by Ava Harrison
“Come on,” I say, holding out my hand to help her out.
She takes it, continuing to laugh despite her shaking body. The cold air does nothing to help. I take off my hoodie and pull it down over her small frame. She takes a step and winces.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
“N-Nothing,” she lies.
I can tell by the way her face has gone pale and the crinkles around her eyes are deepening, she’s in pain. “Lindsey, talk to me.”
“My leg. It’s tight. I did something to it.”
“Let’s get out of here and get you someplace warm,” I say, wrapping my arms around her shaking shoulders.
“No. I want you to get your inspiration. After everything you’ve been through, you deserve to find something that makes you happy.”
Despite the fact she’s soaking wet and has hurt her leg, she’s concerned about me.
This woman continuously surprises me.
“You make me happy.” I smile. “Plus, I have plenty of that. Don’t worry.”
Leaning down, I capture her chattering lips. Everything and everyone around us disappears and all I can focus on is the woman in my arms.
The need to get her home is overwhelming.
I lift her off the ground and carry her to the cab, not wanting her to put any pressure on her leg. Once inside the cab, I pull Lindsey tightly into my arms, where she snuggles against me. She’s soaking through my sweatshirt, the cold turning her lips blue. I do my best to keep her as warm as possible until we’re back at my place. We barely get through the door before my lips are back on hers.
“We need to get you warm,” I say, walking her toward my bathroom. Setting her down, I turn on the water, allowing it to run warm. I want to take care of her. If she’ll let me. “Let me wash you.”
Lindsey’s back straightens. I know before she speaks, she’s shutting me out. “I—no. Not with the lights on. I can’t, Pierce.”
As much as I want to fight her, want to make her share her broken pieces with me, after everything I showed her of my own pain after Linc died, I don’t push. It’s been a hard day. “Let me make it better for you,” I say, heading toward my cabinets to find some candles. I place them around the bathroom, so they’ll give us enough light to see, but not enough that she’d feel uncomfortable. Switching the overhead light off, the candles reflect off the walls but give very minimal light. It’s romantic.
“Will this work?” I question.
She nods. “Yes.”
“Come here,” I command. She obeys. “Hands up.” Once her hands are over her head, I pull the wet sweatshirt from her body. My hands go around to her back, unclasping her bra and letting it fall to the floor. Walking her backward into the steamy shower, taking it nice and slow so as not to irritate her leg further. Her hands come up to my cheeks, bringing my lips toward hers. Our kiss ignites a fire within me and she’s feeding the flames with every nip of her teeth. A groan breaks through and more than ever, I need all of her clothes off.
“Lindsey, let me see you. All of you,” I beg.
She stays still, looking around at the near darkness that envelops us. Surely, she can see that whatever she wants to hide, she can in here. I’m not trying to rush her. I only want what she’ll give. I’ll take her scraps willingly.
She lowers her pants, stepping out of them and discarding them in the corner of my shower. I know she stands naked in front of me and my breath hitches.
“Turn, I’m going to wash you.” Dumping shampoo in my palm, I rub my hands together and apply it to her scalp, massaging in the lavender scented shampoo. Her shoulders rise and fall, and little sighs of contentment escape her lips. All her noises are making me harder every second. I need her. It’s a desperate feeling.
I spin her around and kiss her with everything I have. All the passion and frustration go into this kiss. Lindsey is my kryptonite, and I’m afraid I won’t recover.
Her hands run down my back, leaving goose bumps in their wake. It occurs to me I’m standing in the shower with my boxer shorts on, soaking wet. I pull away from her, lowering my pants to the ground. I can hardly make out her expression, but I don’t miss the intake of breath. I toss the soaked boxers into the corner and pull her back into me, searing her with more kisses.
The day with Lindsey was incredible. She’s incredible. Every moment I’m with her I fall harder and faster. I want to spend every moment with her, just like this, but more importantly, I want her to be okay. She took a hard fall today.
“Let me wash you,” I say roughly.
Without a word, she turns around, handing me the soap bottle. She allows me to rub my hands up and down her back, washing her. My hands slide lower until I’m cradling her ass in my hands. Kneading and massaging, I get a rise out of the noises she makes.
She needs more.
I want more.
So I take it.
My mouth is rough against her as I continue to explore her body with my hands, every whimper pressing me on. My hands are at her entrance and the heat radiating off her is an aphrodisiac better than anything else. This woman is everything.
“Please,” she begs.
She doesn’t have to say what she wants. I know. And tonight is about her. I’ll give her anything she wants. With one arm tethering her to me to support her, the other sets off to torment and tease her until she’s begging me.
One finger glides in and then another. Her head lulls back on a moan. My other hand comes up to cup her breast, pulling and tugging so she loses her mind. And she does. It’s not long before she’s calling out and collapsing into my arms.
I finish washing her and then dry her off and carry her to my bed. We fall in together, tired and content. I’ll never tire of this. Lindsey is my game changer, my reason to be better. Together we’re unstoppable. I only hope the high I’m feeling now isn’t followed by the low I’m accustomed to.
I wouldn’t survive the loss of her.
I’m on cloud nine. Last night with Pierce was everything. He was gentle and caring. His tenderness toward me made my heart swell. He didn’t push me to see my scars. Instead, he made accommodations so I’d feel comfortable.
I wanted to stay with him all day, but today is physical therapy and Alison will be ready to kick my ass in gear. With the fun run tomorrow, it’s what’s best. I want to get out there and participate. I want to show Pierce I’m strong. As much as I need his strength, he needs mine too. I can be that person for him.
I walk through the door and Alison’s waiting for me. “Why are you limping?” she asks with a frown.
“I’m fine. I tripped is all.”
She narrows her eyes as though she’s seeing right through my act. If I’m being honest, it hurts like hell. “Come sit down and let me take a look,” she demands.
I want to argue, but with Alison, it’s pointless. She’s a dog with a bone when she wants something. So, I acquiesce. She lifts my pant leg and huffs.
“Your ankle is black and blue. What the hell happened?” she scolds.
“I told you. I tripped.”
“That was one hell of a trip. You know you can’t do this stuff, Lindsey. Your screws were removed only a few months ago. You’re lucky you don’t have to use the cane anymore. If you keep this up, you’ll have to go back to it.”
I’m pissed. The last thing I need is Alison making me feel worse. Yet, she’s doing a damn good job of that.
“Let’s stop talking about this and just get on with things. Tomorrow’s the fun run and I want to be ready to go.”
Alison frowns, hands coming to rest atop both of her hips. “You can’t honestly think you’re going to be able to run tomorrow?”
“I walked your two miles. I’m ready to jog.” I grit my teeth.
Fuck yes, I’m running. This is an event to raise money for my boarding school. Hell will freeze before I sit this one out. I’m not weak and she can’t make me be. I’ll push hard today, and I’ll be ready.
“I hate to be the bearer of b
ad news, but that’s not happening.” Her voice is hard, reprimanding. “You cannot run. I have to remind you again; your pins just came out a little over three months ago. That, and you have been pushing yourself way too hard. You’re setting your goals to unrealistic expectations. Let’s not forget how you came in here after that gauntlet at work. No. End of story. You won’t push yourself. We will keep up our exercises and when you are ready—”
“Stop!” I yell in frustration. Alison has been such a great coach through all of this. She’s tough, but she’s always been gentle with my feelings. Why is she being so cruel? “Why are you doing this?”
“I’m not trying to hurt you, Lindsey. That’s exactly why I’m telling you this. I don’t want you to hurt yourself. And now, after yesterday’s setback, it’s not a good idea.”
“I have been running my entire life, Alison. I can do this,” I say with conviction, but I know she’s right. I hate it and it’s starting to turn my stomach, but there’s no denying I’m not ready. I hate feeling less than. I hate feeling not whole, and after this accident, that’s exactly how I’ve felt. It’s taken away my independence and made me feel small.
“I don’t wanna talk about tomorrow. I just wanna do what I came here to do.”
Alison sighs, and her hand comes to rest on my shoulder. “Lindsey, I don’t want to hold you back, but I also want you to do things the right way. If you push it, you’ll get hurt, which will just slow up all of your progress. If you work on things slow and steady, you’ll be back to yourself in no time. But you have to do it the right way and you can’t push it.”
“But this is my race. How will it look if I sit it out?”
“The fun run is a great cause and they need you there to oversee. Let the participants run and you worry about building awareness,” she suggests.
I slink out of her grasp, not wanting to talk about this anymore. What will Pierce think? What will that say to the boys? I’m feeling lost and the need to shut down is heavy on me.
We go to our first station, which is just some light stretching. Alison takes my ankle in her hand and slowly bends it forward. I cry out in pain.
“That hurts?” she says with a raised brow.
I nod. She starts manipulating my ankle and with every turn, I wince.
“You’re going to need some ice and to rest today,” she says.
“No. It’s going to be fine. Let’s do this.” I start to stand, but Alison stops me.
“No, Lindsey. It’s not fine. You have to ice and rest. There’s no arguing. We won’t be doing anything else today.”
I want to cry. Tears threaten to fall, but I push them back, unwilling to let Alison see me weak. She’s already seen me at my lowest and I don’t need her to think this is another major setback. Last time I got to feeling sorry for myself, I skipped therapy for a week, opting to stay in bed and sulk. I won’t do that again. It added an extra two weeks of having to use the cane. That’s never happening again.
“Fine.” I give in, not seeing another choice. “Let’s get ice on this so I can get the fuck out of here.”
Alison’s sad eyes only manage to piss me off. At this point she’d usually be her hard-ass self, telling me to stop moping, but for some reason, this time she doesn’t do that. I want to ask her what’s up, but the truth is I don’t think I can handle her issues today with mine. It’s taking every ounce of strength I have not to go off the rails. No, I’ll let her deal with her own issues. Today, I’m going to try my hardest not to fall victim to my own.
When Lindsay got to my place, I could tell by the way she wouldn’t make eye contact with me that something was wrong. I tried for the first half hour to pull it out of her, but I was met with a wall of brick and mortar. I know she had therapy today with Alison. Could something have happened? Lindsey is so strong—too strong for her own good sometimes. She pushes herself too hard.
“What would you like to do?” I ask, trying to buffer the situation. She doesn’t even look at me, the anger radiating off her like a live wire.
“Let’s just watch TV,” she says with a huff.
“Okayyyyy,” I draw, frustration building at her attitude.
I turn on something funny, hoping to lighten the mood, but ten minutes into it, Lindsey hasn’t uttered a word or even cracked a smile. She’s sitting slouched down on my couch with her arms crossed over her chest, staring straight ahead. I scoot toward her, pulling her into my side, and she still doesn’t move.
“Talk to me, please,” I beg, acting like a pussy for feeling awkward in my own fucking house. “I’m tired of the strangeness, the hostility. I don’t like it when you’re like this. I’m the king of putting up walls and I’m finding I hate it when it’s done back to me.”
“I’m fine, Pierce. Let’s just watch the damn show.”
I jerk back at her tone, my unease quickly turning to anger. I can only take so much of this before my own temper gives way. She’s making me feel like I’ve done something wrong and it’s starting to grate on me.
“You’re clearly not fine. Did I do something? Because you’re acting like I did.”
“Jesus, no. Not everything is about you, Pierce.”
“What the fuck, Lindsey? What’s going on with you?”
“I’m stressed out. I have a lot on my plate. The fun run is tomorrow, and I’m tired. I should probably go home.”
“Yeah, maybe you should,” I spit, wanting to throw something. “If the fun run was going to be too much for you to handle, why did you take it on?”
“I didn’t say it’s too much. I said I have a lot going on.”
“My point exactly, Lindsey. You’re already juggling so much. No one would blame you if you just took a step back.”
Her face grows red. “Take a step back?” Her voice rises. “I’ve taken enough steps backward, Pierce. This is something I’m doing for me and nobody else,” she says, seething. I should drop it, but I can’t help but poke the bear.
“That’s funny. I thought you were doing it for the boys at the center?”
If it’s possible, a vein in Lindsey’s throat pops out in anger. “You know I am,” she fumes. “Don’t even start with me.”
I throw my hands up in the air. “Start with you? You’re the one who came to my house picking a fight when I’ve done nothing. What the fuck have I done to make you treat me like this?”
“Everything,” she screams. “You’re a constant reminder of my past and everything I’ve lost.”
And there it is.
The elephant in the room.
The slap in the fucking face that only Lindsey could deliver.
It always comes back to my past.
To the drugs.
All my own self-loathing comes to the surface, making it very hard to remain calm. If there’s one thing Lindsay can bring out in me, it’s the old temper. I’ve tried hard to repress it, but I can’t stay quiet and take her verbal beating anymore.
“If you want to leave, leave. I’m done being your punching bag.”
“You want me to leave? Fine. I’m out.” She stands, gathering her stuff, getting ready to go. I grab her arm and she pulls it roughly out of my grasp. “Don’t touch me,” she barks, leering at me with a glare that punches me in the gut.
“Why are you doing this?” I need her as much as I need my next breath, but I can’t help but feel like she’s pushing me away.
“I’m not doing this, you are,” she says, throwing it back in my face.
I quickly pull her into my chest, hugging her tightly, as she hits and wiggles and tries to get loose.
“Let me go. Let me go,” she says, beating her fist against my chest.
“Take it out on me. Do whatever you need to, but you’re not leaving here like this,” I yell, hoping to get through that thick skull of hers.
“But you just told me—”
“I don’t give a damn about what I said. I was wrong and I’m not letting you go.” My voice leaves no room for objection and eventually she go
es slack in my arms, sobs wracking her body.
“Shh,” I coo, patting her back gently. We stay like this for a couple of minutes, me allowing her to get out whatever it is she’s been holding in. After a couple of minutes, I push her away lightly so I can see her face. “Tell me what I can do to help.”
A tear slides down her cheek, and I sweep it away. “I’m just tired, Pierce. Tired of feeling like this and tired of not being me. I want things to be back to the way they were.”
My brow rises in question. Lindsey has come so far from those days. The thought of her being caught up in that life again makes me physically sick. She’s too good for that—for me.
“Not the drinking and the partying, Pierce, but physically I want to be all right.”
I frown. She has no idea how amazing she is. No other girl I know would have fought this hard to bounce back. The things she’s done at Polaris are life-changing for those boys. She gives them a role model many of them don’t have.
“You have no idea how incredible you are. The strength you show through all of this is something most girls I know would never have. They’d fold into themselves and throw pity parties.”
She sniffs. “Like I am right now?”
“You’re having a bad moment, but you’ll get over it.”
“I’m just tired. I really do need to go home. Tomorrow is a big day.”
I don’t want her to leave. Not like this. I’ve been here before and nothing good comes from being down. I want to protect her from herself. She’s stronger.
“Stay here with me,” I beg, not wanting her to leave on these terms.
“We’re fine, Pierce. Everything is fine, but I really need to get a good night’s sleep, and tonight I think it’s gonna happen in my own bed.”
My arms drop to my sides, knowing I’ve lost the fight. When Lindsey has something in her head, there’s no persuading her. She’s bullheaded like that.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she says, leaning in and placing a small kiss on my lips.
I kiss her back, but the passion is absent from this kiss. No matter how much she says we’re okay I can’t help but feel like we’re anything but.
