by V. Louro
* * *
Denise and Benjie closed the crew office window to the public and returned to their desks to continue with their other assignments. Amy was looking at her computer, working out rotations for the ship’s next turnaround which was approaching dangerously fast. She liked being organized and planning ahead; it made her life easier and she got everything done faster.
The piano tune Benjie played on his computer speakers gave Denise a shiver. He didn’t notice because his thoughts were far away in the Philippines, with his wife and the twins. It would be another three months before he could see his family again. Joel and Alex were growing fast. They were about to start school and dad wouldn’t be there to take them on their first day, to help them with homework or to play football on weekends. Dad was on a big white ship in the middle of the Pacific Ocean earning the money to send them to good schools so that one day the boys could be smart and educated. Maybe life wouldn’t be as hard for them. Perhaps in a few years’ time, when Joel and Alex were older, they would no longer have to fill diminished because they were born in the beautiful city of Cebu. In the future maybe Benjie’s sons could get a job and be paid the same salary as people from other countries that do the same job, despite their passports. If that ever happened, he would be sure that his sacrifices had been worth it and if it didn’t, then at least as a father, he had done the best he knew for his children and that had to count for something.
The next tune was a song that Denise knew very well, something that she used to play. The music made her feel like she had just swollen broken glass. Her hands automatically landed on the white desk and her fingers move softly, playing an imaginary piano. She closed her eyes for a moment, going back to the time when the ivory keys were a natural extension of her hands.
Her memory took her to the days when playing was the apex of her happiness. Everybody used to love listening to her music, Louis especially. He was her number one fan, always there to clap. Everything was so easy back then. And it was all over so quickly. In six months it was all gone, the piano, Louis…
“Denise, are you okay?” Benjie asked.
She woke up from daydreaming. “Yes, I’m all right.”
“You were playing on the table.” He observed.
“I guess I got carried away by the music.”
“Do you play piano?”
“I used to.”
“And you don’t play anymore?” He enquired.
“I haven’t played in a while.”
“Why?” He asked like that was the strangest thing she could possibly say.
“Long story. Nothing I want to remember right now.”
“If you can play, you should always play. Music is a gift. It makes people happy.”
Denise chuckled and his words kept repeating in her mind for a long time after the conversation was over. Music is a gift. Music is a gift... How could she have forgotten that?
Amy’s voice brought her back to reality a bit later. “I’m leaving. Are you staying in the office?”
“I’ll give it a few more minutes.”
“Are you still working?” Amy asked, looking at the computer screen where a screen saver displayed images of the Great Wall of China.
“No. I’m done with work but I have a few things I need to think about. It’s silent here, good place to think.”
“Sure. Don’t forget to turn on the alarm and lock the door when you leave,” she paused and brushed her hand on Denise’s shoulder, “and if you feel like talking about whatever is bothering you so much, I’m here for you.”
“Thanks Amy. You’re a great friend.”
Amy made her way forward and took the elevator up to deck 14. She inserted the keycard in the door of the cabin she shared with her husband: their little piece of home. Robert was working. Amy sat on the bed and looked outside. The sun was descending, giving the ocean a sheen liquid gold color.
For years Amy had tried to explain the reason why there was something about the ocean that she needed so much. It certainly had nothing to do with sunny beaches, snorkeling, diving or having a holiday house by the sea. It was that feeling of being on the edge of infinity not knowing what’s next.
However, it was Robert and not the deep blue waters that kept her onboard for longer than she had expected. It was getting hard to cope. Having to negotiate with head office all the time to make sure they could get on the same ship every contract, Robert extending his four month contract so he could stay longer and Amy having to shorten hers so they could have holidays together.
She moved to a chair by the window so she could get a better view of the outside. Amy felt very tired. Tired of the instability, tired of not knowing what tomorrow would bring, tired of never feeling at home, tired of not being able to do what she wanted when she wanted. She was well aware that all freedom is limited, but some freedoms are a lot more limited than others.
