“I don’t see how that is any of your business,” I snap at Jensen.
I probably shouldn’t take my anger out on him, but he’s here and I don’t like him very much.
Jensen isn’t affected by my anger at all. He just smirks. “It kind of is my business. ‘Cause if you two have had some sort of lovers’ quarrel then maybe it means I’ve got a chance with you.”
I turn to glare at him. “What makes you think you’ve got a chance with me at all?”
His smirk turns into a full grin. “It’s only a matter of time, Roxy. I see the way you look at me. I know you want me.”
“In your dreams.” I roll my eyes.
“Trust me, you’re in my dreams.”
Is that supposed to be a pickup line?
I cross my arms over my chest. “Ian and I aren’t dating, so there is no lovers’ quarrel. But it doesn’t matter because you aren’t my type.”
He blinks at me, so I take it that means the conversation is over.
I push forward, toward the exit. I want to wait outside for everybody to finish—this small shop is suddenly feeling a bit claustrophobic. Once I’m out the front door, I lean against the outside wall of the shop, just taking a moment to breathe.
This trip sucks. I was on such a high after we completed our mission. I know I didn’t do much to help them take the assassins down, but I followed orders. I did what West needed me to do, and that’s what I’m supposed to do as a new member of the team. But now… I’m going home with Ian hating me and I don’t know what to do about it.
The door to the shop opens up and I look up, hoping it’s Ian. My heart sinks when I see Jensen walk out. I let out a long breath, looking down at my feet.
“I could help you with your problem,” Jensen says.
I look up at him, raising an eyebrow. “You can?”
He nods.
“How are you going to do that?” I ask, wondering how he even knows what my problem is.
The doors to the shop open again, so I look over and watch West, Kal, Ian, and Alek walk out. I’m watching him, so I don’t notice Jensen bending down closer to me. I don’t notice until he puts his lips on mine. I start to pull back, but he puts his hand on the small of my back, pulling me into him. Not wanting to kiss him, I jerk away, punching him right in the nose. His head jerks back as my fist makes contact.
He grunts, covering his nose with his hands. “What the heck, Roxy?”
When he pulls his hand away, I can see that he has a bloody nose.
Cole and Rook come out of the shop and run over to their fearless leader.
“What happened?” Cole asks, clearly concerned.
West, who I expect to be mad at me, doesn’t have his scowl aimed toward me. He walks over to stand by my side. “He’s lucky Roxy was the one who punched him. If he touches her again, he won’t be so lucky.”
Rook’s eyes widen. “Jensen, what did you do?”
Jensen looks at me then Rook. “I, uh, might’ve tried to kiss her.”
West grabs onto my hand. I look over, thinking he’s trying to hold my hand, but he pulls my hand up to look at my knuckle instead.
My knuckle is bloody and swollen. In all the excitement, I didn’t notice, but now that I know my knuckle is throbbing. I can’t bring myself to care about the pain, though. I’m furious.
“What made you think I wanted you to kiss me?” I rub at my head, trying to figure out what he was thinking. But clearly, he wasn’t thinking.
“I thought you wanted to make Ian jealous or something. You two have been glaring at each other since the Skyride earlier.” Jensen rubs the blood away from under his nose. It’s already almost stopped bleeding. Guess I don’t have as strong of a punch as I thought I did.
Ian rolls his eyes. “Roxy doesn’t like me like that. Clearly you misread the situation.”
West looks over at me, raising an eyebrow, but I say nothing.
Jensen, Rook, and Cole all look at me.
I throw my hands up. “Can a girl not be friends with a guy without wanting to date him? I like being single. The Royals is everything to me. I wouldn’t mess that up, especially not by dating a team member.”
Ian flinches at my words, which only causes my chest to ache more.
But the words are true.
Kind of.
I wonder what I would’ve said to West if he and I had the same conversation Ian and I did on that Skyride. Would he and I be happy now, holding hands? I hate myself for even thinking it.
Kal walks over, putting his arm around me. “You don’t have to explain yourself to them, Roxy. It’s none of their business.”
At least Kal gets it.
West steps between the other team and me. “I think it’s best if we take separate flights back. My team will be heading out early. When we get back home, I suggest the three of you stay away from her or it’ll be me you fight.”
Is West sticking up for me? I can hardly believe it. Usually he’s belittling me for getting us into a situation like that.
Kal pulls me away from the shop, West, Alek, and Ian stay behind, talking to the other guys.
“How do I always end up in situations like this?” I groan. “I have the worst luck.”
Kal chuckles. “You know, most women wouldn’t complain about having good looking guys kiss them.”
I wrinkle my nose. “Jensen isn’t my type.”
He raises an eyebrow, calling my bluff.
“Fine.” I roll my eyes. “Maybe he’s a little good looking, and you already know that super bossy guys are exactly my type. But I don’t like Jensen like that.”
The smile falls from his face. “Yeah, I know you don’t.”
“You okay?” I put a hand on his elbow.
“You know that Ian has a crush on you, right?”
I blow out a breath. “Well, I definitely do now.”
“That’s why he is staying away from you. You shot him down, didn’t you?”
I give him a quick nod.
He rubs at the scruff on his jaw. “That’s rough.”
“I think I broke his heart.” I push a piece of hair behind my ear. “I didn’t mean to, Kal. I like Ian, I do. I just don’t like him like that, and I definitely don’t like him enough to risk our friendship. If I dated him, it wouldn’t end well, and it would ruin our team.”
“I know.” He wraps his arm around me, giving me a hug. “I’m sorry, Roxy.”
I’m not used to this Kal—the sensitive guy. He usually would make a joke and I would laugh. But this hug is exactly what I need and it’s nice.
He pulls back, smiling at me. “You know, if you weren’t so hot maybe all these guys wouldn’t throw themselves at you.”
I smack his forearm.
There is the Kal I know and love.
“Next time somebody hits on me, I’m just going to tell them you’re my boyfriend,” I say.
He shakes his head. “You can use me anytime, but maybe not around West. I don’t want to make him jealous.”
I snort. “West wouldn’t be jealous. He absolutely despises me.”
“Whatever you say.”
The worst human being on the planet.
I look longingly out the window as we fly away from St. Thomas.
My time here wasn’t what I thought it would be. It started out great—with the mission going well and me actually listening to West, but then it all went downhill.
I sigh, looking away.
St. Thomas may be beautiful, but all I will remember when I think of the island is the heartbreak that happened there.
West plops down beside me in the airplane seat, putting an icepack against my right hand. I hiss as the ice pack touches my hand.
“It’ll help,” West says, not letting me pull the ice away.
Eventually it stops stinging, so I hold it against my hand.
“Thanks.” I chew on my lip as I look up at him through my lashes. I’m waiting for the inevitable yelling that’s going to occur. He’ll probably b
lame me for flirting with Jensen, even if I clearly wasn’t.
“You did good today.” West relaxes back into his seat.
“I… I did?” I raise an eyebrow, wondering what is going to happen next. West never tells me that I did well no matter how hard I work. Getting a compliment out of him is rare.
He nods. “You listened to my orders on the mission. I know it must’ve been hard when you heard gunshots. I know you. You want to be in on the action. But the call I made I did for the team. I need to know you can follow orders before I put you in harm’s way again.”
“I understand.” And I do completely understand. I messed up bad last time. There was no way I was going to do that again. “Trust me, I deserved to sit there and babysit that kid while you guys did the work.”
West’s eyes widen, like he’s surprised that I agreed with him. “I really thought you’d fight me on that one.”
I shrug. “Like I said, I deserved it.”
He clears his throat. “I, uh, am also proud of you for the way you handled the whole Jensen thing.”
My breath catches in my throat. “What?”
West rubs a hand at the back of his neck. “I know Jensen only did that to get to me. I mean, I’m sure he’s attracted to you, how could he not be, but he only wanted to make me mad.”
I do think he’s right about that.
“Anyway, I think you handled it very well. I know you didn’t actually want Jensen to kiss you. I don’t think he’ll try that again anytime soon.”
I laugh. “He better not. My knuckle seriously hurts from that.”
“If he does, I’ll take care of him.” West narrows his eyes. “I can’t believe he tried that anyway. I’m already worried the guy is going to try and recruit you to his team.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” I promise West.
“Good.” He smiles at me. “You’ve kind of grown on me.”
Did West Newman just sort of inadvertently admit to liking me?
He stands from his chair and doesn’t say a word as he goes to sit down somewhere else. Of course—he can’t be nice for too long.
Moments later, Alek takes his seat.
“Can I see?” He nods to my knuckle.
“Sure.” I move the ice pack and hold out my hand for him to see.
He grabs onto my hand gently, sucking in a breath. “That’s a nice one.”
“I’m used to it.” I pull my hand back, putting the icepack back in place.
“You had really good form in your punch. I was proud.” Alek grins.
I laugh. “Well, you basically taught me how to throw a punch, so you should be proud.”
“I just perfected your form. You already knew how to fight.” He runs his fingers through his hair. “Actually, you were a really good fighter. It was one of the reasons I voted for you.”
My jaw drops open. “I was not a good fighter.”
“Yeah you were. I could see how hard you trained and how hard you tried. You never backed down, even when the situation seemed impossible.” He shrugs. “That’s why I wanted you on our team.”
My heart flutters at his confession.
“Thanks.” I rub my free hand at the base of my throat, uncomfortable with the compliment. “Today was a good day, besides the whole Jensen kissing me thing.” And the whole Ian confessing that he’s in love with me thing, but I’m not talking to Alek about that. It’s embarrassing enough as it is.
“Are you kidding? You punching Jensen was the highlight of the day.” His pale green eyes sparkle. “Seriously, Roxy. It was epic.”
I laugh. “Okay, maybe it was a little awesome.”
It did feel good to punch Jensen. I had been wanting to do it for a while and he just gave me a good excuse.
At least now I can understand why the guys want to beat Jensen’s team so badly. I want to beat them too.
Alek puts on some movie and hands me one of his earbuds so I can watch with him. As soon as the movie starts playing, I realize it’s in Russian and I can’t understand anything, so I give him back the earbud.
After The Royal Games, I really have to start learning his native language. He speaks English very well so it’s easy to forget that Russian is his native language.
I pull out my tablet and look for a movie to watch. My eyes wander toward the front of the plane, where Ian is sitting. He’s by himself, not doing anything. He’s just sulking, with his arms crossed over his chest.
My heart aches as I look at him because I realize just how badly I hurt him. In my head, I try to play out different scenarios of how today could have gone, but there is no scenario where Ian doesn’t come out hating me. I told him the truth today—I just want to be friends with him. Ian wants something that I can’t give him. I wish I could—that would solve everything.
I sigh, slipping in my headphones. I put on a silly movie that I’ve seen a million times, but I don’t pay attention to it at all. Instead, I sit there and feel like the worst human being on the planet.
Ripping off my headphones, I shove them and my tablet back into my backpack and I pull my knees up to my chest, hugging them to me. I have no idea how to fix what happened between Ian and me. The only thing I can do is wait for his heart to heal. He is going to need time and I hate that.
Ian was one of my best friends—he still is. Only now, I know he never saw me as just a best friend. He saw me as something more. And I knew it—he’s told me it before, but only when he’s been mad at me. I didn’t realize just how deep his feelings are.
He turns around and his eyes land on mine. For a moment, he doesn’t look at me with complete disdain. I realize the look in his eyes is something opposite of hate—it’s love. He truly does love me. But quickly he narrows his eyes at me, turning back around. It stings, but it’s what I expected.
I think he’s going to need a lot of time—more than I’d like. But I can be patient with him. Someday he will realize that what I did was for the best. He deserves a girl who will love him as much as he loves her. He deserves a girl who will adore him and I know that can’t be me. I did us both a favor today. But it still doesn’t make me feel any better.
Alek nudges me with his elbow. I look over and see that his movie is paused.
“You okay?” he asks.
I nod, chewing on my lip. “I think I will be. Eventually.”
He puts his arm around me, so I lean my head over on his shoulder.
“You’re not in love with me, right?” I ask him.
He chuckles. “Roxy, I don’t do love. Spy School and The Royals are my life. If you’re wanting love, you should go snuggle with Kal.”
I snort. “I don’t want love either.”
At least not yet.
Right now, I just want to focus on my team and The Royal Games. I want to make it through all of this with as few casualties as possible.
“If I could choose who I fall in love with, it would be you,” Alek tells me.
I raise up a little to look at him. “Because I’m an amazing fighter?”
“Nah. Cause you’re a good kisser.”
I roll my eyes, putting my head back on his shoulder. “You were the one who kissed me.”
“Only because I was curious. It was a good kiss.”
It was.
“Hey, Alek?”
“Hmm?”
“You’re a good kisser too,” I admit.
“I know.”
Stupid, arrogant Russian.
Wednesday, December 6
My new goal in life is to take down Jensen Kaplan.
My alarm goes off at four o’clock in the morning—one hour earlier than normal. But despite the fact that I’m getting an hour less sleep, I wake up excited and ready to start the day.
We have exactly five days before we leave for The Royal Games and I want to be ready. My new goal in life is to take down Jensen Kaplan. He’s been a thorn in my side since the first day I laid eyes on him. Heck, he’s been bothering me since before I even knew who he was. The second t
he guys heard we were going to The Royal Games, they started being ridiculous with me.
The guys grunt when my alarm goes off.
“What the heck, Princess? It’s four in the morning,” West grumbles, sitting up to look at me.
“Well, I want to make sure I’m extra prepared for The Royal Games.” I hop out of bed. “You guys better hurry up and get dressed. I want to beat stupid Jensen.”
West grins, shaking his head. “You’re lucky I hate that guy as much as you do.”
I run into the bathroom really quick to get ready. I brush my teeth and put my hair into a messy bun on top of my head. It’s going to be a warm day today—just over eighty degrees. It’s one of the things I love about Florida… mostly endless summer.
As I leave the bathroom, West goes in. I grab my clothes and get changed in the closet.
A few minutes later, West, Kal, Alek, and I head down to start early. We get our morning run out of the way first, knowing it’ll get really hot once the sun comes up. Ian stays in bed. He can’t really train with a broken leg. Sometimes he’ll come down and watch, but I doubt he will today.
Guilt eats at me as I think about Ian sulking in the condo. He has a broken leg because of me. And he also has a broken heart because of me. I can’t seem to stop hurting him and I hate myself for it.
Ian is a sweet guy and the girl he ends up with is going to be incredibly lucky. I wish I could be her. More than anything, I wish I could change the way I feel about him. I wish I could transfer my feelings about West to Ian.
With Ian, things would be simple. We would be happy together, I know it.
But… if I dated Ian, I’d always pine for West secretly. And Ian deserves better than that.
I can’t help but think about Kal’s warning when I first got here. Even then, he knew I had a crush on West and he told me to stay away from him. He knew West would break my heart. Back then, I could convince myself anything I felt for him was hate. I guess it’s true—the line between love and hate is very thin.
Alek and West pace a few feet ahead of Kal and me. I like running beside Kal better, probably because I’m still traumatized from the time West tackled me on our first ever run.
The Cruel World Page 9
