by Mandy Magro
The lift sounded and the waiting crowd filed in. Crammed into the back corner, Juliette stretched her arm out and pressed level fifteen. She bit her bottom lip, half to stop herself from crying, half to stop herself from screaming, as the ride upwards felt like an epic journey. Her heart thudded like bombs dropping as she stepped into the hall. Their apartment was only metres away, although every step she took felt leaden. She hated herself for doing this. Hated him for making it so she had to. But what other choice did she have? Carefully, she flashed the key over the reader, then eased the door open. The apartment was dark, but she could hear muffled voices coming from the main bedroom. He had someone in here, with him, in their bedroom. Her heart slipped and dropped, and she had to use every bit of resolve not to crumble to the floor with it.
Tiptoeing towards the half-open bedroom door, she followed a trail of clothing, relieved to see none of it was lewd lingerie. But pushing open the door, she was confronted by something she’d never have believed without seeing it with her own eyes. The air rushed from her. ‘What in the hell,’ whooshed from her trembling lips.
Two equally shocked faces stared back at her, and she was torn between fury, humiliation and utter heartbreak.
‘Oh my god, Juliette. What in Christ’s name are you doing here?’
She folded her arms tightly, glaring. ‘I just thought I’d pop into your work meeting and say hi.’ Fury won out, unleashing inside of her, raw and black and intense.
Lachlan’s mouth opened and closed as he blinked owlishly. ‘This isn’t what it looks like.’ He scrambled from the bed, as naked as the day he’d been born, taking the sheet with him and leaving a very naked, very handsome, young man behind.
‘Enough of the lies. I’ve caught you red-handed, Lachlan.’ She held up her hands, blinking back tears. ‘Please give me some sort of respect and save it.’ Swallowing down the flood of emotions, she shook her head. ‘Don’t treat me like some damn fool. You’ve been doing that for long enough now.’
‘We … um … he …’ He looked to the red-faced, speechless bloke now sitting bolt upright in the bed, his hands covering his nether regions.
‘Save it, Lachlan. I never would have believed it if I hadn’t just seen it. And here I’d been blaming myself for your lack of attention and love.’ She flashed him one last filthy, disappointed look before striding out the door, back down the hall, and towards the lift.
She had been expecting to be heartbroken, but this was even worse than she’d imagined. Feeling as if she was trapped in a nightmare, adrenaline drove her forwards, fresh pain washing over her again and again, but as crushing as it was, it was also laced with a certain kind of relief. At the very least, now she knew she wasn’t the problem – it was Lachlan. And as shocking and overwhelming as it had been to see her husband with another man, it explained absolutely everything.
CHAPTER
5
It was a scorching Far North Queensland summer day; the only respite for the many country fair goers were the occasional cottony clouds drifting across the wide expanse of blue, shielding them from the harsh rays of brilliant sunshine, along with the fifty-cent icy cups that were flying from the freezer of the Country Women’s Association stall.
From behind the counter of the cake stand, Juliette waved to a few of her students, smiling at their happy faces. She was overjoyed with the massive turnout for the fair, even as she was preoccupied with her own thoughts. She wished she could somehow block out the images that were playing like a broken record in her head, taunting her, driving the dagger deeper into her heart with each repetition. It was doing her no good, reliving it again and again. Lachlan had left for Brisbane three days ago for a week’s worth of meetings, giving her a little reprieve. At the very least, the arguments had stopped. Now he was giving her stone-cold silence.
Almost a week after learning the shocking truth of why her marriage was failing, she was shattered, mentally and emotionally. And keeping it to herself, apart from confiding in Zoe and her Aunt Janey, was exhausting. She wanted to stop rewinding and pausing, to stop berating herself for not seeing it, to stop blaming herself for it having happened. Yet, try as she might, her mind always drifted back to those old rebukes and new images. She knew time would heal. After experiencing her fair share of wrongdoings over the years, she was well aware of that. But this, of all things, to drive a wedge between her and her husband? This would change everything. How was she ever meant to move past such a thing? The vows she’d stated at their church were something she took seriously, but how were she and Lachlan ever meant to work through something like this? Infidelity was the lowest of things to do to a spouse. She knew she should leave him. But what would that mean?
Rubbing salt into the wound was the familiar sensation of cramps beginning to seize her uterus like a clenched fist. According to her meticulously kept ovulation calendar, it was that awful time of the month again. Even though she’d prayed every day, as she had for the past couple of years, it looked as though it still wasn’t her time to fulfil that dream. She was beginning to lose faith that it ever would be. Maybe becoming a mother wasn’t in god’s plans for her. She hated the thought. Even though it was for the best, for now. After what she’d witnessed, and now having looked back on their life together, she could see it as clear as day – Lachlan had only wanted her so he could have a child to keep his parents happy with an heir. He’d used her to hide the fact he was homosexual from them – there was no way they’d accept that, with their strict religious beliefs. Nor would their church while under Malcolm’s strict leadership, and Lachlan was relying on them to vote him in as town mayor.
Blinking back unwanted tears, and with the grip of needing something sweet overcoming her, she fought the urge to eat an entire carrot cake and wash it down with a can of soft drink. Instead, she turned her thoughts outwards and observed the goings-on. The bouncing castle and chair swing ride had lineups, and excited squeals could be heard all around. Children with painted faces enjoyed fairy floss, Dagwood dogs and hot chips, smothered in tomato sauce, as they roamed from stall to stall, ride to ride, and the scent of barbeque sausages and onions hung mouth-wateringly upon the air. In the middle of the field, the school principal stood with clipboard and megaphone in hand, ready to send eager kids and their parents, now tucked inside large hessian bags, racing to the finishing line. The donated prize was a family dinner at the local pizza shop. The kids looked enthusiastic, the parents squished up beside them, deadly serious. With a free dinner on the cards, the stakes were high.
In a world of her own, she jumped when Zoe lightly jabbed her in the ribs with her elbow. ‘Look out at three o’clock, hun. You might want to take cover.’ There was a playful expression lurking in Zoe’s jade-green eyes, and the corners of her sassy mouth curled ever so slightly.
Switching her focus from the pretty face that often reminded her of what she’d lost all those years ago – Joel Hunter, a man she still fought not to give any thought to – to the cluster of women beneath the blooming jacaranda tree over yonder, enjoying their tea and scones, Juliette spotted her insufferable mother-in-law, the school’s biggest financial contributor, departing the cackling group and hobbling straight for her. Jostling her walking stick, her long silver-grey hair up in its usual bun and her make-up piled on, and wearing an impeccably ironed crisp white linen number, the sixty-two-year-old stood out like a sore thumb amongst the casually dressed locals.
‘Oh, fu … fudge it,’ she muttered beneath her breath while unconsciously straightening her favourite summery dress. Margery Davis seemed to have an undesirable effect on her. Always had, from day dot. And forever would. Being a humble girl from an underprivileged family, Juliette had learnt she’d never live up to Margery’s expectations, and she’d given up trying. Why the woman had supported her marriage to Lachlan in the first place, she hadn’t a damn clue.
‘Fudge it? Seriously?’ Her blonde ponytail swinging over her shoulder, Zoe shook her head and laughed. ‘I think it’s safe to
say you’ve been around young children way too long, my dear friend.’ She wrapped an arm around Juliette’s shoulder and gave her a squeeze. ‘You need to get yourself out more so you can have adult conversations.’
‘I have adult conversations.’ It was said a little defensively, but she couldn’t help herself. Grabbing her water bottle, Juliette took a swig.
‘Oh, you do, do you?’ Tipping her head to the side, Zoe lifted her sunnies and eyeballed her. ‘With who, exactly?’
Cornered, Juliette huffed. Damn Zoe being able to always see straight through her – she could never pull the wool over her eyes. But she’d go down swinging all the same. ‘My workmates, and you …’ Brows rising, she straightened her shoulders as though winning the debate. ‘… and Brute.’ She silently breathed a sigh of relief when the town gossip, the owner of the post office, halted Margery on her trek to the cake stand.
‘Me, yes. Your workmates, yes. But our little Brutus? Seriously, how can you have an adult conversation with your dog?’ Her tone soft, sympathetically so, Zoe shoved her hands into the pockets of her cute denim shorts and leant against the corner of the foldout table, almost empty now thanks to all the cake sales they’d made throughout the afternoon.
‘Brute may not be able to answer me, but he sure does do a lot of listening.’ Juliette knew she was digging herself in deeper but, as Zoe quite often pointed out, defensiveness was her coping mechanism. As was denial of the obvious.
‘I know you don’t want to talk about it today, but after what you caught Lachlan doing, and how he’s giving you the silent treatment, like it’s somehow your fault? You should take some of your power back. Go out and have some fun. And while you’re at it, that wild and free zest for life he squashed out of you might just re-emerge.’
Juliette tried not to wince as Zoe hit that raw nerve. Her friend was not one for diplomacy, but she loved her, was always there for her, had seen and heard what she went through with Lachlan on a daily basis, before and after the shocking revelation at the apartment. Her comment was warranted, even if not well timed with Margery inbound. ‘Please, Zoe, not here. Not now.’ She blinked back the threat of fresh tears. ‘I’m honestly at the end of my tether with it all.’
‘Shit, don’t cry. I’m so sorry. Damn me and my mouth.’ Zoe’s expression softened. She reached out and grabbed both Juliette’s hands. ‘It’s just … I love you to bits, and I hate seeing you so sad all the time. It breaks my heart.’ Looking down, as if warding off her own tears, she gave Juliette’s hands a tender squeeze. ‘You deserve way better than him. You know that, right?’
Like your brother, Juliette thought as she nodded. Zoe had never gotten over the fact she and Joel had never got hitched. If only she could tell Zoe the real reason why Joel had punched Levi that fateful night.
‘I know you’re trying to see a way around it all, because you take your wedding vows so seriously, but …’ Zoe came in real close, her voice dropping to an absolute whisper. ‘… you innocently married a liar who is using you to fool everyone in this town for his own selfish reasons. Therefore, your vows are null and void, in my honest opinion.’ Zoe pulled her into a quick hug, and Juliette nodded against her friend’s shoulder. ‘I wouldn’t worry about what anyone else will think, or how the people at church might judge you. Just make sure you look after yourself in all of this, okay?’
‘I’ll try. Thanks for always having my back,’ Juliette murmured, her heart even heavier knowing Zoe would be leaving for her big overseas adventure tomorrow.
‘Of course I do.’
‘And thanks for keeping what I saw a secret,’ she sniffled, straightening.
‘My lips are sealed, hun.’ She gave Juliette’s back a pat. ‘Anyhoos, the wicked witch of the west is almost upon us, so time to toughen up, my little buttercup. Deep breath, and like that penguin said in Madagascar, smile and wave.’
Clearing her throat, and making sure her sunglasses were covering any sign of teary eyes, Juliette plastered a forced smile on her face and turned, only to be met by an equally tight, fake smile, one she’d grown very used to over the years of being married to Lachlan.
‘Hello, Juliette. Fancy this.’ Margery clucked her tongue as she waved manicured fingernails across the table. ‘I didn’t expect you to be anywhere near the home-baking stand, especially when you don’t bake at home anymore.’
‘I don’t bake because I have nobody home to bake for.’ Juliette rose to the bait, and immediately hated herself for it.
‘Lachlan lives under the same roof as you, Juliette, does he not?’ Margery’s smug expression was infuriating.
‘Does he? Because I barely see him,’ Juliette retorted.
Zoe’s hand went to the base of Juliette’s back in support. ‘We’re lending a helping hand today, Margery. You know, doing a good deed for the school, so how about you see the good in that instead of finding a way to chastise Jules, yet again?’ she said with the brightest of smiles. ‘Now, what would you like to buy?’
Margery threw daggers at Zoe, her lips tight. Zoe remained unperturbed. Juliette envied her friend’s nonchalance. Margery sucked in a breath. ‘Well then, how noble of you both.’ It was said in a monotone as Margery flitted her gaze over what was left on the table, thankfully missing the leer Zoe gave her. She pointed to a chocolate cake and a tray of melting moments filled with passionfruit buttercream. ‘I’ll take both of these.’ Slipping her hand into her pocket, she pulled out her purse. ‘How much do I owe the school?’
‘That’ll be eight dollars.’ Juliette popped both into a brown paper bag.
Margery handed over a ten-dollar note. ‘Keep the change. That’ll be my good deed for today.’
‘Well, how noble of you,’ Zoe said, so cheerily it was unashamedly obvious she was mocking the older woman.
Margery shot Zoe another glare.
Juliette bit back a smirk as she tucked the note into the change tin. ‘Thanks for that.’
Taking the paper bag from Juliette, she leant forwards, resting a hand on the cane she didn’t need but used to earn sympathy votes. ‘So, when are you going to give me that grandbaby I’ve been waiting years for?’
‘Soon, hopefully.’ Juliette pushed back her heartache and spoke softly, measuredly. Margery wasn’t privy to what had happened last weekend and Juliette wasn’t about to take her mother-in-law’s bait again. The self-absorbed gene seemed to run in the family, so it would be a waste of her breath to even try to defend herself.
‘Oh, codswallop.’ Margery emphasised her annoyance with a sharp rap of her cane. ‘I don’t intend on living forever, you know, so time is of the absolute essence.’ Her thin lips tightened even more, making it appear as if she had none, and her grey eyes burned with irritation. ‘Lachlan has told me how much he wants children, Juliette. If your stressful lifestyle is making you barren, you should stop worrying about your career and focus on doing what god blessed a woman to do.’ She tutted with a shake of her head. ‘You young people today, you’re all so self-centred.’
With rage filling her entirely, Juliette kept her gritty focus on the slice of black forest she was going to inhale tonight for her dinner. She had nothing to say to her mother-in-law’s blatant callousness. She could see Zoe was biting her lip so hard she was surprised she hadn’t chewed it right off.
Moments passed. Long ones. Silence hung uncomfortably between the three women.
Margery finally broke it. ‘This weather is insufferable, isn’t it?’ The haughty woman dabbed at her cheeks with a lace handkerchief. ‘I’d best go and get some water before I pass out.’
Juliette smiled thinly. ‘Sounds like a good idea. They have an abundance of cold water back at the CWA stall.’
‘Right you are.’ Her usually pale complexion aglow with the heat, Margery nodded. ‘Bye for now.’
Juliette secured a piece of wispy hair behind her ear. ‘Bye, Margery. Enjoy your cakes.’ Juliette wanted to kill the woman with kindness, a trait taught to her by her own dear mother.
/> ‘Ciao, Mrs Davis,’ Zoe said with a huge smile and an exaggerated wave.
Turning away with a roll of her eyes, Margery brushed the air with her fingertips, dismissing Zoe without even a word.
‘It’s no wonder hardly anyone likes her, except for the handful of people who crawl up her arse because she has money. I don’t know how in the heck you put up with her, Jules.’ Margery was barely out of earshot, but Zoe made sure to keep her voice hushed. ‘You honestly deserve a medal, staying civil to the horrid old bat.’
Watching Margery hobble away, every over-pronounced step irking her to no end, Juliette nodded. ‘Tell me about it.’ She shrugged, sighing as she stepped out of the sunshine now creeping beneath the pop-up gazebo. ‘But what good is it going to do me, being nasty back to her? It’s only going to make me stoop to her level, and I refuse to do that.’
‘You’re a good person, hun, one of the many reasons I love you so much.’ Zoe fixed her twisted bra strap and straightened her boobs beneath her singlet. ‘And that son of a bitch! Pointing the finger at you for not having any children. If I could give him a piece of my mind …’
Juliette half-smiled. ‘I know, you’d let it rip.’ Although she enjoyed every second with her grade-four students, Juliette yearned for a child of her own. ‘I shouldn’t expect anything less from him, though, I suppose. Once a liar and a cheat, always a liar and a cheat.’
‘He’s certainly shown you his true colours, which is why you seriously need to get the hell away from him and his horrible mother.’ Not receiving a reply, Zoe rested a hand on Juliette’s shoulder. ‘Are you okay?’
Thinking about it for a few short moments, Juliette nodded. ‘Yup, all good.’ It was a lie. She felt like absolute shit, but she didn’t want to add to Zoe’s concern for her, especially when Zoe was due to leave Aussie shores in less than twenty-four hours to fulfil her dream of helping orphaned children in Cambodia, a dream funded by money raised by the Little Heart Church congregation.
