by Jon McGregor
I could have done without him acting it out but I knew what he was on about. The way these girls are so self-assertive nowadays. They must teach it them at school. Ray wouldn’t have been looking at her like that, like the way she said. But there wouldn’t have been anything he could say about it. He would have had to just keep his mouth shut and look at the floor. That’s what they do. They get you like that. Wouldn’t mind being a bit self-assertive like that myself, sometimes. Certain situations it would have helped. I asked Ray what he did after that and he said what did I think he’d done he’d got off the train at the next stop.
These birds all went over then. Geese or something. We could hear their wings going. I still hadn’t hit the can from that distance, so I shuffled my chair forward a bit when Ray wasn’t looking. It didn’t seem like it was getting dark but the lights had gone on in Jackie’s house. I said maybe it was time to light a fire. I said it was Ray’s turn to get the wood. He said it was my turn. I got the last of the pallets and broke them up with a crowbar and heaped them up in the usual place. Some more of those birds went over and when I looked up I noticed the sky was going out at the edges. I hadn’t noticed the sun going down. I went and got some lighter fluid from the caravan and lit the fire. We could see Jackie standing at her bedroom window looking over at the Stewart place. We could hear the kids at one of the houses by the church going on their trampoline. Heard it most nights. Someone should take some light oil to the springs. I sat down again and told Ray that when my daughter was little she’d always called them jumpolines. He asked when the fuck I’d had a daughter. I told him I wasn’t going to go into it. He got up to go to the caravan, and I said if he kept polishing his crockery like that it was going to get chipped or something. He didn’t think that was funny. He came over and put me off the chair and drew blood from my nose and then he went in the caravan and turned the radio on in there. Thing with Ray is he’s one of those people who can drink as much as they want without causing any problems. It’s when the drink runs out is when you want to watch him.
Later he told me how the story had ended. Like I’d been hanging on waiting for the final instalment. He said he’d sat on that station platform waiting for the next train and he’d written it right to the end and put it in the post to her. He said it ended with the woman in the story pulling off her blindfold and realising the other people in the story had gone. I said you can leave it there if you like Ray. I was still holding my T-shirt up to my nose to stop the bleeding. He said so this woman could hear them dressing in the other room and going out through the front door, and she wanted to get up or call them back but she was too done in to move or talk or anything, and then she heard the door close and she was all cold and wrapping the sheets round herself and it was getting dark and everything. He said it was something like that anyway. He said it had all been a while ago. He said he’d put it in the post to his ex-wife but he never found out if she got it or not. I asked him what he expected me to say to all that.
He said could I hear that lot, meaning the guests at the Stewart place, meaning they sounded well into it by then. We sat there and listened, looking into the fire. The pallet-wood kept cracking and spitting and all these shrieks of laughter kept coming across the fields.
Fuck it, he said. Let’s go.
*
He came walking out of the catering tent with a case of Stella. Just like that, jackpot. He opened the back door and slid it in and I told him nice one Ray let’s get going.
Wait there, he says.
He shut the door and went back into the catering tent. I could see the shadow of him moving around in there. Also I could see the younger Stewart standing in the light outside the toilet talking to some people, waving that cigar around but apparently still not smoking it. The air was cold and there were these little wafts of steam rising off him into the light, like the way steam comes off of cows first thing in the morning. The back door opened and Ray dumped what sounded like a case of wine bottles in there. I said Ray you don’t even like wine let’s just get going.
Wait there you, he says. Give me a few more minutes, he says.
When he eventually came out and got in the car he was carrying some kind of black satchel and a vase of flowers. He told me to drive. He shifted in his seat. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. I looked at him. I asked him what he’d been doing in there. He held up the vase. These are for Jackie, he says. I asked him what he’d been doing. He wiped his mouth again and told me to drive.
The younger Stewart gave us a wave on our way out. Ray waved back. There were groups of people standing around all along the track out to the road, but no one else looked at us. I drove with the lights off. There was still some light in the sky out to the west, and the moon was high. If it wasn’t for the green algae the moon would have been like glinting off the lake when we got back to the caravan. The fire was still burning, just about. The lights were all out at Jackie’s house. Ray set the vase of flowers on a flat stone by the lake and ripped open the case of beers. I put the last of the wood on the fire and pulled my chair up close to it and we both opened a beer. I didn’t really feel like a drink after all that. I felt like going to bed. Ray put the satchel on his lap and started going through it. He looked like a woman with a handbag. I didn’t say that. The blood on my shirt was still wet from before. I threw a stone in the lake. I asked Ray how come the fuck he’d taken a bag for. I told him we’d said just the drinks. I told him it weren’t like anyone was going to have to look far before they thought of us. He said to stop whining like a little girl. We couldn’t hear much from the Stewart place. They must have been winding down.
I asked Ray what he’d got. He said there was some money but it was all foreign shit it was mostly euros. He said there was a phone with a camera on it. I threw another stone in the lake and finished the beer. I asked him what he was going to do with the euros and he said he was going to go on a day trip to fucking Calais what did I think he was going to do with the euros. He threw a stone at the lake and it hit the vase and the vase fell over without breaking. A couple of Tornadoes went over and dropped bombs on the Sands, and by the time we heard them they must have been long gone. A light went on in Jackie’s bedroom. Three more of them went over, and we heard someone screaming or laughing at the Stewart place. Ray said they weren’t messing around any more, it was all going to kick off any day now for definite. The light went out in Jackie’s bedroom. Ray found a passport in the bag. I told him he could get good money for a passport, I knew someone. He flicked through it. It’s from Norway, he said. This is Norwegian shit. Hence why the euros, I started to say, but he stood up and threw the passport and the money on the fire and threw the bag towards the lake. It fell short. I looked at him. I tried to grab the passport out of the fire, but he kicked my hand and told me to leave it the bloody hell well alone. I opened another beer and sat down. I said Ray they’re going to come looking for that passport and the rest of the shit. He gave me a look. I shut up and drank my beer. I’d been getting to quite like the caravan and the lake and everything. Another Tornado went over. Looked like we weren’t going to get that ditch dug after all. I started asking him what he’d done that for, but he told me to just fucking well leave it.
Don’t even get me started on the Norwegians, he says.
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Memorial Stone
Tathwell, Cadwell, Burwell, Rothwell, Hemswell, Harpswell, Hemswell Cliff, Cromwell, Upwell, Cranwell, Outwell, Holwell, Ashwell, Maidenwell.
Haltham, Metheringham, Nettleham, Reepham, Welham, Askham, Markham Moor, North Hykeham, Low Marnham, Helpringham, South Witham, High Marnham, New Boultham, Sempringham, Low Burnham, Alvingham, South Willingham, Cherry Willingham, North Willingham, Hagworthingham, Walkeringham, Hykeham Moor, Threekingham, Stokeham, Laneham, Grantham, Wymondham, Haugham, Castle Bytham, Burringham, Messingham, Waddingham, Grayingham, Pilham, Beckingham, Little Bytham, Corringham, Fillingham, Ingham, Cammeringham, Cottam, Dunham, Boultham, Hykeham, Bas
singham, Leasingham, Sandringham, Hougham, Cotham, Snettisham, Holdingham, Shouldham Thorpe.
Sandy Bank, Lade Bank, Ten Mile Bank, Wrangle Bank.
Little Steeping, Great Steeping.
Willoughton, Blyton, Doddington, Burton, Toft next Newton, Newton by Toft, Misterton, Morton, Rampton, Laughton, Laughterton, Welton, Gosberton Clough, Scampton, Scotton, Screveton, Shelton, Sapperton, Syston, Aslockton, Marston, Ruskington, Dorrington, Heckington, Quarrington, Ossington, Orston, Carlton Scroop, North Carlton, South Carlton, South Clifton, East Drayton, Gate Burton, High Toynton, Low Langton, Wold Newton, North Reston, South Reston, Carlton on Trent, Holton cum Beckering, Sturton le Steeple, Kirton in Lindsey, Thornton le Moor, Carlton-le-Moorland, Keddington Corner, North Leverton with Habblesthorpe, Newton on Trent, Bishop Norton, Norton Disney, Market Stainton, Toynton Fen Side, Burton Coggles, Burton Pedwardine, Burton Lazars, Normanton, Haddington, Honington, Allington, Branston, Barkston, Wyberton West, South Leverton, Dry Doddington, Stewton Keddington, East Torrington, Market Overton, North Elkington, South Elkington, Kirton Holme, West Torrington, South Cockerington, North Cockerington, Croxton Kerrial, East Heckington, Halton Fenside, Langton by Wragby, Sutton on Trent, Sproxton, Skillington, Creeton, Baston, Stretton, Thistleton, Moulton, Etton, Bainton, Ashton, Helpston, Upton, Fenton, Darlton, Gelston, Thoroton, Alverton, Stroxton, Muston, Foston, Scredington, Denton, Knipton, Harston, Donington, Drayton, Freiston, Leverton, Benington, Horsington, Holton le Moor, Moortown, Muckton, Gayton, Sutterton, Hainton, Harrington, Donington on Bain, Harlaxton, Hungerton, Hallington, Luddington, Spridlington, Lissington, Welton le Wold, Leverington, Frampton, Kirton, Asperton, Gosberton, Pointon, Langton, Thornton, Elton, Belton, Newton, Nocton, Halton Holegate, Wyberton East, Kirmington, Edlington, Wispington, Fiskerton, Long Bennington, Low Toynton, Low Stanton, Little Carlton, Little Welton, Little Ponton, Wootton, Broughton, Dunston, Langton, Sutton, Swaton, Eaton, Croxton, Coston, Kirton End, Great Ponton, Lenton, Panton, Heighington, Great Carlton, Nettleton, Normanton on Trent.
Scrafield, Stainfield, Bitchfield, Kelfield, Gorefield.
Wildsworth, Hawksworth, Pickworth, Colsterworth, Stainton by Langworth, Potterhanworth, Cold Hanworth, Faldingworth, Tamworth Green, West Barkwith, East Barkwith, Benniworth, Butterwick, Susworth, West Stockwith, Ailsworth, East Stockwith, Epworth, Langworth, Epworth Turbary.
Ticks Moor, West Moor.
Gayton le Marsh, Chapel Six Marshes, Marshchapel, Holbeach Marsh.
Brentingby, Wyfordby, Bescaby, Stonesby, Saxby, Stainby, Gunby, Dunsby, Hacconby, Ingoldsby, Keisby, Dalderby, Winceby, Asgarby, Hundleby, Scrivelsby, Spilsby, New Spilsby, Great Dalby, South Ormsby, Wood Enderby, Ab Kettleby, Old Somerby, Bag Enderby, Coningsby, Miningsby, Aslackby, Hanby, Humby, Thimbleby, Gautby, Wickenby, Fulnetby, Bleasby, Wragby, Sotby, Ranby, Goulceby, Asterby, Raithby, Maltby, Scamblesby, Swaby, Grimoldby, Manby, Aunby, Careby, Carlby, Thrulby, Saltby, Revesby, Raithby, Dalby, Graby, Dowsby, Tumby, Thoresby, Somersby, Goadby Marwood, Kirkby Green, Boothby Pagnell, Kirkby on Bain, Ashby Puerorum, Irby in the Marsh, Hemingby, Tealby, Kirkby, Kingerby, Ketsby, Calceby, Rigsby, Raithby, Sutterby, Utterby, Ashby de la Lounde, North Ormsby, North Thoresby, Grimsby, Tumby Woodside, Mavis Enderby, New Spilsby, West Ashby, Little Dalby, Little Grimsby, Ashby cum Fenby, Normanby le Wold, Fulletby, Salmonby, Worlaby, Fotherby, Legsby, Walesby, Osgodby, Usselby, Claxby, Croxby, Grainsby, Hagnaby, Aylesby, Candlesby, Barnoldby le Beck, Irby upon Humber, Ulceby Skitter, Dragonby, Keadby, Ulceby Cross, Ulceby, Worlaby, Bonby, Wrawby, Appleby, Risby, Brumby, Scawby, Bigby, Somerby, Searby, Owmby, Grasby, Clixby, Usselby, Snitterby, Atterby, Aisby, Saundby, Kexby, Normanby, Saxby, Barnetby le Wold, Hareby, Wilksby, Brattleby, Bransby, Skegby, Harby, Saxilby, Whisby, Thurlby, Firsby, Boothby Graffoe, Navenby, Digby, Ewerby, Asgarby, North Rauceby, South Rauceby, East Kirkby, East Firsby, Aisby, Aunsby, West Firsby, Gonerby Hill Foot, Grebby, Aswardby, Driby, Osbournby, Caenby, Granby, Barrowby, Welby, Oasby, Kelby, Braceby, Haceby, Dembleby, Aswarby, Scott Willoughby, Silk Willoughby, Saltfleetby, Great Gonerby, North Owersby, South Owersby, Spanby, Coleby, Ashby, Aby.
Westry, Whittlesey, March.
Dogsthorpe, Longthorpe, Westhorpe, Wilsthorpe, Belmesthorpe, Northorpe, Obthorpe, Manthorpe, Leesthorpe, Grimsthorpe, Elsthorpe, Scottlethorpe, Hawthorpe, Hanthorpe, Garthorpe, Milthorpe, Castlethorpe, Kettlethorpe, Skellingthorpe, Grassthorpe, Besthorpe, Winthorpe, Kirkby la Thorpe, Woolsthorpe by Colsterworth, Woolsthorpe, Derrythorpe, Birthorpe, Far Thorpe, Mid Thorpe, Kingthorpe, Swinthorpe, Friesthorpe, Woodthorpe, Claythorpe, Authorpe, Althorpe, Yaddlethorpe, Yawthorpe, Thorpe in the Fallows, Caythorpe, Sibthorpe, Biscathorpe, Buslingthorpe, Scunthorpe, Grainthorpe, Londonthorpe, Scotterthorpe, Northorpe, Gunthorpe, Springthorpe, Culverthorpe, Mablethorpe, Manthorpe, Aisthorpe, Hogsthorpe, Little Cawthorpe, Trusthorpe, Thorpe Satchville, Thorpe Arnold, Thorpe.
Loosegate, Fleet Hargate, Gate Burton, Broadgate, Horsegate, Halesgate, Wrangle Lowgate, Deeping Gate, Westgate, Chapelgate, Guanockgate, Halton Holegate, Gedney Broadgate.
Dogdyke, Skeldyke, Seadyke, Fosdyke, Austendike, Gedney Dyke, Thorpe Fendykes, Quadring Eaudike, Dyke.
Old Leake, Leake Commonside, Leake Gride, New Leake, Leake Ings.
Pinchbeck, Pinchbeck Bars, Swallowbeck, Pinchbeck West, Fulbeck, Woodbeck, Sudbrooke, Binbrook, Sedgebrook.
Chainbridge, Cuckoo Bridge, Fosdyke Bridge, Swineshead Bridge, Hubbert’s Bridge, Gipsey Bridge, Bishopbridge, Bracebridge, Friday Bridge, Pondersbridge, Tattershall Bridge, Forty Foot Bridge.
Stickford, Tetford, Belchford, Snarford, Ludford, Spalford, Stapleford, Langford, Sleaford, Hazelford, Bottesford, Scalford, Twyford, Greatford.
Owston Ferry, East Ferry, High Ferry.
Holbeach St Matthew, Holbeach St Marks, Holbeach St Johns, Marshland St James, Sutton St James, Sutton St Edmund, Deeping St James, Deeping St Nicholas, Wisbech St Mary, Wainfleet St Mary, Witham St Hughs, Saltfleetby St Peter, Toynton St Peter, Thorpe St Peter, Walpole St Peter, Walpole St Andrew, Terrington St John, Tilney St Lawrence, Theddlethorpe St Helen, Wiggenhall St Germans, Wiggenhall St Mary the Virgin, Wiggenhall St Mary Magdalen, Toynton All Saints, Saxby All Saints, Wainfleet All Saints, Theddlethorpe All Saints.
Ring’s End, Fen End, Surfeet Seas End, Tongue End, Brand End, Moulton Seas End, Scrane End, Kirton End, Frampton West End, Fishmere End, North End, Benington Sea End, Halltoft End, Ashington End, Gedney Drove End, Tilney High End, Bridge End, Castle End, Church End.
Eastville, Midville, Wyville, Frithville, Little London, Jerusalem, Gibraltar, Boston, New England, Newark, New York.
In summer the sky is most times blue.
A blue so pure & bright that it hurts to look into it .
A blue so deep that if you look straight up you have to grab
something for fear of falling
in.
The light pouring which pours from out of this blueness sears
everything it can reach
/ fields of wheat / canals & drains / tarmac roads /
In summer the sky is blue & lifted high
a shimmering blue silence from which
there is no hiding place
(save) beneath the surface of the land.
back
he came back for the taste of her
like he was passing through the sky
to go somewhere and do something
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In autumn the sky is most times white.
A ragged, dirty white.
And you wonder how this could be the same sky but it is.
The earth turns thick & hard beneath it.
Winds rip through the clouds and
slashes of light
run across the fields and vanish over the horizon and leave
the land as heavy as before.
back
The colours of the earth change. Westry
Fields & ditches clog with leaves. Whittlesey
Rivers swell. Pondersbridge
Forty Foot Bridge
Ticks Moor
West Moor
Ten Mile Bank
Salter’s Lode
Outwell
Friday Bridge
If you had stayed at home it
would never have happened.
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We know the seasons are changing mostly by the shape & colour of the sky.
back
s t r e t c h e d o v e r u s f r o m
h o r i z o n t o h o r i z o n
t h e l e n g t h & b r e a d t h o f a d a y .
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In winter the sky is most times grey.
A dark & bruising grey.
The days shorten.
The distance between the horizon shrinks. What little light
seeps down is thick & lifeless.
