by Molly O'Hare
No offense to all the ladies going above and beyond to make it perfect for him and Holly but damn. First, you had Mildred trying to sneak in dick lollipops onto the dessert table. Emma was putting up streamers and then saying they looked like shit and ripping them down only to put them back up again in the same spot.
Waffles was causing havoc trying to steal the presents.
Seriously, he took one of the gifts that was on the floor and carried it to Jimmy’s room and ripped it open. Ripley and Twitch were running around like it was endless play time.
Then there was Holly.
Ben lost count of the number of times she’d run into the wall, countertop, tripped over the rug, banged her knee against the coffee table, you name it, she did it. At this point, he didn’t think his heart could take a second more. If he watched Holly nearly impale herself on a spatula one more time, he’d lose it.
“Are we going to get Grandpa Henry?” Jimmy asked from the passenger seat of the SUV.
“Yep, and John.”
Jimmy looked at him with a wide smile that brightened his eyes. “I like Mr. John. He does weird things.”
That’s an understatement.
“And he always seems to be in a fight with Lord Waffles.” Jimmy giggled.
“That’s ‘cause John’s a child most of the time.”
“Like me?”
“No,” Ben answered. “I’d say you’re more mature than he is.”
“It’s fun to watch when he gets into fights with Waffles.”
Ben winked at him. “You only think that ‘cause Waffles normally wins.”
“True.”
“Are you excited for the party today, squirt?”
“I guess so.” Jimmy looked out the window.
Ben watched him from the corner of his eye trying to think of something to say. “You like Mildred, I’m sure she will make you laugh.”
“She does.” He kept his gaze out of the window.
“You okay, squirt?”
“I’m okay.”
Jimmy wasn’t okay, but Ben didn’t know what else to say. Maybe he could lighten the mood. “How about after we get Grandpa Henry and John we stop by the donut shop?”
Apparently, that’s exactly what Ben needed to say.
Jimmy’s face shot toward his with a massive smile on his face. “Can I get the cream-filled one?”
“Sure.”
“I used to never get donuts at my other houses. But with you and Holly I get them all the time.”
Ben grimaced. Great, let’s start him young on unhealthy habits. “Don’t tell Carol that.”
“I’ll think about it.” A mischievous grin appeared on Jimmy’s face.
“Why you little…” Ben tried not to laugh as he placed his hand over his heart in shock. “Are you playing me? Was your end game a donut all this time?”
“Maybe.”
Ben shook his head impressed as a slow smile spread across his face. If he wasn’t positive before, he was now. Jimmy fit in perfectly with them. “Where did you learn to get this good?”
“Waffles.”
“Figures.”
It only took around thirty minutes to get Henry and John, along with gathering the donuts as a surprise for Holly.
However, Ben should have known nothing was ever as simple as it would have been for anyone else.
Nope. Not even in the slightest.
Ben lost track of the number of times he had to threaten John to stop going into the donut box. It was like he had two seven-year-olds in the car.
John actually had the gall to look into the rearview mirror at Ben after he’d sworn he hadn’t touched any, with copious amounts of powdered sugar on his face.
Like he said. Two seven-year-olds.
Throw in Henry trying to bribe Jimmy in sending up some donuts his way too. Foolish Ben for thinking having John sit in the back seat with Jimmy would have been fine.
From now on the donuts go in the trunk of the car.
Thankfully, they were pulling onto his street. He just prayed there was at least one donut left for Holly.
As he pulled into the driveway, Ben was reminded why he left in the first place. Mildred had run out onto the porch with a diaper on her head that had a drawing of a crown on it.
What in the absolute fuck was he about to walk into?
Universe, save me now!
Holly looked around the living room and did her best not to freak the fuck out. She should have known better than to leave the planning to Mildred. Thank god, Holly had gotten Emma to agree to help.
Sure, Emma was a little frightened after meeting Mildred the first time — wasn’t everyone? But nonetheless, she agreed to help rein Mildred in.
Foolishly Holly thought having Emma as co-planner would have given her a simple quiet gathering as they celebrated baby Peanut.
But no.
Not one freaking bit.
And Holly knew better. Take for instance, right now John and Ben were in a battle to the death. Sure, she knew they were competitive, like hardcore competitive, but this, this was over the top. She had never heard so much trash-talk in her life. Holly had to apologize to Martha, Will’s wife, and then send Jimmy out back to shield his young ears.
Want to know the kicker? All this hustle and bustle was for the title of King of the Baby Shower which included their own diaper hat with a crown drawn on it.
That’s right. All the winner got was a freaking diaper crown.
Sure, it was decked out pretty nicely, Holly had to admit and all but it was still a diaper.
Holly watched as Ben and John duked it out in the new game. The one where if you got another person at the party to say the word, baby, you got a stupid little clothespin. The one at the end with the most clothespins won the crown.
By the looks of it, Ben seemed to be in the lead, but not by much. And if the look John was sending Ben was any indication of how things were going, Holly was ninety percent sure there was about to be a full-on brawl between the two.
Lord help her when they start the ‘guess the baby food’ game. She knew there was a food fight in her future.
Looking past the insaneness that was her husband and John, Mildred’s husband kept sneaking to the dessert table and munching down the goodies. Right now, the table was nearly empty. The only reason she knew, was because she usually met him at the table sneaking in her own treats.
At this point, the party was about to run out of desserts, her husband and John were minutes from a fist fight, Waffles thought everything in the room was his and that was that, and finally there was a crazy old bat wearing a diaper on her head.
Welcome to my life.
“Come on, Emma, don’t be a poor sport, play along. What’s Holly got in her belly?” John begged Emma as he cornered her in the room, his evil glare at Ben forgotten.
Holly watched as Emma looked right at her, shook her head with a smile on her face and looked back at John. “About half a donut.”
Which was true since Holly still had the other half in her hand. Holly laughed. One point, Emma. Zero points, John.
With a growl and then a pout John shot his attention to Holly. She then lifted her donut in the air before taking another bite.
“That’s not fair.”
“All is fair in a competition.” Emma smirked.
“You’re not even playing.”
“I’m playing. My goal is to make it so you don’t get my clothespin but Ben does.” Emma fingered the tiny clothespin on the collar of her shirt.
“Really?” John’s eyes narrowed as another growl escaped him. “I’m filing this away to bring up later. And make no mistake, Emma, I will be bringing it back up.” He leaned in closer. Holly couldn’t make out what he whispered in Emma’s ear but with her face going completely red, she had an idea.
Just to make sure though, Holly pulled out her phone sending herself a text message to remind her to interrogate Emma.
Enquiring minds want to know after all.
&nbs
p; Emma stepped back before clearing her throat. “You talk an awful lot of game for a dentist.”
“Do you want to know what’s the best part of me being a dentist?” He stared at her lips. “I’m damn well educated in all things dealing with the human mouth… especially the tongue.”
Emma swallowed.
Time to step in… Holly started making her way over to them.
“I’m up to five!” Ben hollered from the other side of the room as he placed another clothespin onto his sleeve.
“Shit!” John jumped back from Emma scanning the room. When he saw Mildred’s husband still had his clothespin, he set his sights on him. Before leaving, however, he turned back to Emma. “This isn’t over.”
Oh, the lunch date this week was going to be an interesting one. Holly added more notes to the back of her mind to bring up as she stopped next to Emma.
“Ignore him,” Emma said looking at her.
“Not on your life, but I will wait until our weekly lunch date to bring it up.”
Emma paled before searching the room trying to avoid Holly’s eyes.
“Uhh, this has been fun.” Emma bit her bottom lip desperately trying to change the subject.
“Sure, let’s go with fun,” Holly replied.
“If you think this is a good time you should have seen what I originally had planned,” Mildred said coming up to them still wearing that ridiculous diaper on her head.
“I’m pretty sure what you had planned was considered a bachelorette party, not a baby shower.” Emma’s eyes twinkled as she smirked at Mildred.
“If done right, one causes the other doesn't it?” Mildred looked Emma up and down.
Do I now need to worry about a fist fight between these two?
“In your eyes, Mildred,” Emma answered with a shake of her head.
“Hey, it’s not my fault you all don’t know entertainment when you see it. I was all set to have some hunky men in uniform show up and try to arrest us.” Mildred got this dreamy look in her eyes, before she turned to glare at Emma. “But this one went behind my back and canceled it.”
Emma took a small step behind Holly shielding herself. “She scares me.”
“Me too.” Holly smiled before turning back to the old coot. “I would have canceled it too. A baby shower does not need a striptease.” Holly turned to Emma. “Thank you for looking out for me.”
“Anytime. Speaking of looking out.” Emma nodded her head toward John. “Let me go help him. I think Will’s about five seconds from arresting him.”
Holly turned her head to see John bouncing on his feet begging for Will to answer his question. “You’re right. Will does look like he’s about had it.”
“Wait a second,” Mildred jumped in cocking her brow at Emma. “I thought you hated him?”
“I never said that.” Emma’s eyes widened.
Mildred did that creepy silent thing as she gave Emma the once over. Then a wicked smile appeared on her face. “No, dear. Indeed, you didn’t.”
Then in a flash, Mildred was gone.
“What the hell just happened?” Emma asked as Holly stood there in shock.
“I’m not sure but I think Mildred just looked into your soul and found out all your secrets.”
“It did seem that way didn’t it?”
“As it normally does with her.”
“Pumpkin,” Henry yelled getting Holly’s attention. “Come on it’s gift time. Stop running your chompers and get your butt over here.”
Holly rolled her eyes. Parents… She placed her hand on her stomach. Don’t ever let me say shit like that, okay, Peanut? She looked back at her father with a shake of her head. “We told everyone not to bring anything. We didn’t need it.”
“And yet we still did!” Mildred squawked from the couch.
“Yeah, you don’t show up to a baby shower empty handed. That’s not how this works,” Martha agreed, as Will placed his arm around his wife.
“Fine. Have it your way.” Holly shook her head as she made her way to the seat that was placed in the front of the room. Ben quickly plopped down next to her. “Do you see how many clothespins I have?” he asked showing off his arm like it was a trophy.
“Yes, babe. You did such a good job.” Holly gave his knee a pat.
Ben puffed out his chest. “I’ve got two more than John.”
“Hey, this game isn’t over until the old lady says it is.” John glared at him.
“Who you callin’ old, buddy?” Mildred stared John down. “For that you lose a point.”
“Hey now, that wasn’t in the rules.”
“I make the rules. You’ve only lost one, you want to make it two?”
John mumbled something as he threw himself into the nearby chair in a huff.
Mildred turned back to Emma giving her the look. “I didn’t say anything.” Emma held up her hands.
“Just checking.”
Out of the corner of Holly’s eyes she saw Ben puff out again. Oh, for the love of all things.
“Here you go, Holly.” Jimmy held out the gift Waffles had ripped apart earlier to her.
My heart. “Thank you, squirt.”
Jimmy sat at her feet as she opened the present. It was a light green crocheted baby blanket from Emma. “Thank you, sweetie.”
Emma’s face reddened. “You’re welcome. I made it myself.”
“You did?”
Emma placed a stray piece of her hair behind her ear. “Yeah. I kinda picked up crocheting a while back.”
“It’s beautiful.” Holly squeezed it. She felt tears coming to her eyes. Damnit! These damn pregnancy hormones. They will be the death of me.
“Thank you, Emma. That’s really sweet.” Ben smiled at her.
“Can you make me a blanket?’ John asked.
“I’ll make you a muzzle.”
“If it comes from you, I don’t care what it is.” John’s whole face brightened.
“Knock it off you two.” Mildred glared at them. “Keep going.”
In order to avoid the wrath of Mildred, that’s exactly what they did. Slowly, her and Ben opened their gifts one by one thanking everyone as they went.
That’s when Holly came to the last box. Not thinking much of it, she ripped it open, pulling the top off. The second her eyes focused on what was inside she snapped the lid back on.
Oh, no. Please no.
Holly carefully peeked inside. Holy fuck. I’ll kill her.
Holly held onto the box with a death grip.
“What is it?” Ben asked trying to take the box from her.
“Yeah, Holly.” Mildred winked at her. “What’s in the box?”
Holly narrowed her eyes at the crazy old woman before turning to Ben shaking her head. Please drop the subject.
Ben cocked his brow at her before easily prying the box from her grip. When he opened it, he erupted in a deep belly laugh that filled the whole room.
Holly snapped her attention to Mildred as everyone started asking what was going on.
Inside the box was indeed a tiny wooden cock. And, no it was definitely not a bird.
Holly glared at Mildred, and all that crazy old woman did was wink at her.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Holly placed her hand on her stomach as another pain raced through her. She was getting really tired of it. She knew it was nothing more than stress, but over the last three days the pain had gotten worse. At this point, she was ready to murder someone.
She was ungodly huge. Being able to see her toes: nope. Hadn’t seen them in months.
Bending over to pick up after Jimmy was done playing: negatory. Bending was not an option.
Holly looked around the living room at dog toys and human toys thrown all around.
Maybe this was just going to be her life from now on.
It could be worse.
A crippling pain shot through her lower back. “Effe me,” she growled. Holly looked to the ceiling. Remind me to kill Ben when he gets home. If this is what it’s
like being pregnant, he’s never coming anywhere near me with his dick again.
She tried standing up as straight as she could. Kill me now!
“Holly, do you need some help?” Jimmy asked running into the living room. He quickly picked up the dog toy Holly was trying to grab and handed it to her.
“Thanks, squirt.” She ruffled his hair.
Waffles started running around the living room trying to get Jimmy to chase him. “Hold on, Waffles, we gotta make sure Holly doesn’t need anything else.” Jimmy looked at her expectantly completely ready to do whatever she needed.
Her heart melted.
Jimmy was terrific in so many ways. He was always by her side helping her with anything she needed. If he saw her struggling with anything and Ben wasn’t around, he was there in an instant. When she tripped over an invisible rock, Jimmy always seemed to grab her hand or arm to steady her.
He was a little Ben.
And then there was his night time ritual. Holly and Ben would tuck him in, making sure Ripley and Twitch were nestled with him. Jimmy without fail, would hug Holly resting his head on her stomach, giving it a squeeze telling Peanut he’d be there in the morning and he was only a few rooms away.
Even though Holly knew it was coming, she still ended up a blubbering mess by the time she got to her bedroom.
Jimmy fit perfectly into their family.
Holly smiled warmly, even with all the pain she was in.
Life was good.
Then Waffles started barking.
Holly rolled her eyes. Well, it’s as good as it’s gonna get. Waffles ran full speed at Jimmy trying to get him to play.
Waffles…
As if he knew, Waffles turned his attention to Holly. He barked once, then trotted toward the back door offended.
Holly rolled her eyes even harder this time. God forbid anyone threw a wrench in anything Waffles wanted.
Waffles looked at Holly over his shoulder.
Sorry me being pregnant is an inconvenience to you.
Waffles huffed agreeing with her.
Holly narrowed her eyes at her dog. I’ll remember this.
“When’s Ben coming home?” Jimmy asked distracting her from the argument she was having with Waffles.
