by Ella Edon
Jane found herself bristling. Anthony was known to be over-protective of her, but this was too much. She was not a child anymore.
Robert let out a heavy sigh. “I think you’re being overdramatic, Anthony. Jane’s been foolish lately, but she knows her limits.”
“No, she doesn’t.” Anthony snorted. “She went past her limit when she decided that she was going to have Viscount Harrison as her own no matter what.”
“She didn’t go through with it. She stopped.”
“So, what? She still doesn’t know her limit. Seeing as she was out there alone with Mr. Harrison when Miss White was found…”
Robert burst out laughing. “You’re thinking those two were having a romantic interlude? In this weather? Don’t be ridiculous, Anthony. You’re looking for something that isn’t there.”
There was the sound of fast footsteps. Someone was pacing around the library. Jane took hold of the doorknob and gently eased it open. Through the gap, she could see Anthony practically circling the hearth rug. Robert was sitting on the couch with his back to her.
Anthony waved his arms around dramatically.
“Mr. Harrison is the nephew of Elizabeth’s husband. Maybe Jane wants to get as close to the Viscount as she can, and Harrison’s primed for it. He sees Jane as someone to conquer.”
Robert sighed.
“Look, you’re being over the top. Even Alexander Harrison knows where to draw the line. He wouldn’t be so disrespectful to do that in our home. Besides,” he added wryly. “If he wanted to bed Jane, he would have done it by now long before they got here.”
“He’s not been given the chance,” Anthony growled. “I saw the way he looked at her last night. He desires her, and he’s going to have her. But not if I have anything to do with it.”
He actually thought Alexander desired her? Before, Jane might have scoffed at that, but after spending time with Alexander, she was beginning to wonder. Was that what he meant out in the gardens? Did he find her dangerous because he couldn’t touch her?
“You’re not her keeper, Anthony, and Jane will not be happy that you’re treating her like a child.”
“Someone needs to be her keeper. Father’s got enough to worry about.” Anthony gestured at the room around them. “This is my inheritance she is messing with.”
Then he saw Jane, and stopped in mid-wave. Robert turned around making Jane wanted to run away. She didn’t like it when Anthony was angry. Instead she squared her shoulders and entered the room. She wasn’t about to be talked about like this.
“Robert’s right, Anthony.” She was surprised her voice wasn’t shaking as she walked towards her brother. “You’re not my keeper yet.”
Anthony scowled at her. Then he snorted and shook his head. “We’ll see about that.”
He stormed towards the door, causing Jane to have to jump aside to not be knocked over. As he left, he slammed it behind him. Jane flinched as the loud sound made her head hurt.
Robert sighed and rose to his feet. “Ignore him. We’re all really shaken by this. That’s his way of coping with it.”
“By shouting and ranting about me?”
Robert shrugged. “I don’t think we’ll ever understand Anthony.”
He did have a point there. Jane sighed and wrapped her arms around her middle.
“I’ve never seen anyone murdered before. It’s not something I care to repeat.”
“I know.” Robert approached her. “Are you all right? Shouldn’t you be in your room?”
“I’m fine.” Jane managed a smile. Having her brother close made her feel better. “I’m stronger than you think.”
“I know, but I have to ask.” Robert smiled. “We’ll find whoever did this, Jane. Lord Surrey is good at his job.”
“Everyone else has been telling me that as if I need some reassurance.” Jane turned away and headed towards the window. The weather outside was improving now that the rain had completely stopped, but it still looked damp and miserable. “This is a mess, Robert. I just wish I could go back to how things were.”
“So, do I. Unfortunately, life doesn’t listen to us when we want it to. We just have to take what happens and move on as best we can.”
He was right. As always. Whenever Jane needed advice, she always turned to Robert. Despite the big age-gap between them, they were close. Still, she hadn’t listened to him when Robert told her chasing after Ian was not a good idea. Now Jane wished she had.
She turned to him. “How do you cope?”
“Cope with what?”
“Life changing when you don’t want it to.”
Robert gave her a slight smile. “I hide it all. No one wants to listen to a man expressing his feelings.”
“I would.”
His smile widened. “You’re a rare lady, Jane. When you’re not being obsessive over a brother-in-law.”
Jane flinched. She was beginning to regret her actions even more. She shook her head.
“I won’t chase Ian again. I promise.”
“It’s for the best.” Robert walked towards her and hugged Jane to him. “I love you, Jane.”
Jane sank into his embrace, resting her head on his shoulder.
“I love you, too.”
Chapter Eleven
Jane did manage to find a book she wanted to read. It would certainly take her mind off what was going on. But even as she curled on her bed to read it, her thoughts just wouldn’t settle. Jane could barely read the words on the page. They got all mixed up and made no sense at all. It made her head hurt.
Eventually, she gave up and put the book aside. She lay on the bed, staring pensively out the window. The weather still didn’t look great, but at least it wasn’t raining anymore. Jane could even see a bit of blue sky under the overcast clouds. From the look of it, the miserable weather was going to pass. By tomorrow, there wasn’t going to be any indication that there had ever been a storm.
Jane didn’t know when she fell asleep. She had closed her eyes for a moment to stop her head from pounding, and somehow fell asleep. When she opened her eyes again, early evening was drawing in. Her room was a little darker, still light enough to see, but dark enough for the candles to be lit. It was chilly as well, and Jane could feel herself begin to shiver.
Then she realized that something was draped over her. Her coverlet. Jane had been lying on top of the sheets, including her coverlet. Someone had managed to get it from underneath her and draped it over her. Claire, maybe?
It was at that moment that Jane saw she wasn’t alone in the room. Someone was sitting in a chair by the window, unmoving but watching her. It took a second for Jane’s eyes to adjust. Then she saw Alexander sitting with his legs crossed, barely reacting as she came back to the real world.
“Mr. Harrison!” Jane squeaked. She sat up, instinctively grabbing for the coverlet. Even though she was still dressed, she felt rather exposed.
“Forgive me, I didn’t want to wake you.” Alexander gestured at the coverlet. “You looked cold, so I put the coverlet over you.”
“I…” How long had he been here? And had he really been watching her sleep? Jane pressed the coverlet closer to her chest. “What are you doing here? And where’s Claire?”
“I came to see you. As for Claire, she let me in.”
“Did she really?”
That didn’t sound like Claire at all. She wouldn’t have left Jane alone with a gentleman, especially not someone like Alexander.
Alexander’s mouth twitched. “Really. She knows I’m in here, and she told me that she would give me ten minutes.”
“Ten minutes is enough time for anything, Mr. Harrison.”
Why did she say that? Alexander chuckled.
“When I’m involved in what you’re suggesting, I like to take more than ten minutes. And I thought we agreed it was Alexander when we were alone.”
Jane hadn’t forgotten, but still it didn’t seem proper in her bedchamber. It felt far too intimate.
She swallowed. “
Why are you in my bedroom?”
“Like I said, I wanted to see you. Find out how you were.”
“I told you before, I’m fine.”
Alexander shook his head, but it wasn’t in jest. He looked solemn.
“No, you’re not.”
“What would you know?” Jane shot back.
“I learned to read people. With the exception of a certain Preston girl, I don’t usually get things wrong about other people.” Alexander sat forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “I can tell this has been a lot for you lately, and I wanted to make sure you were coping.”
He was actually taking time to look out for her? Jane was confused. She was flattered that he would care, but confused.
“I’m coping. Just about.” She shuffled to the edge of the bed, sitting on the end as she wrapped the coverlet around her shoulders. “But why would you care? This is not something you do at all.”
“You don’t know me, Jane, but what do you think I should be doing?”
“Not this.”
Alexander’s eyes narrowed. His jaw tightened.
“I may be a scoundrel and I may have taken lots of women to bed, but that doesn’t mean I’ve lost the ability to show empathy. I do care about people. Quite a few, actually.” He paused. “You included.”
For a moment, Jane couldn’t speak. Someone actually cared about her. Alexander was the last person she expected to do that, but she couldn’t help but feel a little thrilled. She licked her lips.
“Why would you?”
Alexander sighed heavily and rubbed his hands over his face. “That is a question I cannot answer. I don’t know.”
A strange response. Surely everyone would know why they cared? Jane frowned.
“I don’t understand you at all.”
“Barely anyone does. You wouldn’t be the first one to say that.”
Jane rose to her feet, the coverlet still wrapped around her, and walked over to him. His face was half-bathed in shadows, and Jane wanted to reach out and touch him, easing some of the pain in his eyes. Alexander was doing his best to hide it, but Jane could see it.
“Why are you the way you are?” she asked. “You’re only a year older than me, and yet you’ve carved out something for yourself that someone so young shouldn’t have. Why would you do that to yourself?”
“You want to get inside my head, do you?”
“I want to know the real Alexander Harrison.” Jane moved to the chair beside him and sat, adjusting the coverlet and her skirts. “You’ve been so confusing to me that I just want to know what’s going on.”
Now Alexander was staring at her like he had never seen her before. He snorted and sat back with a shake of his head. “No one’s ever wanted to know before.”
“I’m not most people.”
“I’ve noticed.” Alexander rested his hands on the arms of the chair, staring into the distance. It looked like he was trying to distance himself from whatever he was about to reveal. “I have a big family, but not a particularly happy one. At least, not with my parents. My father was...he was not known for his unfaithful behavior.”
“He had a mistress?”
“Try mistresses,” Alexander scoffed. “He got several of them - several - with child. I shudder to think how many illegitimate siblings I have running around. Mother didn’t find out about any of it until I was about fourteen.”
Jane stared. She knew that some gentlemen could have a mistress, or mistresses, over the years, but to be that brazen about them?
“But...did you know?”
“I’ve known since I was about ten. I assumed Mother knew, so that’s why I never said anything. Jeremy was just as oblivious.” Alexander’s lip curled. “When Mother found out, she was devastated. She had given my father three sons and a daughter, and she thought they were everything for each other. She had never looked at another gentleman since marrying my father. And he...he broke her heart. She’s never been the same again.”
As she listened, Jane saw a myriad of emotions pass over Alexander’s face. He was fighting back, to keep them at bay. She wanted to comfort him somehow, but she had no idea how to. From the tension building in his frame, she didn’t think Alexander would welcome it.
“This was seven years ago.” Alexander rose abruptly and started pacing away. His hands were clenched at his sides. “I saw the changes in the family. Mother and Father barely speak anymore. They try to put on a united front whenever others are around, but I see the pain in Mother’s eyes. Father still has his mistresses, but while he attempts to be more discreet, we all know about it.” He stopped pacing and took a deep breath. “All because of Father’s indiscretions, their marriage is no more. The strongest couple I knew after Uncle Ian and your sister, and it was all gone.”
“So, you decided to become what you are to keep yourself from getting in the same situation?”
Alexander grunted. “I suppose you could put it like that. But it wasn’t just that.” He rubbed his hands over his face with a heavy sigh. “During my first Season, I fell in love. Her name was Nicole. She was the Earl of Leeds’ daughter. Twenty years old to my eighteen, she made me believe she was in love with me. We snuck off together many times. I was her first, and she mine.”
Jane watched as his hands clenched again and Alexander began to tremble.
“But she led me on. She came to me one day and said that she had taken me on for fun and now she was bored. She had been promised to someone since she was thirteen and now that he was back from abroad, they were to marry. She said now she wouldn’t have to worry about disappointing him in the bedroom.”
Jane was astonished. He had loved someone before, and she had used him and then tossed him aside. Much like he did with all the women in his life.
“She broke your heart.”
“Yes.” Alexander took a deep breath. “Since then, I told myself not to get involved with anyone that meant using my heart. It had to be kept purely at a carnal level. I wasn’t about to be humiliated again, so I made it look like I didn’t care that she had been messing me around.” He shook his head. “I seduced many women, so many that I’ve lost count. Didn’t matter if they were servants or ladies, I went after them. As long as they weren’t attached to anyone - I wasn’t about to be a cuckold. All of them knew the deal before anything happened, and until Marissa, everyone agreed with it. Just a bit of fun, a brief moment in life where we could all just be someone else. As long as it was kept at that, I could feel safe.”
This was the most Jane had ever heard him say. She guessed that he had never confessed to anyone why he was the way he was. It was opening a door to a part of him that Alexander kept firmly closed off from everyone else. A part of her felt honored that he cared enough to tell her why he had his reputation, but most of her wanted to hug him.
“You turned yourself into something you despise because of her,” she murmured.
“What makes you think I despise myself?”
“Because there’s a callous attitude about you that says you’ve given up caring about what people think.” Jane rose to her feet. She felt like she needed to be standing as she talked. “But I’ve seen a side of you I don’t think you’ve shown anyone else before.”
Alexander was staring at her. Jane resisted the urge to fidget. He made her feel like she was up on a pedestal. She tugged the coverlet tighter around her shoulders and hurried on.
“There’s much more to you than you think, Alexander. I can see that. You refuse to bring your real self forward because of what happened with Nicole. But you’re not afraid of me hurting you, otherwise you wouldn’t be telling me this.”
“I’m not telling you all this because you can’t hurt me.” Alexander walked towards her. He stood close enough to touch, but he didn’t reach for her. His eyes drifted over her face. Conflict was warring inside him. “I’m telling you because you can hurt me. Far more than you realize.”
“What do you mean?”
Alexander hesitated. Then he rea
ched out and stroked her hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ear. His fingers traced along her cheek, coming to rest on her lips. Jane’s breath caught in her throat as the pad of his thumb brushed over her lower lip. Such a delicate touch, something she never expected of him.
Then again, a lot of things she never expected of Alexander Harrison. He was a lot more complex than anyone knew.
Alexander lowered his head. His hand gently nudged her head up, and Jane didn’t fight him. She couldn’t move, but she didn’t want to. If it had been anyone else, she would have pushed them away.
