by L. V. Lewis
“Very well, dear.” She moves away from Malik and sits in the chair closest to me. “I want you to know that everything I’ve ever done has been to benefit you.”
There’s no doubt in my mind she believes this. I want to tell her that many of her decisions benefited her, too, but I hold my tongue.
She looks at me as if expecting me to thank her for doing things in my interest, but I don’t say a word. She continues when she realizes she won’t be getting any thanks from me.
“I hired someone to put a rift between you and Brody,” she says.
I shake my head. “I knew you wouldn’t be able to let it go,” I say. “What did you do this time, Mother? Who the hell did you hire?”
She looks around at everyone, almost as if she expects Brody to react, before turning back to me. “I hired Stephen Heart.”
“What?” This question is echoed by Brody and Alyssa along with me. “You hired Kim Heart’s brother?” I ask. “He’s the one behind all this?”
“Why the hell would you bring him into this?” Brody asks.
“The history between you two is public record. That’s why I flew the band to Minneapolis.”
“You’re the reason they were at the charity event,” Brody says. “I should have known that wasn’t a coincidence.”
“I was there and watched how you interacted with your former band. He’s the one who you seemed to have the most tension with, so I paid him to get rid of you. I figured why not go to someone who knows about your past. As it turned out, he was already game to punish you in some way. He also had a reason to get back at you, since he saw...his sister’s death as your fault.”
“You know nothing about Kim or my past,” Brody says. “Reading those gossip rags doesn’t mean you know me.”
“I was doing what I could to protect my daughter from you, but that was before...”
“Before what?” I ask.
“Stephen was just supposed to get Brody out of the way, but I realized something wasn’t right when he tried to hurt you, too. I decided to do more research on him, and I found out he’s been seeing a psychiatrist for mental issues.”
“How would you know something like that?” I ask.
“Don’t forget that money can buy almost anything, Skylar.”
“Of course. You bribed his doctor, didn’t you?”
“More like his psychiatrist’s secretary. Turns out Stephen suffers from Schizophrenia. That may be causing him to act out so irrationally.”
“Gee, you think?” Alyssa asks with a snarky tone.
“What did you tell him to do exactly?” Brody says.
“I told him that I didn’t want any details. I didn’t know he was going to do anything dangerous or put my daughter at risk. If I had, I would have done something to stop him. Skylar is too important to me to let anything happen to her, especially by some wannabe rock star.”
I notice she says this and stares hard at Brody, as if he’s the one who climbed the scaffold and loosened the light fixtures himself.
“You must have known on some level,” he says, “because you asked him not to give you details. That way you wouldn’t know anything when people asked you questions about him.”
“Is that true?” I ask, hoping he’s wrong. “You didn’t want to know and didn’t care what he’d do to Brody?”
She hesitates, and that tells me everything I need to know.
“That’s a cold bitch move,” Alyssa says. “Even for you.”
“A good mother will do anything to protect her child,” she says back. Her tone says that she would do it again in a heartbeat, and learning that about her scares me more than anything.
“It sounds like I need protection from you. Not Brody,” I say. I can feel my eyes watering up, but I won’t cry in front of her. She always thought that showed weakness, and I need to be strong for what I have to do next.
“You act like I’m the enemy here, Skylar. I’m your mother, for Christ’s sake.”
“No! Alyssa and I could have died after the guy you paid messed with that light fixture. You. Not Brody. My life was threatened because of you.”
“There was a change in your performance that night,” my mother says. “He probably thought Brody would be singing with you instead of Alyssa.”
I can’t close my mouth from the shock of hearing what’s coming out of hers. “You can’t be serious.”
“I am being serious and reasonable. It’s not my fault Stephen wants to see him suffer for killing that girl.”
I see the words stab Brody as if it were a physical knife powered by her words. Enough is enough. I have to be strong for him and for me.
“You don’t get it, do you?” I say to her. “It doesn’t matter who was performing. What you did, what Stephen did is criminal and far from reasonable! Brody saved us that night. Do you hear me? The man you hate saved your daughter from the crazy shit you pulled! From what you’ve told us, Stephen needs help when he’s found and maybe you do, too.”
“Skylar!” she cries and tries to touch me, but I move out of her reach and closer to the three other people who actually care about me and have actually shown me that.
I never thought she could go this far. She’s so obsessed with protecting me from Brody that she can’t even see what she has done as wrong. She could go to jail, but seeing her in handcuffs would destroy me. There’s only one thing I can do now to protect the people I love from her control.
“Malik, escort my mother out, and make sure she’s completely off the premises.” I stare at her. “I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for this. Until I do and can trust you again, I don’t want to see you at all. If I do, I’ll call the police.”
“You wouldn’t do that!” she says, sounding horrified.
“After this crazy shit you’ve pulled, I definitely would. You need to get a life, Mother, because you’re no longer welcome in mine.”
I turn around and Brody is right there to comfort me with Alyssa. My heart would split into pieces if they weren’t there to back me up, to be the rocks I need to finally detach myself from my mother’s hold on me. I hear my mother arguing, but I block it out until the sound of the door opening and closing fills the room, and she’s on the other side of that locked door.
“Don’t worry, Sky,” Alyssa says. “We’re here for you.” She pats my arm to try to comfort me.
I nod before burying my face into Brody’s chest. There is strength in his embrace that I need to lean on until I can recover and find myself again. I don’t realize I’m crying until I hear my sobs.
“Alyssa’s right,” Brody says. “We’ve got you, and we’re not going anywhere. I won’t let go until you tell me to.”
I realize that I never want him to, and there’s a comfort in knowing that, too.
Twelve
Miami, Florida
Hard Rock Stadium
BRODY
Sky’s mother is psychotic. I don’t know any other word to describe it. Alyssa actually calls her a psychotic bitch, but I’m trying to be respectful, something the woman has never been to me. Then again, Alyssa can get away with a lot. I’m just happy she’s helping me keep Sky happy with her jokes about it.
In the process of trying to hurt me, Sky’s mother nearly tore her daughter in two. I get her reasons for wanting to protect Sky, but her ways of doing it need drastic improvement.
Sky has proven over and over again that she’s not a child. She’s the business smart and talented woman I’ve fallen in love with, which is why seeing her spiral into her own darkness is killing me.
Every night since her mother’s visit in Detroit, Sky has been tossing and turning in her sleep. The smile I worked so hard to give her is gone again thanks to the woman who calls herself Sky’s family.
At least the cryptic messages and craziness are starting to make sense to me. Stephen Heart has always blamed me for Kimberly, first for her addiction and then for her death. He and his family hate me. They used to always tell me Kim deserved bet
ter, and I never denied it. I loved her too much to give her up, and she loved me too much to leave. It was an addictive love all along and not the healthy kind.
With Sky, I realize what healthy love is supposed to look like, but now that Stephen has been thrown at us, I still wonder if I deserve her. She’s too good for me in all the ways that make her absolutely amazing.
When I get like this is when I usually crave a hit. A hard drink other than beer or something stronger seems like it would do the trick. I’m not always teetering so close to that edge, but with all the crazy nonsense I’ve been dealing with and the past coming back to haunt me, I’m craving something. Almost anything feels like it would be amazing once it hits my system and all will be right with the world.
I can’t fall off the ledge, no matter how narrow it may be. Not when Sky needs me now more than ever. I keep waiting to let her down, to repeat the cycle of what I did to Kim. That’s a major reason why she couldn’t see that video. If she knew how horrible I could be, she’d get a clear view of my own darkness, things that I regret doing with every ounce of my soul.
She asked me if I ever hit Kim, and I was honest with her. Not once did I put a single hand on her, but I was verbally abusive. We both were. We’d fight and scream until the drugs were the only thing that we could relate to anymore.
Maybe our relationship would have ended one way or another. We were always too dependent on each other for it not to. It’s one of the reasons why I fell for Sky. She’s independent when she has to be, but I still feel needed by her even after all she can do by herself. It all balances out somehow into a healthy union.
I’ve become a little paranoid since finding out Sky’s mother was behind Stephen’s antics. I watch each performance from beginning to end without fail, hoping and praying nothing else goes wrong. I know Stephen needs professional help, but if anything happens to Sky or Alyssa, I’m going to give him the showdown he wants, whether he has complete mental capacity or not. I won’t lose my woman or her best friend just because he’s holding on to a grudge. Their lives are worth more than that.
Malik has extra security in place throughout the stadium. He found out that Sky’s mother paid some staff members off, which is how Stephen got past security to reach the dressing rooms before. Sky fired them all, and Malik made sure his team knew not to let them anywhere near Sky or the remaining concert locations.
Sky has a promo appearance at one of Miami’s popular night clubs right after the show. I tried to convince her to cancel it, but she’s having none of it. She refuses to let fear dictate how she finishes up this last leg of the tour. It made me proud of her, but I’m still scared shitless of her being around so many people at the club.
I’m anxious with the Miami venue being wide open, even though she’s performed in many similar places before. It feels like I have less control over what happens this time. I’m fidgeting more than usual and pacing back and forth. I know I’m even making the backstage staff nervous.
I let Malik know that I’m going to Sky’s dressing room so I can calm myself down, and I feel better knowing he’s got all sides covered. It’s been days since Stephen has done anything, so maybe I’m all worked up over nothing. I just can’t shake the sensation that something bad will happen.
I get back to her dressing room, and it’s a comfort to be able to see her on the closed circuit television screens back there. At least I can keep an eye on her without driving everyone else insane.
My eyes glance over and spot a gift wrapped box that wasn’t there before Sky went out on stage. It’s small enough to fit in the palm of my hand, and it has a name tag addressed to me. I don’t have to open it to know this is somehow Stephen’s doing.
The first thing I do is call Malik to let him know, and to tell him to do another check of the building. Stephen has to be nearby if this is here. A good thirty minutes pass before I get an all clear from Malik.
I put the box in my pocket to keep Sky from seeing it. The last thing she needs is another thing to worry about. I know I have to tell her, but I figure it would be best to wait until the tour is over. There’s only one more week left and one last venue before we’re back in California.
I try to wait patiently for Sky to finish. The box in my pocket feels like it’s getting heavier by the second. I’m curious to see what the fuck it is. Crazy ideas fill my head, until I’m forced to pull it back out.
When I open the box, I feel my lungs tighten. I stare at the contents for what feels like forever. I am acutely aware of the blood rushing through my veins as I take in the little baggie of heroin. It’s a small bag but large enough to get a recovering addict back on hardcore drugs again.
Stephen’s note is in the lid, but I only notice it after staring at the heroin for what feels like hours. I unfold the paper to read it silently.
You were always looking for the next high, Savage. Even my sister wasn’t good enough for you. Here’s your chance to prove how selfish you are…how selfish I’ve always known you to be. Take this and fall back into the gutter where you belong. If you don’t take it, I’ll make sure your new girl sees you for the asshole that you are on that video. You know how it ends. Maybe she should, too. You have until Sky’s next concert to decide.
Although it’s him, he still signs the note as Kim would—her signature in her lipstick inside a heart, which only angers me more. He claims to be doing this in the name of his sister, but all he’s doing is ruining the memory of her. I may have been her pathway to the dark side, but her demons were as alive and active as my own. Nothing I could have said or done would’ve kept her from following me into the abyss of addiction.
I’m given two choices: fall back into my addiction or fall back from Sky when she sees that tape. Even drug retreats, Narcotics Anonymous, and my sponsor don’t feel like enough preparation for the little baggie staring back at me.
It takes Sky’s voice to pull me out of my trance. I glance back up at the screen to see her and Alyssa performing the final song. I close the box and shove it back in my pocket. I need a drink, and somehow I don’t think beer is going to cut it this time.
“Are you sure you’re feeling okay?” Sky asks me as we get ready to go to the club.
“Yeah. I’m fine,” I say. I still feel a little buzzed from drinking a few of the airplane-sized vodka bottles that were in our suite. I snuck in a few while Sky showered, and now things feel less heavy and more like a smoky haze I have to wade through. “Why do you keep asking me that?”
“I don’t know,” she says. “You don’t seem like yourself.”
When she looks at me, all I want to do is come clean about everything. Not just the tapes or that I’ve been drinking, but about my entire past being on that video in the span of minutes. I know if she sees what it was like between Kim and me on that video that she’ll never be able to look at me the same way again,
“I’m good,” I tell her. “We better go. Don’t want to keep the club owner and fans waiting. Tonight is a big night.”
She watches me closely, and I run my hands through my hair during her scrutiny.
“That must be it,” she says.
“What?” I ask, staring into those curious green eyes that say so much with just one look. Does she know everything by staring at me? If so, she doesn’t say it, and it makes me feel like shit that I could be worrying her more than she needs to be.
“You’re wearing your hair down.”
“You don’t like it?” I felt so constrained with it pulled back, like that one tie held everything back so tight that I couldn’t come up for air, so I ditched the damn thing altogether.
“I didn’t say that. It’s just a different look for you.” She tilts her head. “I like you like this.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. You seem a lot more…relaxed, I guess. It’s a nice change.”
“I feel relaxed. Now, let’s head out before Alyssa beats down our door.” I hold my arm out to her.
“Yes, sir,” she says with a
grin as she takes my arm.
The club reflects the Miami aesthetic with neon colors throughout. It still had the darkened club vibe, but the lights liven it up. It’s packed wall to wall with people.
Sky’s bombarded as soon as we enter. Everyone either wants to talk to her or get an autograph. Malik and his team do their best to keep some at a distance, so she’s not overwhelmed by the attention.
I stay close to her, too. As if doing so will keep me from going into my pocket and pulling out the contents of my worst nightmare. She’s my anchor; even if she doesn’t know it.
The owner finally comes to greet us and asks Sky to join the DJ on stage for one song. She looks at me as if waiting for me to grant her permission to leave my side.
Maybe my desperation wasn’t subtle after all. I hate letting her go, but this is a great opportunity for her to be the center of attention.
“You should do it,” I say over the music. “This is what you’re here for. You may even be able to collaborate with some DJs on the next album. Might as well start now.”
She nods in agreement. “What about you?”
I give her a kiss, hoping it reassures her. “I’ll be fine, Sky. Go show them what you’re made of.”
The owner whisks her away to prepare for the next song, while I make my way to the bar.
“Vodka straight up,” I tell the bartender, “and keep them coming.” I hand him my card to start a tab.
He nods and takes it. When my drink arrives, I stare at it for a long time. My hand feels the loaded box in my pocket, and I decide to go with the lesser evil.
I down two shots by the time Sky hits the stage, but the craving I’m feeling isn’t satiated. If I had Sky next to me, I’d take her in the bathroom and fuck out my frustration until we were both satisfied, but I had to let her go and do what she was born to do. What I used to be born to do, too, until it nearly destroyed me.
I move away from the bar and head to the bathroom. I throw cold water on my face, hoping it’ll shock some sense into me.
