"For someone who's been isolated from the world you're quite perceptive, are you?" Hans said eyeing me.
"Things are different when looked at from the outside after having been in it" I replied "You have been behaving yourself for now, but you've got a long way to go, Hans"
"I know and I wanted to thank you… for your trust" he said and my eyes met his gaze.
"I'm not giving you my trust, I'm giving you the fair second chance your sister asked me to give you" I said severely... but… lying as well… to him and to myself, for it was not Skylynn who made me choose to give him a second chance.
"Then thank you for your clemency" he corrected himself.
"Now that is something you have to thank me for" I replied but I couldn't help a tiny smile.
"Believe me, I know. That's why I did" he replied, Hans too with the hint of a smile "And also thank you for keeping-…" he suddenly paused with a tiny smile "Never mind"
"No, no, Hans. What were you saying?" I said, with a challenging look. Hans glanced at me. This was one of his weaknesses, he was always up for the challenge and didn't back down easily.
"The only reasons why I keep some thoughts to myself are because you are the queen and have people looking up to you for guidance. I wouldn't want others to think of my comments and remarks as defiance to your authority or show your weaknesses" he replied.
"Well, for starters, you and I are the only ones here. Second, I might have given that impression but I'm not made of glass" I replied with a glacial look.
"It's not hard to see that beneath all that 'Obey-Me-I'm-The-Queen' thing and your icy gift, you're actually a softie… but not made of glass… and I'm not scared of telling you what I think to your face. What I meant is that I know my place at the moment" Hans replied.
"In that case I'll have you know that I'm not afraid of your snarky mouth and jabs" I replied, although his comment on my ice powers did not go by unnoticed "Besides, I've kind of grown used to Skylynn and she is much more direct. I suppose you know that very well"
"If by 'direct' you mean 'insults you straight to your face and is not afraid of hurting your feelings', then yes, I know that. She's not a fan of tact when it comes to give people she cares about a wakeup call" he replied with a small smile.
"Well, then. Now that we've cleared things up. Finish that sentence" I said challenging him "You also wanted to thank me for keeping…?"
"For keeping Princess Anna on a leash" he replied with no hesitation. I don't know how I managed to, but I held back a small laugh, only allowing a small upward twitch of my lips to show as I try to look at him impassively.
"And I was going to compliment you on your taming skills…" I said feign offence. Hans was dumbstruck for a moment, before sporting a proud look.
"Oh… you know what? Thank you"
"Well, I didn't! I said I was going to" I replied making him laugh, a real genuine laugh.
"Still, my face is thankful" Hans said. I lightly shook my head.
"Anyway" I said turning back to him "Is that the way they teach you how to tame a horse in the Southern Isles?" I asked motioning towards the young stallion calmly walking beside Sapphire.
"No. Back in the Southern Isles they don't train horses, they break them" he replied patting the horse's neck "Willingly or not, the horses have to be trained in a certain time at a certain speed. What I did with this guy is self-taught. Horses are like people, you treat them well and respect them, they will be loyal to you and treat you the same way. If you mistreat and neglect them, they will have no regards to you, but will obey you out of fear… until they get to that breaking point and throw you off the saddle… from my experience, in a way, horses are better than people. With horses you're sure that respecting them they will be loyal and respect you back… but you can't say the same about people"
Look who's talking! Was my first thought.
"I know, my Queen: look who's talking!" he said and I restrained myself from looking at him with wide eyes "And you're right…" there was a moment of silence. I looked at his face, studying him. He was looking down at the yearling petting its mane. He looked deep in thought.
Never in a million years I would have thought to see Hans so… shaken by what he did. That man in front of me was like a huge shattered puzzle that in order to understand you needed to put together, but the more pieces you put together, the more the puzzle seemed to complicate. I'll never forget the way I looked at him for the first time, when he and Anna asked for my blessing for their marriage. I knew he had seen the silent question I was asking him with my eyes, when I told Anna she couldn't marry a man she just met: "What are you up to?".
I saw Hans as 'the nice guy', the handsome, charming, heroic prince. . I saw him as he who stopped me from becoming the monster everyone feared me to be. I saw him as the loyal soon-to-be-brother-in-law when he was the first to actually realize I really didn't know how to thaw the Eternal Winter. Then I was tricked like everyone else. After that I saw Hans as the heartless villain who humiliated and fooled my little sister, the ruthless murderer, the sadistic villain, the arrogant selfish cad, the beastlike prisoner. Once again, when I thought that I had finally figured out who he was, more pieces of the puzzle came up.
I saw Hans as a helpless prisoner, a neglected and abused younger brother. I saw him cry, I saw a man who had lost everything and had lost faith in everything. I never forgot about that conversation I overheard, where he told his sister about his real thoughts on Anna and I, he never thought of us as villains (on his side) and he always thought my powers were amazing and beautiful, not to mention that he actually referred to them as magic and not too long ago he referred to them as a gift.
I saw him remorseful and I saw him sincere when we had that first talk, when he looked at me in the eyes and said: "I'm sorry". He had saved my life more than once. Ever since I gave him that sort of 'promotion' and allowed him to leave the dungeons and not wear the shackles, I saw him as someone who was trying. Trying to get better. As I looked at him in that moment, I saw the same look he had when he told me he was sorry… but we didn't need to go back on that conversation again.
"Would you like to name him?" I asked him, abruptly changing the subject. Hans looked up at me like I had just spoken in the Ancient language.
"Name him?" he asked.
"This is the first horse you've tamed for my soldiers and it is thanks to him if you're now off the poop shoveling duty. Do you want to name him?" I replied. Hans looked at me with a face that was between smiling, confused and shocked.
"Uhm… sure… really? May I?" he asked.
"For this once, yes"
"Okay, uhm…" he looked thoughtful
"Not Bucephalus" I interjected before he got the idea "Anything but Bucephalus" Hans's lips formed into a small side smile
"Why not? It means 'ox-head', meaning 'strong and stubborn' like oxen" he replied.
"You're seriously asking me why not?" I said raising an eyebrow. Hans looked confused.
"Yes" Silence. I theatrically gave him a smug look.
"What a bucephalus!" I said like I had just insulted him. Hans remained confused for a moment, then his mouth shaped into an 'O' as he theatrically nodded his head, once it finally clicked.
"You're right. I'm a real bucephalus" he replied getting my joke, with a smile grazing his lips as he tried to stay serious. The small walk was about to end as Hans suggested names for the horse, only to settle with Arnost. Basically he was going to call him 'strong and stubborn' in another language, but I guess it fitted him. As we got back to the stables, Hans first got off the horse and put him back in its box, then he came back to me as I placed my hands on his shoulders and he placed his on my waist, he to helped me off mine. I knew this was necessary, because with a dress and a side-saddle sliding down wasn't the best of ideas and very unqueenly-like (unless you're Skylynn who wears a uniform, is athletic, rides bareback and, most of all, doesn't give a crap about what others think about her), but I still couldn't help bu
t feel awkward when I was so close to him, the same was for him, I could sense it.
As I was off the horse and Hans took a small step away from me, I expected him to give me his usual bow and go back to his duties, hurrying off. This time, though, he stood there and broke the silence.
"Thank you again, your Majesty" he said looking at me in the eyes "I mean it" To anyone it would look like something stupid. Like if he was making tending horses a big deal, but I knew better. It wasn't about being 'promoted' to horse trainer. It was about me defending him and giving him a chance to make up for his actions little by little.
"It's my duty, Hans" I replied "As queen, I need to be fair… to everyone" He didn't reply. He just looked down to his feet, breaking the eye contact, but a tiny smile was grazing his lips although he tried to hide it. The I remembered of my small delivery for him.
"Oh, and Hans" I started taking the envelope out of my riding gilet pocket "You've got mail. It's from Sky. I don't need to explain why it is addressed to me, do I?" I said handing him the letter. Hans shook his head chuckling.
"No, you don't" he replied, but the moment he went for the letter, his words regarding my powers came back to my mind.
"But I need to ask you something first" I said pulling the letter away. Hans looked at me slightly surprised, but nodded his head, ready to listen "Earlier, you called my powers a gift…"
"Yes, I did" he replied calmly, like it was the most natural thing in the world.
"But- why?" I just had to ask, it mattered to me a lot more than anyone could imagine. Hans remained silent for a moment looking at me like I had just asked the most obvious question in the world.
"Because they are" he replied simply. There was no trace of mockery or lie in his voice. Actually, he sounded like my question had surprised him. His reply though, was a shocker to me.
"After everything that's happened?!" was my reply "Yes, I'm getting the hang of it, but… with the Eternal Winter, you should see them as a curse!" I said incredulously.
"Only because you want it to be" he replied calmly. That caught me off guard. It took me a second to let his words sink in.
"Excuse me?" I said uncertainly.
"Your magic is a curse to you only because you want to see it like that" he explained, sincerity deep in his emerald eyes "I saw your ice palace. It's one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. I met your talking snowman at the stables. When he realized who I was, he tried to threaten me in case I tried to hurt either you or your sister, but he was actually really cute in his attempt. He made me think of a little boy confronting his mom's new boyfriend" I couldn't help but lower my eyes, and let a small giggle escape me. Oh, Olaf… "A curse doesn't create anything like that" he finished.
"And what about all the rest?" I asked.
"You lost control and it happens, even to ordinary people. This magic you have is part of who you are. You are the one who decides, not your powers, and they are what you see them as. I see them as a gift… what about you?" he said that in a soft voice, encouragingly. Part of me was screaming not to give in to his kind words, but when I searched in his features, in his eyes, there was no trace of lie. If anything, it seemed like he was trying to comfort me and help me accept who I am, because- who was I kidding?- if I was still afraid and insecure about my powers it was only because I was still afraid of myself.
After a long moment I raised my eyes back to meet his and handed him the letter.
"Thank you… for your answer" I said shyly. Hans gave me a small reassuring smile, gently taking the envelope from my hands. I bid my goodbyes to him and walked away, but when I got a few feet away, I couldn't help myself: I looked back to him as he walked Sapphire into the box, and found him glancing back at me. Caught in the act, we immediately looked away and went our separate ways.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Dear Skylynn,
thank you for keeping me updated with Storm's situation. Postponing the trial can be used to your advantage; the Supreme Council needs time to think and you can use that time to figure out a strategy and find the right words to convince them Storm is not a traitor. I'm not going to lie, I am worried about him, but I am also concerned about you. I can tell you're nervous and frustrated with the situation and I'm sure your father's presence doesn't help you relax. Storm is your friend and having to put aside your feelings and act as a neutral party can be hard and believe me, I know. I don't believe it is even entirely possible conceal your true feelings like that, but if there is one thing I know is that you can get him out of this situation, don't lose hope. You can do this.
Now, regarding the other problem, I understand you didn't have the time to speak with the Wessel ambassador and had to postpone that as well. I agree, I don't like this either. I remember that Weselton and Drakora have a recent bad history and considering what happened during the Eternal Winter, just like you said, I wouldn't be surprised if whatever it is they want involves Arendelle as well, especially now that we are allies. I know you have a lot on your mind, but I don't think you should keep them waiting too much, it would just give them time to study you and your kingdom. Don't give them that chance… and by "don't give them that chance" I don't mean "start planning assassinations"!
Okay, with that being said, I'd like to tell you a few things about Hans and his behavior.
Did I tell you that, a few days ago, my horse accidentally stepped on your brother's foot causing him a small limp? Don't worry. Today, while Hans was busy cleaning the library's high shelves, I noticed him being quite agile while quickly going up and down the ladder, meaning that he's perfectly fine. I also wanted to tell you that he accomplishes his duties in a rather attentive and passionate way. In fact, I noticed that sometimes he sneakily puts certain missing books back in place, it's adorable. Sometimes when he sees me immersed in my work and taking down notes, Hans remains still, perched up on the ladder, running through the pages of the library's rarest books. Last time, I suddenly raised my head and stared up at him and he quickly pretended to be dusting every page of that precious book, looking back at me as if he was doing something very important. I'm not going to lie, Sky, it is hard not to laugh.
This reminds me that the other day, there was an important dinner with the new ministers and Hans was told to serve the drinks for the evening and we had served one of our best champagnes. The more the ministers took the glasses away from his tray, the more Hans's eyes grew suffering. At some point he was left standing at the back of the room with one glass left on his tray, clearly fighting the urge of tasting it. The moment I was supposed to deliver a small speech, while all the ministers' eyes were on me, I saw Hans taking the last glass. The instant he was about to bring the glass to his lips, our eyes met and his face showed nothing but his confidence. He lifted up his glass and drank in my honor. He did it with such a natural aristocratic elegance, that I accepted his toast and didn't find it in me to have him arrested. For a moment, in that simple gesture, I saw the prince within him.
Naturally, I'm telling you this because I want you to know that his rehabilitation path is going well. He's still got a long way to go, but for the moment, his efforts won't be vain. Of course, I'm also only focusing on Hans's state to reassure you, as I am aware that you have a lot on your plate at the moment.
Thank you for your updates. Send Storm my regards and I wish you luck, to the both of you.
Take care
Elsa
Dear Elsa,
in case you're wondering, yes, I wrote back the moment your snowfalcon arrived. Storm's final hearing is in a couple of hours, I will update you as soon as I can. Fingers crossed, things will be fine.
You were right about three things, though. Yes, Prince Albert's presence stresses me out, I am nervous and I am frustrated, but it is not about hiding my friendship with Storm and being a neutral party. I am frustrated because the rigid tradition, values and juridical code in my kingdom are a double edged sword. Yes, concealing your true emotions is hard, impossible, but guess what:
you learn and even if you are good enough to fool everyone, something is always going to give away your façade.
To be neutral and to be efficient you need to be logical. The heart, instinct, emotions, they can give you an input, but it is your head that elaborates it to make it efficient and allow you to make difficult choices. I am nervous, because for the first time I have my hands tied and I'm learning how to manage the situation with the life of a dear friend at stake. I am frustrated because I have to think about my kingdom as well, because in a situation like this sentimentality is a weakness. My people knows that I want Storm's reintegration and rehabilitation, but if they think I'm doing this out of friendship and not out of justice, Storm and I are done. He will die and I will lose my credibility. I am frustrated because this outcome is not fair! It isn't fair that someone like Prince Albert gets off the hook and an innocent man dies after sacrificing his reputation to save someone! Regardless, I thank you for your encouragement. I haven't lost hope, nor was planning on it. I won't give up. Not now, not ever.
Now, I'll be brief regarding Weaseltown. Your advice came in a little late, I already took care of it, and by "took care of it" I mean that I unleashed Argos on them. Yes, Angel is the real diplomat, but her husband kills with kindness. The best tactic in war and diplomacy is making the enemy get very comfortable, because when you attack he won't be ready. Say one thing and mean another. Especially since I'll be 'finally' meeting the ambassador after Storm's final hearing.
I'm happy to hear that my big brother has such an attentive and observant guardian… it will be certainly helpful to his rehabilitation. Most of all, knowing that Hans secretly borrows books and drinks champagne locking eyes with you is definitely essential to my reassurance.
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