by Nelson Lynch
glass down hard on the table. “Did you see that sorry idiot look down her nose at us?” She made no attempt to lower her voice. “She had her nose stuck so high in the air, she would drown if it was raining.”
The Baron nodded and kept on eating the steamed oysters. He washed the twelfth oyster down with a huge swallow of ale. “What are you going to do if she finds another pearl?” He spit a tiny bit of shell onto the floor.
Her face darkened as Cash came in with a heap of oysters in a wooden bowl. He positioned himself so that the Baron and Duchess would have a clear view of the oyster shucking. In a few seconds, he tossed the top shell on the floor and gave the bottom half to the Duchess. She gave a loud slurp and sucked it down.
“Did you see her suck that oyster down.” The Countess watched Cash give the Duchess another oyster. “I hope she chokes. I’ll do an autopsy and get my pearl back.”
On the fifth oyster, she frowned and chewed gently. She put her hand to her mouth and held something between thumb and forefinger. “Look Cash, another pearl. But it’s little and ugly, absolutely worthless.” She flipped something to the dark corner of the room.
Cash beat on his thigh with the oyster knife and gave a short giggle. “I didn’t quite get my eye on it but we are lucky tonight.” He quickly opened another oyster and handed it to the Duchess.”
The Countess leaned back in disbelief watching her eat another oyster. “She’s a lying bag of shit. That weren’t no pearl. It was a damm piece of shell. She’s just trying to fool us.”
Cash kept shucking and giggling. Finally he shucked the last oyster and handed it to the Duchess. The Duchess inspected it carefully and then in a quick motion she loudly slurped it down.
The Duchess leaned back and rubbed her stomach. “Those were mighty tasty, Mr. Cash. Here a dime for your good work.” She stood and stretched. “I’m full and tired. I think I’ll turn in.” She held out her hand. “Will you escort me to the barn? I don’t want to get lost in the moonlight.”
Cash did five seconds of soft shoe shuffle on the dirty floor. Then he opened the door and the Duchess followed him outside.
“Did you see her wiggle her hips going out the door?” The Countess slammed her empty glass on the table and yelled for Joanna. “Innkeeper, bring us two more ales and the evening meal.”
Joanna stuck her head in from the kitchen. “It’ll be ready in five minutes.”
“Whoa,” the Countess yelled before Joanna could return to the kitchen. “Who is out in the barn other than that lowlife?” She pointed at the empty table and mound of oyster shells.
Joanna stared at the shells for a moment and then looked at the Baron. “Not a soul. The barn is completely empty except for the Duchess.” She smiled broadly at the Baron.
After dinner, the Baron lit a long black cigar and blew a cloud of blue smoke toward the ceiling. “I think I’ll turn in after this cigar. Who knows what adventures are waiting out in the barn?” He stopped as two blue clad soldiers entered.
“Innkeeper, two shots of your best brandy for your revolutionary soldiers.” The taller one nodded at Joanna. “The brandy first and then directions to Berlin. We are in a hurry. We have some food for the garrison stationed there.” The soldiers watched Joanna pour the drinks and downed them in a second. They followed Joanna outside for directions.
Twenty minutes later, the Baron threw the cigar butt on the floor and ground it out with his bare heel. He grinned at the Countess. “I think I’ll turn in. We got a hard day of riding tomorrow.” He wiped his sweaty palms on the coattail. “I think I can find the barn. I don’t need an escort.” He strode out the door carrying his boots under his arm while the Countess walked to her room.
The next morning the Baron walked slowly into the Inn for an early breakfast. The Countess was already having a cup of coffee.
He sat opposite her and held his head. “I’m tired. I don’t know if we can make it to Crisfield by nightfall. We may have to stay over in Princess Anne.”
“What were you doing out in the barn?” She hesitated and grinned widely. “Did you get together with that little thief?” She glanced around the empty room and still lowered her voice. “How was she? I hope you screwed the living hell out of her. I want to see her crawl in here for breakfast.”
“She was hot to trot. Every time I was ready to go to sleep, she wanted to go again. At four o’clock this morning she woke me up and was ready to go. She couldn’t get enough.” He smiled and leaned back as Joanna set a hot cup of coffee on the table. He took a quick sip and waved his hand in dismissal at Joanna. He frowned as Joanna stood there with her hand outstretched, palm up. “We’ll pay for breakfast before we leave. I want three eggs, over hard and four rashers of bacon.” Joanna stood there with her hand out. “What in the hell do you want?”
“Three dollars. You owe the woman three dollars.” Joanna grinned widely and winked. “The woman said you wanted to go all night. There was no satisfying you. You were like a bull in rut. So it will be three dollars now. She has to leave.”
“I thought it was free. Why should I pay for something free?” He paused for a few seconds. “How about one dollar and we call everything square?”
“It’s three dollars or her brothers will break both of your kneecaps among other things. Three dollars, right now.”
“Pay the woman. You enjoyed the little twit.” The Countess grinned. “Just chalk it up as a bad investment.”
The Baron reluctantly peeled off three dollars and handed them to Joanna. “Tell her I’m very disappointed. I was in love.” He laughed and slapped the table.
An older snaggle-toothed woman came in and served the Countess a platter of eggs and scrapple. Joanna handed her the three dollars. She smiled, giggled and nodded at the Baron.
The Baron frowned as the small woman went into the kitchen. “Why did you give that old woman my three dollars?”
A perplexed look appeared on Joanna face. “What do you mean? That is who you were with in the barn last night.”
“Her!” The Baron stood. “I was with the Duchess all night in the barn.”
Joanna kept shaking her head. “What ever gave you that idea? The Duchess left with the two soldiers before you ever went to the barn.”
The Baron collapsed to his bench and the Countess began to laugh.
###
