Pioneer Bliss: The O’Rourke Family Montana Saga, Book Five

by Flightner, Ramona

  Staring into space, contemplating his friend’s words, Declan murmured, “I fear she’s not a good woman. I fear I’m a fool again.”

  “That’s your problem, sonny. You focus too much on fear. On doubt. Rather on what is.” He gave Declan’s shoulder a soft punch before squeezing it. “Did you pause in all your gorified anger to ask her about her past? About her fears?”

  “It’s not glorified,” Declan protested, a moment before snapping his mouth shut, as A.J. glared at him. “Of course I didn’t. I stormed away.”

  “Then you ain’t different from all the people who’ve hurt her in the past. And that’s a damn shame. And a terrible thing for her to discover on the first day of her marriage.” A.J. released his shoulder and sauntered away.

  Chapter 11

  Hours later, Lorena laid on her side, staring at the hotel wall, as the sounds of the town echoed outside. Men hollering to each other. Shots firing into the air. Hoots. Whistles. Horses whinnying. Never before had she realized how grating the sounds of this town were. Of all towns were. They all had to do with man attempting to tame a place. Or a people.

  With a huff, she sat up and scrubbed at her face. The first day of her marriage might be considered an unmitigated disaster. Determination thrummed through her to cease acting like a victim; Lorena stood and hastily washed before pulling on clothes. She tied her hair back in a quick braid and slipped from the room, down the stairs, and out the front, without the snoozing proprietor, Mr. Foster, noticing her departure.

  Although she resented returning to the O’Rourkes as a failure, she knew she had no alternative. Now that her store was a pile of ashes, she couldn’t even create a makeshift pallet there. Shivering at the thought of sleeping in a place without the protection of at least one O’Rourke, she walked down the boardwalk with the intention of returning to the big O’Rourke home.

  A hand grabbed her arm, and she stifled a gasp at the impertinence. “Unhand me!” she demanded, glaring into her uncle’s eyes. “You’ve already done enough.”

  “I’ve not done enough, if you were so addle-minded as to marry an O’Rourke,” Uriah snapped. “How could you do such a thing to me, girl? You were meant to return to me, along with Winnifred. With the two of you, I would have made a fortune.”

  Lorena kicked at his ankle, smiling with pleasure when he grunted in pain. “I am an O’Rourke now too, and I know they will be displeased at your treatment of me.” She rubbed at her arm. “You should know better by now, Uncle.”

  “I’m a lawyer. They’re peddlers. What could they possibly do to me?” Uriah said. His inquisitive inspection of her made her squirm. “You don’t have the look of a well-loved woman. In fact, I could argue that you weren’t loved at all!”

  Lorena stomped her foot, glaring at her uncle and the men loitering nearby, blatantly listening in on their conversation. “Cease your nonsense. I am well and truly married, uncle. Leave me be.” She pushed past him.

  “You’ll rue the day you defied me,” he called out after her.

  Lorena fought tears. “I rue the day I voted to come to this town.” She picked up her skirts and her pace, nearly trotting the rest of the distance to the one place that had been home to her since she had arrived. When she stumbled into the kitchen, she flushed and then burst into tears as Mary and Maggie gaped at her in concern. “I … Forgive me for intruding.”

  “Intruding?” Mary said, as she eased her into her arms. “You’re my daughter now. You’re never intruding.”

  “I … I need a place to stay. I can’t remain at that horrible hotel. And Declan despises me.” Lorena sobbed into Mary’s shoulder, as she was eased onto the bench by the kitchen table. “I’ve made a mess of everything, and nothing will make it right.”

  Mary made soothing noises and smiled gently. “Whenever I hear someone say that, I know things will turn right again. For nothing can stay terrible forever. Just as nothing can stay wonderful forever. Remember that, love.” She smiled at Maggie, as Maggie set out a cup of tea. “Now have a cup, and tell us what you want. Or tell us nothing at all. Sometimes the greatest solace can be found in silence.”

  Lorena sat in a dazed stupor as Mary and Maggie continued to bustle around her. Sipping her tea, a small amount of her misery eased, although she knew it wouldn’t fully abate until she had made her peace with Declan. However, she didn’t know how she would ever explain everything to him. With a sigh, she closed her eyes, as she envisioned telling him her most painful secrets.

  “Nothing is ever as bad as you believe it is. Nor is it rarely as good as you imagine,” Mary murmured, as she sat beside the younger woman. When Lorena opened her eyes, Mary smiled with kind encouragement and squeezed her hand. “You’ll find your way, lass. You and Declan will.”

  “I don’t know how we will,” Lorena whispered. “I proved I don’t trust him.”

  Mary nodded again and took another sip of her tea. “Aye, I imagine that ’tis true enough. But has he proven the same to you?” She waited. “I know my son.” She shrugged as though embarrassed by her pronouncement. “Or I like to think I do. I’ve spent too much time apart from him to know him as well as I’d like.” Her hazel eyes shone, as she spoke with a mixture of regret and hope. “Don’t let him brood too long.”

  “I can’t force him to tell me about his past.”

  “Nay, just as he can’t force you to share more about yourself than you wish.” Mary paused. “But you leaving the hotel and abandonin’ him so soon after your wedding will force him to confront his worst fears.”

  “I have to go back?” Lorena asked in a defeated voice, her shoulders stooped.

  “Nay. The hotel’s no place for my son and daughter-in-law. Come with me.” She rose, and, once they were out of the kitchen and down the steps, she looped her arm through Lorena’s. The heat of the day was upon the town, and they tried to stay in the shadow of the buildings. Even so, they were sweating profusely by the time Mary turned her in the direction of the café.

  Lorena dug in her heels, balking at walking up the back steps. “Oh, no, I can’t,” she protested.

  “Of course you can. You’re family,” Mary soothed, giving her a push. “Come, Lorena. Deirdre is as welcoming as we are, as you well know.”

  “I work for her,” Lorena said, flushing from embarrassment rather than the heat.

  “No, you are her sister.” Mary gave her a stern look, as though she were a recalcitrant child in need of scolding. When Lorena ascended the steps, Mary beamed at her. “Good girl.” Upon entering the kitchen, Mary gave a swift shake of her head to forestall Deirdre from asking questions, smiling at Deirdre as she asked, “Would you mind if Lorena and Declan stayed in one of your guest rooms for a bit? I’ll help clean it and ensure they’re comfortable.”

  Deirdre stared in surprise at the two women for a moment, before shaking her head. “Of course not. We’ve plenty of room, and any O’Rourke is always welcome. I’d think you’d want the other spare room for Gavin, as I doubt Declan would want to be separated from him.”

  Mary nodded her thanks. “Aren’t you a wise lass,” she said in approval of Deirdre’s thinking. She looked around the kitchen and winked at her daughter-in-law. “I’ll have a few of the lads here soon to help with the dishes.” At Deirdre’s relieved sigh, Mary caressed her arm. “Ask us for help, love. There’s no shame in needin’ our support when you’re busy.”

  Deirdre nodded. “I’ll need it for the next few weeks. We’re busier than we’ve ever been.”

  Mary nodded. “Grand. Maggie and I’ll be here in the morning. And I’ll have the lads here soon, after I ensure Lorena is settled.” Mary urged Lorena up the stairs. “Now isn’t this too large a space for just a husband and wife?” Mary asked, as she stared around the large living area over the café.

  Lorena shook her head. “I’d never want to argue with you in front of family, Mary, but I couldn’t possibly impose …”

  Mary firmed her jaw and gripped Lorena’s shoulders. “’Tis no impos
ition. They’ve the rooms just gatherin’ dust, until they finally bless me with grandchildren. Now come,” she said, urging Lorena to follow her as she opened two doors. “These are the guest rooms. Which one do you like?”

  “Either,” Lorena said, with an indifferent shrug. “I know I won’t be here long, so it doesn’t matter.”

  Mary gave her a look indicating she was nearly fed up with her self-pity, but she didn’t press the issue. “I’d take this one. ’Tis a bit quieter.” She puttered around, wiping away imaginary flecks of dust and tucking in a bed corner. “There. ’Tis all set for you and Declan.”

  Lorena put her hand on Mary’s arm as she bustled past. “Mary, … thank you.” Her voice choked with tears; she was unable to say any more.

  Mary pulled her in for a hug, patting her back. “All will be well. It might take some time, and you’ll have to be honest in a way that terrifies you.” She paused as she looked deeply into Lorena’s eyes. “But you’ll discover life with a man like my Declan is worth it, once you overcome your fears and accept what’s already growin’ between you.”

  Lorena watched her depart, struggling to find the courage she knew she needed to make things right with Declan.

  * * *

  “Mum!” Declan called out, as he barreled into the kitchen at the big family home. He gasped in a breath, as he met Maggie’s disapproving gaze and as his mother looked at him with concern. “Is Lo here?”

  “I never thought you’d lose your wife on the first day of your marriage,” his father said from the kitchen doorway. He looked at his son with a glower, as he shook his head, his eyes glowing with frank disappointment.

  “I didn’t lose her,” Declan protested, flushing as he admitted, “I just don’t know where she went.”

  Maggie made a noise of disgust, as she slipped from the room, their father following her.

  “Mum?” Declan asked, as Mary dried her hands on a towel after washing dishes. He followed her to the large empty table, sitting beside her.

  “You ran away at the first sign of trouble, didn’t you, lad?” Mary asked in a soft voice laced with sadness. “Rather than face your fears, and hers, you ran.”

  “Mum,” he murmured again, letting out a deep breath, as he rubbed at his forehead. “Aye, I ran. I ran when I realized I’d been played a fool. Again.”

  “A fool?” Mary shook her head. “No, Declan, you’re no fool, and you never have been. You’re trusting and eager to love, but that doesn’t make you foolish.” She gripped his hand. “Don’t let the world harden you, my boy.” She gazed at him. “And don’t let the words of a heartless woman convince you of things that aren’t true.”

  He gaped at her. “How did you know?”

  “I haven’t always been with your da,” she whispered. “Francois was, … well, worse than a bully. And I believed his lies for too long. Your da has helped me see them for what they were. Lies.”

  “A.J. says I put too much credence in fear.”

  Mary winced and nodded. “What do you believe, love?” she whispered, as she ran a hand over his head and let it settle at his nape. When she met his haunted gaze, her eyes filled. “I’m sorry, Declan.” She pulled him close into her embrace. “I’m sorry for ever bein’ separated from you.”

  “I know, Mum,” he whispered. “I hate that I doubted you’d be here. That I doubted you’d accept Gavin and show joy in him.”

  She cupped his face. “He is your son,” she said in a tone that brooked no argument. “Just as Lorena is your wife. You have to face your fears and stop running, Declan.”

  He nodded. “Where is she, Mum?”

  “At your new home. For now.” She smiled when he furrowed his brow in bewilderment. “You’re staying in rooms above the café. Ardan and Deirdre have space.” She shook her head to quiet any protest. “There’s a room for Gavin, so you won’t be separated from him, although I know he’ll still spend a lot of his time with us.” Her sweet smile burst forth. “I can’t imagine much time away from the little prince.”

  Declan pulled her close. “Thank you, Mum.” He held her for a long moment, before departing to reunite with his wife.

  * * *

  Declan eased open the guest bedroom door in Ardan and Deirdre’s house. His ears still rang from the admonishments he’d received from Deirdre in the café below, and he hoped never to see such disappointment in his father’s gaze ever again. His anxiety eased at the sight of his wife huddled under the sheet, her back to the door. After a moment, his uneasiness rose when he saw her back shake with suppressed sobs.

  “Lo?” he whispered, shutting the door behind him and moving to the bed. “Forgive me.” The bed dipped with his weight, and he raised his hand to run over her back. When she flinched at the light touch of his fingertips, he dropped his hand by his side.

  Rather than turn to face him, she remained on her side, her shoulders shaking. Declan sighed, kicking off his boots, shedding his shirt and pants, before climbing under the sheet in his underclothes. “Lo,” he murmured, wrapping his arm around her waist to tug her up against him. “I’m sorry. I was jealous an’ mean.” He sighed, resting his forehead between her shoulder blades. “All I could see was the past, where I’d been played false. I feared I’d been tricked again.”

  “I am not her,” she gasped out, her words emerging in stuttering pants between her sobs.

  “Aye,” he whispered. “Just as I’m not him.” He paused a long moment before murmuring, “Josiah.” As her arms flailed about, hitting him in his stomach and chest, he grunted and rolled away from her. As the waning daylight entered the large windows, he met her horrified gaze.

  “How do you know that name?” she asked. “Who told you?”

  Instead of replying, he traced soft fingers down her cheeks, smoothing away her tears in an attempt to soothe her. He frowned as he saw more tears pool in her beautiful eyes, before spilling down to meet his thumbs.

  “Winnifred?” At the shake of his head, Lorena paled and gave out a broken-hearted moan. “Phoebe?”

  “Oh, love, come here,” he coaxed, urging her forward and into his strong arms. “You told me,” he breathed, as he kissed the top of her head. “Last night, just as you tumbled into sleep. You called me his name.”

  As she attempted to wriggle away from him, Declan’s hold on her tightened. “I couldn’t have. I wouldn’t have. I never speak his name.” She flushed as she met her husband’s pained expression.

  “You did,” Declan said, as he ran a hand over the side of her head. “And I realized that you’d never wanted me. You’d been dreaming of him the entire time.”

  “No!” Lorena gasped, as she pressed up, pushing against his strong chest. “That’s not how it is.” She shook her head. “Not anymore.”

  “Not anymore,” he said in a sorrow-laced voice. His fingers continued to play with her hair, as he stared deeply into her eyes. “Why did you marry me, Lorena? You already vowed you’d never love me. I thought I could accept passion and a woman dedicated to my son. But I fear I accepted a fool’s bargain.”

  Lorena flinched and rested her head on his chest, accepting she couldn’t escape his gentle hold. And accepting the need to talk, at least a little, about her past. “I loved before. And I know love only brings pain and suffering. I have no desire to live through that again.”

  Declan rested in quiet contemplation for many moments, the only sounds in the room their breathing. He traced patterns over her back and ran his fingers through her hair. Finally he murmured, “Does my da’s love provoke pain and sufferin’ in my mum?” He shook his head. “Not bein’ together caused them their misery.”

  “I’m not an O’Rourke,” she protested.

  “Ah, love, that’s where you’re wrong. You very much are an O’Rourke. Not simply because you married me. You’ve been one since they took you in and since you accepted Da’s advice and Mum’s love.”

  “You don’t understand,” she whispered. “I’ve done despicable things. I’m a horrible per
son. You can’t care for me. I won’t let you.”

  He placed fingers over her lips, silencing her. “Shh, love. I hate that you think such things about yourself, but I won’t listen to you speak about yourself in such a way. You’re good and kind and have so much to give.” He paused as he gazed into her eyes. “But you have to believe that. I can’t force you.” He kissed her forehead, before resting his against hers. “We both have tales to tell, love. I’ll wait until you’re ready to tell me yours.”

  She hiccupped, easing away from his gentle hold, whispering, “Did you seek me out tonight because your family shamed you into finding me?”

  His eyes blazed as he shook his head. “You’re my wife. I belong by your side, as you belong by mine. I hope to never spend a night apart from you.” He waited until he saw her softly smile at his words. “Come, love. Let me hold you while you sleep, as I should have done last night.” He sighed with contentment when she rested her head against his chest, her breathing slowing into a soft cadence that lulled him into sleep.

  * * *

  In the O’Rourke kitchen at the big table, Lorena sat beside Declan the following morning, leaning against his side. She wished she could say she was secure in his affection. Secure in his love. However, she was secure in his loyalty to her and his promise that he would give her the time she needed to tell him the truths written on her heart. That patience endeared him in a way nothing else could.

  As she stole glances at the happy couples scattered around the table, Lorena realized with a shock that envy no longer ate at her. Instead a nascent hope filled her that she could one day be as they were. Committed to another’s happiness as readily as she guarded her own. She watched as Phoebe flirted with Eamon and as Seamus teased Mary, a deep joy welling inside Lorena to be a part of such a family. Biting her lip, Lorena battled a smile, as she watched Maggie and Dunmore continue their unique courtship.