“Ah, okay,” said Colt. “Sure. I guess.”
❚ ❚ ❚
They went into the bedroom and Francie closed the door. Then she turned and put her hands on her hips.
“You’re just full of surprises,” she said.
Colt shrugged, with his good arm. “What can I say?” he said. “Why didn’t you ever tell me your father was alive?”
“Why do you think?” “You were ashamed.”
He nodded. “That’s pretty much it,” he said.
“And yet Michael tells me you’re responsible for getting him out of prison.”
“Yeah. That’s true. But they were gonna let him out, anyway.” “But you took him home with you.”
“Yeah. Obviously.”
Francie shook her head. “I don’t understand,” she said.
“Yeah, well, neither do I, to tell the truth,” said Colt. “It just seemed like the right thing to do. At the time. I wasn’t really thinking when I did it.”
“Well, Coltrane Hart,” said Francie, “in all the time I’ve known you, I have to say that is a first. You could have told me about him, you know. I wouldn’t have judged you for whatever it was he did.” “That wasn’t the point,” Colt said. “I guess I felt like maybe it was time to... well, not start over, exactly. It’s a little late for that.”
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“What did he do, by the way? He didn’t kill anyone, did he?” “He was trying to smuggle heroin from Mexico,” said Colt. “So
he could sell it and get rich. He got caught at the border. And I didn’t tell you, not because of what you would think. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to know him anymore. There’s— there’s a lot of history there, Francie. A lot of stuff happened to me that I just wanted to put behind me. When I was a kid, I mean. He may seem like kind of a neat old guy now, but he was a miserable father. Really bad. And for a long time I just wanted to pretend that it had never happened. But—”
“But you figured out you can’t do that,” said Francie. “Yeah,” said Colt. “That’s right.”
“Yes,” said Francie. “Well. I don’t really know what to say. It’s weird, Colt. We’ve been together all this time, and all of a sudden I feel like we’ve only just been introduced.”
“Yeah, well,” said Colt uncertainly. “So you just stopped by to—” “Yeah, right. I just wanted some of my old stuff,” said Francie.
“My papers and books and so on.”
“Yeah. Okay. Well, you know where they are.”
“Yeah. And there was something else I wanted to talk to you about.”
“What?”
“Jennifer Flebberman came to see me yesterday.” “She did? What did she want?”
“What do you think she wanted?”
Colt rubbed his eyes tiredly. “Yeah,” he said. “Don’t tell me. She wants me to drop the charges against her husband. And you agree with her.”
Francie folded her arms. “Yeah,” she said. “I do.”
“Because you think I had it coming. That’s what you said to me in the hospital, when I was lying there in agony. That I deserved it.”
“Well, Colt—”
“Don’t say it again. Just don’t. I already know what you think.”
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“Fine,” Francie said. “That woman has four children, Coltrane. They’re already in trouble financially. If Randy Flebberman goes to jail—”
“I know, I know,” said Colt. “I already dropped them.”
Francie stared at him for a long moment, not sure whether she believed what she was hearing. “What did you say?” she asked fi nally.
“The charges. I dropped them. I called the police yesterday and told them I wasn’t going to press charges. I guess she just hadn’t heard yet. He’s going to be trapped in bureaucratic limbo for a while, and there’s nothing I can do about that. But he’s going to be home soon.”
“Oh, my God,” said Francie.
“Yeah. You misjudged me.” Colt smiled, a self-effacing grin, a look that said, for once, that he had been wrong and was now try ing to make things right. “I’ve been thinking about a lot of stuff, you know. I had a lot of time to think in the hospital. And—there was this dream I had. Three dreams, actually. More like night mares. And I realized I never should have tried to move that ceme tery. All this—” he gestured to his broken arm—”and everything else besides, happened because of that. It’s like—I don’t know. Signs.”
“Signs?”
“From—wherever. I don’t know. The universe or whatever.” “Holy shit,” said Francie. “I do believe Coltrane Hart has had a
spiritual awakening.”
Colt bristled. “Now, hold on there,” he said. “It’s not like I’ve found Jesus or something. I mean, I’m not suddenly going to start going to church or anything like that.”
“Oh, no,” said Francie. “God forbid.” She smiled. “Good one,” said Colt. “Very funny.”
“Well,” said Francie, “what can I say? I’m glad.” “I thought you would be.”
“Oh, and I found something of yours.” Francie plucked an ob
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ject from her pocket and handed it to him. “Up in the bedroom,” she said. “In the floor. It was kind of stuck between a couple of floorboards. I don’t know what happened to the chain.”
It was his good-luck charm—his mother’s ring. Colt took it and held it in his palm.
“Wow,” he said. “I thought this was gone.” “Well, there you have it,” said Francie.
“Thanks.” He stuck it in his pocket and patted it. He was about to open the door, but something in her expression told him she had more to say. “Was there something else?”
“Yes. I heard from your lawyer.” “Oh, yeah. Gibbons.”
“He wants me to get a lawyer of my own.”
“Yeah, well, you know, you should. I mean, it’s just the way it’s done. I guess. So they can do all the arguing and stuff for us. That way we don’t have to hash it out ourselves. It’s a lot easier that way.” “Well, I thought I would talk to you first,” said Francie. “Just to
let you know what it is I want.” “Uh—okay. I guess that’s all right.”
“I want the house,” said Francie. “That’s it. Nothing else. No money, no stocks. Nothing from your portfolio. Just the house.”
“Oh,” said Colt. “That’s it? You’re sure?”
She nodded. “It’s the only thing we’ve got that means anything to me,” she said.
“What are you going to do for money?”
“I don’t know. But I can take care of myself. I can get a job somewhere. Maybe in Plainsburg.”
“In Plainsburg? Is there even a job market in Plainsburg?”
“It’s not your problem, Colt,” she said. “I can handle it. I just wanted to tell you.”
“Yeah. Okay. Well. I don’t have a problem with that. It’s al ready paid for, anyway, and to tell the truth, I sort of regretted buying it. Not sure it’s ever going to appreciate.”
“I appreciate it,” said Francie. “And that’s all that matters.”
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Colt drew a deep breath. “There’s, ah—there’s something I wanted you to know, Francie. I mean, something I felt like I should say to you.”
She waited, hands in her pockets.
“And that is that I’m—well, I’m sorry.”
Once again Francie wasn’t sure she had heard him right. “You’re sorry?” she repeated. “Is that what you said?”
“Yeah.”
“For?”
“Well,” he said, “I guess everything.”
“I might need to hear some specifics,” Francie said.
“Well, hold on now,” said Colt. “This is not me coming crawl ing to you on my knees. I’m just saying, is all. I have feelings of— of sorryness. In a general way. About everything.”
“Coltrane, clari
fy,” said Francie. “If you’re apologizing to me for something, I’d like to know what for. That’s all.”
“Right. Well—the, uh—the whole thing about kids. And all that.”
“You mean the fact that you had a vasectomy without telling me.” “Yes. That.”
“You’re sorry for that?”
“I am,” said Colt. “I mean, I had my reasons, and you know what they were, so I guess there’s no need to go into it all over again. But some stuff has happened to me in the last couple of weeks that’s kind of—changed me, I guess. And I can see now that maybe I didn’t handle that whole issue very well. And I just wanted to let you know that it wasn’t anything personal.”
Something in Francie’s face softened then, it seemed to him. She shifted on her feet, staring up at him. Colt found it not as hard as he’d thought it would be to look at her as he was saying these things.
“It wasn’t personal?”
“No. It really wasn’t. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to have kids with you. It was just that I didn’t want to have them, period.”
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“Right.”
“So, just so you know.” He paused. “Did you, uh—did you think it was personal?”
“Well, to tell the truth, Colt, yes, I did,” said Francie. “And I think it would have been damn near impossible not to take it that way, just so you know. It would have required a level of self-control that no human possesses, not to take something like that personally.”
“Yeah. I know. Well, I really am sorry about it. And it really wasn’t personal. And another thing,” said Colt.
Francie waited.
“I know you told me you wanted a divorce,” he said, “and if that’s what you want, then you can have it. And you can have the house, too. I won’t fight you on that. But I just had to say this one thing, which is this. And that is—”
Francie still waited, not saying anything.
“I don’t know if I want a divorce,” he said. “I mean, I’m not mad enough at you to justify that. It just doesn’t make sense. I’m not mad at you at all, in fact. You didn’t do anything. I know you were the one who asked for it. And I’m not saying that you have to come back to me or anything. I’m not begging you to forget all about everything. That’s not what I’m doing.”
“I see,” said Francie. “What are you doing, then?”
“What I’m doing is—I mean—I don’t know. I just wanted to ask you if you really felt like a divorce was . . . well, was neces sary.”
“I guess I don’t know what necessary means, in this context,” she said.
“You don’t?”
“No. But I do know what I need. And that is I need to be on my own. To do my own thing. I guess that’s what’s necessary.”
“Oh.”
“One thing I have to tell you, Colt,” said Francie, “is that a lot has changed with me, too. You remember when we met, there at the museum, ten years ago? How we were then?”
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“Yeah.”
“That was not me,” she said. “Or rather, that wasn’t the full me.” “It wasn’t?”
“I’ve changed, too,” she said. “A lot. Maybe even more than you have. For one thing, I was barely twenty-one years old then, and now I’m thirty. That’s a big difference. But I don’t know. We both changed, I guess. And that’s what makes me wonder if we even belong together anymore. What I realized is—” She stopped her self, putting a hand to her throat. “Oh, shit,” she said.
“You okay?” Colt asked.
“Yeah,” she said, wiping her eyes on her hand. “Did you ever . . .”
Colt waited.
“Did you ever think that we were together for the wrong rea sons? Because we only needed each other? Not because we loved each other?”
Colt frowned. “I don’t know,” he said. “I never thought about it that way.”
“Oh,” said Francie. “Because the thing is, I have.” “I see,” said Colt.
“I never knew you as I was, when I wasn’t on those pills,” said Francie. “And you never knew me. You never knew what I really was like, the real me. You only saw the medicated me. And that wasn’t me. It was only half me. You never saw me do all the things I could do. I stopped wanting to do anything. And that wasn’t who I was. I used to have dreams, Colt. I used to be really ambitious. Like you. I had goals, and I was all set to go after them.”
“I thought they helped you, those pills,” said Colt.
“Helped me, maybe. At first. They helped me not be so scared. But then, after I stopped being scared, I just kept on taking them. And I see now—” here she put a hand over her mouth again, paus ing before she could go on—”I see now that I was taking them just so I could pretend I was happy.”
“Happy. With me.”
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She nodded.
“Right,” said Colt. “So you were . . . what? Lying?”
“Um,” said Francie, her voice quivering, “okay, if you want to look at it that way. I don’t think that’s fair, but I could see how you might feel a little—well, cheated maybe. Out of being with the real me. If that’s how you feel. I don’t know.”
“Okay,” said Colt. “Well, I guess it doesn’t matter. Not any more. Not if it’s over.”
“No,” said Francie. “Not if it’s over.” “So.”
There was a long, dead pause. Francie struggled to breathe; she sat down on the bed. Colt put his hand on her shoulder and sat down next to her, but she got up and moved away from him.
“No,” she said. “Don’t.” “Sorry.”
“I should go,” Francie said.
“You don’t have to. Not because of me. You can stay if you want. Michael’s here. You can hang out with him.”
“No. I really have to go.” “All right.”
She stood up and went to the door. “Francie,” Colt said.
She turned. “Yeah?” she said.
“For what it’s worth,” he said, “I always saw you doing some thing big. And I used to wonder sometimes what was holding you back. Whatever that thing is, whether it was the pills, or some thing else—even being with me—I just want you to know some thing.”
She waited.
“I’m glad it’s gone,” he said. Francie managed a smile.
“Thanks,” she said, and she walked out of the bedroom, leaving him looking after her.
37
Sold
She was the last of Walter’s customers to get the news.
In the past, Walter had kept long hours, opening early and often
not closing until ten at night; since the only other thing he did be sides sell books was sleep, he often used to say, he might as well be sitting behind his register. He had never, in Francie’s experience, been closed. But pulling up in front of the bookstore, she saw with sinking heart that the lights were off, and there was a sign taped to the door. She didn’t need to read it to know what it said, but she forced herself to get out of the truck and look anyway.
CLOSED FOREVER
it said, in Walter ’s bold, regal handwriting. “Oh, shit,” said Francie. “Oh, Walter!”
She pressed her face to the window, shading her eyes from the glare. Walter hadn’t even removed his stock yet—all his books were still on their shelves, waiting for creditors to come haul them away, no doubt. And yet—
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Francie had to look twice to make sure her eyes weren’t playing tricks on her. She knew exactly where Poems from My Sinister Hand had been sitting, just a foot to the right of the cash register, lean ing on its own small Plexiglas display rack. But now it was gone. She squinted harder to see if maybe it had just fallen over or some thing, and that was when she spied a handwritten note taped to the rack, written in the same hand, in red marker:
THIS BOOK HAS FOUND A HOME
Francie could hardly breathe. Someone had bought h
er book.
She continued to lean against the window for a long minute, resting her forehead on it, covering her face with her hands as if she was still looking inside, although her eyes were shut.
When she had gotten control of herself again, she turned and got back into her pickup truck. She started it up and wrestled with the gear shift, listening for the satisfying chunk it always made when she put it into first.
Then, in a cloud of blue smoke, she pulled away from the curb, heading back toward the tunnel and out of the city, back to the place where she belonged.
Epilogue
Less than two weeks later, there came a knock at her door, and when she went to see who it was, there stood a free Flebberman
in his familiar snowsuit and boots, smiling a chagrined half-smile. “Hello, John Dillinger,” she said. “I half expected to see you in
stripes.”
Flebberman laughed self-consciously. “Yeah,” he said. “I guess that’s about right.”
“So they sprung you in time for Christmas?”
He nodded. “I prob’ly got you to thank for that,” he said. “You puttin’ the bug in yer husband’s ear.”
“Believe it or not,” Francie said, “he did it on his own. As far as I can tell.”
Flebberman was taken aback. “You gotta be kiddin’,” he said. “No, I’m serious. Unless the ghosts of Christmas past, present,
and future ganged up on him.”
This seemed to be too much for Flebberman to take in. He sim ply stood there and stared at her, his mouth hanging slightly open, as always.
“He let me go?” he said finally. “Why?”
“He’s been reborn,” said Francie. “Don’t tell him I said that, of course, because he’ll deny it. But that’s what happened. You want to come in? Not packing heat, are you?”
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