by Nic Saint
“Of course I always knew Dan was innocent,” said Uncle Alec now, as he addressed the others. “But what could I do? All the evidence pointed against the guy.”
“You thought he was guilty, Alec,” said Charlene. “Admit it.”
“Well, yes, at first I did, and then I didn’t… and then I did. It’s complicated,” he said in a blustering kind of way, and helped himself to another piece of steak, which Charlene immediately removed from his plate and returned to sender.
When he gave her a look of astonishment, she patted his belly. “I like you very much, my pet, and therefore I hope to have you with us for a very long time to come. And if you keep digging your grave with your teeth like that, that’s not going to happen, is it now?”
“I guess not,” he grumbled, looking distinctly unhappy.
“I think if Charlene keeps taking Uncle Alec’s plate away like that, their relationship isn’t going to last very long,” Brutus remarked.
“He doesn’t look happy,” Dooley said thoughtfully. “Do you think he’s got cancer?”
“Oh, Dooley!” Harriet cried. “Enough already with the cancer!”
Dooley gave her a slightly offended frown, then tucked into his own bowl of goodies, which, I can happily report, were in no immediate danger of being stolen by a horde of voracious and frankly very disrespectful mice.
“What’s going to happen to Hector and Helga?” asked Harriet, as if she’d read my mind.
“They’ll remain in that field, and if they don’t behave they’ll be kicked out of there as well,” I said. “Clarice will make sure of that.”
We all directed a curious glance at the field in question, and more in particular at the ramshackle wooden structure Jackson Browne erected to protect his sheep when it rains or storms. I think we all thought the same thing: how long was this new arrangement going to hold? Hector and Helga aren’t exactly trustworthy mice, it has to be said.
“So when Jack Warner announced to the hotel receptionist at the Star that this was the best day of his life,” said Marge, “he wasn’t actually referring to his meeting with Dan?”
“No, he was not,” said Odelia. “He was referring to his meeting with Maria, the star he’d admired all these years, and with whom he finally had managed to snag a date.”
“Snag isn’t the right word,” said Chase. “Blackmail is the word that comes to mind.”
“He got what he deserved,” was Gran’s opinion. “Men like that always meet a sticky end.”
“What happened to Flint and Bart?” asked Scarlett. “Are they still in jail?”
“Nah. They’re minors,” said Uncle Alec. “Can’t keep ‘em. They’ll appear before a juvie judge, who’ll decide what to do with those two rascals.”
“It was a neat little plan they hatched,” said Gran. “Stealing gnomes and dumping them squarely in Ted Trapper’s lap.”
“Neat is not the word I’d use,” Uncle Alec growled.
“Pity that Maria Power turned out to be a homicidal maniac,” said Charlene with a sigh. “Now we’ll never be able to organize a film retrospective again. Plus, since she lived in our town we’ll be tarred with the same brush for a very long time to come.”
“Yeah, I can imagine the whole thing is a PR nightmare for a mayor,” said Marge with concern.
“Oh, we’ll live,” said Charlene with a smile. “In fact it might be a boon for Hampton Cove. Disaster tourism is a real thing, you know.”
“Odelia,” said Marge, taking a seat. “About the wedding. I’ve found the greatest wedding planner. Marina Swath told me she’s simply the best, and surprisingly affordable, too.”
“No, Mom. I told you Chase and I want a small wedding. Not a big production.”
“But, honey!”
Odelia placed her hand on her mother’s arm. “All we want is to say ‘I do’ in front of my family and friends, Mom. It’s as simple as that.”
Marge sighed. “I know, but…”
“Burger up!” Tex yelled, and suddenly a burger was zooming through the air. We all followed it with our eyes, until the scalding hot patty landed with a squelching sound on Uncle Alec’s practically bald pate. It sizzled, and smoke rose up from the Chief’s head.
The big man screamed, and quick as a flash slapped it away.
“Oops,” said Tex. “I was aiming for your plate, Alec, not your pate.”
“It hurts!” Uncle Alec cried, tears actually forming in his eyes. “It hurts bad!”
“Oh, my teddy bear,” said Charlene, then took the burger patty where it had landed on the table, placed it on the Chief’s plate and handed it to him. “You eat this while I go and get some ice.”
“Thanks,” he said, surprised by this unexpected treat. And while Marge and Charlene disappeared into the house to get some ice and a towel, the cop gave Tex two thumbs up. The patty might have scalded his own patty, but it had clearly proved a hit.
“I like it when everybody’s happy,” Dooley declared. “Cancer doesn’t stand a chance when we’re all smiling and having fun.”
“Oh, Dooley,” Harriet groaned.
“No, but it’s true. And to prove to you I’m right, I’m going to tell you another joke. A priest, a rabbi and a rabbit walk into a bar. ‘Dang it’s hot in here,’ says the rabbit. ‘Must be your imagination,’ says the priest. ‘No, it’s your imagination,’ says the rabbit. ‘Why is that?’ asks the rabbi. ‘Ever met a talking rabbit before?’”
It wasn’t a good joke, but I think you have to admit it wasn’t a bad one either. I laughed, and so did Harriet and Brutus. And Dooley? He laughed the loudest of us all.
And if joy and happiness are an indication of good health, I think it’s safe to say that my friend is the healthiest cat alive. Even if his jokes need work. A lot of work.
THE END
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About Nic
Nic Saint is the pen name for writing couple Nick and Nicole Saint. They’ve penned novels in the romance, cat sleuth, middle grade, suspense, comedy and cozy mystery genres. Nicole has a background in accounting and Nick in political science and before being struck by the writing bug the Saints worked odd jobs around the world (including massage therapist in Mexico, gardener in Italy, restaurant manager in India, and Berlitz teacher in Belgium).
When they’re not writing they enjoy Christmas-themed Hallmark movies (whether it’s Christmas or not), all manner of pastry, comic books, a daily dose of yoga (to limber up those limbs), and spoiling their big red tomcat Tommy.
www.nicsaint.com
Also by Nic Saint
The Mysteries of Max
Purrfect Murder
Purrfectly Deadly
Purrfect Revenge
Purrfect Heat
Purrfect Crime
Purrfect Rivalry
Purrfect Peril
Purrfect Secret
Purrfect Alibi
Purrfect Obsession
Purrfect Betrayal
Purrfectly Clueless
Purrfectly Royal
Purrfect Cut
Purrfect Trap
Purrfectly Hidden
Purrfect Kill
Purrfect Boy Toy
Purrfectly Dogged
Purrfectly Dead
Purrfect Saint
Purrfect Advice
Purrfect Passion
A Purrfect Gnomeful
Box Set 1 (Books 1-3)
Box Set 2 (Books 4-6)
Box Set 3 (Books 7-9)
Box Set 4 (Books 10-12)
Box Set 5 (Books 13-15)
Box Set 6 (Books 16-18)
Box Set 7 (Books 19-21)
Purrfect Santa
Purrfectly Flealess
Nora Steel
Murder Retreat
The Kellys
Murder Motel
Death in Suburbia
Emily Stone
Murder at the Art Class
Washington & Jefferson
First Shot
Alice Whitehouse
Spooky Times
Spooky Trills
Spooky End
Spooky Spells
Ghosts of London
Between a Ghost and a Spooky Place
Public Ghost Number One
Ghost Save the Queen
Box Set 1 (Books 1-3)
A Tale of Two Harrys
Ghost of Girlband Past
Ghostlier Things
Charleneland
Deadly Ride
Final Ride
Neighborhood Witch Committee
Witchy Start
Witchy Worries
Witchy Wishes
Saffron Diffley
Crime and Retribution
Vice and Verdict
Felonies and Penalties (Saffron Diffley Short 1)
The B-Team
Once Upon a Spy
Tate-à-Tate
Enemy of the Tates
Ghosts vs. Spies
The Ghost Who Came in from the Cold
Witchy Fingers
Witchy Trouble
Witchy Hexations
Witchy Possessions
Witchy Riches
Box Set 1 (Books 1-4)
The Mysteries of Bell & Whitehouse
One Spoonful of Trouble
Two Scoops of Murder
Three Shots of Disaster
Box Set 1 (Books 1-3)
A Twist of Wraith
A Touch of Ghost
A Clash of Spooks
Box Set 2 (Books 4-6)
The Stuffing of Nightmares
A Breath of Dead Air
An Act of Hodd
Box Set 3 (Books 7-9)
A Game of Dons
Standalone Novels
When in Bruges
The Whiskered Spy
ThrillFix
Homejacking
The Eighth Billionaire
The Wrong Woman
Copyright © 2020 by Nic Saint. All rights reserved.
Published by Puss in Print Publications.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form by any electronic or mechanical means including photocopying, recording, or information storage and retrieval without permission in writing from the author.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.
Editor: Chereese Graves.
