by Virna DePaul
When I get back into my car, blasting the heat, I also realize that if anyone had been a coward, it was me, not Julia. She had been afraid of going back to school, yes, but for a legitimate reason. Me, on the other hand? I was afraid of falling for someone because I didn’t want to burden her, yes, but when it came down to it, my biggest fear was that I’d come to depend on her—not to care for me physically, but to love me, in all the ways that encompasses—and she’d dump me after she decided I wasn’t worth the trouble anymore. I’d pushed Julia away even though she’d shown me from the beginning that she wasn’t that type of person. My fears had been based on nothing except my own insecurities.
Lucian was right: I had fucked up royally. And now was my chance to make things right. Getting my phone out, I search for Irwin’s and get the address. I wonder if Julia will even talk to me. What if she tells me to go to hell? But it doesn’t matter. I have to try. Sitting around, feeling sorry for myself, isn’t going to make things better.
I park outside Irwin’s as snow starts to fall, and when I see Julia’s car nearby, my heart soars. I enter the quaint little coffee shop, which is still bustling despite the weather, and spot her immediately. She’s sitting in a corner, headphones on, working on something intently. She looks beautiful: her hair in a topknot, wearing a pretty red sweater with sparkly earrings, she looks like a Christmas present I want to unwrap.
I stare at her for a few moments, simply drinking her in.
26
Julia
I glance at the time on my laptop: 6:30. I sigh, looking at the document in front of me. After getting accepted to a prestigious internship with one of my favorite composers, I now have to research different types of music before the internship even begins. I enjoy the work and it’s beyond exciting to get back into the groove of things, but I’m exhausted.
After I put in my two weeks’ notice at Cooper’s, She-Hulk would barely speak to me. She took my leaving as some kind of slight against her, and if I did anything wrong, she gave me the scariest glare. But to my astonishment, she was also the person who planned my going-away party, and she even shed a few tears during it! Go figure. I gave her an awkward hug and told her to keep in touch, even though I sincerely hope she forgets to text me because having coffee with She-Hulk sounds miserable.
But none of that matters when I remember that I’m going back to school. The music college called me only two weeks after I submitted my application—two weeks! They gave me a full scholarship and everything.
After that, I’d applied for the internship, and everything seems so perfect that I still can’t believe it’s all come together. I must admit, I’m kind of waiting for the rug to be pulled out from underneath me, but I’m trying to stay positive. Anytime I have doubts, Kevin yells at me and tells me that if I end up coming back to Cooper’s, he’ll shave my eyebrows off in my sleep.
Kevin’s crazy enough to do that, too.
Now I’m debating on whether or not I want more coffee, or if I want to call it a day. An extra-hot cappuccino sounds fantastic. But before I do anything, I glance up from my laptop and see the last person I ever thought would come to this coffeehouse.
Bastian.
He’s standing only a few feet from me, wearing a well-cut coat and expensive scarf, snowflakes dotting his dark hair. He looks the same, but also different. He’s not tired like he was when I last saw him, but he seems like he hasn’t been happy, either. My heart constricts so hard I can barely breathe. I slowly take my headphones from my ears and I’m so tongue-tied that I just stare at him.
Eventually, I end up blurting out the first thing that comes to mind: “What are you doing here?”
He gazes at me, his eyes dark and relentless. I feel like they’re tunneling straight through me, right into my very soul, and I don’t know how to react. He hurt me so badly, but now he’s back? I don’t know how to feel about this. I’m torn between happiness at seeing him and anger that he dared to come find me. Or maybe it’s just a coincidence?
He doesn’t sit down. Instead, he looks at me and says in a blunt voice, “I want you back, Julia.”
I blink. I see that there are a few people staring, and I’m about to tell Bastian to sit down when he pulls out a chair and sits. He seems nervous, but then again, he wasn’t too nervous to say something as ballsy as “I want you back.”
I shut my laptop, trying to figure out what to say. Part of me would like to toss his coffee in his face, while another part of me is shaking with joy. God, am I that easy? He doesn’t even apologize, he just says he wants me back, and I’m ready to throw myself into his arms?
I have to get out of here. I begin stuffing my things into my bag, not caring that I’m messing up papers or getting cords tangled.
“Did you hear me?” he asks. “I want you back. I’ve missed you, more than I could ever have imagined.”
I zip up my bag and yank my scarf from where it’s hanging over my chair. I look for my coat, then remember I hung it up near the front. “That’s nice. But I’m not interested.” I grab my stuff and start to walk out.
How dare he come here like this and act like he did nothing wrong? What kind of arrogant, selfish, douchebag kind of bullshit—
“Julia! Wait!”
He grabs my arm as we reach the door of the coffeehouse. I realize I’ve forgotten my coat, so I shrug off his hand and take my peacoat down from the coatrack. There are a few people watching us, and I just want to get away. When Bastian doesn’t leave, I turn to him and say in a low voice, “Leave me alone, okay? Just leave me alone. You already broke my heart once. I have no intention of letting you do it a second time.”
I stalk out of the coffeehouse. I look up at the snow falling and realize that I’ll probably have to shovel out my car, it’s been falling so quickly. I curse under my breath. Of course my car would be buried in snow when I need to get away from Bastian Rich! I hear him following me, and I’m about to turn around and push him into the snow when he touches me on the shoulder.
I stop, but don’t turn to look at him. I’m staring off into the horizon instead.
“Look, I saw you and I just couldn’t stop myself from telling you how much I wanted you back. But that’s not why I came here. At least, not the main reason.”
I’m starting to melt, like the snowflakes falling on my cheeks. I shouldn’t listen to him, but his voice is just pleading enough that I want to hear him out. Finally, I look at him and sigh. “Fine. You only get five minutes, though.”
He leads me to his car and I’m grateful for it, because it’s still somewhat warm inside and not buried in snow. Bastian turns on the engine and blasts the heat, brushing the snow off the windshield with his wipers. We don’t say anything for a moment.
“I went looking for you today,” he says, not looking at me. “At Cooper’s, that is. When I saw that you weren’t there, I was afraid you were home sick.”
“No, I don’t work there anymore.”
“That’s what Kevin told me. He also told me you’re going back to school.” He turns toward me now, and when our gazes meet, electricity zings through my body. “I’m so proud of you. This is a big first step. You’re going to be the woman I always knew you could be.”
I’m both flattered and annoyed. My annoyance wins out this time. “That’s a different opinion you have of me. Last time, correct me if I’m wrong, you called me a coward? That I was too afraid to do what I wanted? Yeah, I see that you remember. But I guess you were wrong.”
“I was wrong,” he replies instantly. “That’s the real reason I came here: to tell you I was wrong and how sorry I am. So, so, sorry. I fucked up, Julia. I said you were a coward, but you know what I figured out?” I shake my head, and he laughs a little. “You’re not a coward, but the bravest person I know. I’m the coward. And because of that, I lost you.”
The ice around my heart is still melting, and his apology makes a serious dent. I don’t want it to. God, I don’t want it to, but I’ve never had much self-control
in regards to this man. And despite everything, I love him still.
“I was a coward,” he continues, “because I thought you deserved a better man. A man who isn’t sick and who you wouldn’t have to take care of. The thought of you putting your life on hold for me? I couldn’t bear it. So I pushed you away.” He looks out into the distance at the falling snow. “I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I needed to tell you how sorry I am for what I did.”
I look out the windshield, too, watching the snowflakes. I’m breathing hard, and I can feel the press of tears on my eyes. I want to cry and cry—for me, for Bastian, for us—and the despair in his words is slowly cracking that last barrier around my heart.
I say in a quiet voice, “You were right, in a way.”
He looks at me.
“I was scared. I was so scared of failing again that I stayed at a job I hated and lived in a place I hated and I was miserable, but I was safe. You made me realize that—even if it made me mad as hell.” I smile. “So I decided to give you a huge ‘fuck you’ and go back to school. ‘This will show how wrong Bastian is.’ But I know now that you were right. In the end, we were both cowards, weren’t we?”
His gaze is roving over my face, drinking me in, and I do the same. I need to touch him, but I can’t let myself. Not yet.
“I’m going back to school in the spring,” I say, because I know Bastian is going to say something he can’t take back. “I’m moving away from Rutherford. I have to get away from here. I wasn’t supposed to end up here, handing out Q-tips to old men at Cooper’s.” My voice rises, and I realize that I’m almost yelling. I take a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Bastian.”
“For what?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know. Just, for everything. Even if we could make things work . . .” I shake my head again. “It doesn’t matter: your job is in Rutherford, your family and friends—everything.”
He doesn’t say anything, and I know I’m right. He’s not going to abandon his job to follow me. Why should he? Just because we had some great sex and developed feelings for each other doesn’t mean he’d give everything up. I lean my head back on the leather seat and sigh.
That’s when Bastian takes my hand. I turn toward him, and his gaze won’t let me go.
“Julia,” he murmurs. “God, Julia, I love you so much. I can’t live without you.” I tremble, and he grips my hand harder. The love shining in his gaze makes my tears overflow. “I don’t care where you go. We’ll work it out. I’ll do long distance; I’ll drive to see you every weekend. The logistics don’t matter.” He takes a deep breath. “Will you give me another chance?” he asks softly. “Or are we really over?”
No, we’re not over! I want to scream. I want to beg him to be with me. I can’t move. I can’t believe that he’d want me that much. But as I gaze into his eyes and see the truth there, I know I can’t ignore it.
He loves me. I let out a little sob at the realization.
I lean toward him, pressing my forehead against his. “I adore you, Bastian Rich,” I whisper. “You’re my true love, and although I want to shake you until your teeth fall out, I want to be with you more.” I sigh. “Everything about this terrifies me—you know that, right? I told you in the beginning I wanted to keep things casual, but I know I can’t. I fell in love with you the first time you came into Cooper’s.”
He smiles. “I fell in love with you the day I saw you trying to keep that guy from eating all of your chicken wings.”
I laugh and then sob. I lean back and wipe my eyes. “You’re sure about this? I’ll be in school full-time plus doing my internship. I don’t know if you’ll see me much.”
His smile is so bright that it lights up my entire body. “As long as I can see you, and hear your voice, that’s all that matters. You’ve made me into a better man, Julia. A man who believes I’m worthy of love again.”
I can’t stand it any longer. In a shaky voice I say, “Kiss me, Bastian?”
He growls low in his throat. “With pleasure.”
He cups my face, and smoothing a thumb across my cheek, kisses me. I make a sound that’s between a groan and a sob as our lips meet. It’s a homecoming and it’s what I’ve been waiting for all this time. As angry as I was with him, I wanted him to return to me even more. His mouth is gentle and seeking, and it’s a communion of the purest kind of love. I clutch at his shoulders because I’m afraid I’ll melt into the seat otherwise.
He keeps saying my name over and over again. I kiss his face, his nose, his chin, and then he’s doing the same to me. We both laugh. I’ve never kissed someone with so much joy between us. I’m about to suggest we climb into the backseat and let this kiss become something more when a cop taps on the driver’s-side window.
I jump. Bastian pulls away from me and fumbles with the window button. As the window lowers, he says, “How can I help you, officer?”
The cop eyes us, as if he’s trying to figure out what we were doing, exactly. I’m blushing and trying not to act like we were about to have sex in the back of Bastian’s car.
Then the cop shrugs. “The storm’s getting worse. You two should probably get on home. There’s a warning out.”
“Thanks for letting us know,” Bastian says. “We’ll be sure to get going soon.”
The cop nods and walks back to his vehicle. When I look at the windshield, I burst out laughing: it’s all fogged up, and I know the cop had to have seen it.
“Oh my God!” I say, still laughing. “Did you see that cop’s face?” I wipe my eyes, squinting at the foggy windshield. “I feel like there’s some kind of Titanic joke here. But my brain is too mushy to think of one.”
“I’d rather not drown in icy water, if it’s all the same to you.”
I grin. “I’d share my floating door with you, Bastian Rich.”
“You’re too kind.” He puts the car in drive. “Let’s get out of here. We’ll come get your car tomorrow.”
“Deal.”
He kisses me again, and as the snow falls around us, I know that I’ve made the right choice.
Bastian is the only man for me.
Epilogue
Bastian
It’s been over four months since Julia and I got back together. She goes to school full-time and has her internship with the music composer, and I have my business, but we somehow manage to spend any free time we have with one another. Luckily, she found a place halfway between Rutherford and her university, which makes things easier. She likes the town, and I like the idea of someday finding a house there for the two of us.
I never thought I’d find a woman who fascinates me as much as Julia does. She’s blossomed, going back to school, and I’ve even gotten her to play for me. Her voice is exquisite, just like I knew it would be. I told her I intend to introduce her to Declan Kiss when she’s ready, to see if he might be interested in representing her, but she’s being stubborn, saying she wants to do things on her own. I’m fine with accepting her answer for now, because she hasn’t even finished school yet, but I’m already planting the seeds. Declan’s interested, and when she’s ready, I’ll get them together.
One thing I didn’t tell her and probably never will: I had a little meeting with Professor Macintosh, who denied spreading rumors about Julia all those years ago. Still, I made it crystal clear that it would be in his best interest to stay away from Julia and forget any notion he might harbor about denigrating her talent. A few months later, he handed in his resignation, something Julia never even mentioned, and I loved that—that she’s been so focused on her schooling and her future that she hasn’t spared Macintosh even a passing thought.
I’m finishing up for the afternoon when I get a call from Ryland Masters. His investment ended up being great for everyone, and we can be mostly civil with each other. I try my hardest not to allude to anything Julia-related while around him, but sometimes if he gets on my nerves, I’ll mention something offhand about her. Julia’s told me I’m being petty, but she smiles each time.
/>
“A meeting on Tuesday is fine. Yes, we can go over your portfolio.” I listen as Ryland asks if I can look at the portfolio by this weekend. I shake my head. “I have plans this weekend.” Ryland goes silent, and I feel a little guilty, but only a little.
“Well, whenever you get a chance,” he finally says, sounding kind of sulky.
“Will do. Talk to you later. ’Bye.”
Glancing at my watch, I see that it’s close to 5:00. I’d better get out of here before traffic gets too bad; otherwise my plans are going to get all messed up. And tonight has to go perfectly.
I’m proposing to Julia tonight at dinner. I’m picking up flowers and the ring before heading home to change and then picking her up at her place.
I stuff documents into my briefcase, grab my phone, and head out, waving goodbye to Holly and Lucian. If I didn’t know better, I’d think those two are an item, but I’ve been too focused on my own relationship to think about it too hard. Julia thinks they’d be perfect for each other. Now that she’s found love, she’s gotten the matchmaking bug.
I pick up roses at the florist and then get the ring. It’s not a giant diamond, but instead a striking and gorgeous emerald. Julia once told me she preferred colorful stones, so I ended up choosing an emerald for her, which I think suits her perfectly. After paying the jeweler, I head home and get dressed before going to Julia’s place.
Although I have a key to her place—and she has a key to mine—I knock on the door and wait, holding the roses. Finally, she opens the door, a beautiful smile on her face. She gasps when she sees the flowers. “They’re gorgeous!” Taking them from me, she kisses me and then walks into her kitchen, grabbing a vase from a cabinet. “And you remembered that I love white roses!”
I pull her close, kissing her neck and smelling her hair. She’s wearing a slinky white dress that complements the roses. I wonder if the restaurant would get upset if we were late . . .
