All I can do is be honest with him. He won’t believe me now but hopefully one day the words will sink in.
“I don’t want anything from you. I’m doing this because freedom is a right.”
I turn and walk away, feeling his eyes burning into my back. I’m going to win Jack’s trust. I’m going to show him that there’s good in this world.
I’m itching to go see what Jack did with the new supplies Colby and Ian got him this morning. I hope they got everything he asked for.
I’ve asked Jack if we can meet in the kitchen before dinner. I know Miss Ella and Sophia will be busy cooking then. I’m taking a chance and it might be too soon, but Jack needs to see what a normal household is like. I’m hoping make him feel more at ease around people.
He doesn’t say anything as he walks through the kitchen, disappearing up the stairs. I bite my lip and take a seat at the table.
“Give him time,” Miss Ella whispers, not looking up from where she’s busy stirring the gravy.
My eyes are glued to the door. I try to force them away, but only succeed for a few seconds, before they find their way back. I need to be careful around Jack, not because he’s wild and damaged, but because he’s making me feel something I’m not quite comfortable feeling. The first few days, I wrote it off as worry.
But if I’m honest with myself, I’ve always left the nurturing part to Miss Ella. I never get too close to any of the people here, besides Tristan, Adam and Miss Ella.
It’s easy being celibate if you’re not interest in any of the men around you. That’s why I have to be careful around Jack. He’s too attractive. He’s a deadly combination of man and beast.
I hear footsteps and I fight a losing battle to tear my eyes away from the doorway. He comes into view and my heart flutters. His dark hair is still wet from the shower. The white shirt spans tightly across his chest, and the jeans are a perfect fit.
He’s so beautiful it actually hurts to look at him. I quickly lower my eyes, before anyone notices the turmoil inside of me.
He takes hold of the chair next to me, and pulls it a few inches away, before sitting down.
I swallow hard, making sure my emotions are under control, when I say, “It will be good for you if you spend a little time around people every day. You don’t need to interact with any of us, just sit with us before dinner.”
He doesn’t say anything in response, and I have to admit that his silence bothers me.
A few minutes tick by, and then he leans forward, placing his elbows on the table. I let my eyes drift over his powerful strong arms, noticing that he’s healing fast. His hands are loosely clasped together. I notice a blister and lean forward. Being careful, I reach out and take hold of his left hand. Instantly, he tenses, closing his hand into a tight first.
“Let me see,” I whisper, gently prying his strong fingers open. His hand is covered in blisters.
I get up and go get one of the first aid kits. I place the kit on the table and then pull my chair closer to Jack. Sitting down, I open the kit, taking everything out I’ll need to fix him up.
Gently, I let the back of his hand rest on the table, and then I lean over his arm as I start to clean the area around each blister.
We sit in silence as I work on his hands. I’m just thankful he’s allowing me to touch him.
“Ten minutes to dinner time,” Miss Ella says from behind the pots.
When I’m finished, I slowly look up at Jack. I have so many questions I want to ask him. His eyes meet mine, and I feel the impact of them all the way to my abdomen.
“What’s your last name?” I ask one of the many questions I have, trying to distract myself from the unwelcome feelings.
“Hawkins.”
My lips part with shock, and I frown, feeling more confused than ever.
“But that’s Cameron’s last name.”
Jack’s whole body tightens up, and the tension floods back through him.
“He was married to my mother,” he says with a dark undertone.
“Is he your step father?”
Jack moves so quickly that I flinch away from him with fright. He stalks out of the kitchen, and I stare after him, feeling a tendril of fear slip down my spine. If he’s Cameron’s son, the man might come looking for him.
Suddenly, Sophia says, “Jack’s mom died when he was young. One of the masters killed her.”
Sophia stares at the door and into the night.
“Cameron married her when Jack was still a baby. She was so beautiful. Jack takes after her.”
I sit frozen, scared that any movement will stop Sophia from telling us more. Sophia lowers her eyes and she takes a shaky breath.
“He did it all for David. He promised his mom that he would look after David.”
“David?” I whisper, encouraging her to keep going.
“David is Jack’s brother.”
The new information hits me in the gut like a ten ton hammer.
“Jack has a brother?” I get up, feeling a wave of panic hit. “Are you telling me we left Jack’s brother back there?”
Sophia cringes back and quickly shakes her head. “No.” Fear and despair flash over her face.
Scared that she’ll close up, I move around the table and with a shaking hand, I brush some of her silky blond hair away from her face.
“It’s okay. You’re safe now but I need to know more.”
She wrings her hands together. “David was my master. Jack got angry when he saw us together.”
Now, I’m more confused than ever.
“I don’t understand. Is David Jack’s younger brother?”
“Yes.” A sad look crosses Sophia’s face. “He’ll kill me if he finds out that I knew David was like Cameron all along. Jack held out for David. They made him believe that he was protecting his brother so they could manipulate him to do anything they wanted from him.” Her eyes dart to mine and I can almost taste her fear. “I had to do what my masters told me. I couldn’t warn Jack.”
Fuck my soul. I can’t believe what I’m hearing but it all makes sense. That’s the control Cameron had over Jack. He must’ve threatened Jack with David’s life, forcing him to be a slave.
I cover my mouth with a trembling hand as my heart breaks for Jack. That kind of deceit is enough to break anyone.
I need to see if he’s okay.
“Will you keep two plates for us, Miss Ella? I’m going to go check on him.”
I rush out the back door and head in the direction of the chapel. I’m not so sure that I can do anything to help Jack, but I have to try.
Jack~
Anger suffocates me until I’m gasping for air. I’ve managed to switch off in some way over the past few days, but it’s all gone to shit.
David.
The name burns through my soul. It’s shredding me to fucking pieces. One moment, I’m being sucked under in a current of rage by being betrayed by David, while the next, I’m beaten down by the thought that I failed him.
When I reach the chapel, I take a seat on one of the benches. The trees cast dark shadows around me.
David was my life for so long. He was the reason I let those filthy fuckers touch me. I’ll never forget his last words to me. ‘No use in pretending anymore.’
It was never pretend for me. It was brutally real. It was a soul-crushing reality I was forced to face every day.
He was working with Cameron all along. They let me believe that David was being sheltered from that perverted life. Instead, he is just another fucked-up version of Cameron.
“Jack?” River sounds cautious and she should be. If she knew what was good for her, she’d back off and let me be.
I hear her come closer and another wave of anger surges through me.
“Stay away from me,” I growl darkly.
She stops somewhere behind me and then she whispers, “Sophia told me about David. I’m so sorry, Jack.”
“She had no right,” I hiss under my breath.
“What
they did to you -” she sucks in a deep breath. “I’m so sorry, Jack.”
“You said that already!” I stand up and swing around. I stalk to where she’s standing, and I tower over her. I need to let go of this consuming anger and hatred. “You pretend to be fucking different. You pretend just like Cameron and David pretended.” I suck in some air before hissing, “You are just like them.”
She folds her arms around herself, as if she’s trying to protect herself from my words.
“I’m not,” she whispers, lightly shaking her head. “I am nothing like those monsters. Never compare me to them.”
I take another step closer. She tilts her head back and her eyes lock with mine. I frown when I see the fear on her face. She’s scared of me? It must be an act to let me lower my guard.
I lean down until I feel her breath bursting over my neck. I grind the words out. “You are just like them. You must think I’m fucking stupid. Your kind disgusts me. You would fuck me in a heartbeat.”
She brings a trembling hand to her mouth and suck in a sharp breath. I wait for her to try and hit me, but instead, she spins around and walks away from me.
“I’m not doing this with you. You’re looking for a fight with the wrong person.”
She takes a few steps, but then swings around again. She stalks back and I brace myself for a fight.
When she’s right in front of me, she looks up again and this time there is pain all over her face.
“I’m nothing like Cameron.” Her voice cracks with emotion. “I was thirteen when my mother was sold. She’s somewhere out there and I can’t find her. It kills me a little every day.”
She points to the bonsai trees I planted today.
“Those plants were bought with the money my father made off his slaves. I grew up seeing people being raped and beaten every single day.”
My chest starts to feel tight and her words hit hard. I clench my hands at my sides, feeling totally off balance.
She takes a shaky breath and then a tear spills over her cheek.
“I’ve never raped someone. I’ve never beaten someone. I use the money my father made from those poor souls to save people,” She whispers.
She sounds broken and it makes me uneasy.
“I’m not like them.”
River turns away from me and this time she walks away without saying another word.
I frown as I watch her go, trying to make sense of what I’m feeling. It’s not anger or disgust. It’s a different kind of shame.
I can’t sleep. With the lights off, I stand in front of the window staring into the dark night. I’m trying to process everything River told me earlier.
I try to make sense of the guilt I feel.
Movement in the garden catches my eye. River. I need to do something to make up for earlier. I’ve hurt people before, but every single one of them deserved it.
I watch her figure until she’s out of sight.
I’ve never hurt someone that hasn’t hurt me first, and it feels wrong. This time I was wrong.
I turn around and walk out of the room. Once outside, I walk in the direction I saw River last.
I check the chapel but she’s not there. I finally find her sitting on the stretch of sand by the river’s edge.
She draws her legs up, and rests her chin on her knees. She looks so small, sitting alone in the dark.
“I was fourteen,” she suddenly whispers. “I made the choice of having sex with one of the stable boys. I knew it would only be a matter of time before father sold me.”
I walk closer and then sit down next to her.
“My first time was awful, and it hurt. We didn’t know what we were doing. But none of that mattered. I just wanted to get rid of my virginity.”
She starts to draw circles in the sand, while she stares out over the water.
“He found out. He was so angry. He made us have sex again. It was horrible. He stood there watching. I’ve never felt so degraded in my life, and then as the boy came, my father shot him in the back of the head. There was blood everywhere. I felt him die.”
She wipes tiredly over her eyes.
“Because of me, that boy died.”
Her father betrayed her like David betrayed me. I now understand her a little better.
We both just sit and stare into the night. A lot has been said between us. Although, it feels like I’ve connected with her in some way, it doesn’t mean I trust her.
The next day, I spend the day working down by the chapel. I like being alone out here.
When I need more manure for the plants, I grab the wheelbarrow, slowly walking to where the cattle are.
I shovel some into the wheelbarrow, but then I hear a familiar sound that makes my skin crawl. It’s coming from the building to my right.
I walk closer but stop in the doorway. I feel chilled to the bone as my eyes sweep through the building. There’s lots of hay everywhere. A moan makes my eyes dart up, and then I see them.
At first, shock ripples through me. I was starting to trust my surroundings, and seeing them fucking shatters that trust to fucking hell.
I’m just about to turn around when the man caresses the woman’s cheek. My lips part as he kisses her. I’ve never seen something like that before. It’s tender, not brutal and forced.
The longer I stare at them, the more I release that what they are doing is different from what I’m used to. There’s no anger, no aggression.
I watch as their bodies move together, their caresses gentle.
When they find their release, he doesn’t get up and dismiss her like a piece of trash. Instead, holds her. They whisper and laugh together.
Feeling shaken, I leave before they see me. I’ve seen many have sex before, but never in my life have I seen something like that. It actually feels like I’ve intruded on something private.
Trying to understand what I saw, I go back to shoveling manure into the wheelbarrow. I go about my day, but no matter how hard I work, the couple is constantly in my thoughts.
When I clean up, I still haven’t made sense of what I witnessed earlier this morning. I sit down for dinner, absorbed in my thoughts, when the couple from the barn comes in. They’re holding hands, the same way River held my hand the night she paid for me.
Once they’ve left the kitchen, I relax and start to eat my food.
“How was your day?” River asks as she takes the seat next to me.
She asked me the same question yesterday as well.
“The same as yesterday,” I say, feeling a little irritated.
She laughs and then says, “I know you did gardening, but I’d like to know what you planted, or which part of the garden you worked on.”
Part of me wants to ignore her. It’s easier to keep quiet, people forget about you then. But a bigger part of me wants answers.
River’s eyes go over my face and she frowns, looking worried. “What happened, Jack?”
“I saw a couple fucking.”
I watch as shock ripples over her face. It’s been almost two weeks, and still her reaction to things surprises me.
“Did it upset you?” she asks. I can hear the hesitation, as if she’s scared to upset me even further.
“No,” I answer honestly. “I’m not sure what to make of it. It was different to what I’m used to seeing.”
My eyes go to her hand, and I ask, “Why did you hold my hand that night you paid for me?”
She picks up her glass of water and takes a sip.
“I don’t know,” she answers. “I guess it felt normal. I just wanted to get you away from that woman. I was upset and not thinking straight.”
She looks away, drawing patterns on the table.
“Why were you upset?”
My plate of food lies forgotten in front of me.
She sits back in her chair and then her eyes find mine again.
“It’s heartbreaking to see so many people being abused, and knowing I can’t save them all. I was angry at what that old woman
was doing to you.”
I stare at the table as I process her words. No one has ever been upset for me. No one has cared.
“I’m glad she didn’t get her way, though,” River says.
It feels like the walls are starting to close in on me. I get up and before I walk away, I whisper, “She did.”
The night is warm as I walk towards the chapel. The old familiar rage and disgust swirls in my chest
When I reach the chapel, I just stand in the middle of the clearing, feeling lost and out of place.
I hear footsteps behind me, and just like River did the other night, I start to talk. “It feels like I’m being torn apart piece by piece. I can’t control the rage and disgust. They’ve taken so much of me, there’s not enough left to make something of.”
She stops right behind me and I can hear her breathing.
“It’s not your fault, Jack. None of what happened to you was your fault.”
“It was the one thing they couldn’t get from me. It was the only way I could fight. As long as they didn’t get any response from me, it felt like I was in control. But that night …”
My body starts to tremble for having to restrain myself. I’d give anything for a chance to kill them. Revenge is the only thing that can restore some kind of balance in my life.
“What night?” River walks around me and comes to stand in front of me. Her face is pale and her eyes are dark with worry.
Physically, I’m so much stronger than her, but for some reason it feels like she’s the one keeping me standing.
“The night it all went to hell. Westbrook had bought me that Saturday night.” I shake my head, feeling sickened to the pit of my stomach by the memory of that night.
River covers her mouth and I watch as a look of horror widens her eyes.
She shakes her head and then whispers, “Did she use those bands on you?”
I look away over her head not wanting to put in words what was done to me.
“I’m so sorry,” River whispers tearfully. I glance down at her, watching a tear rolls down her cheek.
“Why are you crying?”
Damaged: The Complete Set Including DIRTY and FILTHY: A Dark Romance (The Damage Romance Box Set) Page 8
