moment of silence. Elsa's eyes were thoughtful, I felt that she wasnted to ask me something else, but she was looking for the right words. The moment she removed the ice pack form her head and thawed it, was the moment Elsa decided to speak again.
"Sky, about today… when you told me that blood on your jacket wasn't yours…" I had already understood where this was going, and we both knew that she already knew the answer "I suppose you have…killed before?" she asked. I gave her a resigned half smile.
"Elsa, I've been in a year-long rebellion, a war. It was kill or be killed, so yes, I have killed before… many, many times" I answered. Elsa looked at me as if unsure on how to say her next words.
"The first time" she started "How…-"
"-How was it?" I suggested, knowing this was exactly the question. She hesitated before answering.
"Yeah" I took a deep breath remembering my first battle, the first time my sword had tasted blood.
"It's different from when you kill someone in a 'calmer' situation, than it is in battle" I started "It was all a blur. When you see waves of trained soldiers ready to kill you, running towards you, you have just one thing in mind: survival. You know you can't back down, so you just go forward and fight for your life until it's over. Your heart beats so fast you can almost feel it against your armor. The rush of adrenaline is so strong, that you don't really look at the situation, you just act trying to survive… after sometime, the adrenaline rushes can become addicting… its… a fatal attraction" I paused
"The first time I killed I didn't really feel anything, it just happened" I continued "One moment, I was standing in position with my comrades and the next, I was covered in blood, dirt and sweat, surrounded by corpses and destruction, with the other rebels cheering in victory… it's when you realize that that blood is not yours… that's when you start feeling something. Precisely, when you look at your feet and see the dead body of the last enemies you slayed, with their blood covering your sword and a red pool widening around their corpses…In that moment you realize that you have killed… ended more than one person's life, that's the worst part" I paused remembering what I had felt that day "You feel sick, you feel like you've been punched in the gut by a hundred men and numb at the same time and you can't help but ask yourself: what have I done?!… Then you get used to it" I told her, remembering Storm's words after my first battle. Those words of comfort still vivid in my mind "But it's something I would never wish to anyone, Elsa. Even if the circumstances needed killing for survival and- or- for a good cause, it is something that you will never be proud of" I finished. Elsa remained silent for a moment.
"How do you cope with it? You said that you got used to it, but… how? How is it possible to do so?" she asked. I sadly shugged.
"You just do. Killing is killing, whether it is for self-defense or to survive a battle, or to protect someone, you end someone else's life. You just have to see the situation rationally, you need to tell yourself 'I killed, it's done, I can't take it back'. You learn to be cynic and when you learn to be that, you learn not to feel anything from the killing, anymore. You just have to put it behind yourself and look forward" I paused and glanced at the blonde woman in front of me. I knew she was trying to process my words, it was clear that 'killing' and 'just put it behind you' were two concepts she found hard to believe to be found in the same sentence
"Do you want to know why I want to revoke death penalty in my country?" I asked breaking the silence once more "It's because I am the one who orders the executions. People die because I have decided that they deserve it, but who am I to judge who should live and should die? I am no one… but tradition is tradition and my people aren't ready yet to let that go. Heck- in Drakora women bid their goodbyes to their husbands, brothers or sons by saying 'Come back with your shield or on it'! Especially in war, there is no place for tenderness, as it is seen as a sign of weakness, only the strong and the hard can call themselves 'Drakorians'… this is a custom that has been going on for centuries, it's the hardest to let go of" I said. Elsa turned her gaze away from me, finding some sort of interest in the floor.
"I can see why you're Anna idol" Elsa said "I don't think I'd ever be able to kill under any circumstances. I wouldn't be able to cope with it, which is exactly why I revoked death penalty immediately" she paused for a moment "Wow… you are so much different from me, yet, part of me can't help but admire you"
"Thank you, but we are not that much different" I replied.
"What do you mean?" she asked looking at me surprised.
"Elsa, I may have killed in battle, but you froze a whole kingdom. How many people died because of the cold? That's your doing" I told her. Elsa looked at me shocked as if realization had just hit her. "If your kingdom will ever go to war – and let's ho
pe it doesn't- you will have to come up with a strategy and your soldiers will kill, but you are the one who gave the order. The deaths of your men and opponent's soldiers will be on you" Elsa looked down, processing my words.
"I… I never thought about it" she admitted almost at loss of words.
"See? We are different, no doubt, but not so much" I said.
"Those people who died during the Eternal Winter… they died because of me" Elsa said shocked. She inhaled deeply and lowered her gaze "I guess, Hans was right… I am a monster"
"No" I told her. Elsa looked up at me meeting my gaze "You are not a monster. Trust me, Elsa, you are very far from being one. I killed in a battlefield, face to face, I knew what I was doing. During some undercover missions I cold-bloodedly assassinated some noblemen who supported the fake king; Landon's orders were to make sure they did not give Hugh their personal troops. There were many options to do so, but I chose assassination. When my husband was murdered, I killed his murderer with the intention of doing so. You caused some people's death because you couldn't control your powers, but you meant no harm. The only reason you lost control was because you were taught not to use your magic and to fear it. Our actions had the same result but in a different way". Another heavy silence filled the room and Elsa's gaze lowered even more as she thought over what I had just said.
"On the North Mountain I was about to kill two people, Skylynn. They were trying to kill me, but I had them cornered with my powers, I could have stopped, but I didn't" she confessed
"But did you kill them?" I replied
"I probably would have, if it weren't for Hans he… he made me realize what I was doing" she admitted "But he wasn't trying to stop me, he was just playing his part of brave heroic prince" she replied looking back up at me.
"I suppose he told you so" I said.
"Yes, when I first went to see him in the dungeons"
"Why don't you go talk to him again? He said many things back then, but meant none of it" Elsa remained silent, so I shifted forward on the armchair and placed a hand on her forearm giving her a reassuring squeeze. Anna had told me once that she wasn't really okay with people touching her hands since it was there that she shot her magic.
"Trust me on this" I told her getting her attention "You are way too good for your own good to be a monster. Your people love you and what you are doing for them right now is something to admire. Believe me, not many monarchs really understand the importance of the middle and working class, especially those that come from royalty like you. Plus" I continued "I may be Anna's idol, but you are her heroine"
"How would you you know that?" she asked "I shut her out for 13 years to protect her and I only ended up hurting her. It was an accident, but I froze her heart. She could have died because of me. Now that I look at it, it seems like the more I tried to protect her, the more I ended up hurting her"
"Maybe it was the wrong way, but you isolated yourself because you couldn't control your powers and didn't want to hurt her. You basically gave up your chances at happiness for her safety and Anna knows that. Not many older siblings that have a good relationship with their younger one would have that much power of will to pay such a price for so long. What if Anna had given up on you and started to actually hate you for ignoring her? I bet you would have paid that price too if it meant to keep her safe" I said "But now you two are back together and trust me, whenever I meet Anna around the castle and we have a chat, she actually doesn't shut up about how amazing her big sister is and how much fun she has with you when you have your bonding times"
"Really?" she asked somehow surprised by this.
"Really" I confirmed smiling at her "You are no monster, Elsa. You just have an ability that requires a… ridiculously huge amount of attention, but you're perfectly normal. I don't even know how you can actually manage it, it's incredible. You don't have to be a warrior to be Anna's heroine, you're her heroine because you're her sister and the ice powers are just a bonus to her" there was a small moment of silence.
"Thank you, Sky" Elsa said with a small smile. I knew what she was thanking me for, it wasn't just for the comfort, there was recognition. Elsa and I remained for a few seconds in a comfortable silence. In that moment we both knew that from that day on, Elsa and I would have finally seen each other under a different light. Just like when we were riding, it didn't feel like we were two young queens going for a ride, but two girls having fun. In that moment we were back to being those two girls having a heart to heart moment.
Suddenly the door to the room sprung open and our heads snapped up to see Anna enter the room with her eyes screaming 'WORRY!'. She immediately rushed to Elsa embracing her in a tight hug.
"Elsa! I met Hans a second before he went back to the ice harvesting grounds and he told me what happened! Are you okay?! Are you hurt?! Gosh! I was so worried!" Anna said worriedly in a breath, as she held her elder sister tightly, sitting on the armchair's arm. Let me rephrase what I said earlier: it was best to remain quiet about what happen, but Anna and Kristoff had to know.
"I'm fine, Anna. I just have bump –ow!- there" she complained as Anna had ran a hand through her hair.
"Sorry" the redhead apologized.
"It's okay. It's just a bump on the head. I'm fine" she said. Anna gave her another hug, kissing her cheek and then turned to me as I stood up ready to leave.
"Thank you for saving her life, Sky" Anna said getting up and giving me a tight hug, as I awkwardly patted her back not really expecting the embrace.
"Don't thank me" I said, and immediately regretted it. Nice job, Sky! Why don't you just tell them the truth before speaking to your brother, you idiot?
"Why not?" Anna asked confused "You saved her, that's what your brother said"
"Her sword was at my service, remember? To her it ends up in the 'Soldier List of Duties'" Elsa said glancing at me with a teasing smirk.
"What can I say? I'm a general and an admiral other than a queen" I said in the same joking manner.
"General, Admiral and Queen? And I say you work too much" Anna said jokingly to Elsa. We all cracked a small laugh, then I excused myself, grabbed my jacket and got out of the room leaving the two sisters to their sibling time. But tonight, when Hans came back, we were definitely going to have a talk.
Hans' POV:
Turns out Elsa was right. When I showed him the paper, Kristoff didn't bother me with my prolonged absence, but the third degree started anyway, with all the questions being about Elsa's safety. After that attempt the queen's life, I had gotten back to work, following my usual routine, but in my mind I couldn't stop thinking about what Skylynn had said, what she added when I explained Elsa what had just happened. Someone had offered them 50,000kr. to kill Elsa. Someone wanted her dead and according to the sum, it could have been only someone from the aristocracy, especially after her showdown during that council meeting. Fortunately, Kristoff was smart enough not to announce it to the world, only letting the curious ice-harvesters know that I helped the Queen of Arendelle and the Queen of Drakora during a 'riding incident'. When I got back from the mountains, I headed to my room, had my bandages changed, put on a more comfortable shirt and then laid on my bed, thinking, but as soon as I got comfortable, there was an all too familiar knock on the door.
"Come in, Tiger" I said and Skylynn immediately came inside the room "Don't tell me. We have to talk" I preceded.
"So you do know why I'm here" Skylynn said standing in the middle of the room, crossing her arms over her chest.
"You can be very predictable on some things, but when it comes to talks? Not so much, but I suppose you want to talk about today" I said sitting straight up and then standing up walking to the window and leaning on its frame.
"Why did you lie to her? Why didn't you allow me to tell Elsa it was you who saved her?" she asked. I exhaled deeply.
"It's better off like this" I answered crossing my arms.
"Hans, talk and don't give me that 'it's better off like this' crap, because I'm
not getting out of this room until you do. We already talked about this: you don't need to hide from me, so spill it" she said bossily "Why did you lie to Elsa… again?" she repeated. I took a deep breath and turned around facing the window.
"I don't want her to feel like she owes me" he confessed.
"Hans, what you just did today could be the first step for the sisters and the people of Arendelle to see you differently" she said "You saved their queen"
"But I also tried to kill her" I said "Neither of them owes me anything. Elsa and Anna have good hearts and I don't want them to give me any more undeserved mercy"
"Hans, you saved Elsa's life" Skylynn insisted "You saved her. When word of the assassination attempt will come out, you can't expect me to sit around and take credit for something I didn't do! You are the one who saved Arendelle's queen. People have to know, you are not the man that deceived them"
"It doesn't change the fact that I tried to kill Elsa and left Anna to freeze to death" I said "To what purpose should the royal sisters and the people know? I fooled a whole country, for all they know, I could have done that to deceive them once more… Plus" I continued, turning back around "I don't want Elsa to feel like she owes me and you need her to trust you. If Elsa thinks you were the one who saved her life, she is going to eventually give you her full trust. In the end it's a good thing I gave you credit for this" Skylynn took a deep breath, shaking her head. She didn't like taking credit for something she didn't do, but she knew I was right. She needed Elsa's trust and this was the best way to get it, but by the disapproving look in her eyes I could see she felt dirty at the very idea of being glorified for something that wasn't her doing.
Suddenly we heard a knock on the door, it was Kai, the butler, who was calling Skylynn for dinner. My sister then walked to me giving me a hug and excusing herself, but as she was about to open the door.
"Sky" I called. She turned around, her grey eyes meeting my gaze "Promise me you won't tell Elsa, or Anna. Promise me you won't tell anyone the truth behind the queen's rescue" I said.
Many Beauty and the Many Beast Page 28
